DISCLAIMER: Catherine Marshall's beautiful story of Christy is owned by the LeSourd family. I am in no way seeking profit or credit for her story. I am continuing the story of Christy for my own amusement only. Any additions in story line and characters were invented by the writer. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: Reflections Author: Vicky Part one I looked into the eyes of the man standing in front of me and tears began to trickle down my face. He held my hand so tight. I looked down at the beautiful engagement ring in the blue velvet box. I had to make my decision- this moment would define my future. Behind me was a man on a horse. A man that until that moment I viewed as a close friend. Someone with whom I enjoyed spending my time. A man that made me so angry that my blood boiled. A man to whom I shared my most intimate thoughts. A man that loved these mountain people as much as I did. He had made a sacrifice like me to practice medicine in Cutter Gap. I had closed my eyes as the tears were falling. I opened them to stare up into the eyes of the man before me. When our eyes finally met, he knew that I would not be his wife. He knew my heart did not belong to him. My heart belonged to someone else. He knew that there was no choice to make because my heart had made the choice months ago. I just now was realizing it. Without my knowledge. I had fallen in love with the man on the horse. It was a simple fact. A fact that was going to bring pain into my heart because he was married. My love for him had grown, not for a married man, but for a man who had lost his wife to a drowning(or so we thought). Her deception had hurt him and Miss Alice and now her deception was directly hurting me in my heart. Her deception was going to bring me pain like I had never known. I said a silent prayer to God to give me the strength to do that which was right. I pulled my hand from David's. I looked into his deep brown eyes and said urgently, "I am so sorry! You have no idea how sorry!" I turned to the man that was on the horse. He dismounted and began walking towards David and I. He searched my eyes for answers for...I was not sure what he was searching for. He stopped in front of David and I and he spoke gently to me. "You and I must talk. There are some things I need to say to you." I walked away from David with this man without looking back. I knew what was behind me and would deal with it later. My attention was on this man. Neil and I walked until we came to the meadow where we had been only hours before. We sat down side by side in front of a small pond. We both were staring straight ahead. Neither of us knew what to say or where to begin. Finally, Neil began to speak staring out into the distance. His voice was soft and tender, "Margaret has gone. I told her that there was nothing here for her now. However, I would continue to help her financially but could not give her..." He was choking on his words but swallowed hard and continued "...what she truly wants-my heart. She had forsaken that with her deception and lies and destroyed our marriage. I told her it was over!" He took a deep breath and brought his hand to my chin and turned me to face him. "Christy, I have forgiven her but I can not be the husband she wants." He dropped his hand from my chin and continued to look deeply into my eyes for a response to what he what he was saying. I sat beside him looking into his eyes. I took his hand as the tears streamed down my cheeks. I knew at that moment Neil would honor his marriage vows. He would not break his commitment to Margaret. This was a characteristic that I loved about him. It was the one thing that would keep us apart and bring much pain to our lives. We would have to learn to cope. I finally spoke through my tears, "You must do what is right, Neil. So must I. You may not want to admit it but a part of you loves Margaret because she is your wife." My heart was breaking. I ached so inside. His honor and my faith would not allow "us" to be. Even without words, we each knew how the other felt. We knew we must go on with our lives. We each had a purpose. There were two facts that were true to this point. One point was that Neil was not a Believer and I could not be with someone who did not share in my faith. Another point was that Neil was a married man. These were barriers that could not be broken down. They had eternal value. We sat there in the meadow for a long time not saying or doing anything. We stared into the distance. We were sharing a moment that would be treasured for a long time to come in both of our lives. We each knew that things were going to change in our lives. We both had responsibilities in our lives. Neil to the sick and mine to God and service to Him. I felt peace in my life at that moment knowing that I had submitted to God's plan for my life. I had given up the man I loved. I was going to move on in my life without him because my love for God was more important to me. This was a source of pain and joy at the same time. I was being comforted for my faithfulness. Comfort and peace is what I felt at that moment. Walking out of the meadow that day was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life but little did I know at the time that my greatest sacrifice would become my greatest source of love in this world. That experience brought me much pain and sorrow in the months and years ahead. But now looking back, I see the