Title: "The Secret"
Author: Miranda
Summary: Yet another attempt to resolve the cliffhanger last episode of
"Christy"....You're probably all sick of reading about attempts to resolve
this, but I needed to at least have a go at it.  It was therapeutic for me and
as good a place as any to start attempt writing my first real fanfiction.  So
bear with me, I've got some interesting ideas for this story that you will
hopefully like.  :) Let me know what you think and if the story reads ok on
your computer.

Disclaimer: The beautiful tale of "Christy" was written by Catherine
Marshall, and is owned by the Marshall and LeSourd families. The
following work, based on the characters and places created in "Christy",
is written for my own enjoyment and I have no intention of financial or
otherwise gain from it.

"The Secret"
Chapter One
        Christy's parents had guided her through childhood and adolescence, but
nothing could have prepared her for the choice thrust upon her that day in
Cutter Gap.  She stood like a chess piece, tall and proud, strategically
placed between two men who had awakened feelings and emotions in her that went
deeper than anything she had ever known in her young life.  Their friendship
meant everything, but her one word response to David's silent plea, the
ultimate check-mate, could irrevocably destroy the world that she had made for
herself as a teacher in Cutter Gap.  She searched in vain for an answer that
would preserve that world, knowing in her heart that the search was hopeless,
but searching  all the same.
        Having just proposed to her, David merely stared intensely at Christy,
confident in her answer.  Glancing warily at Neil sitting astride his horse
David knew that the Doctor's presence had something to do with Christy's
silence.  Before Margaret had made her appearance in Cutter Gap, David had
worried that Neil might have romantic intentions towards Christy.  While he
had seen the two of them argue countless times, he had also seen and resented
the intensity of their growing friendship.  But after it was revealed that
Neil's wife was still alive, David had silently rejoiced as his last obstacle
to gaining Christy's love was removed.  Believing it to be only a matter of
time before Christy recognized her love for him David had promptly sent away
for the engagement ring which Christy now held in her hands.    
        Neil, astride his horse sat anxiously watching Christy's face.  He knew that
Christy had seen the parting embrace he had given his resurrected wife
Margaret, he had seen Christy slip away into the forest and felt compelled to
come to the mission to explain.  But to explain what? 
     Certainly he had loved Margaret once, or at least thought he loved her.
But now, watching the small frame of the schoolteacher on the brink of
accepting David's proposal of marriage, Neil felt such a rush of intense
emotions, the likes of which he had never felt before, he was staggered and
frightened by them.  Could not define them, or was too afraid to accept the
consequences if he did recognize them for what they were.  How he wished he
could rush to Christy right now and tell her that he had never really loved
Margaret, how could he have loved her, he hadn't known what love was
until....He wanted to tell Christy that it was finished between him and
Margaret, that whatever love they had held for one another had died long ago
amidst his failure as a husband and Margaret's lies and adultery.  
        But in the end, it was what he would leave unspoken in this imaginary
conversation that would be the loudest, that he was and always would be a
married man...Inwardly Neil groaned, he was beginning to regret ever having
come, feeling quite the fool, perched atop his horse, interrupting what could
be the most important moment in these two young people's lives.  
        Memories of his own proposal to Margaret eight years ago flooded over him
suddenly....
<flashback>
                They had been trying out a pair of bicycles Neil had bought second-hand.
Shakily they navigated the roads of Philadelphia, getting the hang of the
contraptions, but soon Neil, youthful and care-free became more adventurous.
He began boasting arrogantly to Margaret that his bicycle could go faster than
a horse, or even one of the new fangeled automobiles puttering up and down the
streets.  Margaret goaded him on by coyly protesting that such a feat was
impossible, naturally Neil set out to prove her wrong.  
        Pedaling furiously he quickly outdistanced Margaret.  Shouting to pedestrians
to clear the road as he jolted around buggies and noisy automobiles, his curly
hair whipped around his face and he laughed to the wind.  Looking back at
Margaret who had become a speck in the distance, he lifted a hand to wave to
her, which threw him off balance.  He tried to apply the breaks but they had
long been rendered useless by his increasing speed.  Gripping the handlebars
so hard his knuckles turned white Neil gritted his teeth, his brow furrowed as
he concentrated on the road ahead.  Suddenly the front tire of the bicycle hit
a large rut and Neil was thrown head-first over the handlebars landing with a
giant splash.  
        He stood up, sputtering and gasping for breath to find himself standing in
the middle of a horse's watering trough.  He shook his head and when his eyes
cleared, was surprised to find himself in the middle of a great crowd of
people who had been attracted by the commotion and were now laughing at the
young bedraggled medical student standing knee deep in water and surrounded by
wide-eyed snorting horses.  Their laughter was joined moments later by
Margaret's distinctive laugh.  Still in the watering trough Neil joined in
their laughter as he slogged to her side.  He was so enraptured and inspired
by the utter happiness and mirth on Margaret's face that he had sunk
impulsively to one knee with a splash, proposed to her on the spot and they
were married within a months time. <<end flashback>

        Grimacing slightly to himself, Neil marveled at the contrast between such a
happy memory and the rest of his marriage to Margaret.  Despite the
impulsiveness of his own proposal, it had been special.  The memory of it was
even more special, one of the few happy times during his ill-fated marriage
with Margaret.  He had stored its memory away in the back of his mind,
bringing it out only on special occasions.  During the years following
Margaret's "death" the memory had become the entirety of their marriage to him
so earnest was he to play the loving and grief-stricken husband.  
     He now recognized their marriage for what it was and blamed himself in
large part for its failure.  He blamed his failure as a husband for driving
Margaret away, making her resort to faking her death in order to leave her
husband and Cutter Gap.  If only he had recognized her obvious unhappiness
with life in Cutter Gap, had made more time for her and not constantly put his
work above the health and well-being of his own wife.  Certainly his patients
needed him, but she had needed him too and he could have balanced his life
better and made time for her.  He recognized how cruel and insensitive he had
been now, but there was nothing he could do to change the past.  The only
thing that mattered to him was the present and the two young people standing
before him.
        He knew how special a  marriage proposal was, and David had obviously planned
this one out very well, having sent away for the ring, intending to present it
to Christy in front of the school that meant so much to her.  Neil resented
David's presence, but knew he had no claim to Christy's attention.  In fact he
had no claim to any part of her at all, she was a friend, a confidante, and
nothing more...other thoughts, memories of a chance meeting with Christy near
his cabin one night, her gentle fingers pushing back a lock of his hair,
dancing... shaking his head to clear it of the memories, Neil practically
growled outloud to himself.  He pushed the memories back, neutralizing them
with one overriding and irrevocable fact...he was a married man and there was
absolutely nothing he could do to change that.  Despite all of his past faults
as a husband, he was bound by law, by honor and by guilt over his past
actions, to maintain his marriage to Margaret as best he could.  Margaret had
suffered enough in her short life and he firmly resolved that divorce would
not be added to that list.
        Christy stood between them, logic demanding that she accept David's proposal
of marriage.  It was the safe choice.  She liked him after all, he was good
and honest, he loved her, and he loved God.  But if this kind of logic had
held any sway with Christy Huddleston, she never would have left the security
of her city home to come to Cutter Gap and teach in the first place.  So, she
did what any sensible girl who cannot read her heart would do, she walked
away.  Without a backward glance at David's gaping mouth, or Neil's smile of
relief, she quickly strode back towards the mission.  
        Feeling a tug on her sleeve suddenly, she looked down to see Little Burl, out
of breath from having chased after his determined school teacher.  "Be our
learnin' done fer the day Miss Christy?", he asked.  Too overwrought for words
Christy nodded before fleeing to the safety of the mission house.

**********************************************************************


summary: This story is yet another attempt to resolve the cliffhanging last
episode of "Christy", in this chapter Neil finds a letter from Margaret. You
guys will notice that I'm incorporating a lot of the ideas etc. generated in
our debate about love, I don't mean to plagarize what anyone wrote in that
discussion, I'm sorry if I do, they were all such good ideas and helped give
me some insight into the characters....

Disclaimer: The beautiful tale of "Christy" was written by Catherine
"The Secret"
Chapter Two
        While David was initially surprised at Christy's lack of response, after some
thought he silently berated himself for his lack of sensitivity.  A proposal
of marriage should be done in private to relieve any pressure or confusion.
David needed an explanation for Christy's silence.  His other proposals of
marriage to her had been flatly refused, Christy's silence now gave him hope
but it also confused him.  He needed a reason for her silence and decided that
Christy must have felt embarrassed to answer in front of the children, maybe
she was even a little bit confused by the presence of the Doctor.  David
smiled to himself, satisfied with his explanation.  He decided to give her
some time and space. Whistling to himself he spun around on his heel and
bounded up the schoolhouse steps to take over the now teacherless school for
the day.
        Neil felt relief, but relief for what?  That Christy had refused the
preacher, that maybe...just maybe his presence there had influenced her
decision and maybe Christy cared for him more than he thought.  He was
married.  The words echoed in his head.  He had lived as a widower for all
these years, bitter and resentful at a world that had taken away his wife,
angry at a world filled with gunshot victims, poverty, children blinded by
trachoma, suffering, and death.  
        When Christy came to the Cove a glimmer of hope had begun growing in him,
stunted sharply  by Margaret's abrupt return.  He could not turn off the
feelings that had begun to grow for Christy, they must die of their own accord
but he had to help them along, and chasing Christy to the mission house was
definately not helping to discourage whatever feelings he might harbor for the
young schoolteacher.
    He had to accustom himself to the fact that he was again a married man,
regardless of Margaret's decision to stay in Cutter Gap or not.  He knew that
if Christy cared for him as more than just a friend that it would only cause
her pain and suffering and he did not want that.  But for the briefest of
seconds, while thinking about the influence of his presence on Christy's
confusion and silence, Neil silently rejoiced and it was as if a ray of
sunlight had breached the bulwark of his carefully constructed defenses.
Watching her silently rebuke the preacher and walk, stiff-backed back to the
mission, bravely suppressing the tears he had seen forming in the corners of
her blue eyes, Neil felt a gentle tug at his heart and his resolution to
uphold his marriage vows were overpowered momentarily by a desire to rush
after Christy and comfort her.  But just as quickly reality slowly sank over
him, and giving his horse a gentle nudge he reigned him around and slowly
plodded home to his wife.
        When Neil arrived home, Margaret and her trunks were gone.  Neil sighed,
hoping that she had used the train ticked he'd bought her for the experimental
clinic in Boston, but knowing in his heart that she was more than likely on
her way back to Atlanta.  He was surprised to find a note labeled simply "Mac"
lying on his kitchen table, typically Margaret didn't leave notes, so content
was she with letting her actions speak for her.  Neil unfolded the letter and
scanned over Margaret's flowery handwriting:
                Dear Mac,
                I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one last time.  I should
                        have done this in person but didn't have the courage.  I need you 
           desperately to come to Atlanta.  It is urgent that you go to this
address as 
           soon as possible, it will explain a lot.  Please Mac, for the happy
times,  
           although they were few, grant a dying woman this one last wish.
                Yours,
                Margaret
An Atlanta address was neatly written at the bottom of the letter.

        Neil sighed, more than likely Margaret simply needed money.  "Why couldn't
she have just asked me?", he muttered to himself, she was normally so
forthright.  Scowling, he read over the note again.  Margaret could be
terribly manipulative and selfish when she had a mind too.  Neil had no doubt
that Margaret knew that he would give her all the money he had in the world if
she asked.  Doubtless this was also a ploy to get him out of Cutter Gap and
into an environment that she controlled and was familiar with.  But the note
did seem quite sincere, Margaret was not one to beg or be polite and what did
those words "it will explain a lot" mean?  Neil shook his head angrily,
unwilling to give Margaret the benefit of the doubt after all these years.  He
knew he was duty bound to go to Atlanta but didn't relish the thought of
leaving the cove, his patients, or, he admitted to himself, a certain young
schoolteacher who had said neither yes or no to David's marriage proposal.  
    The memory of the happy day when he had proposed to Margaret flitted
across his mind, and he knew he had to go.  But he had to go with an open
mind, he owed Margaret that. As a husband he had ignored her and put his work
first, this one time he would put her first and at least try to give her the
benefit of the doubt. 
Reasoning that the faster he left, the faster he could return home, Neil
quickly packed up what he would need and after stopping at the mission for a
quick word with Alice and Dan Scott, he set off for the train station and
Atlanta.

