Title:  Slimy Green Apples
Author:  Michelle W.
Disclaimers:  All the usual.  This is *so* tongue-in-cheek! =)
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"Fairlight, I feel so horrible about how I treated Neil," Christy said
as she helped her friend hang sheets on the line.  Fairlight looked at
Christy thoughtfully as they made their way to the mission's porch.

"Well now, Christy - yer intentions for Dan Scott were al'right.  Jest
ya means need a little work.  Was 'helpmate' truly tha word ya used?"

Christy blushed as she remembered her blunder.  "Oh, I was so intent on
helping Dan.  I just didn't think of how that would sound."  She sat
down with a sigh.  "Now that the epidemic is over, I would really like
to make it up to him."

A smile lit up Fairlight's face.  "I know jest the thing!"  she
exclaimed.  "How about we get us some shiny green apples and make us a
cobbler for the doc.  Then we kin both go over, so's I cain make sure ya
use the right words this time!"  Christy thankfully hugged her friend
before they both hurried into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, in the shadows, a diabolical plan began to form in the mind
of a certain preacher man. . .

**************************

"Oh, Fairlight, these apple cobblers smell wonderful!  I'm glad we had
enough apples to make one for the mission staff too.  Won't they be
surprised?"  And with that, Christy and Fairlight went to bring in the
laundry before heading over to Neil's cabin.

No sooner they had left the kitchen, David slipped out of the shadows.
Making sure no one else was lurking about he quickly entered the
kitchen.  Opening the nearest cupboard, he was pleased to find the item
so quickly.  Carefully scraping a layer off of the nearest cobbler, he
proceeded to pour in a generous amount of mineral oil.  As he mixed it
in and replaced the layer he had just removed, he smiled as he thought
of how busy the doctor would soon be.  "I must thank whoever sent me
that information on constipation.  And the mineral oil idea - classic!"

Then, just as quietly, David exited the kitchen.

A few minutes later Christy returned and grabbed the dish
nearest to her and headed
out with Fairlight.

************************

"Christy, Fairlight!  What brings you here?  Not a medical emergency, I
hope?"  Neil quickly put aside his fly tying equipment as he greeted the
two women.

"Why, no, Neil.  Its more of a peace offering."  Christy held out the
cobbler.  Fairlight, noticing Neil's puzzled expression, quickly jumped
in.

"Ya see, Neil, it's on account of how poorly Miz Christy and I feel fer
the misunderstandin' about Dan Scott.  It weren't Miz Christy's fault -
I had my part in hit too. . ."

And as the whole nasty misunderstanding was cleared up, the trio
proceeded to dig into the apple cobbler whilst debating the merits of
'helpmate' vs. 'assistant'.

**************************

After supper at the mission house, Ruby Mae proudly brought out dessert.

"Why, Ruby Mae, that smells simply wonderful," Miss Alice commented,
"But I must pass I am quite satisfied already."  Christy nodded in
agreement.  "I, too, must pass as I am quite full as well."

David grinned, still in a jovial mood at the ingenuity of his earlier
plan.  "Well, I guess that leaves more for me!"  Ruby Mae spooned out a
generous serving for the preacher before heading into the kitchen to
clean up the dishes.
************************
That evening, Miss Alice, David, and Christy were preparing the school
for the next day's church service when Dr. MacNeill came riding up.

"I was going to drop this off at the mission when I saw the light on
here," he explained as he handed a bowl full of wildflowers to Christy.
"Thank you for your and Fairlight's visit; it meant a lot to me."
Christy blushed under the Doctor's intense gaze.  "The cobbler was
delicious."

"No ill effects Doctor?" David sneered, "You know what they say about
gluttony in the Bible."

"As a matter of fact I do, Reverend.  However I did not eat this alone;
Christy and Fairlight ate some as well."

David turned away as all colour drained from his face.  "But Christy is
fine!"  he thought to himself.  "And Neil should be barracaded in the
outhouse!"  Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead as he pondered what
could have gone wrong with his plan. The cobbler Ruby Mae had served had
been fine!  He was going to comment that she use less butter next time,
as the apples seemed a little slimly, but. . .

The realization of what happened and some mighty intense stomach pains
hit David simultaneously.  Muttering a quick excuse, he fled for the
outhouse as he cursed his stupidity for eating slimy green apples.

Needless to say, Miss Alice was in the pulpit the next morning.


The End! ;o)