MY, DOCTOR,WHAT BIG MUSCLES YOU HAVE!

Part One 

"I can’t believe this, Ruby Mae. I always thought you were fond of Rob Allen." 

"Oh, shorely, Miss Christy, I reckon me’n Rob got someth’n special, but ain’t Doc MacNeill wonderful?" Ruby
Mae was so innocent. She reminded me of the time years ago I had a crush on my father’s friend. I looked forward
to every one of his visits. I had even gotten him to consent to marrying me, and I was crushed when I found out he
thought it was only a game. 

"Yes, Doctor MacNeill is a skilled physician, and a very intelligent person. But Ruby Mae--" 

"I know." Ruby Mae cut me off as her hand made circular motions over the counter she was wiping up. I tried to
keep a straight face as I put away a bowl I had just finished washing. "Lordy, Miss Christy, I don’t think we’ll
never really be court’n--why Doc’s old enough to be my Pa. That don’t mean that I can’t be think’n about it. And I
reckon I can maybe steal a kiss--" 

"Ruby Mae!" 

She just looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes; a secretive, almost mischievous grin on her face said it all.
She was completely infatuated with Neil. I felt bad for her. She knew nothing serious could ever develop, or at least
she said she did, but I could see a sort of hope in her eyes that worried me. I felt bad for Neil too. Ruby Mae
planned to pursue him fiercely; she had even described her plans to feign sickness to get a chance to be alone with
him. He was in for a lot of trouble! I also feared that Ruby Mae would come away hurt. 

Seeing I was deep in thought, Ruby Mae smiled knowingly. "See, there you go again. You think I can’t tell when
you’re think’n about him, but I can, ‘cause I do it too." 

"I don’t know what you’re talking about." I found myself trying to avoid her gaze. She continued as if I hadn’t said
anything at all. 

"See, I used to think you had it fur the preacher-- you two were always look’n at each other funny-like, but then I
started to notice. It was more him look’n at you that way than you look’n back. And then," she paused here, clearly
extremely proud of herself for this next bit of information, "well then, when you thought no one was watch’n, I’d see
you star’n at the Doc, ‘n look’n at him the way preacher looks at you. I reckon you didn’t even know you was do’n
it, but I figured you must see something in’m I don’t to be pine’n fur’m so." 

My face flushed and I suddenly felt hot. Trying to keep myself from raising my voice, I opened my mouth to
protest, but she went on before I could. "I decided I’d better take a real good look at Doc MacNeill and see what it
is about him you’re always staring at, so I followed him home one day." She said this all quite matter-of-factly.
Then, instantly turning defensive as if I had scolded her, she rushed into her next sentences. "I didn’t know he was
gonna go in the river, but before I knew it he’d stripped all his clothes off and he was wad’n in! Well, I was just
watch’n in the bushes, since I figured now that I seen him, can’t no more harm be done, and I figured what you must
see in him. Lordy, Miss Christy, I reckon he has the biggest muscles I ever saw. And when he was all wet like
that--" 

"Ruby Mae, that’s enough!" I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt so embarrassed. It was one thing to keep myself
from thinking about things like that, but I was helpless to control my dreams, which constantly reminded me of that
afternoon. I knew all too well what she meant (unfortunately for the burnt roast). 

It was like she knew some of my deepest thoughts--thoughts I had supposed were safely hidden inside me. I felt
exposed. At the same time, I could barely keep myself from laughing out loud. I certainly couldn’t look at her. It
was an odd combination of feelings. I studied the dish I was drying, glad for the distraction. "Shame on you for
spying on Doctor MacNeill. You had no right to invade his privacy like that! I’m disappointed in you!" 

Her smile faded, but only for a second. "Miss Christy, you can’t fool me. I reckon you’re about to burst from try’n
so hard not t’laugh! Now, I just thought you might just want to talk about it with someone who knows how you feel."
It was so hard to be mad at her. Part of me wanted nothing more than to have someone to talk with about this. I felt
like a school girl again, and it took all my will not to fall to the floor giggling. Not trusting myself to say any more, I
simply replied, "Thank you, Ruby Mae, but there’s nothing to talk about." 

"I don’t see why you don’t just tell Doc how you feel, just what’s on your mind at the minute ya see’m." Ruby Mae
sounded so naive and so wise at the same time. Things like this were never that simple, or were they? 

I bent over the bowl I was drying, as I forced myself to frown. I desperately wanted to smile. "Ruby Mae, what do
you expect me to do, just go up to him and say ‘My, Doctor, what big muscles you have?’" I looked up at Ruby
Mae. She had the strangest expression on her face. She looked like she hadn’t even heard me. She was staring,
mouth agape, eyes popping out of her head, at something behind me. "Ruby Mae, what--?" I followed her gaze.
"There in the doorway stood Doctor McNeill. I had no idea how long he had been standing there. But it was clear
from the expression on his face that he'd heard what I'd just said. 

