Title: Holding Hearts By: Miss A Disclaimer: The LeSourd family owns the rights to Catherine Marshall's story, "Christy". I am not trying to infringe on these rights in any way, shape, or form. Any changes in the plot or characters are from my imagination and are for my personal enjoyment only. Note: Although I know there are individuals who were blessed with being able to capture Stewart Finlay-McLennon's wonderful accent, I am not one of them. I have tried to write the dialogue as true to each character as I possibly could. (For those of you who are Lauren Lee Smith fans, you will have to imagine Kellie Martin's voice.) Prologue The leaves were turning shades of red and gold, but I didn't see them. My eyes were only on Neil, with Margaret in his arms. He had told me he didn't love her anymore – that she had died to him years ago – but now, here he was embracing her! I ran back to Prince's side and mounted quickly. As I rode off, the branches whipping my face, I heard first Neil, then Margaret call out. I stared at the ring in my hand, perplexed. Why did David have to propose now? How did I tell him that I might be in love with Neil MacNeill? Just then, I heard a horse approaching. I knew it was Neil, but I looked anyway. I wanted - no, needed - to see him, needed his assurance that what I saw at the river was a misunderstanding. However, he sat there, saying nothing; he only looked at me and at the ring I held. I tried to read his _expression, but his eyes were as cold as steel. I had never seen such pain, fear, and distrust in Neil's face before. I looked back at David. I saw something in his eyes I didn't see in Neil's. Could it be love? I thought I had sorted out my feelings with Fairlight, but now I wasn't so sure. I had to get away and think. Somewhere the two men before me wouldn't follow without invitation. "David, I am honored that you would ask me to marry you." He began to look hopeful. "But I can't give you an answer right now. I'm confused, David. Somehow, everything is different - I can't explain it. I need time to think about it, to pray. I'm going home for a few weeks – start the harvest vacation early. Hopefully, when I come back to Cutter Gap I will be able to answer you. Can you live with that?" He sighed. Apparently, this wasn't what he had expected. "I suppose it will have to do, Christy. Though I had hoped you would be able to answer me right now." He glared at Neil. I followed his look, and realized Neil was waiting for me to speak to him. "Go home Doctor MacNeill. Your wife needs you." He started to speak, then changed his mind. He turned Charlie and began to ride away, but came back and stood before me. My heart pounded. Why wouldn't he leave? "Margaret may need me, but she is no longer my wife. I told you before: I mourned her death years ago. There's nothing left between us but the relationship between a doctor and his patient." He remounted and called over his shoulder as he left, "Safe travels, Christy." My knees went weak as I watched him ride off. "David, I'm not feeling very well. Would you mind taking the rest of the classes today?" "Not at all," he replied. I started to leave, then remembered something. "Oh, and David? Tell them vacation starts tomorrow." "Of course," he replied absently, his eyes not leaving Neil's back until he was nearly out of sight. I turned and fairly flew down the hill to the mission. After explaining to Miss Alice what I was planning to do, she agreed to take me down to the station in El Pano. I packed a few things, and wrote a quick note to Fairlight, and we were on our way down the mountain pass to the El Pano train station. (Author's note: I had originally written this story and the prologue as is, but then realized that there was no explanation of Margaret's death. However, there are so many variations of Margaret's death. I chose the one that made the most sense for now. Prologue 2 As she watched Neil follow Christy, Margaret realized that Neil was indeed in love with Christy, and that there was no hope for reconciliation with him. Believing death to be the only route available to a disowned wife, she broke the lock on the door to Neil's laboratory and mixed several chemicals to create a deadly poison. She then drank this and died before Neil reached the cabin. Neil, of course, did not grieve the loss of his wife, only the death of a patient and the loss of much needed (and expensive) medicine. Miss Alice, on the other hand, did grieve - quietly though. She went on a retreat for a few days, and when she returned she began to live her life as if the incident had never happened, though sometimes Ruby Mae thought she heard quiet crying in the dead of night. Christy was informed, but was urged to stay in Asheville until she was ready to return. (I'm sorry that sounded just like everyone else's, but the only idea I have of my own doesn't fit this story…it goes to a different one that I'm in the middle of. I know it sounded really cold and callous, but I think Neil really may have reacted that way. Though Miss Alice may have gone into depression because of the last thing, she said to Margaret.) Chapter One Asheville (A party at the home of Dr. James Jenson) "Christy, come here please. I'd like you to meet someone." Mother called to me across the room. I suppressed a groan, and excused myself from Daddy's friend, Dr. Jenson, whom I had been speaking with. "Yes Mother?" I said. "Christy, I'd like you to meet Mr. Milo Farris. His father owns the bank in town, and is a good friend of your father's. Milo, this is my daughter Christy Huddleston." Mother made the introductions with ease, and then excused herself. "A pleasure, Miss Huddleston." "Mutual, I'm sure." I replied, inwardly seething. How could Mother do this? It was the third time since I had arrived home that she had introduced me to a friend's son. I thought I had made it clear that I was home only for a short time, and that when I returned, I would do so single. However, I knew I would have to hold my anger in check until a later time, and was relieved that I was returning to the cove the day after next. "I don't believe I've seen you around Asheville Miss Huddleston. I know my father and I have only recently joined social circles here, but I'm sure I would never forget your face." I turned my attention back the young man at my side. It wasn't his fault, after all. "I'm only in Asheville for a short visit. I'm a schoolteacher for the mission school in Cutter Gap." He looked perplexed. "You work in Cutter Gap? But I thought your mother said that -" "I live at home?" I finished for him. He nodded, and I sighed. "That's Mother's version of faith. She