hand of God in each situation. He was working his wonderful will in our lives. The months brought some relief of pain and sorrow but there was still a longing in my heart and soul for Neil. But I knew I was going to survive. Each day I grew in the Lord and relied on him more. I would need strength in the next couple of years to come. I lost a student that next fall to Typhoid fever. Mountie O'Teale died. That was not the only one in my life to pass on into the next life. Two months after Mountie's death, Margaret died. However, I had a chance to become her friend in the Lord. Margaret found peace with God and became a Believer. She made peace with her husband and her mother, Miss Alice. She died in her mother's arms on a Sunday morning. She smiled as life began to leave her. I had never seen anyone die like she did that Sunday. She died with such peace on her face. She died with love in her heart. It was just a few weeks after Margaret's death, that Neil showed up in church. He sat at the back and asked to speak with David after the service. It seems so long ago. It was at that time, that I know now that Neil finally became a Believer. He knew our source of strength and peace. He found his own way to God. It was a long road but God brought him there. It was in His time and now in ours. I sit now two years after that day in a cabin where I spent an afternoon with a doctor that I did not even think that I liked very much. David had gone to Lofty Branch and I was soaked because Theo decided to take a dip in the river. Little did I know on that day that this cabin would become my home. That man is now my husband. God's grace and mercy brought us together. His timing and not ours brought us together. God's love is so evident now looking back in our situation. It is just hard to see when you are in the hard time. I sit now in a rocking chair holding mine and Neil's three month old son, William Neil MacNeill. He has reddish-blonde hair like his father and my blue eyes. He is so beautiful when he sleeps. My eyes creep over to the wooden cradle that has been in the MacNeill family for generations. There sleeping in the cradle is a little girl. Her name is Elizabeth Alice MacNeill. The twins are a source of joy in our life. Neil's and my life has become so special. We have so much to be thankful for in this life. We have a love sealed in heaven and two children that are an expression of God's Blessing and God's Love in our life. I would not change a thing over these past five years. It all led up to this moment and this second. God does know best. I have received from Cutter Gap what I had wanted all along - A source of peace that God gives from these beautiful mountains. Part two I can not believe that Christy turned down my proposal. I knew it as soon as I REALLY looked into her eyes. It was over. I, David Grantland, had lost her. It was over before it had ever really started. I do not know why I even bothered. I had always felt Christy had strong feelings for MacNeill but they were not confirmed for me until the other day at Dan Scott's cabin. Christy rode up on a horse seated behind MacNeill. I knew they had been together. They had come to help with Dan's burned cabin. I remember telling her she had to choose between us. She said just because she was friendly with MacNeill that it did not mean anything. She was just fooling herself. I knew when I kissed her that she had been living in a dreamland. MacNeill's and Christy's attraction for each other had been obvious for months to everyone but themselves. They each stayed in denial for different reasons. I had hoped that since Neil was not a Believer that Christy would not give in to her feelings. I had been wrong. She could not deny something so strong. She did not act upon them but I knew we would never be anything more than just "friends". I do not hold any grudges toward Christy or MacNeill. They are only victims of circumstance and bad timing. In the end, they each did do what was best! Or better yet what was right and in the long run, God honored their faithfulness. MacNeill became a Christian because of Christy's strong witness of faith. I am thankful to have been the one to lead MacNeill to Christ. It brought closure to that part of my life to some degree. Christy brought happiness to my life when I really needed it. When Ida left, I felt so alone. I had not been apart from my family for that long period of time. It was hard. Christy helped fill that void during that time of my life. I am thankful for her friendship. She has taught me so much over the past couple of years about faith and sacrifice. She gave ALL that she had up for the Lord-even her love for Neil MacNeill. She was NOT going to compromise her beliefs for love! One could not overlook that testimony of grace in her life. I have watched Christy blossom into such a strong Christian woman especially during those long months she longed to be with MacNeill. She managed to rely totally on God. I still struggle in that area. She inspired me to rely more on him each day. I just lose my focus too easily but I am getting better. My heart is so full on this day. I am leaving Cutter Gap, TN. I can not believe it. I am going back home to Boston. I have accepted an appointment to a medium size church in Boston. My work here is done! Things did not turn out at all like I thought they would. First of all, I came to minister to the people of Cutter Gap but instead they