**********************************************************************


summary:This story is yet another attempt to resolve the cliffhanging last
episode of "Christy" in this chapter Christy learns of Neil's departure for
Atlanta.

and now...."The Secret" Chapter Three
        When Christy awoke the next day she was as confused as ever.  She liked David
and knew he would be a good husband, but she didn't love him.  Hadn't her own
mother told her that love in marriage often came in time....David was far
better than any of the men she had encountered in Asheville, or would likely
encounter anywhere else for that matter...except for, and here her mind
struggled to grasp what her heart already knew...except for Neil MacNeil.  Why
did thoughts of him continue to torment and prevent her from accepting
happiness with David?  Dr.MacNeil was married.  Perhaps if she were married to
David it would be easier to accept this truth.  Perhaps if she married David,
the powerful surge of confusing emotions she felt whenever the Doctor was
near, or his name was merely mentioned, would subside.
        Her mind still not made up, she quickly changed her clothes, brushed her
hair, splashed some water on her face and wearily went to breakfast.  At
breakfast David was nowhere to be seen, having intentionally eaten earlier so
Christy would have time to work things out in her mind.  Miss Alice joined her
at the table and after watching Christy push  her food around her plate,
finally said,  "Thee normally has a healthy appetite for breakfast, is thee
not well?"  
        "I'm fine," assured Christy.  "It's just...", she stuttered.  
        "Thy future is troubling thee.", finished Miss Alice smiling.  
        "Yes, but how did you know?", Christy blurted out.  
        "Over a dozen witnesses, including the ever talkative Ruby Mae is hardly the
recipe for a secret.", replied Miss Alice.  "And," remarked Miss Alice, "thy
eyes do have a habit of revealing thyself."
        "I like David...", began Christy tentatively, "but I don't think I love him,
I mean... but I don't really know what love is do I?  How does anyone really,
and even if I don't, I could learn to love him couldn't I?", said Christy in
one long breath, her sentences and words stumbling over one another in an
attempt to get all that she'd been thinking about out in one breath.  "Maybe I
do love David, but than there's," she stopped suddenly, gasping at the sudden
revelation which her mind had naturally stumbled upon in her confusion about
love.  Slowly there was awakening in Christy a realization that Neil MacNeil
had something to do with her reluctance to marry David. She was horrified.
Neil was a married man...married to Miss Alice's daugther no less, hurriedly
she looked at Miss Alice to see if that wise woman had guessed what she was
thinking. But Miss Alice merely smiled, thinking that the poor, confused girl
before her was simply gasping for breath she took the opportunity to speak.
        "Miss Huddleston, I cannot speak for thy heart or thy mind, thee must work
these things out for thyself.  When thy heart and mind are in harmony with one
another, thee will know.  God has a special plan for thee, Miss Huddleston,
and has only just begun to reveal it through thy acts as a school teacher here
in Cutter Gap, trust in that Miss Huddleston, and the rest will take care of
itself.", patting Christy on the shoulder she left Christy alone with her
thoughts and her uneaten breakfast.  
        But Miss Alice's response confused her even more, which was unusual, for Miss
Alice's advice usually filled her with such a sense of peace.  But if Miss
Alice was right, and God would guide her, the best thing to do would be to
pray, and after thinking for a moment Christy said outloud, "Dear God, I know
that you have a plan for my life, but how do I know if accepting David's
proposal and becoming his wife is part of that plan?  I am confused and alone
Lord, I have feelings for David, but am also just beginning to realize that I
have feelings for...someone else as well.  Lord, I have trusted you in the
past, and I ask for your guidance now.  Amen."
        "It won't talk back ye know.", boomed a voice suddenly from the doorway.
        Startled Christy looked up to see the mailman, Ben Pentland smiling down on
her.
        "Mr.Pentland, I...I didn't hear you call...what won't talk back?"
        "Yer possum omelette ma'am, looks to me like its deader than a doornail and I
ain't never heard no possum talk anyways", he said.  "Reckon ye didn't hear me
on account o yer talkn, only heard the last bit now and I have to say ma'am,"
he said scratching his head, "never heard of no possum guiding no person no
how."
        Laughing for the first time in what seemed like days, Christy replied, "I was
praying Mr.Pentland."  He nodded his head and grinned than thrust a handful of
mail at her.  "What do you reckon I ought to do with this here mail addressed
to the Doc?" 
        "Why, deliver it to Dr.MacNeil, I suppose," replied Christy.
        "Yes ma'am, but I done talked to Miss Alice outside and she said the Doc's up
and gone to Atlanta."
        "What?!?", cried Christy.
        Reasoning that perhaps the young schoolteacher was hard of hearing Ben
Pentland shouted loudly, "MA'AM, THE DOC'S TOOK HIMSELF TO ATLANTA.  MISS
ALICE DONE SAID HE'LL BE GONE FER A SPELL, DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW FOR HOW LONG,
MAYBE FOREVER."
        "Mr.Pentland."
        "MA'AM?", he shouted.
        "MR.PENTLAND, I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE."
        "Sheesh ma'am, no need to holler....", he said, jumping at the unusual volume
of her voice and taking a step back.
        "Mr.Pentland", she interrupted, "who told you that Nei..I mean Dr.MacNeil
might stay in Atlanta?", asked Christy trying to keep the surge of panic she
felt rising in her throat at bay. 
        "Well now.", said Ben Pentland, scratching his head, "It weren't Miss Alice,
no ma'am.  I reckon no one told me that exactly...", he admitted.  "but I
figured that with his wife gone..."
        "Gone?", asked Christy, "Mrs.MacNeil is gone?"
        "Yes ma'am, now it was Miss Alice that told me that.", he said.  "And I just
figured, with Mrs.MacNeil gone, and the Doc going, that he was going to jine
her in Atlanta."
        Christy nodded, too stunned to speak and surprised at how much the mere
prospect of the Doctor's leaving the cove affected her.  Her reaction was even
more of a surprise given the questionable source of this news.  Neil might be
gone, but surely not for good, he wouldn't leave his patients and his home.
Maybe he had gone to Atlanta to patch things up with Margaret, or maybe he
really was gone for good.  She must talk to Miss Alice.
    "But he..he wouldn't leave his patients...", Christy managed to sputter.
    "No, I don't reckon he would...", said Ben, stroaking his bewhiskered face
in bewilderment.  "But thar's always Dan Scott.  Folks are finally acceptin
him, and with the Doc gone, well I reckon folks won't have no choice on the
matter. A doctor's a doctor ma'am." 
    Christy could only manage to nod, it did make some sense.  
    "Well ma'am, I guess I'll leave the Doc's mail here.  I'd best be movin
on, dutys calls" he said, and was scarcely out of the door before Christy
heard the all too familiar cry, "Yooonited Staaates Maaiiiill!!" 
        Christy's emotions were already in such turmoil that she couldn't think
straight and her imagination began to get the better of her.  She stood up and
went to the doorway.  The sky and the trees, even the school house looked
different somehow, and Christy wondered if bad weather was coming, she looked
up at the sky in confusion. But the sky was blue and the sun was shining.
Than she realized what it was.  For the first time since coming to Cutter Gap
she was looking at the prospect of a world without Neil MacNeil.  The world
looked different, but the world moved on, and so, reasoned Christy, must she.

**********************************************************************

summary: This story is yet another attempt to resolve the cliffhanging last
episode of "Christy". Miss Alice is called away from CG and David is offered a
job. Hopefully somebody is reading/enjoying this story, I promise that the
action will pick up a bit, just bear with me while I set the scene:)

end of chapter three:
        Christy nodded, too stunned to speak and surprised at how much the mere
prospect of the Doctor's leaving the cove affected her.  Her reaction was even
more of a surprise given the source of this news.  Neil might be gone, but
surely not for good, he wouldn't leave his patients and his home.  Maybe he
had gone to Atlanta to patch things up with Margaret, or maybe he really was
gone for good.  She must talk to Miss Alice.
        "Well ma'am, I guess I'll leave the Doc's mail here.  I'd best be movin on,"
he said, and was scarcely out of the door before Christy heard the all too
familiar cry, "Yooonited Staaates Maaiiiill!!" 
        Christy's emotions were already in such turmoil that she couldn't think
straight and her imagination began to get the better of her.  She stood up and
went to the doorway.  The sky and the trees, even the school house looked
different somehow, and Christy wondered if bad weather was coming, but the sky
was blue and the sun was shining.  Than she realized what it was.  For the
first time since coming to Cutter Gap she was looking at the prospect of a
world without Neil MacNeil.  The world looked different, but the world moved
on, and so, reasoned Christy, must she.

"The Secret" Chapter Four
        Standing on the porch, Christy was startled to see Miss Alice racing across
the yard, waving her hands and yelling.  "Miss Huddleston!  Miss Huddleston!",
she cried.  "Get my medical bag.  I was on my way to visit Dan Scott when I
ran into Joseph Baxter, he'd come all this way to fetch the Doctor, apparently
there's been a mud-slide on the railroad tracks and a train derailed.
Dr.MacNeil has gone to Atlanta if he hasn't been held up by the wreck..."
Christy shook herself out of her revere and was back in a flash with Miss
Alice's medical bag.  "Good-bye Miss Huddleston.", cried Miss Alice, already
mounting her horse.  "God bless!", yelled Christy to Miss Alice's retreating
back.
        Christy could see the children in the distance and realized that it was time
to start classes.  Walking towards the school house, Christy heard foot-steps
behind her.  She stopped and was nearly  run over by David.  "Christy I..." he
stuttered.  Christy resumed walking, David matched her stride, "Christy, I
just wanted to say that I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for putting you in such a
difficult position with my proposal, I shouldn't have done it in front of the
children...I want you to know that you have all the time in the world to
decide.  I don't want to rush you Christy.", he said, than stopped and
grabbing her by the shoulders and spinning her around so she was facing him,
"But I love you Christy Huddleston.", he said resolutely.  "...and
that's...well that's all I...I have to say.", he stuttered.  Breaking free
from his grip, Christy nodded but said nothing and continued to walk towards
the school house, leaving an increasingly optimistic David behind her.
        Christy somehow got through the day.  She spent part of the day worrying
about Miss Alice and the train derailment, part of the day trying not to think
about David's proposal, and the last part trying not to think about Neil
leaving Cutter Gap.  After dismissing the children Christy saw David waiting
for her outside.  "Christy we need to talk.", he said seriously.  "I know
David," she replied.  "But I'm just not ready to give you an answer yet."
        "I know I told you that you had all the time in the world to decide but...",
he gestured for her to sit down on the school house steps and sat down beside
her.  "I received a letter today.", he said.  Christy said nothing, waiting
for him to continue.  "Christy", he said, looking directly into her eyes.
"I've been offered a position in a large church in Boston.  I am happy here,
but this is such an opportunity, quite unexpected, and I think it could be
right for me, that I could be happier there, that *we* could be happier
there.", said David excitedly.    
        "But David, I can't leave Cutter Gap...the children need me too much.  They
need you, the people here need you...I need you here David...", Christy's
voice trailed off.
        "Christy", he said soberly, "They need an answer by the end of the week."
Taking Christy's hands in his own, he went on, "Christy I love you, and I want
you to be happy.  If you marry me," he emphasized by squeezing her hands, "
I'll do whatever you want...We can move to Boston...or I can turn down the
position and we can stay in Cutter Gap, for a while...whatever you want  But
if...", David dropped her hands and looked down, as if by avoiding her touch
and her eyes he could prevent her from turning down his proposal.  "I
understand David.", said Christy.  "I'll give you my answer by the end of the
week."

**********************************************************************

summary: Neil and Christy have a confrontation.

"The Secret" Chapter Five
        The rest of the week went by quickly.  Miss Alice had not returned yet, and
there was no word from Dr.MacNeil.  With Miss Alice gone, Neil in Atlanta, and
Fairlight gone to visit her sick mother, Christy felt alone and afraid, with
no one to discuss her problems with.  But this was no excuse to put off
thinking about what she would say to David at the end of the week.  She knew
David cared about her.  He must love her a great deal too if he was willing to
give up what had to be any preacher's dream of having a large congregation in
a respectable town like Boston.  She liked him, and she thought she could grow
to love him eventually.  He was a good man, a decent man, far better than
most.  But there was Neil, Christy now acknowledged that she had some sort of
feelings for him that extended beyond friendship, and thought he had feelings
for her as well.  But he was married, he was in Atlanta with no word on his
return, and he did not believe in God.  As the week drew to a close Christy
knew she had to give him an answer.
      Miss Alice arrived at the mission late the next afternoon.
        "Miss Alice," said Christy, helping the obviously weary Miss Alice off of her
horse, "I am so happy to have you home.  How did things go?"
        "Thank you Miss Huddleston.", said Miss Alice removing her hat and hatpin,
"There were many lives lost, but many more saved...thanks most especially to
the skills of Dr.MacNeil...who is right behind me, his horse is a bit lame I'm
afraid...", she said. 
        "But I thought he was in Atlanta...", said Christy.
        "The train was held up on account of the train-wreck...", said Dr.MacNeil who
had finally ridden up.  Dismounting he ran his fingers through his wild
windblown hair, "They won't have the tracks cleared until sometime next week,
Ben Pentland promised to bring word.", he said yawning noisily.
        "Now if the two of you will excuse me," said Miss Alice, "I am in dire need
of some sleep, and so is thee Dr.MacNeil.  Thee is welcome to stay at the
mission tonight."  As Miss Alice stumbled off to the mission Neil turned to
the horses, preparing to unsaddle them, but Christy gently pushed him away, "I
can take care of the horses, you need to sleep."
        "Aye, I thank you," said Neil, stepping away from the horse.  He started
walking back towards the mission when he stopped suddenly and quickly strode
back to where Christy was busy unsaddling his horse.  Grabbing her hand
harshly, he held it up, David's engagement ring glinting in the waning
sunlight. Laughing maliciously he said, "So you're going to marry the preacher
Miss Huddleston...or should I say Mrs.Grantland?"
        "Yes.", said Christy trying to avoid looking into his eyes, she tried to turn
back to the horse, but Neil wouldn't let go of her hand.  "Look at me." he
demanded.  Christy struggled to break free from his iron-like grasp, "Neil",
she protested.
        "Christy, I've got to say this now, I'm too tired to care, and it's got to be
done." he said, his voice weary but resolute.  "We've become friends you and
I....and I care...," he cleared his voice and continued in a voice so low that
Christy stopped struggling to break free from his grasp, straining to hear his
thick Scottish brogue, "I care deeply for you...and...", he said,
unconsciously looking to the heavens as if to gain strength.  
        Margaret had been gone for so long, and despite her reappearance, a part of
Neil had cried out that even though she was alive, their marriage was
dead...how easy it would be to slip back into the role of the widower and be
able to freely declare how he felt for Christy here and now.  But he knew that
once the words left his lips, their friendship would never be the same.  This
deep friendship that they shared had come to mean more to him than he cared to
admit, after Margaret had died, he had thrown up a wall around himself, vowing
never to let himself care that much for anyone again.  But as he came to know
Christy, to argue and debate with her, and to care for her, that wall that he
had so meticulously constructed, had begun to crumble.  He didn't want to
sacrifice that friendship, he didn't want to resume his bitter vigil in the
darkness behind that wall...but the knowledge of David's proposal and her
acceptance was enough to push him over the brink of reason, and it was taking
all of the strength he had left in him not to tell Christy how he felt about
her.
        Christy could tell what he wanted to say by the look in his eyes.  She
couldn't allow him to say the words, couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes
when she rebuked him, as they both knew she must.  "Christy...", he began
slowly.  She held up her hand to ward off the words, "You are a married man
Doctor MacNeil," she declared formally.
        Releasing her from his grip, Neil recoiled as if she had slapped him.  He
knew he was married and was not free to love another, but the heart does not
always obey mortal laws and he loved the young girl standing before him.  He
knew that now, knew that he had always loved her.  Seeing the ring, so
blatantly displayed on her finger had aroused in him such a fury of emotions
that he could scarcely control himself.  He knew he was selfish and wrong for
wanting her to care for him as much as he cared for her, for wanting her to
avoid a marriage which he knew in his heart to be wrong, but he couldn't help
himself.  He didn't know what he had expected her to say after he confessed
his love for her, but her cold declaration of his marital status froze his
confession of love in his throat.  He looked at her and squinted his eyes, the
anger he felt at Margaret, at himself, and at the world now directed at the
small girl standing before him.
        "I want you to be happy Christy...", said Neil.  "But do you even love
David?!", he shouted, flinging his hands up into the air in disgust.  "How
*can* you love him!", shouted Neil, leaving unspoken the words which he so
desperately wanted to say.
        "Doesn't your God want us both to be happy?" he asked helplessly.  But
Christy was by now too overwhelmed to respond to his accusations, and doubted
that the words existed which would comfort the pain and grief that radiated
from his eyes.  Neil knew his pleas were helpless, one word from her would
have silenced him forever, but as it was, her silence only allowed his tirade
to continue.
        "Well good riddance.", said the Doctor as the raging inferno of emotions
boiling inside of him threatened to boil over.  Stepping away from her and
spitting into the earth he continued,  "We don't need you here, never did. You
and the preacher with your meddling ways, you'll be better off living the high
life off in the big city, and I'll live here, *with*  *my*  *wife*.", he spat
the last three words out at her, each word like a bullet wounding Christy's
heart.  Silent tears coursed their way down her cheeks, the only reaction she
could manage at his outburst.  Neil stopped, realizing that he had gone too
far reached out his hand to brush her tears away but Christy jumped away at
his touch.  Dropping his hands to his side, his shoulders sagging in defeat,
Christy and Neil stared at one another, their eyes locked.  It was Christy who
broke the spell, turning around and quickly walking back to the mission.
"Marry him if you will. ", shouted Neil after her, his voice cracking, "But
the heart is a wild thing Christy Huddleston...it will not listen, it will not
love or refuse love on command, believe me, I know, and you'll lead a
miserable lot in life if you try to make it...Christy!", he called.  She
turned around.  "Christy, I...", but he didn't know what to say, didn't know
how to make her come back to him.  He he reached out his empty hands to her,
willing her to run and fill them with her embrace, but she shook her head and
continued back toward the mission. 
     "Tha Gaol Agam Ort!!", he called out, his agony not disguised by the
lilting Gaelic words floating across the air. Christy turned and hesitated,
than shook her head in confusion over the meaning of words quite foreign to
her, and continued walking.  Kicking the dirt angrily Neil mounted his horse
and galloped furiously off to his cabin.