doesn't approve of my teaching at the mission school, and every time I come back, she tries to entice me to stay. Thankfully I return home day after tomorrow." "Home? But don't your parents live here?" "They do, and I grew up here, but my heart has been in the mountains ever since I arrived. The beauty of the mountains, the joy of the children when they learn something new, the people themselves - they stole my heart almost from the very start." Longing filled my voice as visions of the children filled my head. "You sound as though you miss them" he noted. "I do, dearly," I agreed. "I almost wish I hadn't come home; I might have been able to sort everything out better there than here." I added in a whisper. Milo chose to ignore my last remark and asked if I would like to dance. I agreed, and we joined the other dancers on the floor. As we danced, he returned to our former conversation. "Would you mind telling me more about the mission and what it does? And the people - what are they like? Of course, you don't have to." he quickly added. "No, it's all right Mr. Farris. I'd be glad to." "One more thing. Would you mind calling me Milo? Mr. Farris is my father." he grinned. "Only if you can handle my front name." I almost laughed when I realized why he looked at me confused. "I'm sorry. In the Cove, your first name is called your front name. I meant, only if you call me Christy." Milo chuckled, then listened aptly as I explained a few things I had learned from the mountain people - most of them being what I had learned from the doctor: their sense of family duty, their pride and refusal to be "beholden" to any man, and their eagerness to learn, among other things such as their customs. Not wanting to make it sound as though life were easy in the Cove, I added a few "setbacks" to the mission's work – which included the feuding and poverty that both ran rampant on the mountains. I also explained the goal of the mission: to serve the needs of the mountain people while providing them with the love of God and making much needed Biblical training available. Milo interrupted me as I slowed down and asked, "Is there anything you need for the school? Books? Maybe paper?" I was about to rattle off a list of things I knew we desperately needed when I remembered what had happened the last time I had "helped faith". Slowly I replied, "Doctor Ferrand's belief is that an individual should give from their heart and not because they were asked to give. I don't want to tell you what to give - if you feel you should, the you'll know what to give." Chapter Two Asheville (The Huddleston's house) I burned with anger all the way home that night. How could Mother do that? I had specifically told her that I did not wish to be introduced to young men in that context! I was grateful though; for I was sure Milo would tell his father about the mission. When we had entered the house and taken off our wraps, though, I couldn't hold it any longer. "Mother, how could you? I told you I came home to sort some things out, and all you can do is throw one eligible bachelor at me after another. I know it can't be easy for you having me in Cutter Gap, not knowing if I ‘m ever going to get married, but you have to understand. Asheville is not my home anymore! My home is in Cutter Gap, with the children, with the people there! I just can't leave them there to make you happy. I have to follow my heart, and my heart tells me Cutter Gap is where I'm supposed to be. Why can't you accept that?" Mother looked at me, her eyes full of pain. "Christy, I have always wanted what was best for you. Why do you think I am trying to bring you home?" I sighed. "Mother, I don't belong in Asheville anymore! This isn't the life I was meant to live. Maybe I thought that growing up, but now I know I belong in those mountains - with my people." "Your people? Christy, your people, as you call them, are right here in Ashville. This is where you were born to live. Here, not Cutter Gap. Here is where your family is, and here is where you should be." I became increasingly irritated as the argument wore on. "Mother! Enough! I am returning to Cutter Gap. Cutter Gap is where I was meant to be, not Asheville. I don't know my whole purpose for being in Cutter Gap - besides teaching the children, but I do know that I will stay in Cutter Gap until the Lord tells me to leave. Until then, nothing can persuade me to leave. Not you, not George, not even Daddy can convince me to leave before my time there is up." I left the room, the realized my childish mistake. Praying for patience, I returned to face Mother one last time. "Mother, I'm sorry I had to yell at you - I hate to do it. But you don't listen to me any other time. You talk over me, and don't listen to what I have to say. Please Mother, in the future, lets agree to hear each other out?" I planted a kiss on her cheek and whispered a quick, "I love you" before heading to bed. Chapter Three Asheville (Huddleston Home) The next day Daddy and I ran errands while Mother hosted a tea she had been planning for months. Our last stop was the train station, to purchase my ticket for the trip back to El Pano. When we returned home, there were two large trunks in the library. I looked questioningly at Mother, and she handed me two envelopes. I opened the larger of the two and read: My Dear Miss Huddleston, My son Milo, whom you met last evening at Dr. Jenson's dinner party, has informed me of your endeavor to teach to the children of Cutter Gap. I am told your mission exists primarily to educate the minds of the people there, however, that you cannot combat the extreme poverty the people live in. I have heard of Jacob Ferrand's ministry, and I hope you will accept the accompanying trunks as a contribution to the mission as I remain, Sincerely yours, Gerald Farris I smiled as I handed the envelope to Mother. ‘I wonder what those trunks really hold.' I thought to myself as I opened the second envelope. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor. It was a bank note for one hundred dollars! I quickly read the enclosed note. Dearest Christy, I hope you will pardon the liberty I took in sharing your story with my father. I hope that the trunks he sent you contain useful items, and not Mother's cast-offs from last season! I tried to supervise as much of the packing as possible, but you know mothers…. Speaking of which, I wanted to let you know my engagement to Sarah will be announced in the paper this weekend. I hope to see you the next time you visit Asheville. Sarah is anxious to meet you. Until then, I remain fondly, Milo Farris I almost sighed with relief when I finished Milo's letter. I hurried upstairs to finish packing my things, then phoned the mission and asked for whoever picked me up at the station to bring a wagon. Chapter Four Asheville (Huddleston Home) That night Daddy and I sat in the library and had a long discussion - he in his chair, and I on the ottoman in front of him. He asked about how things were going at the mission, then asked me exactly why I had come home. I told him everything - starting with the Tea House scandal and ending with David's abrupt proposal in front of the schoolhouse. "So what did you tell him?" Daddy asked. "I told him I had to pray about it. I asked him for time - enough time to visit home and straighten out my thoughts and feelings." "And Neil?" Daddy pressed. "I told him to go home - that Margaret needed him." Tears sprang to my eyes as I remembered Neil's eyes when I had talked to him. "Daddy, he was so hurt, so angry. Even when he wrecked Nathan Stone's party I hadn't seen such coldness...such harshness in his eyes. It scared me. Then I told him to go back to the object of his hate. Oh, Daddy, you should have seen him!" Daddy leaned forward and looked me in the eye. Very seriously, he asked me, "Who is it that holds your heart, Girlie? And I'm not talking about the children. Somewhere on those Tennessee Mountains is the man that holds my daughter's heart, and you need to find out who it is." He kissed me on the forehead, then rose to leave. He paused as he neared the door and called back to me, "Pray about it, Girlie." Chapter Five Cutter Gap Neil was lonely. He couldn't understand why - he'd been living alone for more than six years. Even after Margaret's supposed death, he had never felt this lonely. But every since Christy went to her parent's home, it had felt like the sun had flown from the sky. He was constantly snapping at Alice. He avoided David at all costs, therefore avoiding the possibility of confrontation, and Dan Scott had been called home to Kentucky for a family emergency. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and headed over to his Aunt Hattie's house, thinking maybe she could help. "Hello Neil. Yer missin' Christy somthin' awful." As usual, her perceptiveness amazed him. "Aye, that I am Hattie. I don't know why though. She's so young, impulsive, - " "Beautiful," Hattie cut in. "Carin'. Wonderful with the children. Makin' a difference in the Cove for good. In love with our people. Everythin' you wanted but never got in Margaret." Neil sighed. "I don't know what to do Hattie. How do I respond when she returns?" "Neil, have ya even thought about telling Christy how ya feel?" "How can I tell her when I'm not sure even I know how I feel?" "Think on it, Neil. Pray." "Pray?" Neil scoffed. "How can I pray when I don't believe?" "The good Lord has more to do with this than ya think Neil. Ask for His help and He'll guide ya to the right things." Chapter Six Train to El Pano ‘What am I going to do?' I thought to myself. I still hadn't figured out the answer to Daddy's question the night before, and I was already on the train. I remembered the last thing Daddy had whispered to me before boarding. "I love you girlie. Keep praying about it." ‘Well," I thought, ‘I told Daddy I'd pray about it, and pray about it I will. Lord, I need your help. What am I going to do? How can I choose between such dear friends? When I'm with Neil, I feel like a child, yes, but I also feel protected. I can tell him anything. He truly is my best friend. But when I'm with David, in his arms, it feels so right. I feel so many things; I don't think they have names! Help me Lord.' I thought about David: how handsome and strong he was, how kind he could be, the way he got so passionate about what he believed in. He worked so hard to get what he wanted, and he had insisted on being part of the rescue party after Jarvis Tatum had shot him. Thinking about the incident with Jarvis Tatum started me down another train of thought. Neil had gone willingly to give himself up to Mr. Tatum, just so I could live. ‘He would have done that for any mission teacher!' my mind argued. I thought about other things: his Scottish pride, how passionate he was about his people. The way he could look into my eyes and know what I was thinking. How almost two-thirds of our conversations ended up in some sort of an argument, and the way he could make me so mad while enjoying himself entirely. In my frustration, I pulled out my sketchpad and began drawing, not paying attention to what I was doing. When I put it down an hour later, however, I had to smile. I knew who held my heart. Chapter Seven El Pano train station As I stepped off the train in El Pano, Miss Alice immediately greeted me. "Child, thee has been sorely missed," she said as she pulled me into a big hug. "It's good to be home Miss Alice," I replied as I returned her embrace. "There's so much I want to tell you! And yes, some of it has to do with those trunks." I giggled, seeing the _expression on her face as the work crew unloaded my trunks from the train. "Thee were not helping prayer, were thee?" Miss Alice asked me only half teasingly. I blushed and quickly explained the trunks' presence. "I don't believe I'll ever live those shipments down." "Thee will, in time. And now, it's time we were off. I left Ruby Mae in charge of dinner if I was not back in time to do it myself, and it's already almost four-thirty." Grimacing, I agreed, and we were soon on our way to the mission. The trip was filled with laughter as Miss Alice filled me in on a few of the latest happenings in the Cove. While helping David shop for supplies in El Pano, Ruby Mae had bought freckle lotion, and put it on the shelf where we kept the extra weaving dye. One day, instead of grabbing the lotion to put on her nose, she died it a beautiful shade of blue! The boys had teased her about it for weeks, only stopping when Neil had threatened to dye all their noses blue. Other things, such as the children's latest 'funeral', Creed Allen's latest escapade with his raccoon Scalawag, and what happened at the last sewing circle, filled the remainder of the journey. When it seemed Miss Alice had run out of things to say, I took a chance and asked the question that had been on my heart all day. "Miss Alice, how are you doing? I mean, since Margaret..." I took a deep breath. "Since Margaret died." She sighed. "It's been hard Christy, but I know that no matter what I believe, it wasn't my fault. She chose her path in life, as thee or I or anyone else on this earth have chosen ours. I will always wonder what her life could have been if I hadn't left her when she was young – if I had taken her with me, or even just stayed home