ministered to me. I came expecting to teach these mountain people about faith and they taught me more about faith in a few years than I could have learned in one whole lifetime had I not came to Cutter Gap. I leave Cutter Gap with so much more than I arrived with several years ago. My time here will never be forgotten. I will never forget the children (not even Creed Allen). How could I ever forget Ruby Mae? That would be impossible. She is all grown now and married to Rob Allen. She is torturing him now with her cooking. (I am afraid she will never learn how to cook). Ruby Mae has blossomed in her friendship with Christy. They are like sisters. Miss Alice Henderson has influenced my life in ways that I could never express with words. I have never shared such a strong bond with a woman except my own Mother. Alice has taught me to see the goodness of God in ALL things. "Thee has been a light in my life!" That is what I said to her and she cried. I cried too. Lastly, there is Christy. Where do I begin? I will always love Christy. She is my first real love. I do not even think I could love anyone as much as I love her. Seeing her for the last time was difficult. I felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind. She is so happy with MacNeill and her babies. She has everything she deserves. She is reaping what she has sowed. She gave so much and continues to give so much to the children. Her influence on these mountain children will continue for years to come. Her love for her students is what made the difference here in Cutter Gap. God used her through her teaching. One thing Christy will never know is that deep down inside I wish I was the one she was spending the rest of her life. I wish I was her husband and the twins were my children. She is my true love! I hope that love will come my way like she has with MacNeill. I pray that very prayer quite often. Lastly, Christy's smile is etched in my memory and heart but even more than that- her LIFEPRINT is forever etched in my soul. Part three I sat there on the horse staring at Christy. She can not marry him. However, she can not marry me either because I am already married. That stabbed a pain straight from heart to my soul. A few months ago, I thought I was a widower. I began to let my feelings show for Christy, which is difficult for the likes of me. Christy and I were spending time together as "platonic" friends. I savored every minute. One day, Margaret, my wife, came back. She was alive and had faked her death. What deception and lies! But then, what was new because she had been that way through our whole marriage. I was no saint but I was faithful and I was always honest with her and to her. However, I have since forgiven her. I remember that day so clearly. Christy came by the cabin to check up on me. She just wanted to know that I was okay. I did not know what to do. I could not allow her into my laboratory. I just sat there in silence, hoping she would just go away. My wife was alive! However, I had fallen in love with another woman because I thought Margaret was dead. That woman was outside the door! Christy did not know the turmoil I felt inside. I wanted so badly to sweep Christy into my arms and declare my love to her but I knew that was improper for a "married" man. Christy and I still continued to spend a lot of time together. Each moment had been saved in my heart for safe keeping. There were many times I wanted to take Christy in my arms and confess my love to her. I came very close that night we sat outside the schoolhouse during the scarlet fever epidemic. Here we are now! She is looking deeply into David's eyes and saying she is sorry. Now she is turning towards me. It was at the very second that I knew how she felt. She loved me too! That made my heart leap with joy for one brief moment. Christy loved me!!!! However, that same joy was a great source of agony. We could not be together because once again, I reminded myself...I am a married man! I knew I need to explain to Christy regarding Margaret. Those few hours in the meadow broke my heart. I had never felt so alone when she walked away. I knew I lacked something in my life that she had in her life. How come she looked so peaceful after such an ordeal? I pondered this question for a long time before returning to my home. I worked myself all the time. I taught Dan Scott at every available minute and then went on calls. I kept busy because I needed to keep my mind of her. Things were going quite well(or at least I though they were) until Mountie 0'Teale became so ill. I could not help her because she was so sick. It was too late. In the next few days, Mountie lost the battle with the typhoid. Miss Alice and David thought it would be best if Christy heard the news from me. I rode over to the schoolhouse where she was working. I walked up the steps into the room. She looked up from her desk and smiled at me. My heart sank. I walked over to her and did not have to say a thing because she knew by the sad look in my eyes. I opened my arms and she came into them. She sobbed in my arms that day. Mountie was a jewel of Christy's teaching. Later on I would come to understand that in more spiritual terms. She was a very special person to Christy. I cried myself to sleep that night. There I was a grown man crying in bed. I had not done that since I was a young lad. I was feeling Christy's pain. However, Christy recovered very well over the next