**********************************************************************

summary: Christy updates Miss Alice on what has happened in her absence from
the cove...I'm not going to tell you what else happens in this chapter, it
would wreck it:) read on and tell me what you think!
"The Secret" Chapter Six
        Christy ran up the mission stairs, practically running over Miss Alice who,
although being too far away to hear their exchange, could tell that Neil had
upset Christy terribly.  Christy struggled to get past Miss Alice, but Miss
Alice held her tightly in an embrace, gently stroking her hair and murmuring
gentle nonsensical words to calm the trembling girl in her arms.  Christy wept
on Miss Alice's shoulder until she was weak from the effort.  After helping
her to a chair Miss Alice stood before Christy and in her Quaker like manner,
patiently waited for her to speak.  Christy, aware that Miss Alice was Neil's
mother-in-law thought carefully before offering an explanation.  Hesitantly,
in short gasping hiccouping breaths, Christy told Miss Alice about David's
prospective job in Boston, about her decision to marry him and about Neil's
skepticism about her love for David, leaving Miss Alice to conclude for
herself that this was at the root of Christy and Neil's argument.  
        Miss Alice nodded her head thoughtfully, "I know Neil MacNeil is thy friend,
but he can be an emotional and stubborn man at times, often not thinking
before he speaks. Thee must remember that he is weary after his journey...",
Christy nodded in agreement, realizing the stress that Neil had been under in
the last few days, she slowly began to forgive him for his malicious words.
"He only wants you to be happy Christy.  And so do I.", said Miss Alice
meaningfully.
        "I know Miss Alice.  I know.", said Christy.  Miss Alice placed a hand on her
shoulder, "Marriage is a sacred commitment made before God and should not be
entered into lightly, it should not be rushed...not under any circumstances
Christy."  Miss Alice looked at Christy, hoping that her simple words would be
enough to make Christy reconsider what she considered a hasty decision.  Miss
Alice laid her hand on Christy's head, issuing a silent prayer for her,  "Good
night Miss Huddleston.", she finally said.
        Christy nodded, already too deep in thought to reply in kind.  She sat at the
table for what seemed like hours, slumped wearily in her chair she drifted in
and out of sleep, Neil's words echoing over and over again like a chorus in
her head. All of a sudden Christy was wrenched from her restless sleep by an
abrupt pounding on the door.
        "Wake up!  Christy, Miss Alice!!",yelled a voice.  
        Christy rose to her feet and had just reached the door when it was flung open
before her, revealing a frantic Dan Scott and Jeb Spencer supporting a
lifeless body between them.  Christy gasped as the two men rushed past her,
revealing the identity of the man as an unconscious, Doctor MacNeil.
Hurriedly Christy brushed the few dishes left on the mission table onto the
floor with a crash.  Dan Scott and Jeb Spencer laid his limp body out on the
table while Dan began rattling off medical supplies he  would need.  Christy
stood frozen in place, staring at Neil's battered body.   He had a terrible
gash on his head and his body was badly burned,  but he  was so dirty and
covered with soot that she couldn't tell how serious any of his injuries were.
In looking at him from a distance, she thought that most of his clothing had
been burned away, but upon closer examination Christy saw that much of it had
been burned into his flesh.  
        "Come Miss Huddleston.", said Miss Alice who had been awakened by the
breaking dishes.  "Christy.  Help me!", said Miss Alice urgently, her wavering
voice giving away her shock at seeing Neil's injured body, she cupped
Christy's elbow and led her to the stove.  Christy began boiling water and
helping Miss Alice gather supplies and than stood back, letting Dan Scott and
Miss Alice minister to Neil's injurys.  Dan Scott began putting healing
compresses on Neil's burns while Miss Alice deftly shaved off all of Neil's
hair so they could ascertain and stitch up the wound on his head.  Christy
stood, rigid with shock, watching Neil's curly locks of hair fall gently to
the floor. She sobbed silently to herself, remembering a time when she had
pushed back just such a curl in the cool glow of the moonlight.  To Christy,
it was as if each curl were a part of Neil that was now lost to her forever,
quickly she fell to her knees and gathered one perfect curl into the palm of
her hand.  Carefully, as if handling fine china, she placed the lock of hair
into her pocket and than, burning tears coursing down her cheeks she rose to
her feet and looked around for Jeb, hoping to get some answers, but he was
nowhere to be seen, which was strange.  The people in Cutter Gap cared about
each other deeply, so much so that when there was an injury practically the
whole cove assembled to offer their help and support.  Finally, after hours of
meticulous work, Dan Scott sighed wearily and stood back.  
    "I've done all I can, it's in God's hands now.", he said solemnly and all
three stood in silence, their mutual prayers mingling and floating up to
heaven in a single appeal to God to spare the life of this man who meant so
much to all of them.  Finally Christy asked, "What happened?"

**********************************************************************

summary: Dan Scott relates the cause of Neil's injuries. 

"The Secret" Chapter 7
        Dan Scott gently covered Neil with a quilt before looking wearily at Christy.
Miss Alice pushed a chair in his direction, he nodded his thanks and collapsed
into it.  Folding his arms wearily across his chest he began to answer
Christy's question, "His cabin was on fire.  I couldn't sleep on account of
the heat and had gone outside for a breath of air when I saw flames shooting
up in the distance.  Well I took off running and yelling for help.  Mr.Spencer
heard me, and after sending his youngens for help took off for Doctor
MacNeil's cabin.  We wrapped our jackets over our heads and found the Doctor
lying not too far from the door-way.  A large part of the burning ceiling had
fallen on him...by the time we got him out folks had already formed a bucket
brigade down at the river by the Doc's place.  I reckon they got the fire
under control, but Jeb and the Reverend went back to make sure."  
        Just than David stumbled through the door.  He was soaked through with water
but he smiled wanly, "We put the fire out, no damage was done to any other
cabins but Doctor MacNeil's cabin is gone...", his voice trailed off when he
noticed the Doctor's battered body spread out on the table.  
        "How is he?", he whispered.  
        "He's a strong man, and I reckon he'll live.", said Dan Scott.  "Some of the
burns are severe, we won't know how bad hurt he is until he regains
consciousness...it's hard to say when he'll wake up though, on account of his
head. The real danger now is infection.  I will tell ya'll plainly, if the
wounds become infected, there's gangrene and...", Dan could not speak the
possibility.  
        An atmosphere of dread and silent waiting descended on the mission and spread
throughout the cove as news spread of the Doctor's injuries.  People from
Cutter Gap began congregating outside the mission around dawn, shifting their
feet and waiting for news of their 'Bonnie Prince'.  Finally Uncle Bogg, self
appointed spokesman, tapped tentatively on the mission door.  Miss Alice
answered, dark circles under her eyes she seemed to have aged considerably
over the last few hours.
        "Ma'am.", said Uncle Bogg, taking off his hat and twisting it nervously in
his hands.  "How is he ma'am, how's the Doc?", he asked.
        Miss Alice smiled sadly, looking out at the twenty or more people, many of
them children, gathered outside the mission.  "He's still unconscious.  We
really won't know the extent of his injury's until he wakes up.  He would be
pleased I think, to see all of you here...his friends, and family.", she said,
looking at Neil's Aunt Hattie.  Miss Alice was thankful that someone had been
kind enough to notify her of Neil's injuries and lead her to the mission.
"Hattie, thee may sit with him for a while if thee likes.  I'm afraid the rest
of you will have to wait until he is better."  They nodded and Miss Alice
carefully led Hattie up the mission steps and into the spare bedroom that
David, Dan Scott, Christy and Miss Alice had carefully carried Neil into.
        Miss Alice led Hattie over to Neil's bed, "He has burns all over his body,
some very severe...it's best you don't touch him, but if you'd like to sit
with him for a while.", said Miss Alice. 
         Hattie nodded, "I can hear his breathing.", she whispered, "Might be I'll
sing him a song...he took sick once when I was watching him and I sang to him,
he surely did like that..."
        "I'll leave you than," said Miss Alice with tears in her eyes.  She closed
the door, muffling Hattie's voice which had already risen in song.
        Dan Scott moved a cot into Neil's room and remained there for the first few
days, changing Neil's bandages hourly and applying healing medicines to his
badly burned body.  Neil ran a violent fever the first two days, and it took
all of Dan's strength to gently restrain the Doctor's feverish motions and
ensure that his bandages stayed in place.  Initially he limited visitors to
himself and Miss Alice to guard against infection.  But as the Doctor's
unconsciousness stretched into more than a few days, Miss Alice insisted that
Dan teach others how to change the bandages and apply the medicines so that
they all might take turns in keeping watch over him.  While some of the wounds
showed early signs of becoming infected, Dan Scott wearily agreed to teach
David, Christy, and Fairlight how to care for Neil as long as they took care
to keep the room absolutely sterilized.
     People from Cutter Gap and even a few people from Low Gap arrived daily
at the mission to enquire after Neil's health.  But to Christy, Neil's well-
being became an all-consuming obsession.  After his fever broke, she spent
nearly every waking minute keeping vigil at his bed-side, often taking her
meals in his room and falling asleep there in her chair.  Initially  everyone
in Cutter Gap was puzzled at the constant attention that Christy paid the
Doctor, but they had seen how much Christy cared for everyone in Cutter Gap
and were just as quick to dismiss her constant attention as her compassionate
concern for someone in need and nothing more.
        Soon the improvement of Neil's health became all that mattered in Christy's
life.  She became morose and withdrawn, speaking to no one save for the silent
and sometimes spoken prayers that she offered up to God on Neil's behalf.  She
blamed herself for Neil's predicament because she needed to blame someone, to
have some reason, some explanation for why such a terrible thing had happened
to Neil, and she couldn't bear to blame God.  Neil's brush with death and the
possibility that he still might be removed from her life forever had awakened
in Christy a love that was more powerful than anything she had ever known
before.  She knew now that the love had always been there, but that she had
been too frightened to acknowledge it, too afraid of rejection and unwilling
to admit that she might have feelings for a married man.
        After Margaret's sudden reappearance, Christy had suppressed the feelings but
in so doing had deceived herself into believing that she could love David.
She knew now that she didn't love David, and never had.  If she had only been
honest about her feelings for Neil and for David, perhaps somehow all of this
might have been prevented.  She ate little and slept less, reasoning that
while she could never tell Neil how she felt about him, even if he woke up,
that her presence at his sick-bed might give him strength and make him better.
     But Neil lay, in almost death-like slumber on his bed.  The wound on his
head was healing nicely and fast becoming covered by his hair which was
already beginning to grow back.  Christy had learned from Dan Scott that the
upper half of his body had been covered by the burning piece of ceiling,
consequently the most severe burns were on his chest, hands, arms and face
which had taken on a black or pasty white appearance.  The rest of his body
which had relatively minor burns, was healing, blisters were developing in
some places and pink new skin in others.  But he had not regained
consciousness, Dan Scott had told her he was in a coma, caused by shock and
the blow to his head.  The whole of Cutter Gap seemed to be holding its
breath, waiting, watching, and praying that Neil MacNeill, who had healed so
many of them, would make a full recovery. 

