Title: Revelation Author: Caro I envisioned “Revelation” as sort of a prequel to “Choices of The Heart.” The sequence of scenes that take place in the story occur at the end of “The Road Home” between the scene where Christy discovers Neil and Margaret embracing beside the river and the next scene where Christy returns to the school and David proposes marriage. Revelation The cabin was no longer in sight but still I did not slacken my grip upon the reins. Instead, I urged Prince to go a little faster, hardly knowing nor caring where he was going. My only thought was to put as much distance between myself and Neil as possible. The path in front of me was a blur, my vision blinded by tears and the image of the two lovers, clinging to one another so intimately alongside of the river. I felt a sharp stinging pain and the dampness of blood upon my cheek as a bramble ripped across my face. I welcomed the pain, feeling it a just punishment for my stupidity. “You foolish, foolish girl!” I berated myself, over and over again. Whatever had possessed me to go charging off so blindly to Neil’s cabin like that? What had I hoped to achieve by pouring out my newfound feelings to him? Sadly, my heartfelt revelation had changed nothing - his life was as conflicted, complex and as completely off-limits to me as it always had been. I could not change that equation, no matter how much I wished it otherwise. Still, for one brief, sweet moment, I had forgotten all about Margaret and his hopeless entanglement with her. I could think of nothing else but the sweet rapturous joy that bounded through my heart and I wanted nothing more to share that ecstasy with the one person whom I hoped felt the same. I’ll never forget the exact moment this afternoon when I realized the truth about my feelings for Neil. It had been a lovely day, the clear skies and almost summer-like warmth a rare delight for so late in the autumn season. Fairlight and I couldn’t resist the call of the mountains and had stolen away from our daily routine to enjoy Mother Nature’s generous gift. We’d climbed to our favorite rock atop Lookout Mountain, a secret spot of ours that provided a splendorous view of the Smokies. I don’t know what compelled me to ask the question that ultimately led to my fateful visit to Neil’s cabin. Perhaps it had something to do with last night’s disturbing dream of Neil and David, which was still very much on my mind at the time. Perhaps it was just the desire to seek an answer to the question that had puzzled my heart for so long. Impulsively, I asked my friend how she knew that Jeb was the man that she wanted to marry. Fairlight began to ask me a series of questions, with David proving, at first, to be the logical answer to most of the questions. But, the further along we went and the more Fairlight probed into the deepest recess of my heart, the more unsure I became about the outcome of the quiz. I had always believed that David was the man whom I would someday marry, when the time was right. But as I heard Fairlight say the words, “Who is your best friend, Christy? Who do you tell your deepest thoughts to?” an image of a man flashed before me. Not David but a handsome, rugged man with beautiful blue eyes. Suddenly, the answer came to me, as clearly as if the words had been spelled out above me in the sky - I was in love with Neil MacNeill! At first, I tried to deny what my heart was trying to tell me. Neil and I were confidants, good friends at best, two people who shared a deep and abiding love for the mountains and the people who lived here. And that was all. But as hard as my mind tried to deny what I was feeling, my heart told me otherwise. I’ve always had a deep admiration and respect for Neil, right from the very beginning. How could I not admire someone so dedicated to his work and so committed to helping others less fortunate then himself? Just when those feelings of admiration and respect changed to something stronger and deeper, I cannot say. Perhaps I would have realized my love for Neil much sooner had I not been so caught up in my infatuation for David. Why had I not seen then what was so obvious to me now? In part, I think knowing that Neil’s was bound to another woman, made it easier for me to deny my feelings for him. But love as I have learned, has a mind of its own and cannot be turned off like a spigot just because it isn’t convenient. More likely, I think I buried my feelings for Neil because I was bewildered. And afraid. Never before I had experienced such powerful, overwhelming feelings for another human being. It was like a raging current, pulsing through my veins, threatening to sweep me away with the force of its power. I knew that if I gave in to those feelings and allowed myself to care for Neil, I was opening myself up to the possibility of being hurt. Hurt more deeply than I had ever been hurt before. And now, my worst fear had been realized! I had been hurt. All because, for one brief sweet moment, I had allowed myself to dream. But reality had cruelly and swiftly destroyed that dream, leaving only dejection, defeat and despair in its place . . . I was so wrapped up in my thoughts and transfixed by the memory of that fateful embrace that I failed to notice the low-hanging branch before me until it was too late. Before I had time to react, I was swept from the back of Prince and found myself laying face down on the cold hard ground. How long I lay there I cannot say. For a brief moment, I seemed to black out, no doubt due to the shock of the fall. I was revived by the pounding of hoofbeats and then the familiar lilt of Neil’s voice. “Don’t try to move,” he murmured into my ear, as he ran his strong, confident hands over my body, feeling for broken bones. The feel of his breath upon my face and his hands upon my body sent shock waves through my system, reviving me in a hurry! “I’m fine, Neil,” I said firmly, clamoring to my feet. As I stood up, I was suddenly struck by a wave of dizziness and would have fallen had Neil not caught me. “You’re not fine,” he said as he lifted me securely in his arms. I wanted to protest but the fall had shaken me up more than I had previously thought. So, I allowed myself to be carried to a large oak tree nearby and placed upon a soft mossy, spot beneath its sheltering branches. “That was a foolhardy thing you did, racing down that mountain trail at such a speed,” he admonished, as he squatted down beside me. “You could have been killed!” “You’re right,” I murmured, apologetically. “It was a stupid thing to do.” “Damned stupid,” he said heatedly. I glanced up into his face and saw deep lines of concern etched upon his forehead. I desperately wanted to reach up and touch his brow, to assuage his fear. But, it was not within my right to comfort him. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the tree’s massive trunk, hoping the cool, autumn breeze would calm my raging emotions. “Why did you come, Christy?” “What?” My eyes flew open at the sound of his voice. He had spoken so softly that I wondered if I had imagined it. “To my cabin,” he said. “You left without saying a word.” “I . . . I . . . it wasn’t important,” I stammered, unsure of what to say. I could hardly tell him the real reason for my visit. Margaret presence had made that an impossibility! “Well, it must have been important for you to ride all the way out here in the middle of the day.” “It could wait. I could see that you were . . . involved.” Gingerly, I stood up, hoping I was strong enough to return to the mission soon. The conversation had taken a most unsettling turn! He sighed. “Margaret and I . . . you saw us? “ “Down by the river?” I nodded. “It was pretty obvious that the two of you were . . . busy.” “It’s not what you think, Christy.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I think.” “It matters to me,” he said, heatedly, rising to his feet. “When I came home and saw the phonograph playing and a vase of flowers beside it, for a moment I thought . . . ” “You thought?” I prompted, gently. “I thought that you were inside. But when I opened the door . . .” “You found Margaret instead.” He nodded tersely. “When you saw us embracing by the river, I was comforting her. She feels very lonely, Christy. And frightened about her illness.” “I see.” “She was clinging to me, Christy, begging me to let her come home.” “And are you? Going to let her come home?” My heart lurched at the very thought of Margaret and Neil living together in such close proximity, even though by law, they had every right to do so. “Her home is not with me anymore. She gave up that right when she walked out on our marriage.” “But you’re still her husband,” I said, flatly. “It’s your duty to shelter her and take care of her.” “And what about her duty to honor and stand by her husband? What kind of wife deserts her husband, leaving him to think she’s dead?” Seeing the pain registered in his eyes almost made me wish that Margaret had truly died. Her death could not have inflicted as much pain upon this man as her lies and deception had. “What Margaret did to you was a terrible thing. But right now she needs you. Perhaps more than she’s ever needed you. And I know you, Neil MacNeill. You would never turn your back on someone in need. No matter how much that person has hurt you in the past.” “You’re right, Christy,” he admitted, reluctantly. “As a doctor, I can’t ignore Margaret’s illness. And I will see that she gets the treatment she needs. But Margaret wants more than my compassion. She wants me to care for her as I once did. And that’s not going to happen.” “Perhaps in time– ” “No, Christy,” he said, adamantly. “What I felt for Margaret died a long time ago. In the beginning, I was attracted to her wild, independent streak. She was unlike any other woman I had ever known. But I mistook my attraction for her for something deeper. But it wasn’t love. I know that now.” “How do you know?” I whispered, trying to control the erratic beating of my heart. “Because you showed me the difference.” He looked at me so intently that I feared I was going to faint again! “What . . . what are you saying, Neil?” I managed at last, hardly daring to breathe. Was this really happening? Did Neil just tell me that he cared for me? Surely I had misunderstood him? “Christy, I know I don’t have any right to say this but I don’t think I can keep it inside any longer.” He closed the gap between us, leaving only mere inches separating us. “I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone before in my life.” I stood there motionless, feeling as if I was in the middle of a beautiful dream, afraid to breathe for fear that I would wake up! I knew that it was wrong for him to speak to me this way. He had pledged himself before God to another Surely God would hear and evoke some terrible punishment upon him for speaking in such a way? And upon me for not protesting more forcefully! But, as I stood there, staring up into the face of my beloved, I felt neither guilt nor remorse but a sweet, wild surge of ecstasy rushing though my heart. I could think not of right nor wrong but only that Neil loved me! He really loved me! “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he said, touching my hair gently. “I don’t know what to say . . .” “That you care for me just a little? Or was I wrong in thinking that you do?” I shook my head, too shy to put into words what I was feeling. But, as I looked up at him, my eyes said what I didn’t have the courage to put into words. Then, in a flash I was in his arms and his lips were seeking mine, gently at first then more passionately as his long pent up feelings were unleashed. Afterwards, he held me close, proclaiming his love for me over and over again. I wanted to preserve this moment forever, to pretend that nothing and no one in this world existed except for the two of us. But I could not hold on to my fragile dream. I felt Neil grow less solid beneath my touch and I knew it was only a matter of time before reality took him away from me. Desperately, I clung to him but the tighter my hold grew the more he slipped away from me until there was nothing left of him but a sweet memory. “Come back,” I cried, as I reached out and embraced the empty air. “I love you, Neil . . .” I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed that this nightmare would soon be over . . . I felt an odd tickling upon my cheek. I opened my eyes and saw Prince bending over me, affectionately nuzzling my face. For a moment, I stared groggily at the horse and wondered how I had gotten down here on the ground. And then I remembered the fall and the subsequent encounter with Dr. MacNeill. Neil! Sitting up, I quickly scanned the area but saw no sign of anyone. There was only Prince, myself and the vast, empty woods around us. It had been just a dream. Or perhaps a brief lapse of consciousness as a result of my fall. There had been no declaration of love, no kiss, no moment of unrestrained passion. Neil had never been here. He was where I had left him, back at his cabin with Margaret . . . his wife. Though I knew in my mind that Neil’s appearance had been just a product of my imagination, the dream had been so real that a part of me wanted to believe in its existence. I rose to my feet and stood there, staring in the direction from which I had traveled, hoping, wishing, praying with all my heart that, at any second, Neil would come riding down that path. But as the moments ticked by, my heart sank as the object of my desire did not appear. And I knew that he wasn’t going to come. Not now. And not ever. It was time I put my girlish fantasies aside and faced reality. Neil’s life belonged to Margaret. It had long before I came to Cutter Gap and would, perhaps, long after I left. And so, at that moment, I made a decision. A decision that would forever change the course of my life and all those I loved. I was going to marry David. . . . To be continued . . . in Choices of the Heart ;-)