couple of weeks. She talked of her faith sustaining her. I began to think more about God and even began to read in my mother's Bible each night before going to bed. I was getting curious! Then it happened, Margaret returned to Cutter Gap very sick. She was on her deathbed. I did all I could to make her comfortable as a doctor and her husband. We talked about so many things during those last weeks. We even smiled and laughed. Christy was so wonderful to Margaret. They became friends. Margaret often asked to see Christy if Christy was teaching school. Of course, one of us would go get her. Christy gladly obliged. I guess in a way Christy was like a younger sister to Margaret. It seemed so strange-their relationship but there was something about the way they both looked. What was it? I know now that it was because Margaret had become a Believer. She had found her forgiveness in God. She also sought Alice's forgiveness and mine. This led to many conversations. One conversation will always be a vivid memory. Margaret gently took my hand and told me to promise her that I would find happiness. She told me that I needed to let Christy know how I felt and that we both deserved happiness. Margaret spoke so often of peace and forgiveness. Margaret knew what was written on my heart. She knew that I nor Christy would do anything that would go against our wedding vows. Margaret also knew that I loved her in my own way. She was my wife. We shared some years together but unfortunately we never shared our hearts. Our marriage was born of pure rebellion and we knew that now. I thought over Margaret's transformation so many times. She was such a different person. All this changed so much after she became a Believer. Her countenance changed almost instantly after she became a Believer. She had such a peace when she finally died. However, her death was a release for her. She could not go on any longer. She had worn out her old body and needed a new one. That is what David had said. I was not exactly sure what he meant but I know it had something to do with God. I waited several weeks before I finally walked into the church. All eyes were on me. David smiled at me! Christy looked at me with such tenderness! Alice gave me a knowing look. I knew that after the service I was going to speak to David about becoming a Believer. So much started to make sense now. Christy's peace, Margaret's peace, and Alice's strong faith. David gladly showed me how to become a Christian. We had a kinship now. I felt such joy after that moment. I knew that all my medical knowledge was nothing! I knew God held all the Wisdom and Truth. He held the grace and mercy that had endured over centuries. I now began to make sense of so many things in my life. Finally one Sunday, Christy invited me to dinner after church. Fairlight had been giving her cooking lessons and she had begun to prepare large meals. David and Alice told me that her cooking had become very good. Christy was proud of herself. That afternoon changed mine and Christy's life eternally. We both had received a special gift-salvation-but God was going to give us another gift. After dinner, Alice and David said they were going to clean up the dishes. I asked Christy if she would like to take a walk. She gladly accepted the offer. We both put our gloves and coats on and left the mission house. Light snow was falling. We would not return the same!!!! Christy and I walked to the meadow without saying anything. It was like we just knew what to do by instinct. Nothing had to be said. We stood there staring out at the mountain ranges together. Christy shivered. I put my arm around her and pulled her close. That was the first time that I had touched Christy in months. She snuggled closer under my arm. She was a perfect fit. It was at that exact moment that I felt prompted to do what I had needed to do for so long. We both need it. My heart began to overflow with emotion. I silently prayed for God to give me the right words. For over a year, I had lived with such pain and loneliness. Without hesitation, I looked down into those radiant blue eyes that were smiling up at me. I said, "Christy!" I said her name with such emotion that she began to cry. She looked to me and smiled in acknowledgment. My heart was racing and I felt like a schoolboy. I finally said it, "I love you!" It was then that her crying became sobs. I drew her close into my arms comforting the woman of my heart. She held on so tight. She finally looked up at me through her tears and said softly, "I love you too!" I could not contain myself no longer. It was natural for me to lean down and place my lips for the first time upon Christy's. I had kissed women before but it was never like this. I felt such...well, I do not know how to describe it to anyone. It was like coming home. Our souls touched that day. Christy is now my wife. We had a summer wedding in Cutter Gap. Everyone was so thrilled, especially Christy's parents. Our engagement was of no surprise. Of course I spoke to William before I officially asked Christy to marry me. They each knew what Christy and I had been through to get to this place in our lives. Now we have two beautiful children, William and Elizabeth, after less than two years of marriage. I never knew that marriage could be this way. I understand more about the love between Jeb and Fairlight Spencer. They have a special love for each other. They have what Zady calls "true