**********************************************************************

summary: More is learned about Miss Alice's past relationship with Neil.
Christy and David have a talk.  (by the way, a collective thank you to all who
have encouraged me with this story, you know who you are and your words have
meant a great deal to me, I wanted to write each of you individually, but no
time! Hope you'll forgive me:)

"The Secret" Chapter 8
        When it became clear that Christy would not leave the Doctor's bedside, David
and Miss Alice were puzzled and concerned but initially said nothing.  Miss
Alice was too stricken with grief herself, for despite their differences Neil
had become something of a son to her over the years.  When he first married
Margaret she had resented him for taking her daughter away from her.  But than
she had seen that they seemed happy together...at least at first.  Plus she
now realized it had all been part of God's plan to bring her to Cutter Gap to
help the people that she now called family.  After Margaret's "death", their
grief had brought them close and Alice had worked steadily with Neil to bring
God into his life.  They had weekly Bible discussions and he had even attended
the weekly church services held at the mission house.
        At first Neil had listened to her quite intently, but his scientific mind and
anger over Margaret's death had worked against him and closed his mind,
confusing him and making him even angrier.  Neil had wanted answers,
scientific, concrete answers to why Margaret had died and why such a loving
God would let his people, the people of Cutter Gap suffer and die.  
    Miss Alice had patiently tried to work through his grief, explaining that
one couldn't always know why God let bad things happen.  She tried to be a
good example for Neil, even in the midst of her own grief, tried to point out
all of the good things that God had done, like bringing them to Cutter Gap,
their presence here had greatly improved the lives of all the people in the
Cove.  But in the end Neil had closed himself off from her, from God, and from
the world. 
        Miss Alice remembered their last Bible session distinctly, his words had made
such an impression on her mind that she recalled them easily, "But Alice," he
had said, his rich Scottish brogue laced with bitter anger, "You're asking me
to put my faith in a God who would kill Margaret, who would plague the cove
with typhoid fever, trachoma and a thousand other diseases too horrible to
mention.  I will not put my trust in such a God...I cannot...not
after...Margaret...", his voice choked off in a sob.  Miss Alice had reached
up her arms to comfort him but he had recoiled from her and it was than that
Miss Alice knew.  
    She knew than that Neil blamed himself for Margaret's death, that it was
tearing himself up inside and that the only way for him to live with himself
was to put some of the blame onto a God that he viewed as distant and cruel.
Miss Alice had wanted to tell Neil a great many things that day, to help him
work through his pain and grief, to tell him that Margaret's death was just as
much her fault as it was his, but Neil had closed himself from her and from
the world, and had run out of the cabin in a blind rage.  
        Miss Alice loved Neil as a mother does her rebellious son.  She knew his
heart was capable of loving and accepting God, and could only pray that he
might still be given the opportunity of proving her right.
 
        Meanwhile, David had watched Christy's devotion to the ailing Doctor
intently.  He hated to admit it, but he was  jealous over the attention his
bride-to-be paid to Neil and couldn't help wondering if she would be as
passionate in her care-taking if he were lying where the Doctor was now.
Whenever such thoughts crept into David's mind he berated himself for his
selfishness, he was a servant of God after all...but he was also human and
quite capable of jealously where Christy was concerned.  The thoughts remained
in the back of his mind, festering and growing until one day he confronted
Christy in the hallway.
        "Christy.", he began tentatively.
        "David I'm really busy now, Dr.MacNeill needs his bandages changed and...",
she said with down-turned eyes.  
        "Christy, that can wait a few minutes, we must talk.", he said, grasping her
by the elbow and leading her down the stairs and in the direction of the
gazebo.
        "David please, I really...I really don't want to have this discussion right
now...I'm so tired and there's Neil...", she begged.
        "Yes there's Neil.", said David sharply.  "I admire your compassion Christy,
but I'm also worried about your health...and than there's us."  They were
standing in the mission yard now, facing each other.  To avoid David's probing
eyes she looked around, and realized suddenly that this was where she and Neil
had argued nearly two weeks ago.  The irony struck her, like a fist, and she
gasped.
        "Christy.", said David seriously, "Do you love him?"  Christy looked at him,
her eyes wide with surprise at his blatant question which was more like an
accusation.  Christy opened her mouth to deny his charges, but David shook his
head in disappointment for her eyes had already told him the truth. 
        "He is a married man Christy, it's a sin...", said David, struggling to keep
his anger at bay.
        "I know that David.", said Christy meekly, "As soon as Neil is better I'm
leaving Cutter Gap..." David's eyes shone bright with hope. 
        "I can't marry you David, it would be wrong, I know that now...and I think
you do too.", said Christy, she pulled his ring off of her finger and placed
it gently in the palm of his hand.  David shielded his eyes with his hands, as
if to ward off the truth of her words.
        "I thought I could make you love me...", his voice trailed off as he realized
how wrong he had been.  "What will you do?", he asked suddenly, his concern
for Christy overriding his jealousy and anger at her refusal to marry him.
        "I'll teach, I love children too much not too... I'll write Dr.Ferrand and
ask him for another teaching position, but I can't leave until I know Neil is
well."
        "You can't run from this Christy.", said David.
        "I don't know what else to do.", she sobbed.  David was silent, he didn't
trust himself to speak, the hurt he felt over Christy's refusal of him was
still fresh, and he worried that it might cause him to say things he would
later regret.  He still loved Christy, and it would take a long time for the
pain to go away, but his heart was already beginning to heal and his thoughts
were rapidly turning to the welfare and future of the young sobbing girl
standing before him.  So despite his anger and pain, he hugged the sobbing
Christy to his chest, not with bitterness but with  the love of a friend.  And
when her crying had subsided he kissed her gently on the forehead and walked
away to be alone with his thoughts.

**********************************************************************

summary: Miss Alice asks Christy to go on a journey with her.

"The Secret" Chapter 9
        Soon the days had stretched into two full weeks, while Neil would awaken,
often for minutes at a time he was delerious and would just as quickly sink
back into unconsciousness.  Christy had heard Dan Scott whisper to Miss Alice
that it was really for the best that Neil remain unconscious as the pain would
have been too much for any man to bear.  The two had continued whispering but
Christy had heard only fragments, something about infection, but than they had
noticed Christy standing in the doorway and the whispering had stopped.
        At the beginning of the third week Miss Alice caught Christy's arm as she was
bringing her dinner up to eat beside Neil's bedside.  "Miss Huddleston, a word
with thee."  Too tired to argue Christy merely nodded and meekly followed Miss
Alice back into the kitchen.
        "I am concerned about thee Christy.", said Miss Alice.  "Thee has not been
sleeping or eating enough and I fear that we will soon have two patients to
look after instead of one.  Thee cannot help Neil if thee is sick."
        Christy knew that Miss Alice was right but protested against the truth of
Miss Alice's words all the same, "But Miss Alice.."
        "No Christy.  That is why I am sending thee to Atlanta.", said Miss Alice
firmly, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms she continued, "I took
the liberty of opening Neil's mail, in case medical supplys had arrived in El
Pano or...", her voice caught in her throat, "or news from Margaret.  Today  a
letter arrived, from Atlanta, from Margaret, begging Neil to come to Atlanta.
If thee remembers, Neil was on his way to Atlanta before the train-wreck
ocurred.  Miss Huddleston, will thee accompany me to Atlanta?  The trip will
be only a few days and it will do you good.", she said, clasping Christy's
hands in her own.
        "But Miss Alice Dr.MacNeil...", protested Christy.
        "Dr.MacNeil's life is in God's hands now and nothing that you can do will
change that", said Miss Alice firmly.  "Please come.", she said softly, "This
is one journey I do not think I can make alone."
        Even though her heart begged her to refuse Miss Alice's request, Christy
nodded her head, never before had she seen Miss Alice look so vulnerable or so
afraid and Miss Alice was right afterall, Neil MacNeil's life was in God's
hands now, and Christy could think of none more capable.

**********************************************************************

summary: Christy and Miss Alice begin their journey to Atlanta.

"The Secret" Chapter 10
     Christy, hollow eyed and weary managed with shaking hands to neatly fold
the one page letter that she had spent most of the night writing by Neil's
bedside.  Against Miss Alice's wishes Christy had resolved to spend her last
night in Cutter Gap keeping watch over Neil's sickbed. Looking at Neil's pale
countenance had made the letter a difficult one to write, but his face, a face
that she loved above all others had also reminded her of the necessity of the
letter.  She gave it one final fold, placed and sealed it in an envelope and
hurried down the stairs, hastily handing it to Ben Pentland before Miss Alice
came outside.  
        "Dr.Ferrand...he fixin to pay another visit to Cutter Gap Miz Christy?",
asked Ben, squinting at the address.
        "No, it's um...it's just about a friend of mine who is interested in
teaching...", said Christy.  While she couldn't reveal the exact contents of
the letter to Ben, (his gossiping was notorious throughout the Cove),  he
needed an answer, and Christy reasoned that her response was at least close to
the truth.
        Ben nodded his head, obviously satisfied with her response.  "Walll now,
that's right fine.  But ain't no teacher can match the likes of you Miz
Christy.", he said grinning at her.  Christy's lips quivered but she managed a
brave nod and than quickly turned away to greet Miss Alice who was just now
emerging from the Mission House.
        "Mr.Pentland.", said Miss Alice.  "We are most thankful that thee will be
accompanying us to the train station."  Christy gasped, Christy had forgotten
Ben was to accompany them.  He was bound to mention the letter on the seven
mile journey to the train station.  If only she had waited to post the letter
in Atlanta...but she had been so eager to hand the letter over to another, as
if handing her future and her life over to another's care.  In writing the
letter she had been filled with such agonizing anxiety, but the second she had
given the letter to Ben a numbing peace stole through her body, no longer
would she have to worry about confronting the love she felt for Neil, it was
as if her future, a future that neatly eliminated this love she felt for Neil,
had been decided for her.
        True to form, they had not ridden an hour before Ben Pentland's easy-going
voice brought up the subject of Christy's letter.  
        "I reckon Dr.Ferrand will be right happy to hear about this here teacher
friend of yourn Miz Christy.", he said.  Inwardly Christy groaned and Miss
Alice who had long grown adept at politely pretending to listen to Ben
Pentland's tongue wagging gossip, sat up in her saddle and looked
questioningly at Christy.  But Christy avoided her probing eyes and after
mumbling a response to Ben continued to avoid Miss Alice's watchful gaze.
    Miss Alice continued looking at Christy for a while, patiently waiting for
an explanation.  Surely, thought Miss Alice to herself, Christy would have
mentioned a letter to Dr.Ferrand, would have at least mentioned this friend of
hers to Miss Alice.  But while Miss Alice could tell that something was not
quite right by Christy's flushed face and mumbled reply but she decided not to
press the issue any further.  And at any rate, thought Miss Alice, it was most
likely that during the turmoil and confusion of the past couple of weeks
Christy had simply forgotten to mention the letter.  Both resumed their
silence and the the rest of the journey to the train station was made in a
silence that was relative to Ben Pentland's constant talking.  Happy to have a
captured audience Ben didn't seem to notice Christy or Miss Alice's
preoccupation.  After depositing them at the train station and wishing them a
happy journey Ben mosied down the street, hoping to find another pair of
willing ears.
        The train ride was uneventful and uncommonly steeped in silence for two
friends so accustomed to sharing their thoughts and problems with one another.
As the train drew nearer to Atlanta Miss Alice's thoughts focused on Margaret.
Why she had so urgently summoned Neil to Atlanta?  Was she sick?  Was she
dying?    These thoughts raced through Miss Alice's mind, and she kept
reliving the hurtful words she had thrown at Margaret the last time they had
met.  She knew she would never forgive herself if they found Margaret dead,
and she prayed that she might see her daughter alive one last time, to beg for
her forgiveness.
        Meanwhile, Christy's thoughts remained focused on the well-being of one man,
lying sick and broken in Cutter Gap.  Christy felt guilty over having to leave
him, a guilt that was compounded and compromised by her willingness to admit
that she loved him and the knowledge that she was now traveling with his
mother-in-law to visit his wife.  
        Her thoughts drifted back to the carefully crafted letter she had mailed to
Dr.Ferrand.  She felt a sad kind of happiness, knowing that as soon as Neil
was better she would have a new teaching post to go to, for she felt certain
that Dr.Ferrand would comply with her request.  Somewhere in the caverns of
her mind she knew that her request for a different teaching post selfish and
unfair to the children of Cutter Gap and God's plan for her there.  But why
had God planted such a love in her heart? Christy had striven with all of her
being to deny her love for Neil, but his near death had awakened a love that
had always been there...How did God expect her to go on living in Cutter Gap,
living and suffering with such a love in her heart?  How could that be in his
plan?  These questions shook Christy to the very marrow of her bone, but she
had no answers, was confused and wanted only to escape.
     In her weary-worn mind, wracked with worry over Neil's health, her
judgement was clouded and she could only comprehend that leaving the Cove was
the only way to get away from the overpowering emotions that she felt for
Dr.Neil MacNeill.  Her mind had not fully grasped that in so doing, she would
also have to leave the children, all of the children, Mountie, Little Burl,
Sam Houston and the rest, forever.
        When the train arrived in Atlanta both were in such deep thought that the
conductor had to call to them two times to get their attention.  After
gathering their luggage and getting settled into their hotel, Miss Alice and
Christy had a light supper and went to bed early, hoping to get an early start
in the morning.  For the first time since Neil's accident they both slept
soundly, as if their bodies knew what their minds did not, that a strong body
would make the mind stronger, and in the hours to come, they would desperately
need both....