with her. But I have to remember that it was her choice to become bitter about it, and not mine. It was her choice to take her own life, Christy. No one told her to do it, nor was she driven. She took a coward's way out of a bad situation." Miss Alice paused and stopped the team, letting me think about what she said. "I do not feel guilty for Margaret's death –only a sense of remorse that it had to be the way it was. Neither should thee feel guilty, Christy." I stared at her in open shock. How had she known what I was thinking? "I know how thee have felt about Neil from the very beginning. Margaret saw it immediately, and realized there was no room in Neil's heart for her anymore. When Neil left her standing by the river to find thee, she knew there was no way Neil would ever take her as his wife again." She paused again, then leaned close. "She also knew there was no room in my heart for her as my daughter anymore. I had told her the night before she died that she was no longer my daughter. I disowned her, Christy, my own daughter. I am thankful the Lord sent me thee. Thee are more of a daughter to me than Margaret ever was." "Miss Alice, I don't know what to say. I probably would not have made it those first few months if it wasn't for you." My eyes brimmed with tears as I realized how special this woman was to me. Miss Alice said nothing, but leaned over and hugged me as we cried over the woman who had tried so hard, yet lost everything. Chapter Eight The mission We arrived at the mission with enough time for Miss Alice to relieve Ruby Mae of her cooking duty. As David approached to unhitch the team, Miss Alice called out, "Hello, David! Would thee be so kind as to take these trunks up to the schoolhouse for Christy when thee are done with the team?" "Certainly, Alice. Hello, Christy." I turned my head to avoid his probing gaze. "Hello, David." "Christy, thee had better get inside and clean up before dinner." Miss Alice called from the porch. "I'm coming, Miss Alice." I called, thankful for an excuse to avoid David. How was I going to answer his proposal without it seeming like I was taking advantage of Margaret's death? As I passed through the dining room, I saw Ruby Mae setting the table. "Oh, Teacher!" she cried. "Am I ever glad yer back from visitin yer fam'ly in Asheville. There hasn't hardly been any excitement since you left- excepting Miz MacNeill's funeral." "It's good to be back, Ruby Mae," I replied warmly, glancing at the table. "Ruby Mae?" "Yes, Ma'am?" "Why are there two extra places at the table?" "Well Teacher, Doc and Miz Spencer are comin for dinner to welcome ya back real proper-like." "Well, I suppose I shall have to thank Miss Alice for arraigning this dinner party." I glanced t Ruby Mae to see if she had noticed the sudden hitch in my voice, but she was happily slapping silver on the table. "I'm going to go upstairs and clean up before dinner, Ruby Mae." "All right, Teacher." Chapter nine Hattie's cabin After splitting enough wood to keep Hattie's fire going for some time, Neil began the walk to his cabin. ‘What is it with this woman that I can't get her off my mind?' he thought. With a start, he realized Christy's "Welcome Home" diner was that night. "Doc! Doc!" Sam Houston called, running as fast as he could down the path. "Whoa there, lad. What's the matter?" "Yer needed down at Miz Tatum's place in El Pano," he said breathlessly. "I'm on my way, Sam Houston, just as soon as I get Charlie. You get on home before you're late to dinner now, hear?" "Yessir." The boy disappeared into the trees. ‘Well, I can't make the dinner now.' Neil thought to himself. ‘There's no way I could see Christy in this condition anyway. I'll explain tomorrow.' Chapter ten Mission House I leaned back against the pillows as I reflected on the evening. Neil hadn't arrived, and although my mind knew there must have been some kind of emergency, I could barely swallow around my disappointment. Thankfully, David and Ruby Mae had kept up a steady stream of talk, telling me all the news Miss Alice had missed while she was in Big Lick Springs. Only Miss Alice and Fairlight noticed my lack of attention. I hurried to my room soon after dinner, pleading fatigue from the train ride. The next day dawned a bright and sunny Saturday, and immediately after breakfast, Ruby Mae and I headed straight to the schoolhouse to unpack the trunks I had brought back. Each trunk held things the children and I had been waiting for and praying for the last few months. Math books –including a pre-calculus book I immediately set aside for Zady, English books, books on poetry, Scottish folklore, and story books. Ream upon ream of crisp white paper. Pencils, chalk, ink, a brand new fountain pen, "For the teacher" the tag read. It was almost everything we could want – even health cups! "You need any help separating that stuff?" A voice called from the doorway. I turned to see David watching with a grin on his face. "I think we've unpacked everything, but if you'd like to help put it all away, we'd be glad for the help." I smiled. "We?" questioned David. I whirled around. Where was Ruby Mae? A giggle came from under the schoolhouse. I opened the trapdoor to see the redhead crouched below. "Ruby Mae Morrison, what are you doing down there?" "Nuthin Teacher," she giggled. I felt David's presence by my side. "In that case you'd better be getting back to the mission. It's almost noon and it's your turn to make lunch today." The teenager immediately sobered. "Yessir," she replied and ran off in the direction of the mission. I watched her for a moment, then turned to David. "Thank you for bringing those trunks up last night." "It was a pleasure. So, what's in them anyway? Not more clothing for the store is it?" I caught the teasing look in his eye as he turned to examine the articles covering my platform and two rows of desks. "No, unfortunately its just books and school supplies this time." I faked a sigh, but ruined my act with a chuckle. "That's too bad," David replied, then laughed with me. His voice lowered. "I missed you, Christy." I swallowed. ‘It's now or never', I thought. "David, I—" I was interrupted by the sound of a horse outside. I could tell by the way he was ridden it was Neil, and ran to the door. He was slumped over the saddle, obviously tired. "Neil! Are you all right?" I called, approaching Charlie. "Yes. Emergency at Mrs. Tatum's - turned out to be a bad case of indigestion. Everyone's fine, though. Mrs. Tatum sends her greetings to ‘the schoolmarm'." He dismounted, and handed me a telegram. "Since I was in town, I said I'd bring it along with me – saves Ben Pentland a trip." "Thank