love". Christy and I have that "true love". Our marriage is a Blessing. Christy and the children bring such joy to my life. I thank God everyday for what HE has given us. I know this never would have occurred if I had not allowed God to lead my heart. Christy is my best friend, my helpmate, and my lover. But most of all, Christy is my SOULMATE because she completes my soul. Part four I thought about Mother on the train to El Pano. Oh how I did miss her. I even missed her "thees and thous". I just could never bring myself to tell my Mother how much I missed her. I never knew why. I still do not know why. I always had trouble expressing my emotions to her. I find that ironic since so many people were able to share with her. It had been that way my whole life. Then I began to think about Neil. Mac as I had always called him. Neil, the Bonnie Prince of Cutter Gap. Thinking of him brought tears to my eyes. Once, I loved him more than I could fathom. However, it was a selfish love. I saw him as my way out of what appeared to be a dead end life. He swept me off my feet. Our physical attraction is really all that we had to base a relationship. That is one area that Mac and I never had trouble in within our marriage. I remember when I first me Neil. He was a perfect gentlemen. He was so shy in some areas. I guess all those years living in the Cove did not leave much time for courting and romance. It took him over a month to finally kiss me. I had never been treated with that kind of respect. Most men always wanted something from me. Neil was different. However, Neil did possess a quality that pleased me. Mac did not believe in God. I knew what that would do to Mother. She had always wanted me to have her faith but I did not want it. Mac was perfect in that respect. I remember about three months into a relationship Neil asked me to marry him. I made sure we did it right away. I knew Mother was not happy with Mac. She did not like his lack of faith. Neil did not like to live by other's rules but by his own. He did not like authority. I loved that. It was apparent only a few months into our marriage, that we had made a mistake. More my fault than Neil's, I guess. He had to be gone a lot. I hated that! I felt ignored. He tried to do things for me but it was never enough. I was always putting him down. I pushed him to anger quite often. We fought all the time. I even picked fights. It became a game to me. This caused Neil to no longer sleep in our bed. I can not remember the nights he spent on the floor in front of the fire downstairs. I would try to coax him back but it did not work anymore. Even the physical side of our relationship had fizzled out. There was nothing left for me here. That is when I decided to do what I did. Neil and I should just have never gotten married. However, Neil would have never ended the marriage in divorce. He was too honorable for that. I had even mentioned it one time and he became very angry and upset. He explained that marriage was forever and we were just going to have to make the best of it. MacNeill honor caused me to fake my own death. I was getting closer to El Pano. Things had begun to become familiar. My stomach began to churn. I knew this was going to be quite an ordeal for everyone. They all thought I was dead. Each person thought I had drowned in the river. I did not care. Faking my own death was the only way out of a miserable and lonely existence. Mother and I never got along and things with Mac had gotten out of hand. I could not take it anymore. As the train came into the station, I began to become nervous and scared. I had know idea how they were going to react-Mother, Mac, and the people of the Cove. I was NOT going to let it get to me. I was back and that is all that mattered. Mr. Harland had paid me handsomely for directions to Cutter Gap. He wanted to get information and interviews for some historical mountain book or something. All I know is that I had some money. I remember Mother's reaction to my return. She smothered me with hugs and love. She seemed so thankful. She did not even want to know why I did it. She was pleased to see me to my pleasure. I just could not bring myself to let her know the joy of seeing her again. I loved my Mother. She loved me! I just hated not having a father and I blame her for that. She never told me anything about him. She always said it did not matter. It did not to her but it did to me. I felt like a part of me was missing. She never tried to understand that. The look on Miss Huddleston's face that morning when I was sitting at the piano beside Mr. Harland was priceless. She had a look of astonishment and confusion. She looked so young to be a school teacher. She had kind eyes. That was the first thing I noticed about her. I also knew by instinct that she and mother had a very special relationship. That bothered me in my heart. I felt like I was being replaced. I became agitated when she asked if anyone had sent for my husband. That hurt! How much did she know? It was not any of her business and I let her know that. How dare she say such a thing. She was so young. I watched her with the children. Mother was right-she was fond of the children and they of her. She was a wonderful teacher and fit like a glove in Cutter Gap. That was obvious. I could not believe that she had given up the "good life" in Asheville to come live in Cutter Gap. I would never understand that. I guess it had something