**********************************************************************


summary: The "secret" is revealed!!  :) ....tell me what you think, please!!


and now (drumroll please!)..."The Secret" Chapter 11

        After a quick breakfast at the hotel, Miss Alice squared her shoulders and
said very simply, "Miss Huddleston, it is time."  
        Miss Alice had already secured a rig for the morning through the hotel
manager and it was waiting for them outside of the hotel.  Miss Alice handed
the driver the directions, and after giving Miss Alice a sharp look, he helped
them into the carriage and they set off.
        The neighborhood that their hotel was in was well taken care of and relative
to what Miss Alice and Christ were accustomed to, quite rich.  Christy
couldn't help but notice that as the driver skillfully navigated the streets
of Atlanta, bringing them closer and closer to their destination, that the
neighborhoods and the people they passed became older, more worn, and more
poor, why even the youngest of children looked like little old men and women,
thought Christy to herself.  Squatting on the street corners, their hands
outstretched and their shoulders already bowed with a lifetime of worries,
these children tugged at Christy's conscience.
     Christy's heart grew heavy as she suddenly realized she was riding
through a citified version of Cutter Gap.  Her heart went out to these people,
just as it had to the children and families of Cutter Gap, and she longed to
help them somehow.
        Finally, when Christy thought that conditions couldn't get any worse they
arrived at the address.  Miss Alice politely asked the driver to wait for
them, and after much grumbling he finally agreed to wait a half hour.  Miss
Alice, with Christy in tow, walked up to the front doorstep and knocked loudly
on the door.  When no one answered, she gently pushed it open and stepped
inside.  
     The room they entered was dirty and bare, several rags strewn in various
corners and all over the floor indicated that the room provided shelter and
bed to countless people.  Christy could hear a child crying in one of the
rooms in the back, and in another, someone coughing wretchedly.  
        "Hello??", called Miss Alice.  The coughing stopped but the child's crying
grew louder, directing and guiding them down a dimly lit hallway with several
closed doors.  Christy slowly pushed open the door behind which the crying was
the loudest and peered inside a poorly lit foul smelling room.  
    Huddled in a corner and crying was a small child.  The child was dressed
in an old sackcloth and looked to be around the age of six or seven.  Its hair
was long and matted and dirt covered the child so completely that Christy
could not determine whether the child was a boy or a girl.  Wiping its eyes
with grimy fists, the child had no sooner looked up at Christy than she was
across the room, gathering the child into her arms.  Whispering soothing
nonsensical words into its ears, the crying ceased almost immediately.  
        "Miss Alice...", said Christy standing up and turning around, but Miss Alice
wasn't there.
        With the child clinging onto her as if for dear life, Christy slowly walked
back down the hall-way, peering into rooms and pushing open doors, trying to
find Miss Alice.  Finally, Christy pushed open a large square door and found
Miss Alice seemingly kneeling in prayer, beside what appeared to be an empty
bed.  But Christy took a step closer and saw that the bed was not empty at
all, that there was an emaciated body lying it.  The body lay so still that
Christy would have thought it dead, but she took a step closer and could see
the faint rise and fall of its chest and than, Christy looked closer and
gasped in horror...it was Margaret!
        Miss Alice turned to look at Christy with terror-stricken eyes that betrayed
her normally cool exterior.  Than Christy saw Miss Alice's shaking hands and
tremoring shoulders and this almost scared her more than the sight of
Margaret.  Miss Alice who was typically so calm, in any situation, looked like
she was about to fall to pieces.  Christy stepped forward to grasp Miss Alice
by the shoulders, but suddenly the child in her arms wriggled out of Christy's
grasp and ran wildly towards the bed.
        "Mamma!", called the child, "Mamma, Mamma!!"
        Christy and Miss Alice looked at each other, than at Margaret, and finally at
the child.  
     "This is my son," confirmed the skeletal figure on the bed, resurrected
by the voice of the child, "Neil MacNeill, meet your Grandmother.", whispered
Margaret.         
     And Christy saw it than, beneath the dirt and the grime, she saw Dr.Neil
MacNeill's broad face, his square chin and firm jawline, framed by a shock of
long and matted hair that was dark like Margaret's, but curly like Neil's, and
when the child looked at her with Neil's piercing blue eyes, there were no
doubts left in Christy's mind that the small boy standing before her,
clutching his mother's hand, was indeed Neil MacNeill's son.
        "Margaret, what have you done?", gasped Alice, but Margaret was unconscious.

**********************************************************************

summary: Christy takes Margaret to a hospital.


"The Secret" Chapter 12
        Christy knew that they had to get Margaret to a hospital as soon as possible.
        "Miss Alice, you wait here...I'll go see if the driver can help us with
Margaret.", said Christy.  Miss Alice merely nodded, still dazed by Margaret's
startling revelation.  Christy hurried out of the room, down the hallway and
out to the carriage.  The driver was sitting impatiently  in his seat, reins
in hand. 
        "I was just about to go...hurry up and get in.", he growled.  Christy knew
that without his cooperation they would never get Margaret to a hospital in
time, much less get back to their hotel.  
     She steeled her shoulders, looked the grizzly faced man straight in the
eye and said firmly, "Sir, I am sorry to keep you so long.  A friend of ours
is sick and we need your assistance.  Could you please help us?"  He opened
his mouth to say no but Christy added, "We'll pay double the regular fare of
course."  He thought for a minute and finally agreed.  Christy led him to
Margaret's bed where the man easily swung Margaret into his arms and carried
her out of the room.  Christy took one of Miss Alice's hands, and one of
little Neil's and followed him out to the waiting carriage.
        Wrapping her coat around Margaret's skeletal body, Christy helped Miss Alice
and Neil get settled, than directed the driver to take them to the nearest
hospital.  
Upon arriving at the hopstial Christy motioned for two stretcher bearers and
with the help of the driver they gently carried Margaret into the hospital,
depositing her in one of the few beds available.  Christy quickly paid the
driver and went in search of a doctor.  
     After politely being rebuffed by several overworked doctors she finally
found a kind faced doctor who allowed himself to be led to Margaret's side by
this bedraggled but pretty young woman.  He took Margaret's pulse, felt her
forehead, listened to her heart and than motioned for Christy to follow him.  
        Taking her by the elbow he said in a low whisper, "My dear, there is
absolutely nothing I can do.  That woman..."
        "Margaret.", interrupted Christy.  "Mrs. Margaret MacNeill."
        "Yes...," he said clearing his throat, "Mrs. MacNeill has tuberculosis..."
        "We know that.", said Christy frantically.
        "Well it should have been treated months ago.", he continued.  
     "She is malnourished, dehydrated and suffering from acute pneumonia,
she's   
unconscious now and it's unlikely she'll ever wake up...I know I am being
blunt with you Miss..." "Huddleston...Christy Huddleston.", answered Christy.
        "Miss Huddleston.  But I believe in being honest about my patients.", he
said.
        "But Margaret...she has a son, and Miss Alice her mother...", Christy's voice
dropped to a low whisper.
        "There is really nothing I can do, you must understand," he said in a
strained voice.  Lifting his hand wearily to his forehead he paused before
continuing, "It is out of my hands.", he said, looking her straight in the
eye.  "All we can do is make her last few hours as comfortable as
possible...do you pray Miss Huddleston?" Christy nodded.        
     "Than I advise it.", he said gently.  "And it's the least I can offer,"
he said.
        "Offer...offer of what?", asked Christy.
        "I mean it's the least I can do...To pray with you and help make Mrs.
MacNeill's last few hours comfortable.", he said.  Christy looked at him than,
really looked at this kind stranger clad in medical garb.  He looked to be in
his late forty's, had thin graying hair and a round, jolly, clean shaven face
littered with smallpox scars that had long ago surrendered to deep laugh-
lines.  He was taller than Christy but would have been dwarfed by any of the
men Christy knew in Cutter Gap were it not for his flashing green eyes which
radiated compassion and a sense of confidence and peace that Christy had seen
in no other person save for Alice Henderson.  
        "Thank you sir.", said Christy, grasping hands that seemed large for his
small frame.
        He merely nodded and grasping her lightly by the elbow escorted her back to
Margaret's bed.  
        "Miss Alice.", said Christy.  Miss Alice looked up with tears in her eyes.
Christy stepped forward, but than stopped, Margaret's eyes were open!  Christy
looked up at the doctor, hoping to find a glimmer of hope in his expressive
eyes, but he shook his head curtly.
    "Mac...", whispered Margaret and the small boy stepped forward.  "Remember
that I love you...", she said simply and the boy nodded, clutching helplessly
at his Mother's hand.  Margaret closed her eyes wearily, trying to gain
strength before continuing.
        "Mother.", called Margaret.  Miss Alice drew nearer, taking Margaret other
hand in both of her own.
     "I'm here.", said Miss Alice.
        "Mother I am so very sorry..."  Miss Alice started to interrupt but Margaret
squeezed her hand.  "I was a disappointment to you."
        "Margaret.", said Miss Alice her voice wavering, and forgetting her Quaker
style of speaking she went on,  "I am proud to call you my daughter.  You have
*never* disappointed me, *never*.", she emphasized.  "We have had our
disagreements and differences in opinions but through all of that I hope you
know...", her voice broke.  "I have always loved you Margaret.  Always.  You
took such joy out of living...do you remember when you were little and we
played in the hay-lofts together?"  Margaret nodded, a smile tugging at her
lips as the happy memory washed over her like a wave.
        "I have always tried to be a good mother to you Margaret...but I was so very
young, and we all make mistakes...all of us, I have always loved you and
forgiven you...can you...could you...", Miss Alice folded Margaret's hands in
her own and gently brought them to her lips.
        "Mother I love you, and I forgive you.", whispered Margaret.  "But do you
think Mac will ever forgive me...I know it was wrong mother.  When I ran away
I didn't know I was pregnant.  I was so mad.  So mad at the world.  I used the
last of my money to get to Atlanta..and by the time I found out, I couldn't go
back, couldn't ask you for money.  I was too proud, and too mad...and I
couldn't bear to go back to that life.", she paused, coughing violently and
than rallied again, "I was wrong...but by the time I realized it I was too
ashamed to tell you or Neil.  I was too afraid.  When I came back to Cutter
Gap the second time I planned to tell you, to tell all of you...but I was so
scared...scared that you would hate me, and I would die alone....", Margaret
paused and closed her eyes.
        "Forgive me mother...tell Neil I'm sorry.  He'll be a good father to Mac,"
she said, nodding towards the small frightened boy.  Margaret closed her eyes,
Miss Alice grasped her by the shoulders as if to impart some of her strength
into the small dying frame of her only daughter.
        "Margaret.", she said, "Margaret!  You must forgive thyself!", called Miss
Alice.  Margaret's eyes fluttered open, her mouth drawn into a slight smile at
the sound of her Mother's resumption of her Quaker speech.
        "But is there still time?", asked Margaret, staring intently into her
mother's face.
        "Child there is always time.", said Miss Alice with tears streaming down her
cheeks.
        They prayed together than, Miss Alice, Margaret, little Mac, Christy, and the
doctor.  Joining hands, they prayed for Margaret as she accepted what she had
fought and rebelled against for her entire life. And as Margaret's voice,
raised in prayer grew softer and than silent, her grasp weaker and weaker,
they all knew that Margaret had, at long last, finally forgiven herself and
found peace.

**********************************************************************

summary: Margaret's funeral and a new character is introduced.