My mind was screaming at me to run. I could actually feel all the color draining from my face: it was a peculiar
sensation. What was I doing talking to Ruby Mae about this anyway? Maybe if I make a mad dash for the hills, I
could get away. I felt so desperate. I wanted to be anywhere but here, face to face with Neil. He was just standing
there with this confused look on his face. He seemed about to say something, but nothing came out of his open
mouth. His raised eyebrows made wrinkles in his forehead. 

"Run! Now’s your chance!" a voice inside me seemed to holler. "I will not run," I countered [mentally]; walking
will do fine." And without saying another thing I put the bowl down and walked out the door. 

Part Two 

I stumbled toward the gazebo, my mind racing. I wished I could just melt into the ground. Neil MacNeill heard me
commenting to Ruby Mae about his shapely body! How could I ever look him in the eye again? It was hard enough
before. I could barely see through the tears of embarrassment and confusion in my eyes. I was so angry. But why?
Neil did nothing wrong and neither did Ruby Mae. 

Then I realized that I was angry at myself; angry because I had been too scared to tell Neil how I felt, and now he
would think I was giggly and immature, not to mention that he’d realize that I had feelings for him. He wouldn't take
me seriously--I mean, how could he after hearing that? 

I stared at the water over the edge of the gazebo, forcing myself not to cry. I heard footsteps approaching, but I
ignored them. The last thing I wanted right then was to talk. I needed to think. 

"Christy," a voice said. It was David. Thanks goodness it wasn’t Neil; I had been so afraid he’d followed me. 

"Hello David." I tried to put on my cheeriest face. "How are you this afternoon?" 

"I’d wager that I’m feeling better than you are. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?" It was uncanny how he
could see right through me, but I wasn’t going to give up yet. 

"I’m feeling fine, David. So, how are you doing with the sermon for next Sunday? I know you were having some
trouble," I said, trying to change the subject. 

"Christy, I know you. You can’t fool me with that smile, despite how beautiful it is. If you don’t want to talk to me
about whatever’s bothering you, I understand. I won’t pressure you." He paused, coming closer and putting his arm
on my shoulder. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. "I just want you to know that I’m here for you, and I
always will be. You know I love you." 

I looked him directly in the eye, searching for answers. I was getting more and more confused by my feelings.
David was a wonderful man. He was honest and hardworking and very devoted to God and the church. I was keenly
aware of how handsome he was with him so very close. But despite all that, I realized I didn't love him the way I
loved Neil. David was more like a brother to me. 

"I know." I answered as simply as I could. I didn’t want to hurt him. "I love you too, David. You’re like a brother
to me. I know I can always count on you." 

I could immediately see the disappointment in his eyes. I was suddenly unsure. What had I done? Things between
Neil and me would probably never work out, especially now. There was a sort of attraction between David and me.
I could be happy with him. I wondered if I should take it back and tell him that I didn't really know how I felt. It
seemed like I was fighting with myself. 

I looked at David lost in thoughts of his own and suddenly I was ashamed. I was being so selfish. How could I do
this to him? How could I even consider playing with his feelings this way? I was trying to keep David around in case
things between me and the man I really wanted to be with didn’t work out. Then I’d settle for him. How horrible!
"What kind of person are you?" A voice in my head asked me sharply. And then, soft and timid, the answer came.
"I’m afraid," it said. "I’m afraid of being unwanted; of being lonely." 

And then before I knew what was happening, I was crying and David was cradling me in his arms. 

"It’s OK, Christy. I’m here." 

I took comfort in knowing that, at least for now, I wasn’t alone. 

Part three 

Neil stared dumbly as Christy rushed out of the kitchen. He was very confused, but he saw that she was upset and
started to go after her. Suddenly Ruby Mae was directly in his path. Perhaps I should let her be alone anyway, he
thought. 

"Doc MacNeill, I’ve been mean’n to talk to you." she said, looking at him in a way that made him wonder if she
was sick to her stomach. 

"What’s tha matter, Ruby Mae, are yu ill?" 

"Well...." Ruby Mae considered for a moment. Maybe I otta give up on my plan to pretend I’m sick. After all, I’ve
already got’m alone! She thought, smiling to herself. "No Doc, I’m just in love," she said wistfully. 

The way she looked at Neil made him wonder if he shouldn’t examine her just in case. "But then again, I know how
it feels to be in love, and there’s not a thing I cud do fur her with all the medicine in the world, he thought smiling,
Besides, she may not be the one need’n help. Poor Rob Allen!" he thought, chuckling to himself. 

"Well, love is a wonderful thing. Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me aboot?" he asked, eyebrows raised in
question. 

"Well, Doc," Ruby Mae stuttered, suddenly unsure. "I reckon I don’t know much about love, see’n as I don’t have
too much experience, but Doc..." she paused, her eyes glittering as she looked at him, "I reckon it’s when your
a-think’n about a person all the time, and when you know every blessed line on their face, so as you cun see it’n
your head." She looked at him, hoping for his approval. 

"Ruby Mae, there’s a bit more to it than that, but I have to say, for someone your age, it’s an impressive
description." Neil smiled at her. 

The effect was amazing. Her whole face seemed to light up as she basked in the compliment. Her smile stretched
from ear to ear and Neil wondered if it didn’t wrap all the way around her head too. 