you." I said absently, scanning the contents of the telegram. "Is everything all right?" Concern filled David's voice. I tried to keep the fear out of my voice. "There's been an emergency. I need to telephone my parents right away." He was at my side in an instant. "Come on, Christy, we'll call them right now." I nodded, thoughts swirling through my head. Everyone had been fine when I had left yesterday morning. What could it be? Did George have an accident? Surely Daddy didn't have another stroke? I paled as fear took hold of me. "Christy?" "Are you all right?" Both men questioned me at once. I nodded, and started for the mission. Chapter eleven Mission house "Daddy? It's Christy… Yes, my trip was fine…Daddy, what happened? … What? … Where is she? … Do they know what it is? … Yes, yes, I'll be praying, Daddy. We all will … call me as soon as you hear anything…I love you too, Daddy. Goodbye." I turned to the anxious group waiting in the next room. David had explained about the telegram while I had placed the call to Asheville, and everyone was now anxiously awaiting the news. I quickly glanced at Neil, pulling strength from his gaze. "It's my Aunt Mae – she collapsed yesterday. My uncle said she had a horrible stomachache for a few days, but she was feeling better yesterday. She was making dinner when she collapsed. They think-" My voice caught. "They think it's appendicitis. Daddy said she's going into surgery in an hour, and asked that we pray for her." Miss Alice reached to hug me. "Of course we will. And we'll pray for the surgeon, as well as thy family." Four hours later, the telephone rang. Although I had expected it, the sound still startled me. Everyone gathered round as I answered. "Hello…Daddy! How is she?" Color fled my face as I heard what had happened during surgery. "Oh, Daddy…yes, I know - it's just…I wish I could too, Daddy. Give my love to Uncle Greg and Amy…I love you too Daddy. Goodbye." I turned to the people that surrounded me. I looked only at Miss Alice, not trusting myself to look at anyone else. "It was horrible. By the time they operated, she…" I choked, thinking of the pain she must have gone through. "…was beyond surgery." Neil nodded, fully comprehending what I was trying to explain. David and Ruby Mae looked confused, so he explained. "When an appendix becomes infected, you only have so long before it ruptures. After that, infection quickly sets in, and in many cases causes death. Is that what you mean, Christy?" I nodded, choking on my tears. "She…died…on the operating table." Miss Alice was at my side in a moment, along with Ruby Mae and David, surrounding me with their comforting presence. Through my tears, I could hear David praying. I didn't care – he could pray all he wanted. It wouldn't bring Aunt Mae back. "Why do you bother?" I started. Had I spoken aloud? "Why do you bother praying? It won't do her aunt any good. Certainly won't bring her back." "We do not pray for the dead, Neil; we pray for the living - just as we don't cry for the dead, but for the living. Thee knows thyself what not grieving can do to a person's body. We pray for the mind's sake, just as we grieve for the body's sake." I heard footsteps, then a door slam. Miss Alice sighed. I suddenly had a desire to see Margaret's grave. "Miss Alice, I'm going to take a walk." David started to protest, but a sharp look from Miss Alice silenced him. "Of course. We'll be here if you need to talk to any of us." Chapter Twelve Cutter Gap Cemetery The walk to the cemetery was shorter than I remembered, but I was glad when I finally got there. It didn't take long to find Margaret's grave; Miss Alice had planted a rosebush on it. I remembered her telling me once that they were Margaret's favorite flower because they seemed so much like her – beautiful, yet able to cause pain if not grasped carefully. "But no one was able to hold you carefully enough, were they Margaret?" I whispered, kneeling. "Why Margaret? What drove you to make your family think you were dead – not once, but twice? How could you leave them? How could you leave Neil? You hurt him so badly Margaret! He loved you…very much…but you destroyed that love. You demanded more of him than any mortal is able to give, and then you pretended to die. He had finally discovered how to live again when you came back. But you didn't find the same ‘Mac' you left, did you? And so you left again…were you thinking maybe by disappearing a second time, you would make him love you again? Or couldn't you bear the pain of not seeing love when you looked onto his eyes? You were a coward, Margaret. If you had been the strong woman you pretended to be, you would have stayed to work it out. But then you came back. Why did you come back that last time, Margaret? To beg him for another chance? He couldn't give you another chance - he wasn't Mac anymore…he had become Neil again. Who knows why he followed me from the river that day; I certainly don't. Maybe he thought there was an emergency. Maybe he needed an excuse to leave your side. I don't know. But I do know you were a coward, and that you ruined this man for love. Love and God." A twig snapped nearby. I looked up to see Miss Alice standing under a nearby tree watching me. I stood and brushed the dirt from my skirt, then wiped my eyes. She spoke slowly. "All the things I wished to say to her, but never did." I approached slowly, noting the tears on her cheeks. "Maybe if I had things might have been different." "Miss Alice, there was nothing you could do to change Margaret. You said yesterday that she had chosen her path, just like you and I did." I took a deep breath. "She loved Neil. She loved you. She just couldn't stand the thought of being without either of you. She felt the ministry had taken you from her, and the Cove had taken Neil. But the Cove brought her Neil, just as the ministry brought her you. She was just too proud to admit it." "How can thee know this?" Miss Alice asked, amazed. "I don't know" I admitted. "It's…a feeling. I just know." Suddenly, Miss Alice laughed. I stared at her – I had never heard her laugh before. "Christy, I came out here to comfort thee, and yet, by hearing thee talk to Margaret, thee have comforted me in a way that no condolences ever could." Then I understood, and laughed with her. "Even more strange is by talking to Margaret, I feel so fresh inside. I'm sad about my aunt's passing, and yet I know that she is in a much better place than…" "Margaret. It's all right, Christy. Shall we go back for dinner?" "If you don't mind, Miss Alice, I'd like to stay here a bit longer. I have some praying I need to do." Miss Alice nodded, and turned to