"The Secret" Chapter 13
        Christy decided to leave Miss Alice and little Mac alone with Margaret's
body, beckoning to the doctor she began asking about funeral and burial
arrangements.  
The doctor began making recommendations, but finally stopped and asked her,  
     "Perhaps it would be best if I took care of the arrangements...I'm
familiar with the city, and there is a lovely little cemetery, very private
and well-kept not too far from here, it looks as though you will have your
hands full taking care of them...", he said, gesturing towards Miss Alice and
Mac.            
     Christy nodded thankfully as he turned away but than abruptly grabbed his
arm, 
     "You've been so kind to us, thank you.", she said.
        "I am only to happy to be of service.  God gave me a gift for practicing
medicine, but even I have my limitations," he said, smiling wanly.  "The
hardest part of my job is recognizing this and giving my patients up to
God...Thank you for letting me pray over Mrs. MacNeil..." he said.
     "But I don't even know your name!", said Christy suddenly.
     "Dr.William Paget," he said.  Christy started, she had heard that name
before. Dr.Paget looked at her with concern, "Are you alright my dear?" he
asked.
        Christy nodded and he moved off, calling back, "I'll send a nurse over to
take you to the kitchen..."  Christy nodded distractedly, she was still
turning his name over and over in her head trying to figure out where she had
heard it before.  Was he an acquaintance of her parents? She didn't think so,
he would have mentioned knowing them when she told him her name.  Where had
she heard this name, she wondered as she returned to Margaret's bedside.
        Christy, Miss Alice, and Mac were soon escorted to the kitchen by a motherly
nurse and despite their grief, all fell to the food as if they had not eaten
in weeks.  
        Christy took Miss Alice's hand enquiring, "Miss Alice?"
        "I'm fine child, and thankful that I was able to ensure that Margaret didn't
die alone, thankful to God that I was able to be there for her when she needed
me the most.", she sounded terribly sad, but offered Christy a small smile of
hope and peace.
        Just as they were finishing their food, Dr.Paget stopped by the kitchen,
Christy met him at the door, "I've made all the arrangements and my carriage
will be around to pick you up at two o'clock tomorrow afternoon.  I'm so sorry
to rush off, but there was an accident a couple of blocks down and I'm needed
in surgery..."  Waving to Miss Alice and Mac, "Get a good nights rest, I'll
see you tomorrow."
        Christy and Miss Alice wearily returned to the hotel where they set
themselves to cleaning Mac with a vengeance.  Christy sent one of the maids
out to buy him some new clothes and than turned to the task of bathing the
small frightened boy.  He was terrified when they showed him the big tub of
water and tried to run out the door, but Christy blocked his path.  Miss Alice
grabbed the still fully clothed boy around the middle, carried him to the tub
and deposited him among its soap folds of water.  The boy let out a great
holler, but Christy and Alice scrubbed him until he shone like a bright new
penny.  Next they set to the task of cutting his hair, and finally helped him
into his new clothes and put him to bed.  
    They tried to engage him in conversation but had no luck, they knew he
could hear them, but he refused to answer.  Already Christy's mind was
puzzling over how to make this small child talk.  She wondered if he was
simply scared of them, or in shock over the death of his mother.  She also
wondered how well he could speak, if he had ever been to school, or how many
other children he had been around.  Or, thought Christy, perhaps he was
suffering from some speech impediment like Mountie O'Teale.  Christy longed to
help him somehow and her mind was already sorting through ideas to make the
boy talk and feel loved.
        Early the next afternoon Dr.Paget escorted them to the cemetery in his own
carriage.  The funeral service was simply conducted by an elderly minister,
and even Miss Alice managed, through her own grief to contribute a few Bible
verses in memory of her daughter.  They sang "Amazing Grace", and Margaret
Henderson MacNeill was finally laid to rest beneath a flowering cherry blossom
tree.
        On the carriage ride back to their hotel, Christy suddenly realized that she
had not properly introduced Dr.Paget to Miss Alice or Mac and apologetically
did so.  Miss Alice looked up, startled, but said nothing.
        "And where do you folks hail from?", asked Dr.Paget politely.
        "You've probably never heard of it," said Christy.  "It's a little cove back
in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee called Cutter Gap."
        This time it was the Doctor's turn to look startled, "Cutter Gap?! I went on
a hunting trip there oh...it must've been close to twenty years ago...You
wouldn't know a Dr. Neil MacNeill by any chance?"
        Miss Alice and Christy's mouths dropped open in disbelief.  The doctor
chuckled ironically, "I can see you have.  He carried our baggage on the trip,
wasn't more than 16 at the time...he wanted to be a doctor and my colleagues
and I helped him through college.  I kept in regular contact with him when I
was still up in New York, but we lost track of each other after I moved down
here to Atlanta a few years ago.", he finished.  "How is Neil anyway, last I
heard he was making some strides in trachoma research...", Dr.Paget's voice
stopped suddenly as he watched Christy and Miss Alice's faces turn from
amazement to horror.  
     "What is it?", he asked.  
     "Miss Henderson, Miss Huddleston, what's wrong?", he asked, a bit more
frantically.  
        Miss Alice and Christy knew he had to be told, but not in a carriage, and not
in front of Neil's newly discovered son.  Luckily they arrived at the hotel a
few minutes later, and Christy invited Dr.Paget to tea.  He nodded in
bewilderment as Christy led him to the dining room.  Miss Alice excused
herself to take Mac back for a nap.
        After they were seated Christy struggled to remain calm as she began telling
Dr.Pagent about Neil's accident.  During the startling events of the last 24
hours there had been little time to spend worrying about Neil, and as she
recounted his injurys it was as if an old wound were being torn open.  As she
recalled Neil's coma she burst out crying and rose to leave the room.
Dr.Pagent rose with her and began escorting her back to her room.  "Miss
Huddleston, I must come to Cutter Gap, there must be something I can do,
someway I can help..."
        "But Dr.Paget...", she said, blinking away tears and accepting the offer of
his handkerchief.
        "No.", said Dr.Paget, folding his arms across his chest.  "That boy was like
a son to me.  I never married and I've always regretted I lost touch with him.
I'm retired from practicing medicine regularly and only help out at the
hospital as a volunteer...I'm coming to Cutter Gap Miss Huddleston." he said,
and Christy knew there was no dissuading him.  She nodded and warmly shook his
hand in thanks.  
     "Good than.  There's no time to waste.  I'll begin wrapping up my affairs
here and see about getting us some train tickets.  God willing we can leave
tomorrow.  I'll drop around the hotel in the morning.", he said, and before
Christy could say another word he had left.  She stood at the door a minute
longer, she needed to be strong for Miss Alice and Mac but was secretly
thankfull that Dr.Paget would be going back to Cutter Gap with them, perhaps
he could help Neil somehow.  
    As promised Dr.Paget returned the next morning, "Mudslides are backing up
trains all along the tracks....but I managed to get us some tickets for this
afternoon..."  Christy decided to try calling the mission house from the hotel
telephone, but the lines were down.  Finally, just before leaving the Atlanta
train station, she tried calling the mission telephone one last time.  Ruby
Mae answered the phone, hollering with all of her might.
        "Miz Christy!!  It shorely is good to hear yer voice!!", she bellowed.
Christy heard the anxious voice of Dan Scott in the background and than Ruby
Mae's shriek as he roughly took the telephone out of her grasp, "Christy!!",
he yelled just as loud.  "Are you coming back?  Christy!!  I can't hear you!
It's Neil..." 
        "Dan?!", yelled Christy.  "Daniel Scott?", she screamed.  "What is it, what
about Neil?!"  But the line was dead.

**********************************************************************

summary: Christy, Miss Alice, Dr.Paget and Mac head back to Cutter Gap.  Sorry
this is so short, but I've got to draw out the suspense at least a little:)


"The Secret" Chapter 14
        Christy stared at the phone, willing it to tell her what had happened to
Neil.  Had he woken up?  Was he better?  Was he...Christy felt herself begin
to faint at the mere thought.  Miss Alice and Dr. Paget, drawn by her loud
scream caught her between them and pulled her into a nearby chair.  
        "Miss Huddleston, what's wrong?", asked Dr.Paget frantically.
        "I was talking to Dan Scott," said Christy looking at Miss Alice.  "We lost
the connection, but it's Neil, I know something terrible has happened to
Neil...", she said, her eyes welling up with tears.  
     "What did he tell you?", asked Miss Alice.
     "He sounded worried and scared, but we were disconnected before he could
tell me anything.", admitted Christy.
     "Perhaps he was going to tell you that Neil had recovered," said Miss
Alice hopefully.  But Christy heard the doubt in Miss Alice's optimistic
words, and in her heart she knew that Neil was not better, but she couldn't
imagine how he could get much worse.
     Dr.Paget began to speak but was drowned out by the loud whistle of an
arriving train.  As the train bound for El Pano pulled into the Atlanta train
station, Miss Alice, Christy, and Dr.Paget said simultaneously, "Thank God."
and, with Mac's small hand firmly clasped in Miss Alice's, they boarded the
train.
        Torrential rain-fall, causing tremendous mud-slides forced the train to halt
several times for as long as an hour to clear the tracks ahead of them.  But
joltingly  it chugged forward, bringing Christy closer to a truth that would
have terrified even the strongest of faiths.  She didn't know which was worse,
knowing the truth or being ignorant of Neil's fate.  Christy's faith had
always been strong, she had trusted in God even when she felt lost and afraid.
But she refused to believe that God would take Neil MacNeill from this earth,
it didn't seem fair, and it didn't seem right that a man who had devoted his
life to helping others should be plucked from the earth when he was still
needed so much.  The people of Cutter Gap needed him as their Doctor, Miss
Alice and Dr.Paget needed him as their surrogate son, Mac needed him as his
father and Christy needed him as her friend.  Christy didn't know if her faith
could withstand the premature death of a man so loved and so needed, she knew
God had a plan but she did not see how the death of Neil MacNeill  could ever
be a part of such a plan.
        Each of the four passengers bound for Cutter Gap remained silent.  Mac still
silent and quite oblivious to the fate of his father, curled up in his seat
and fell asleep.  But the others remained awake, hands folded and heads bowed,
they prayed until their prayers were overtaken by their fear, and than they
prayed again.  The tracks clicked by, the sun slowly set, and the train
whistle wailed like a banshee, bringing them agonizingly closer to a truth
that would test the faith and strength of each of them in the days and weeks
to come.

**********************************************************************

summary: We're not quite back to Cutter Gap yet, but read on to find out at
long last what happened to Neil:)


"The Secret" Chapter 15
        When the four finally arrived in El Pano it was well past midnight.  They
stumbled into a local boarding house and collapsed wearily onto beds ten short
minutes later.  A tremendous storm rocked the cove that night and while the
warm glow of the sun greeted the dawn the storm had left the ground saturated
with mud that not even the strongest of horses could safely manage.  The
journey would have to be made entirely on foot but  Miss Alice was confident
that she could safely guide Dr.Paget to Cutter Gap. 
        "But," she said looking at Christy and Mac, "I fear Mac is too small to make
the journey, I must ask thee to stay with him.  The telephone lines are still
down in Cutter Gap, but if there is no more rain, I shall send David in a few
days to fetch thee."  
        Christy wanted to scream, to beg Miss Alice not to leave her behind, but she
didn't for she knew that Miss Alice was right.
        "Christy," said Miss Alice, hoping to ease Christy's obvious dismay, "Neil's
life might depend on Dr.Paget's medical expertise.  I promise," she said,
folding Christy into an embrace, "I promise to send David as soon as possible,
if the weather holds."  
        Miss Alice expertly packed what little they would need for the journey and
the two set off.  Christy and Mac bid them farewell and watched until they
were mere specks on the horizon, and than nothing. 
        Turning to go back into the boarding house Christy raised her fist to her
mouth, struggling to prevent the torment of emotions bottled inside of her
from spilling out.  She felt a small tug on her hand and looking down saw
Mac's wide blue eyes peering up at her.  She stroked the boys curly hair and
led him back into the boardinghouse.
        Two days passed with  no word from the mission and no sign of David.
Doubtless no one could be spared to fix the downed telephone lines much less
fetch Christy and Mac.  In the meantime, Christy's thoughts were never far
from worrying about Neil's condition and her guilt over not being able to be
by his side was overwhelming.  Concern over Neil even entered into the privacy
of her dreams.  When she slept at all, she had the same reoccurring nightmare;
the ghostly image of Neil's broken body would rise before her, his eyes would
open and with arms outstretched, he called her name, and than repeated over
and over again in a voice filled with the deepest of emotion, "Tha gaol agam
ort...Tha gaol agam ort...Tha gaol agam ort!"  Christy would wake up, drenched
in sweat and look about the room wildly.  The dream seemed so real, his husky
Scottish brogue would echo about in her head for hours and she would spend the
rest of the night awake, pacing her moonlit room, worrying about Neil and
wondering what those strange, foreign words meant.  
    On those nights when sleep seemed hopeless and she was nearly sick with
worry, she would carefully take out the small curl she had rescued from the
floor of the mission on that terrible night and hold it in the palm of her
hand.  Staring at it for hours it calmed her and linked her to the unknown,
reminding her to never give up hope.  She would wake up in the morning with
the small curl clenched tightly in her hands and carefully place it back in
the folds of her Bible.  
        After six days, with Mac still maintaining his silence and the weather still
fair, Christy thought she would go mad with the worrying and waiting.  She
tried to pray, but as the days passed her prayers turned into angry
accusations thrown at a God that seemed to have forsaken her.  She wanted to
act, to go to Neil immediately, but there was his son, Mac.  She was willing
to risk her own life to brave the journey to Cutter Gap, but not the life of
his son.  It was really Mac that prevented her from descending into madness,
his obvious need for love and attention occupied her mind and made her feel
useful.  And his uncanny resemblance to his father made Christy feel as though
she were indirectly helping Neil.  
     Christy quickly ascertained that Mac had never been to school and worked
to teach him the alphabet and how to write his name.  She also discovered that
he was quite proficient at drawing and she tried using her own drawing skills
to slowly draw the boy out of whatever world he had taken refuge in.  Hanging
on the wall was evidence of her progress, a rough but still quite skillfully
drawn picture of a horse bearing the crude but proud signature of 'Neil
MacNeill' at the bottom.
        While Mac's continued silence troubled her it also fortified her resolution
to help and love this small boy as if her own life depended on it, and in a
very great way it did.  Christy was too sick and tired with weeks of constant
worrying to recognize that God had not forsaken her, but was working through a
form that was quite familiar to Christy, that of a young child.  A child who
needed her attention, needed her compassion, but most of all needed her love. 
        Finally, on the seventh day, Christy woke up from the chair that she had
finally fallen asleep in and decided that she could wait no longer.  She began
to pack their things and was going outside to buy some supplies when fell into
the arms of a tall dark-haired young man.  Red-faced she mumbled her apologies
and began untangling herself when she looked up into familiar eyes.
        "David!", she shrieked and began weeping uncontrollably in his arms.  
     David helped her into a chair and after giving her an additional pat on
the shoulder drew up a chair beside her and said simply, "Christy, he's
alive....Do you hear me Christy?", he asked, shaking her by the shoulder, "He
will live."
        Christy looked up at him in shock, "He's all-right?", she asked, but David
looked away.
        "David?  What is it?  Tell me David, tell me now, I've got to know.", she
pleaded.
        David nervously wrung his hands together, his lips parted several times as if
to speak, but this man, so eloquent in the pulpit seemed unable to tell this
young anxious woman what she had been waiting days to hear.
        Christy grabbed his hands in her own, looked him straight in the eyes and
said almost hysterically, "David?  David?!  What's wrong with Neil?!"
        "Christy, he is alive.  Dr.Paget said that he'll live.", said David, as if
hoping that by repeating these comforting words he could lessen the shock.
"Dr.Paget arrived just in time...Dan Scott is a perfectly capable doctor, but
he's not a surgeon...Christy, Neil would have died if Dr.Paget hadn't
arrived." Christy nodded, closing her eyes, bracing herself for whatever
additional nightmare David was about to unleash.
        "Neil woke up, but he was delirious, raving like a lunatic.", said David,
"Infection had set in terribly....Christy, Neil would have died, but
Dr.Paget...Dr.Paget...", David stopped, anxiously searching for words but his
search was useless and he knew it, for no words on earth can make the truth
any less shocking, "Christy, Neil can still see but his vision was badly
damaged. Dr.Paget thinks this might improve with time though, and spectacles
might help as well..."  Christy opened her eyes, obvious relief pouring out of
them, this was bad news but certainly bearable.  
     But David was not finished, bracing his arms on her shoulders he
continued,  "Christy," he sighed.  "Oh dear God give me strength," he
beseeched, raising his eyes heavenward.  "Christy, there was infection...and
gangrene...and...and...they had to amputate his left arm."  David sat back
than, to let the full shock of his words penetrate Christy's brain.  
        Christy sat numbly in the chair, Neil would most likely never practice
medicine again, but he was alive, "He's alive.", she whispered.  David leaned
closer, "He's alive.", she repeated.  "Thank God he's alive!"  This single
thought sustained her and made her weep with joy, the worrying and waiting was
over for Neil MacNeill was alive.