Then, before he knew what was happening, he found himself trying desperately to keep his balance, as Ruby Mae
clung to his neck. She had her hands wrapped around him so tightly, he was struggling for air. 

"Doctor MacNeill," Ruby Mae said a little to loudly into his ear. She looked at him for a brief second before she
gave him a big, wet kiss on the cheek. "I--I love you!" she said hurriedly, realizing what she had just done. Then
she fled, running out of the kitchen faster than Neil had ever seen her run. He just stood there, staring dumbly once
again, and even more confused than before. 

Part Four 

I woke suddenly, sitting straight up in bed. I wasn’t sure if it had been a clash of thunder that awakened me, or my
own nagging thoughts. I’d had a dream...something with Neil...but it was already fading fast from my mind. What
time is it? I wondered, lighting the lantern by my bed. I looked at my watch. Ten o’clock :I had only gotten three
hours of sleep. 

My thoughts went to David. He had been so comforting and understanding. After our long talk I had gone back to
the mission and retired early. I was exhausted from the events of the day. But now I was wide awake, my nerves
were completely on end. There were few things I was more afraid of than the dark, and thunderstorms was one of
them. 

"It’s OK," I told myself. Think of Neil’s story about the suilky. But thinking about Neil only made me feel worse. I
was so stupid to be caught saying something like "My, Doctor, What big muscles you have!" Why did he have to
walk up at that precise— 

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash at my window. Startled, I let out a short scream. I had practically
leapt out of bed! "It’s only a tree branch," I comforted myself, looking warily at the window. "The storm is getting
a lot worse. The wind just blew a branch against my window—" 

Once again my thoughts were cut short, only this time by thunder so loud that I really did jump out of bed. Knowing
there was know way I’d be able to sleep and needing to get out of my room, I grabbed my lantern and fled quickly
down the stairs. 

Once there, I felt somewhat better. I was closer to David and Miss Alice. It was childish, but at the moment I didn’t
care. "I’ll build a fire, I thought "and make some tea. That’ll be very soothing," I decided. "Maybe I’ll work on
some letters—" 

"Hello, Miss Huddleston. Is the storm keep’n yu awake?" 

I nearly fainted out of shock. Whirling around, it was only then that I saw a shadow sitting in the corner watching
me. With that accent, it could have only been Neil. 

"Neil, uh—" I stammered, caught completely off guard. "You startled me. What are you doing here?" I managed
to get out. 

"After yu left earlier, I had the strangest talk with Ruby Mae. Anyway, before I could find yu, Alice told me you
had retired early. We saw that a storm was approaching fast and she insisted that I stay here the night." 

"I see." I wanted to disappear. What had Ruby Mae said to him? 

The thunder clashed again and, despite my efforts to stay calm, I jumped. 

"Doon’t tell me yur afraid of the thunder, Christy," the doctor teased. I didn’t think it was funny. How much more
like a child could I seem to him? "Here Christy, come sit down." He motioned to a spot on the floor next to him.
Lightning flashed and for the first time that night I caught a glimpse of him. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. "Of course
not," I told myself. "He’s in bed!" Well, sort of. He had some blankets spread out on the floor. I sat down. 

"Doctor, I assure you that the thunder doesn’t frighten—" 

As if mocking me the thunder rumbled suddenly. And I sprung into Neils arms. It was an instinct; taking shelter and
comfort in the nearest person, but I found the situation somewhat compromising. 

"There, there, Christy. Do I need to tell yu a story as I did Becky?" he asked still teasing, but gently now. He
brushed his hand across my cheek. Suddenly I was so tired. 

"Actually, Neil, although you seem to think your stories are just for children, I enjoy them immensely." I smiled at
him, although he couldn’t see. He chuckled. 

"All right then, this story started back in....." As Neil wove his spell over me I felt myself relax. The thunder
crashed. I didn’t even flinch. 

******************************************* 

I could feel sunlight on my face. It was morning. I was so comfortable. I didn’t want to open my eyes, then I’d have
to get up. Suddenly I remembered the night before – or at least part of it. It seemed to blur at the end... I realized
that I must have fallen asleep. Opening my eyes I suddenly realized where I was; on the floor on the mission house.
My head was resting against Neil’s chest – his bare chest. Instantly a thought seemed to jump on me, rendering me
helpless. "My, Doctor, what big muscles you have" my mind seemed to tese me. That was it. I couldn’t stop
myself; I collapsed in a fit of laughter. 

"Well, Miss Huddleston, I see you’re awake." Neil smiled at me. It was then I realized he had been watching me
sleep. I wondered how long he had been sitting still, so I could sleep. 

"Good morning Neil" I said smiling back at him, and trying to quiet my giggles. It was then that David walked into
the room, and seeing Neil and I stopped short. 

"Christy—" he started, but then he just walked out of the room. 

"What a lot of explaining I’ll have to do", I thought. "Not just to David, but to Neil too." Then, that little voice
inside me spoke up again. "Stop worrying about everything all the time! Live in the moment for once!" it said. It
was right, I thought. What a wonderful way to wake up! 

The End 

By Sara J