go. "Miss Alice? What are we going to do about Neil?" "The only thing we can do, Christy. Pray for him." Chapter Thirteen Cutter Gap A few weeks passed, and Neil was nowhere to be found, at least by the mission folk. The people of the Cove didn't seem to have any trouble finding him when the need arose, but when someone from the mission needed to talk to him, there was no way to locate him. Everywhere I went, I got the same response: "Ya just missed the Doc, Teacher!" I decided to talk to Fairlight about it. I called out as I approached the cabin. "Hello! It's Christy! Fairlight, are you here?" As she stepped out of her cabin, shading her eyes from the sun, she called back, "Christy, ya just missed the Doc!" ‘Not again!' I inwardly groaned. "He was here?" "Yep. Lulu took a nasty tumble and hurt her arm. Neil said she'd be fine, though." "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Fairlight." "Lulu, or Neil?" I sighed. "Neil." She tilted her head and looked at me a few moments, then took my arm and led me away from the cabin, calling over her shoulder, "Zady! Watch the young'uns till I get back." "But Fairlight, your chores…." I protested weakly. "My chores can wait. They ain't as important as you," she said as she led me down the trail. We walked for some time, until at last I realized where she was taking me – the very spot we had been when she first questioned me about my feelings for Neil. I told her everything: Aunt Mae's passing, David always wanting to be around me, but most of all, Neil avoiding me, along with the rest of the mission folk. Fairlight was silent for a moment, then spoke. "Christy, you ‘member what we talked about the last time I brought ya here?" "How could I forget? You asked me questions that no one had ever asked me before – questions that made me think." I smiled at the memory. "Think maybe your answers might be a bit different now?" "No. I know they are." "Well?" She looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath. "The fist person I think about when I wake up in the morning is not David, and the last person I think about when I go to sleep at night is not one of the children. The person I count on most to come through in a pinch is not David or Miss Alice. I never said who my best friend was, who makes me laugh, or who I tell my deepest thoughts to, and the person who makes my blood boil is still Neil! But seriously, Fairlight, you knew it was Neil all along. And now that I know, what am I supposed to do about it?" "Christy, you already know what you need to do – talk to Neil. Tell him what's on your heart." "I know, Fairlight!" I said, frustrated. "But how am I supposed to talk to him if he's always avoiding me?" As always, Fairlight was patient with me. "Give it time, Christy. He'll come around." "I don't think I have much time. Pretty soon David's going to ask me when I'm going to answer his proposal." "You never told him no?" Fairlight was incredulous. "No. But I never told him yes, either!" I added defensively. "Well, you better give him an answer soon, Christy. Something tells me that's the key to a conversation with Neil." Chapter Fourteen Cutter Gap A few more days went by before I finally decided to talk to David. But before I could, he asked if we could take a walk. I agreed, and quickly grabbed a shawl to ward off the growing dampness. As we walked towards the schoolhouse, he asked the question I most dreaded hearing. "Christy, that day in the schoolyard when you said you couldn't answer me, I understood. I had put you in a bad position. When you asked for more time, I said all right. You asked me to wait until you got back from Asheville." He paused. I was growing more uncomfortable by the minute. I knew what I had to say, but I didn't want to say it. "Christy, you've been home almost a month now. If I ask you, will you give me an answer?" At my nod, he dropped down on one knee. "Christy, will you marry me?" I hesitated a moment before answering. My heart screamed ‘NO! I love Neil!!', but my head argued back, saying ‘But does he love you? You know David loves you – he's told you how many times? But Neil has never said anything to you about it.‘ I stood for a moment longer before submitting to the voice in my head. "Yes, David. I would be honored to be your wife." Chapter Fifteen Cutter Gap Fairlight was right. Answering David's proposal was the key to a conversation with Neil. Within two days, most of the cove knew I would be marrying David. I had a hard time keeping order in school the day after my acceptance. However, the promise of a leaf hunt and picnic later in the week soon brought peace to my little kingdom. I sat at my desk grading papers after the picnic, when the door burst open and Neil stormed in. "Neil! What in the world - ?" "A word with you, Miss Huddleston." 'Miss Huddleston? When had he gone back to that?' I wondered. 'Well, two can play that game.' "I can't right now, Doctor. I have papers to grade." "It will only take a moment of your time." I sighed, then moved to close the window. Neil planted himself directly in my path. "Doctor MacNeill, if you would excuse me - " He ignored my plea and leaned close, arms crossed. Any thoughts of him being drunk vanished as he spoke, his breath tickling my ear. "Am I correct in the assumption that you and the Reverend are to be wed?" My heart lurched, and I couldn't speak. Why did he still have this affect on me? I was marrying David, for goodness' sake! "Christy, answer me. Are you, or are you not, marrying Grantland?" Contempt colored his tone at David's name. I finally found my voice and whispered a soft "Yes." "I can't hear you, Christy." "Yes!" I practically shouted. "You can't." I couldn't believe my ears. First, he ignores me, then he returns only to tell me what to do in matters of marriage? "Why, Neil? Why must everything be your way? How can you stand there and tell me I can't marry someone, when you haven't been around the last few weeks to know what I've been through? As I recall, David was the one who was there for me after my aunt died. You left me alone when I needed you most – and it's only now you've come back. Not to apologize for abandoning me, but to boss me around!" Not caring that I was obviously hurting him, I rushed on. "I'm sure you can't give me one good reason to not marry David. I can give you a few why I should, though. First, he treat me like I'm an adult – something which you commonly fail to recognize. He doesn't avoid me. He doesn't bait me for arguments, and I know he would never get drunk. For the most part he's even tempered –" "But do you love him?" Neil interrupted. "Well…of course I do!" I replied, slightly