**********************************************************************

summary:  Christy, David and Mac finally begin the journey back to Cutter
Gap...I'm out of town Thursday-Saturday so look for chapter 17 to be posted
hopefully on Sunday. Have a good weekend everyone:)



"The Secret" Chapter 16
        David had brought the wagon to carry Christy, Mac and all of their luggage
back to Cutter Gap.  Christy hurriedly went to fetch Mac.  She had told the
small boy about David already, had told him about all of the people in Cutter
Gap...well nearly all of them, she *had* mentioned that the Cove had a doctor,
but in very general terms, leaving out the fact that the two shared the same
name and happened to be related.  At the time, when so much was unknown,
keeping the identity of the boy's father a secret from him had seemed like the
right thing to do.  Christy could think of nothing more cruel than to tell a
small boy who had recently lost his mother that he also had a father who might
be dead as well.  So she had described the doctor of Cutter Gap in great
detail, which was not a difficult task for a woman in love.  She told Mac
about Neil's Scottish heritage, his love for fly-fishing, and his devotion to
the people of Cutter Gap.  Christy even managed to bring a smile to young
Mac's face when she told him about Neil and David's sporting competition and
how they had arm-wrestled for hours and hours.  She described every aspect of
Neil, his ability as a story teller, his medical skills, the progress he had
made in eye research.  She spent hours telling Mac everything about Neil, and
the boy seemed to hang on her every word, his eyes bright with wonder, begging
her for more and more details.  And now, when the possibility of Neil's death
seemed like a distant nightmare Christy didn't know how to tell Mac... In the
end, Christy decided not to say anything until after she had talked to Miss
Alice and seen Neil for herself.
        Christy took Mac's hand and led him over to David.
        "Mac, this is the Reverend David Grantland.", she said.  Mac hid behind her
skirts, peering out at the tall lanky stranger.  
        David's eyes grew wide, the striking resemblance between father and son was
not missed by David,  "It's a pleasure to meet you Mac.", he said.  "Call me
David." The boy said nothing, David shrugged his shoulders and began gathering
up their luggage.  He sent Christy off to buy medical supplies while he loaded
up the wagon, and they were bound for Cutter Gap within the hour.  
        The journey to Cutter Gap went surprisingly fast.  The ground was dry and
David tried to keep Christy's spirits high by telling her all about what the
children had been doing in her absence.  Christy listened with rapt attention,
as did Mac.  But when the full heat of the day hit the unprotected travelers,
conversation trickled off into blank silence.  
        The heat made Mac fall asleep underneath what little shade he could find in
the back of the wagon.  David and Christy had been sitting in silence for at
least a half hour when David said softly, "He called for you."
        "What?", asked Christy.
        "When he was awake, right before the surgery...Neil was yelling all sorts of
wild things, none of us could understand him...one day I was sitting with him
and he yelled out your name, as clear as day.  He said it so clearly, I
thought he'd finally come out of the fever....", David's voice trailed off.
        Initially, Christy was elated, Neil had called for her!  But any happiness
over this revelation was quickly replaced by guilt, Christy buried her face in
her hands, Neil had called for her and she hadn't been there to help him when
he had needed her the most.
        "It's not your fault Christy.", said David, reaching out to take her hand in
his.  "You were in El Pano, taking care of Neil's son.", he emphasized the
last word.  Christy nodded, overwhelmed at David's compassion, marveling to
herself that it had been less than a month since she had broken off their
engagement, and yet here he was comforting her love for the man who had been
his greatest rival.
        "Thank you David.", she said, squeezing his hand, and as the mission house
came into view, he put his arm around her shoulders and looked down on her
small form.  Her appearance was so drastically altered since David had seen
her last,  dark shadows lined her gaunt pale face and her dress seemed to
envelop her small shrunken body.  David noticed that her hands seemed to shake
involuntarily and that the sparkle and passion seemed to have been swallowed
up by eyes searching for answers amdist the unknown.  
     David still loved Christy, but seeing her back safely to Cutter Gap he
knew that this was where she belonged, not in a city, or in a parlor room, but
here, in Cutter Gap with the children she loved...and the man she loved.
David knew that he had done the right thing by letting her go, and he silently
resolved  that he would not leave Cutter Gap until he had seen to it that
Christy was healthy, and more importantly, that she was happy.

**********************************************************************

summary: After many long chapters spent in Atlanta, El Pano, and on the way to
the mission, Christy finally arrives back in Cutter Gap.   

"The Secret" Chapter 17
        Miss Alice came out to greet the returning travelers, followed by Dan Scott
and Ruby Mae.  Coaxing the still sleepy Mac out of the wagon and into her
waiting arms he hid his face in her shoulder while she introduced him to Dan
Scott and Ruby Mae.
        Miss Alice patted the boy fondly on the head and taking Christy warmly by the
hand said, "Welcome home Miss Huddleston."
        "Thank you Miss Alice," said Christy haltingly. Her knees felt weak and her
head felt fuzzy, she found that the simple act of finding the right words and
stringing them together into coherent sentences took considerable effort, but
she struggled on,  "How are you...and...and...", Christy stopped, unable to go
on.  Miss Alice folded her into as much of an embrace as the now squashed and
squirming Mac would allow and said softly, "Let's go inside Christy.  Thee
must be tired and hungry."  Christy nodded, too tired to speak and allowed
Miss Alice to lead her in to the mission house.  Mac must have sensed her
weariness as well for he willingly tumbled out of her arms but maintained a
firm grip
on the folds of her skirt.
        Miss Alice deposited Christy in a chair and Mac, overcoming some of his
initial shyness, climbed into a chair across from her.  David came in a few
minutes later and Miss Alice served the three of them sandwiches and milk.  As
if in a dream, Christy mechanically ate until she could eat no more, looking
down at her plate she was surprised to find over half of her sandwich still
remaining.  Miss Alice noticed Christy's lack of appetite with great concern
and was on the verge of asking her to try to eat more when she noticed the
dark circles under Christy's eyes, "Miss Huddleston, some rest is surely in
order for thee...Ruby Mae, take Mac outside to feed the chickens please"  
        Christy looked up slowly and nodded her head awkwardly, even this simple
action seeming to take a great deal of effort.  Everything seemed so distant,
so very far away and removed from her, and she was quite content to let Miss
Alice take her arm and lead her to her bedroom, but suddenly she stopped.  In
the blink of an eye the world came into focus with a jolting bang that shook
Christy to the very marrow of her bones.  She looked around wildly and than
her eyes focused on the closed door of a room down the hall.  
        She looked at Miss Alice, "Miss Alice," she said.  "How is he?  I have to see
him, I have to know..."  Miss Alice began to protest but she caught a look in
Christy's panic-stricken eyes that stopped her in mid-sentence.  Feeling as
though she were looking straight into the depths of Christy's soul, Miss Alice
looked at Christy keenly for a moment before motioning for her to sit in a
chair inside of Christy's room.  
     Closing the door Miss Alice began, "I am sure that David has told thee
that the operation was a...", she struggled for words, "it was a success...no
signs of any further infection or fever..."  Miss Alice cleared her throat,
avoiding Christy's eyes.
        "Miss Alice, what is it?", implored Christy.
        "Neil woke up two days ago Christy.  William...that is, Dr. Paget was with
him and called me into the room.  We told Neil what had happened...", Miss
Alice paused to take a shaky breath.  "Christy, Neil looked William straight
in the eye and asked him why he had even bothered to operate...that he wished
he were dead, that Dr.Paget should have let him die." 
     Miss Alice covered her eyes with her hands and began to weep openly but
she continued, "Neil hasn't spoken a word since, hasn't eaten, we managed to
force a bit of water down his throat, but nothing more.", Miss Alice, by now
near hysterics stopped to catch her breath.  
     Regaining her composure she said calmly, "Christy, that man is stubborn,
always has been...but this is different, so very different," she said, raising
folded hands to her lips, "Neil just lays in his bed and looks right through
us, as though we aren't even there."
        Christy sat in shocked silence.  Over the past few days her mind had remained
so focused solely on the question of Neil's life or death.  She had been so
happy to simply find out that he was still alive that her mind hadn't fully
grasped what that life, what living, might be like for him now.  All that Neil
had ever known was medicine and helping people, and after Margaret's "death",
being a doctor was the most important thing in his life, it was who he was,
Christy realized, it *was* his life.  All of these thoughts flashed through
Christy's mind in an instant, she longed to see him and she dreaded it, would
Neil MacNeill be the same arrogant, confident friend that she had once known?
        "Miss Alice", repeated Christy softly, "Miss Alice I have to see him, I have
to know."
        Miss Alice took Christy's hand and led her down the hallway to the closed
door of what had become known as "Neil's Room".  Tapping lightly on the door
Christy heard some movement and was greeted by a weary Dr.Paget a few seconds
later.  Shaking Christy's hand and motioning to Neil he whispered, "He's
sleeping."  Miss Alice murmured that Dr.Paget should get some rest and ushered
him out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
        Christy stood alone in a small, bare, rectangular room.  She knew exactly
what was in this room, had spent countless sleepless hours keeping vigil by
the large wooden bed, memorizing the patterns of Fairlight's quilt, she knew
the exact placement of the furniture, knew how the morning sun crowned Neil's
brow in a gleaming stream of sunlight...yet she looked slowly across the bare
room, taking in every detail, but avoiding that which she had waited so many
days to see.  She noticed a well stoked brick fireplace, a small table, a vase
of freshly picked flowers, two chairs, a nightstand...her eyes moved across
the floor to a corner of Fairlight's quilt that had fallen to the floor.
Bracing herself calmly Christy closed her eyes and looked at the large wooden
bed.
        It had been less than two weeks since Christy had seen Neil, and he lay just
as Christy had seen him last, still and silent, with his eyes closed.  She
took a step closer, Neil's head lay nestled in a mass of newly grown curly
brown hair.  Pink new skin stretched across a gaunt and heavily scarred face
that sported at least a days growth of beard.  His eyes were closed but the
muscles of his face twitched with spasms and his agony filled moans were
heart-wrenching to listen to.  Christy saw the bare emptiness on his left
side, accented by the patchwork quilt, she brushed away a few stray curls from
his forehead and took his one remaining hand in hers.  It felt so warm, not
plagued by fever, but blessed by the warm vibrancy of life.  Christy felt
something wet on her cheeks and realized she was crying, not tears of pity or
sadness but tears of compassion and happiness.  
     Suddenly the large hand seemed to come alive in her own, firmly gripping
her own small hand.  She looked down at their two hands than looked up and
found herself staring into Neil's wide blue eyes. Looking directly into her
own eyes  Christy knew that despite his impaired vision, he recognized her.
        "Neil?", she breathed, grasping his hand with both of hers.  He took her bare
left hand and brought it closer to his face, Christy thought she saw a glimmer
of confusion...and than something else flash across his face and through his
damaged eyes, something tender, something she didn't recognize.
     He released her hand and reached out to touch her cheek.  Inhaling
sharply at his soft touch Christy felt as though she would never breath again.
Suddenly he pulled his hand back and Christy could see the glistening wetness
of her tears staining his finger-tips.  Bringing his hand close to his eyes he
looked at it for a minute and than dropped it to his side with a thump and
said in a bitter voice that cracked from the strain of speaking after days of
silence, "I don't want your *pity* Miss Huddleston."  Rolling over and
grimacing with pain he groaned involuntarily.  Christy reached out to him, but
he held up his hand as a shield and Christy stopped in mid-motion.   
        "Neil!", she pleaded.  But his eyes were closed.  Christy slowly got up and
walked across the room, looking back she saw Neil's eyes open and gaze at her
with infinite sadness.  Christy started to say something, but he covered his
face with his hand, and Christy left the room.
        Miss Alice met her in the hall-way, but Christy stumbled past her and fell
into her bed.  Drifting off to sleep Christy felt Miss Alice remove her shoes
and gently lay a quilt over her, and than there was nothing but the floating
half-remembered images of dreams and nightmares that prevented her sleep from
being anything but restful.

**********************************************************************

summary: Neil meets his son. 
This chapter was really hard to write for some reason, so any and all comments
are most welcome.

"The Secret" Chapter 18
        Christy woke up twelve hours later, feeling as though she hadn't slept at
all.  Changing her clothes she walked down the mission hallway where Miss
Alice greeted her with a smiling face and a large platter of food.   
     Pushing the food around on her plate, a concerned Miss Alice finally
said, "Thee must eat Christy."  Christy knew Miss Alice was right, but she
still couldn't manage more than a few mouthfuls.
        "Where is Mac?" she asked, trying to change the subject.
        Miss Alice laughed, "Ruby Mae has taken him on a visit around the Cove.  I
think it likely that he will find his voice soon enough, if only to hear
something other than Ruby Mae's chattering!"  
        "Have you told Neil about Mac...or Margaret?", asked Christy.
        "No, not yet...I had hoped, when he was better...", Miss Alice's voice
tremoured.
        "Has he eaten anything?", asked Christy.  
        Miss Alice shook her head, "Dan Scott is with him now....we try not to leave
him alone."
        "I believe I will relieve him than.", said Christy, and before Miss Alice
could protest she was down the hall and softly tapping at the door.  When Dan
Scott didn't open it immediately, she pushed the door open to find Dan slumped
over and asleep in his chair, and Neil asleep as well.
        Reluctant to awaken the obviously weary Dan Scott Christy turned to go but
suddenly felt something brush past her skirt.  Looking down in surprise she
saw Mac walk past her and over to the large bed.  Christy held her breath as
the boy reached up and placed his small hand on Neil's arm.  Christy walked to
his side and taking him by the hand led him out into the hallway, shutting the
door behind her.
        "That was the Doctor...you remember, the one I told you about.  He's very
sick right now."  Mac nodded solemnly.
        "Why don't we go find some cookies Mac?", asked Christy, trying to sound
cheerful.  Mac sat down at the table while Christy left the room to search
through the kitchen larder.  She returned a few minutes later bearing a large
plate covered with cookies.  
        "Is he really my father?", asked Mac suddenly. 
         Dropping the platter of cookies with a loud crash, Christy stared at the boy
in surprised disbelief. "What?", she stammered.
        "That man.  That man who's sick...is he really my father?", he asked again in
a  small voice that didn't disguise his long drawn out southern drawl. 
        "Yes...he is. But how did you..."
        Mac interrupted her, "I heard you tell the preacher, in the wagon.  Reckon
y'all thought I was sleepin'."  
        "The Lord works in mysterious ways.", said a voice.  Looking up Christy saw
Miss Alice, drawn by the noise standing in the corner.  Reaching out for Mac's
hand she said firmly, "It's time thee met thy papa properly."  Leading the boy
down the hall, Christy began picking up the glass and cookies.
        "Miss Huddleston.", called Miss Alice.  Christy looked up.
        "Thee is my family too. Please...", she said, reaching out for Christy's
hand.
        Gently opening the door Dan Scott, awake now, rose to his feet. Neil was also
awake, but he barely acknowledged their entrance.
        "Dan, would thee be so kind as to fetch a bowl of soup from the kitchen?",
asked Miss Alice.
        "Certainly.", said Dan Scott.
        "Neil.", said Miss Alice loudly, but Neil didn't even look at her.
        "Neil, there is no easy way to tell thee this." she said, pulling up a chair
to his bed-side, "While thee was ill Miss Huddleston and I went to
Atlanta...to see Margaret."  Neil started and looked at Miss Alice in
surprise.
        "Neil", continued Miss Alice and glancing quickly at Christy and Mac, she
lowered her voice even more, "Margaret,", she said, tears filling her eyes,
"Neil Margaret is dead...she died in a hospital in Atlanta, Dr.Paget attended
her."  Neil, still silent, looked away numbly.  
        "There's more Neil.", she said, clasping his hand in hers.  "Margaret left a
son...your son.", motioning for Mac, she held the small boys hand, "Meet your
son, Mac.", said Miss Alice simply.
        Neil's jaw dropped, as did his emotional barrier, a myriad of emotions
flooded across his face, astonishment, confusion, anger, bewilderment...and
than nothing, the barrier replaced just as quickly as it had been pierced.
        Dan Scott walked in with a large bowl of steaming soup, breaking up the
silent awkwardness that had quickly descended upon the room.
        "Miss Huddleston, would thee be so kind as to take Mac outside.", said Miss
Alice, relieving Dan Scott of the soup.  The door closed behind them and Miss
Alice and Neil were left alone in the room.
        "Neil, we will never fully understand why Margaret ran away so many years
ago.  It's in the past now and we must, each of us, make our peace with it.
But Margaret is dead now, and your son, Mac, is very much alive.  He's lost a
mother Neil...he *needs* his father.  Can't thee see that?  Neil, I know thee
has forsaken religion, but thee is not useless, thee is not alone.   Can't
thee see that this is all part of a plan...*God's* plan, if you can't be a
doctor, you can be a father", she said, momentarily forgetting the thee's and
thou's of her Quaker upbringing as she pleaded with Neil.
        "God's plan," scoffed Neil.  "What God, what plan? Do you know how that fire
started Alice?  It was me, me!", he said, ripping his hand out of hers. "I
drank a whole jug of moonshine, fell asleep, and must have knocked over a
candle.  It wasn't God's plan, it was me, my anger, and my stupidity.  You say
it's Gods plan, well than I blame your God, he took away everything that I
know how to be and I don't want any part of him.  Your God is pain and
suffering.  Your God is vengeance, I drove Margaret away all those years ago
and he exacted his revenge by keeping my son hidden from me." Neil's voice was
on the verge of breaking but he continued, "I wasn't a fit husband Alice, how
can I be a fit father?", 
        Miss Alice looked at Neil and said gently, "Neil, we are all human.  We all
make mistakes.  God knew this, that's why he sent *his son* to die on the
cross for our sins.  Who but a loving and caring God would make such a
sacrifice?", answered Miss Alice simply.  Neil looked up at her, the pain and
sorrow blaring from his crippled blue eyes overpowering his ability to speak.
        "Forgive thyself Neil, let God forgive thee.  Mac needs you, Christy needs
you," Neil looked sharply at her knowing smile, "And I need you Neil.", she
finished softly.  
        Miss Alice exited the room fifteen minutes later with an empty soup bowl and
a wide smile on her Quaker face. "Miss Huddleston, boil some water, Neil has
requested a shave!", she said, the worry and stress of the past few weeks
pouring out of her in great rumbling laughter.
        Christy looked at Miss Alice in astonishment and than began laughing as well.
"Thank God.", she said.  
        "Thank him indeed Miss Huddleston.", said Miss Alice, as their laughter
mingled and rolled across the Cove.  "Thank him indeed!"

**********************************************************************
summary: walking and talking...sorry I’ve been so late in posting this 
recent chapter, but I’m back at school now and have been extremely busy 
settling in and trying to reorder my life, thanks for your patience:)

“The Secret” Chapter 19
        Days passed by and although Neil remained bed-ridden, limited to only a 
few visitors, his health continued to improve.  Dr.Paget greeted the 
mission table with a broad smile one morning, 
        “Well my friends, my work here is done, all danger of infection has 
passed.  I will stay on a bit, if that’s all right with you good folks,” 
he said, cocking an eye towards Miss Alice and David, “To monitor his 
progress, but the best medicine I can prescribe is plenty of fresh air 
and exercise, in moderation of course, we don’t want any relapses.”  He 
looked at the assembled breakfast crowd for a moment before going on, 
“This will be a difficult time for him.  His vision is still poor and 
he’ll have to learn that there are limitations to what he can do.  I 
know Neil MacNeill, and he likes to do things as he sees fit, but be 
firm.  Don’t let him wander about outside by himself and don’t let him 
get too tired...He’ll need all of your help, perhaps now more than 
ever.”  
        Christy nodded solemnly, as if his words of caution were directed 
solely at her.
        “Well,” said Dr.Paget, clasping his hands behind his back, “There’s no 
time like the present.  Neil should be done with his breakfast by 
now...Miss Alice, David why don’t you come with me...we don’t want him 
to feel overwhelmed...or ashamed,” he said clearing his voice, “Neil 
might be a bit reluctant at first.”  Christy began to protest, but a 
look from Miss Alice silenced her.  She knew that Dr.Paget was right, 
Neil’s whole life had revolved around helping people and it would take 
him a while before he became accustomed to depending on others for help.
        “Neil,” called Dr. Paget, swinging open the large door.  “It’s time for 
you to get up and out of this bed my friend.  The fresh air alone will 
do you a world of good.”, he said cheerfully.  
        Neil blinked in surprise.  “Well now, I don’t....”  But having 
anticipated his reluctance, David and Dr.Paget flanked Neil, each taking 
ahold of one of his skinny arms, supporting his weight on their own 
shoulders and before Neil could even finish his sentence lifting him up 
to a standing position.  Miss Alice marveled with horror at the ease 
with which David and Dr.Paget were able to support Neil’s body weight, 
what had been muscular bulk honed by years of traveling between mountain 
communities, was now loose skin and bones.
        “Come Neil, out to the porch, God has graced us with a beautiful day.”, 
said Miss Alice encouragingly.
        “But my eyes, er, that is...”, protested Neil.
        “We won’t leave you alone my boy.”, whispered Dr.Paget.
        Haltingly Neil walked down the hall-way, limping slightly, his eyes 
looking wildly around the room, searching for something, or someone to 
focus on.  Christy stood in the corner wringing her hands with concern, 
but when Neil’s eyes rested on hers she became calm, her breath caught 
in her throat and time seemed to slow down.  Christy knew his eyes were 
still badly injured, and that he couldn’t possibly see her, but his gaze 
was so intense, so terror-stricken, that she knew, she knew that somehow 
he could see her.       Their eyes remained locked as he slowly made his way 
towards the mission door.  Christy could feel him drawing strength from 
her, could feel the strength leaving her, could see Neil’s terror 
receded and his confidence grow with every step he took and she was 
filled with joy.  The sudden disengagement of their locked eyes wracked 
Christy with a searing physical pain, echoed by Neil a second later as 
he stumbled to the floor.  Christy leapt across the room to help support 
his weight, but Neil’s eyes, now filled with anger, halted her in 
mid-step.  
        Glaring at her Neil struggled to break free from David and Dr.Paget’s 
grasp,  “I’m fine.  I can manage on my own.  Let me go I’m fine.”, he 
repeated angrily, but David and Dr.Paget held firm.  Mac pushed between 
the two men and took his father's hand in his.  Neil looked down on his 
small son in surprise and stopped struggling.  Reluctantly he allowed 
himself to be helped out to the porch where
Miss Alice helped him into a chair, and covered him snugly with a quilt.
        With each day that passed, Neil became stronger and stronger.  Christy 
tried to talk to him, but her mere presence, seemed to cause a 
noticeable change in Neil’s mood.  Christy would hear his laughter 
somewhere in the mission, and rush towards its source, anxious to hear 
his deep rumbling laughter, to see his head thrown back and his face 
lined with the happiness of the old Neil, the Neil she knew; but as soon 
as she entered the room, no matter how quiet or how softly she tread, 
Neil sensed her presence and his laughter immediately stopped.  His face 
became a blank mask marred only by brief flashes of anger whenever 
Christy spoke.  Christy tried to talk to him, but he avoided her like 
the plague. Christy couldn’t understand why, but she sensed she was 
hurting him somehow, so she took to following his example, avoiding him 
or watching him from a great distance.  She was still drawn by his 
laughter, drawn by his deep Scottish brogue, but she couldn’t bear to be 
the source of any more pain for him so she no longer entered the room, 
satisfied instead with standing silently in the hallway with her eyes 
closed, listening to his strong calming voice that had not been altered 
by the accident, and pretending that she was standing by a moonlit river 
with him, or being comforted by him on the night covered porch of the 
mission.  
        Christy resumed her teaching duties, but it was obvious that neither 
her mind nor her heart were on the children.  She would stop in 
mid-sentence and stare into space for several minutes, jarred back into 
reality by one of the children’s concerned voices.  At the end of the 
day she was so exhausted it took all of her strength to walk back to the 
mission house.  Christy knew she couldn’t go on like this, knew she 
couldn’t continue walking like a shadow in Neil’s wake and constantly 
causing him pain, but she didn’t know what to do.  Finally her answer 
arrived in a letter bearing the return address of Dr. Ferrand.  Christy 
opened the letter with shaking fingers and read with a mixture of dread 
and relief of Dr.Ferrand’s request to meet with her in Asheville to 
discuss her re-assignment as a teacher.
        Numbly Christy began packing, resolving to leave as soon as she found 
Miss Alice.  Searching for Miss Alice she encountered Neil sitting on 
the porch.
        “Do you know where Miss Alice is?”, she asked him, walking to the edge 
of the porch and looking into the distance.
        He looked at her without speaking for a moment, “Alice, Dan and William 
were called away to Low Gap, medical emergency of some sort.”, he said 
vaguely, slowly standing up.
        Christy could see David’s tall lanky form outlined in the school house 
doorway and could hear fragments of the children’s voices reciting 
passages from the Bible.  Christy looked intensely at the school house, 
at David and the children, and than she looked intensely at Neil’s 
retreating back, eagerly memorizing the details of what she had once 
taken for granted and, in a day or more, might leave behind her forever.
        “Neil?”, asked Christy warily.  He stopped, but than resumed his still 
halting walk into the mission house.  Christy rushed across the porch, 
and grabbed his arm, Neil winced and she immediately withdrew her hand.  
        “Neil.”, she pleaded.  “Neil MacNeill, talk to me!  Tell me what I’ve 
done!  Do you hear me?” she said in a ragged voice, but he kept his back 
to her.
        “Neil, I don’t know what I’ve done, what I’ve said...how I’ve hurt you.  
Whatever it is, whatever it is I’ve done, tell me!  Yell at me, but tell 
me, let me help you...please...”, Christy grasped the porch railing 
weakly.  “Neil, I care about you, please...I...I...love you.”, she said 
in the lowest of whispers.  An almost imperceptible shudder coursed the 
length of Neil’s body, but he resumed his slow halting walk into the 
mission.
        With a shuddering sigh, Christy fell wearily into a chair.  She was no 
longer a fit teacher, and the children had managed without her during 
Neil’s sickness, it seemed to Christy that no one in Cutter Gap needed 
her now, that there was nothing left for her here and she resolved to 
delay her departure only until Miss Alice returned.

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summary: Neil and Dr.Paget have a talk.


“The Secret” Chapter 20
        Miss Alice, Dan Scott and Dr. Paget arrived home late the next day.  
        “We didn’t mean to be away so long,” said Dan Scott.
        “There was feuding in Low Gap”, continued Miss Alice.
        “Several gunshot wounds.”, finished Dr.Paget.  Christy couldn’t help 
but notice a brief flash of interest streak across Neil’s face, but when 
he noticed Christy watching him his brow furrowed in anger and, 
struggling to his feet he limped out of the room.  Dr.Paget watched 
their brief exchange thoughtfully.
        “Thank you Miss Huddleston.”, he said, accepting a chair and plate of 
warm food.  After serving the trio welcome plates of food, Christy 
shooed them off to bed.
        Neil and Dr.Paget were walking late the next afternoon, as had become 
their habit; Neil found that he could talk objectively with Dr.Paget 
about his injuries and  distance himself from his emotions by lapsing 
into a medical prognosis for his future.
        “How did the accident happen Neil?”, asked Dr.Paget suddenly.
        Neil stopped abruptly.
        “We’ve discussed your injuries from every angle Neil.  We’ve laid out 
the possibilities for your future.  Your eyes are improving everyday, 
and when your spectacles arrive you’ll be able to see a great deal 
better.  I am soundly convinced that your career as a medial do