flustered. "I admire him, respect his calling and what he's trying to do here –" "But that's not love." He interrupted again. "I will in time. At least I know he loves me!" At that, Neil threw back his head and laughed. "He loves you? Christy, he's too shallow and immature to be capable of thinking about anyone but himself." "You're a fine one to talk about love and marriage. You eloped with a girl, only to find that she cared nothing for you; that she only married you because she thought you as inferior to mankind as she thought herself to be. She cared nothing for our people, and demanded more of you than any mortal could give, then faked her death and ran away. But she didn't stay away, she came back twice as a dance hall girl. And now that she's actually dead, you think you have the right to tell me to do" Color sprang to my cheeks as I realized what I had just said. The pain in Neil's eyes was so great I had to turn away. "You're right," he began slowly. "I have no right to meddle in your personal affairs. But…blast it woman! Can't you see you're making to mistake of your life? You just admitted you don't love Grantland, yet you'll marry him on a whim. Christy, I know what it's like to be married to a woman who doesn't love you, and no matter how much I dislike Grantland, with his way of shoving religion down a body's throat, and meddling in affairs that are non of his concern, I can't let you do that to him." His voice dropped so low that as close as I was I had to strain to hear him. "Especially when I'm the reason you can't love him." I stared at Neil in disbelief. Did he know how I felt about him? If so, who could have told? As far as I knew, miss Alice and Fairlight were the only ones who knew, and they wouldn't tell. I started to back up, but he grabbed my arm. "Neil, what are you saying?" He stared into my eyes with a strange intensity. "I'm saying that your hands are only big enough to hold one heart, and you were holding one before you met Grantland. Your hands have been full since the moment I stepped into Jeb Spencer's cabin. It's taken me a long time to admit it, but I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you." Tears welled up in my eyes as I vainly tried to blink them away. "At first I thought it was her ghost, come back to haunt me. But when I got closer and smelled the rosewater in your hair, I knew you were real. I fought it, believe me I fought it. I didn't want the same thing to happen again. But it's no use, Christy. I love -" "Stop!" I cried, turning away from him. "I can't take it anymore. You want to know why I'm going to marry David? All this time I thought you didn't care for me – that I was just your friend. Aye, a very good friend, but that's all. Then you followed me back to the mission after embracing Margaret. I was confused, Neil. I knew you didn't love her anymore, but then I saw you embracing her. So, I went home. When she died, I almost felt guilty for coming back, because I knew if I told you how I felt, it would seem like I had been waiting for her to die that whole time. But I did, because I knew where my heart stood. But you stomped on it. You acted like I was the last person on earth you wanted to see. I have no doubt that if I hadn't answered David's proposal, I still would not know how you feel. But the deed's done. I'm marrying David. I won't break my word." The tears were flowing freely, but I didn't care. I pushed past him, but he caught my arm as I passed. "You want to know why I'm going to marry David? So I can leave the cove and forget you - forget my heart!" With a sob, I wrenched my arm out of his grasp and ran out of the schoolhouse and into the yard. Neil followed me, calling my name. I ignored him. Blinded by my tears I ran straight into David's arms. "Christy, what's wrong?" "Let me go, David!" He released his hold on my shoulders, and I ran to the mission. He looked around, trying to figure out what happened, and spotted Neil on the porch. "What did you say to her?" he demanded between clenched teeth. "I believe you will find out soon enough, Reverend," Neil returned. With that, he swung into the saddle and rode off. Chapter Sixteen Cutter Gap "Christy. Christy!" David was pounding on my door. "Christy, let me in. We need to talk." He paused. "I will get Ruby Mae to open the door for me if I have to!" "Come in," I called softly. He entered cautiously, closing the door behind him, then moved to my side at the window. "What happened at the school, Christy? What did MacNeill say to you?" "Nothing I didn't already know." At his puzzled _expression, I continued. "David, I've been so selfish the past few days. I've only been thinking of my wants and needs." David moved closer to me. "Christy, you are the least selfish person I know. Don't –" I cut him off. "No David! I have been selfish. This ring?" I held up my hand so he could see the ring he had given me. "This ring is a lie. I've been living a lie the past few days, David. I'm only wearing this ring to punish Neil. I'm promising to love, honor, and cherish you, while my heart is in his hands." I turned and started pacing the room, not daring to look at him. "I don't love you David, not like that. In fact, I never did. I couldn't! You're not the man for me, and I'm not right the girl for you. I've known it for weeks, but I've never had the courage to tell you." He laughed bitterly. "So where did you get the courage to tell me now? Was it from MacNeill? What really did happen in the schoolhouse Christy? Did he confront you about his so-called ‘punishment'? Did he show you your affections were mutual?" I stopped pacing and looked at him, with tears in my eyes. "Do you really want to know what he told me David?" "Yes, I do. I think I have a right to know why you're suddenly able to tell me you can't marry me." "He told me that I couldn't marry you – that he didn't want me to hurt you as much as Margaret hurt him." I looked him full in the face. "But I can see I've hurt you anyway. David, I am truly sorry I've hurt you. I hope that one day you can forgive me." He started to speak, but turned to leave instead. It broke my heart to see the pain I had caused. He had almost reached the door when I remembered the ring. "David." Removing it from my finger, I handed it to him. "This would really look better on someone back home." Chapter Seventeen Cutter Gap Saturday dawned bright and clear. My first waking thought was ‘Neil comes home today!' I hadn't seen Neil since his confrontation in the schoolhouse nearly three days ago. The day after I returned David's ring, Ruby Mae had greeted me with the news that Neil was in El Pano getting a shipment of supplies from the station. I came downstairs practically floating, but one glance at the table brought me crashing back to earth. Bird's-Eye Taylor was standing in the dining room, looking about as comfortable as a possum in a trap. Miss Alice looked gravely at me. "What's wrong?" I asked, afraid of the answer. "It seems Miss Hattie has fallen ill. Mr. Taylor went to see her today and found her burning with a fever. " "But Neil's in El Pano!" "I know, Miss Huddleston." The use of my last name warned me how grave the situation was. "Miss Alice, I'll go over to Miss Hattie's. Dr. MacNeill taught me a few things about caring for the sick during the typhoid emergency with the children. She shouldn't be left alone." "An excellent plan, Miss Huddleston. But thee should eat something before thee leaves." Eating was the thing I wanted to do the least, but I knew there was no arguing with Miss Alice. I hurried through a bowl of oatmeal, grabbed a few things I thought I would need, then raced to Miss Hattie's cabin. I hurried inside, calling as I approached, "Miss Hattie? Miss Hattie, it's Christy!" I found her on the bed, sweating profusely. "Miss Hattie? It's Christy. How are you feeling?" "Christy? Where's Neil? I gotta talk to him." "He's coming, Miss Hattie. You just rest. I'm going to go get you some water." She sighed, and closed her eyes. I hurried to the well, and drew a bucket of water. I was back at Miss Hattie's side as soon as I could. "Miss Hattie, can you swallow some water for me?" She did, then spoke. "Christy, I gotta tell Neil somethin'…" "What, Miss Hattie?" "I can't tell ya until I talk to him," was the response. A few minutes later, the regular pattern of her breathing told me she was asleep. As time passed, I constantly changed the cold cloths I placed on her forehead. Finally, I heard the sound I had been praying for – Charlie ridding up the trail. I ran out to greet him. "Neil!" "Where is she?" "In on the bed. Neil, it's bad. She keeps saying she has o tell you something." He nodded, and hurried inside. I followed. "Hattie, it's Neil. Can you hear me?" the older woman stirred and opened her eyes. "Neil…I gotta tell ya somethin…you shouldn't ‘a treated her like thet, Neil…it wasn't right..." "Who, Hattie?" "Christy…she loves ya Neil...saw it the first time ya brought her…be good to her Neil…she loves ya…" her voice faded. Neil looked at me accusingly. "I didn't say anything to her Neil – not about that." He grunted, and turned back to his aunt. "Neil? What is it?" Hattie interrupted him. "Neil, I see your mama…She's callin me…" "Hattie, please! You're all I have!" "Neil, I gotta go! Don't be mad Neil…the Lord gave ya Christy so I could go knowin you were taken care of." "How do you know that?" "I just do. Just like I know the warmth of the sun, or the cool of the night." ‘Please Neil.' I silently pleaded. "Neil, it ain't God's fault. He's got a better plan for me, just like he did for your parents, my sweet Tim, and my angels. Now it's my turn. One day it'll be yours Neil. Please Neil, don't let me go without making it right with Him." As I watched through tears, Neil MacNeill finally bent his knee and bowed his head before the King of Kings. As he confessed his sins and asked the Lord into his life, I saw Hattie smile. Suddenly, my breath caught in my throat. Lines drawn by years of pain and hardship smoothed out, and I caught a glimpse of what she must have looked like as a young girl. "Neil. Look!" He did. Hattie had gone in peace. Chapter Eighteen Cutter Gap Hattie's funeral was large. It seemed every family in the Cove wanted to pay tribute to the Doctor's beloved aunt. By the time the last family had left, I was exhausted. I couldn't imagine how Neil was feeling. "Neil, please. You've got to eat something." Neil showed no interest in the stew I had placed before him. "Christy is right. Thee must nourish thyself." He finally roused himself and began to eat the stew. I set a bowl in front of Miss Alice, then sat down and ate as well. I noticed how red Neil's eyes were. "Her prayers were answered. And now I have no one." "No Neil. You're not alone." He looked at me. "Come on. Let's take a walk." I grabbed my sketchpad and a shawl, and he followed me outside. As we walked, I told him what had happened during my trip home and while he was gone. "But why are you telling me this now?" "Look Neil." I held up my hand, now without David's ring. "I don't understand." "Neil, what I didn't tell you was I had been sketching on the train. I didn't really pay attention to what I was doing - my mind wandered as I went. But when I finally finished, my heart was totally in what I had drawn." I flipped open my sketchpad and showed him the picture. In one corner you could see the river, and a couple dancing on the bank. In the opposing corner was the schoolhouse. In the center was Neil on Charlie, and children crowding around the horse. If you looked closely, you could see he was giving them what appeared to be gingerbread. Neil's eyes were moist as he looked back at me. "I couldn't marry him, Neil. I didn't love him. I never should have told him yes." I stopped and looked him in the eye. "Fairlight once asked me questions that made me realize who it was that I was really in love with. You're the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning. You're the last person I think of before I go to sleep at night. I count on you to come through in a pinch. You make me laugh, and you make me so mad my blood boils." I looked at him, meeting his eyes. "You're my best friend- the one I tell my deepest thoughts to. It's you who's held my heart all this time, not David. I love you, Neil." "Christy, I must confess I wasn't quite expecting this when I came out. But Christy, you are my best friend - I can tell you what I'm thinking." Tears welled up in my eyes as he brought his head close to mine. "I love you, my Lass" We sat on a nearby log, watching the sun go down. Finally, Neil spoke. "Christy, will you do something for me?" "Anything Neil." At that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet bag. He opened it and took out a silver ring set with a solitary sapphire, inscribed with the same saying as his pipe: "Tha mos chas air ceann mo naimhdean." "Neil! It's...beautiful!" "Christy, this ring has been passed down for several generations. My mother wore it, as well as my grandmother. I want you to have it now." "Neil, are you saying..." "Yes, Lass. Will you marry me?" I nodded slowly, the tears now rolling down my cheeks. With a look so warm it would turn winter into spring, Neil quickly closed the gap between us and gently kissed me with true love's first kiss.