to do with her "faith" like mother. Actually, I liked Christy very much. She was giving and caring. She did her best to make me feel at home. She had a brightness about her. She wanted everyone to be happy-even me. I liked that about her. For some strange reason, I felt drawn to her. It was like we were sisters. However, she was a bit too nosy. The one thing I noticed after Neil finally did know about me was that Christy went to him. I saw her there. It was a few days later when I saw them talking that it became quite clear that there was more than friendship between Christy and Neil. They obviously cared a great deal for each other. The amusing thing was that they were clueless. I saw how Neil looked at her. I bet he kept his feelings in order about her though. He was like that. However, when he was around Christy there was a gentleness in his glance that I had never seen before in his eyes. Christy softened Neil. He had become much more softer and less serious. There was no doubt in my mind that she soothed his soul. I could sense it. That did bother me-I was his wife and I could have never touched him that way. My tuberculosis is bad. Mother thinks she is going to Asheville with me for treatments. I won't drag her into this. I went to Neil's cabin and found some money and took some of my clothes from the trunk. I was going back to Atlanta and would get treatment there in a clinic. There is just too much pain here for me! It hurt me to leave that way. It seemed the only way to spare everyone. There was nothing there for me. I cried on the train. I knew the mess I was leaving in Cutter Gap. I had destroyed mother's life, Neil's life, and now Christy's life. That hurt! However, I had to go on with my life. The months following in Atlanta were miserable. The treatments put me in remission and Neil sent money regularly to a post box. That was so like him. Always living up to his duty. I had gotten far into debt. I had gambling debt! I was giving a way out if I would dance. It was not too bad. Actually, it was fun after a few drinks. I finally paid off my debt but started all over again. Dancing became a way of life for me. I never really took all my clothes off and enjoyed the attention. There had been a few men in my life in those months but they were only after one thing. After the men got what they wanted, they left. I bet Neil was totally faithful to me. I laughed at that because I knew that he probably was in love with Miss Huddleston but would never go beyond friendship because of our wedding vows. Now the girls were going to El Pano to dance in a tea house. I kept telling myself that I could keep my distance and that I was going because I had to pay off my debts. I was lying to myself. I wanted to see my mother and Mac. I missed them in my own way. Going to El Pano turned out to be a BIG mistake. This time I hurt everyone all over again in a way that would never be forgiven. Mother no longer wanted me for her daughter. Neil did not want me anymore and made that clear. Poor Christy! Torn between the Preacher and her love for Neil(a married man). I could not figure her out. She was thinking about marrying the preacher when she obviously loved Neil. She was willing to let him go since I was back. She knew I was his wife. She even told me he was worth fighting for!!!! I could not understand this about her. I had never seen such a thing. She wanted me to have Neil. I thought maybe I could have him back. I did not like what I had done to Christy. I hope that she marries the preacher and finds happiness. She was always selfless towards me. I guess it was her love for my mother and her love for God. She obviously shared that part of my mother's life. I felt like the outsider but she did not feel that way about me. When I went to Mac's cabin that day, I knew who he was thinking of when I opened the door. It was Christy. It was then that I knew that I had a lot of work to do. When I saw her in the yard that day on the horse, I became scared. I was in Neil's arms when I saw her. I could not help but lie to him. My heart ached like never before. I was so desperate. That is why I told him that she was going to marry the preacher. I could see a look of despair on his face. I knew that I would not be welcome back into his home. It was over. Neil told me that our marriage was over. He said there was too much damage to our marriage vows. He told me that he would honor our marriage vows. I knew what he meant by that. We both did. He would remain my husband but he loved Christy. He did not have to tell me that. He had fallen in love with her when he thought I was dead. I felt sad for him. I had hurt him in a way that could never be forgotten. I had destroyed him! He ran to his horse that day and that was the last time I saw him. I left that day with no intention of ever returning. Too much pain and too many bad memories. However, I became very sick several months later. I could no longer take care of myself. I returned to Cutter Gap. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I had no other alternative. I returned to Cutter Gap. To much of my surprise, I was received with love and forgiveness. Neil and mother took remarkable care of me in those weeks. Surprisingly, Christy helped take care of me. We all talked and shared. I finally shared my mother's love for God. I became a Believer. I had such a peace in my life and heart like I had never known before. Neil and I had become friends. We shared a lot in those last weeks. I knew my time was coming to an end. I told Neil to be happy. I made him promise to be happy with Christy. I knew I had to release him. Their love was so obvious. I knew they had decided not to act upon their feelings. Mother had explained it all to me. I felt so bad for all the agony that Neil and Christy had endured. Mother told me that Christy had become a stronger Christian and that Neil was softening to the things of God. Christy and I became close friends. She spent a lot of time with me. She was always willing to be near me. I enjoyed spending time with her. She made me feel happy. She read to me and prayed with me. I even got her to sing with me. She was like a sister to me. I had grown to love her as mother. I wish I had met Christy years earlier. Our lives may have turned out different. However, I also knew that things were happening this way because this was how it was meant to be. It was hard to accept that at times but I had a peace about it. I prayed Neil would become a Believer too. I knew that Christy would never marry him without it. I could see the subtle changes in him. God was working in his heart. I wanted Neil and Christy to have everything that he and I never had in our marriage. I prayed for that. Our marriage was born of selfishness. I knew that now. Christy was several years younger than Neil and I but she had a spiritual maturity that made her seem years older. I know now it was because all that she had been through in the past months. I could have never been as strong as she had become. She was wonderful to me. I will never forget that. I am dying now. It's Sunday morning. I knew it was finally my time to go. It was time to depart this earth. I turned and smiled at my wonderful Quaker mother who took me into her arms. I began to feel the life drain from my body. I began to feel a peace like I had never known before. My spirit was being pulled into a place where I could finally call HOME! Part five I can not believe Neil. How can he have forgotten Margaret so easily? His feelings for Christy were quite evident to all the persons of Cutter Gap. He will not voice it to me though. I wondered if he even admitted it to himself. I recollect that day in the Mission House as we sat at the table drinking coffee, he had finish attending to Fairlight who had passed out on the back porch from lack of nourishment. After speaking a few brief moments about Fairlight, his next words were that he wanted to know if Christy was with the children, he needed an opportunity with her. It made me angry! He knew I was not pleased. He went onto the front porch to wait for Christy. I became even angrier when Christy finally left the children and the very first thing she did was inquire of Neil's whereabouts. The foolishness of the whole situation. I realized in the days to follow that I was not being fair to Neil or Christy. He had a right to go on with his life. However, it did bother me that Christy and Neil obviously had romantic feelings for each other. Even more than that, it bothered me that Neil did not know the Lord the way that Christy and I knew Him. He was not a Believer! That made me laugh to myself because that is what drew Margaret to Neil and eventually that would be what drew Christy away from Neil. When Margaret came back to Cutter Gap alive, I was so thankful to God. I did not care why she did it-faked her own death. I was so glad to have a second chance with my child. I had ignored her unhappiness when she was married to Neil and I know now that was wrong of me as a Mother. I knew now that I had a chance to make amends of my past behavior. All I could think about that night was Margaret was alive! Praise be to God! Nevertheless, it was going to be short-lived. Nothing had changed between Margaret and I. I searched for some light in Margaret and was unable to find it. She was still so selfish and distant. All she cared about was herself and her needs. She never once considered how coming back would affect so many lives.-Neil's, mine, and Christy's. Selfish Child!!! Margaret blamed me for her miserable life. I know I made mistakes with Margaret, but I was so young and inexperienced as a Mother. I indulged her every whim and always allowed her to have her own way. I never administered discipline or structure to her life. I was unable to find it in my heart to do so with Margaret because I felt so guilty. I felt guilty because she was conceived out of wedlock. Margaret called herself the "bastard child". She did it because she knew how much it bothered me. She always wanted to know about her father. As she got older, it became an obsession to inquire about her father. I found it difficult to finally let her know the details of her birth. I wished I had never told her. Her father was not someone with which she needed in her life. I could not tell her that he never wanted her. He did not care that I was with child. All he cared about was that he was to rob me of my innocence. Margaret so looked like him and acted like him. She was so much like him at times that it hurt my heart. It was a constant reminder of my mistake. Even after over 30 years, I still cry inside when I think about it. If it were not for God's never-ending mercy, I never could have learned to see the goodness of the Lord in the situation. Margaret's selfishness and rebellion did bring some light to my life. That light is Cutter Gap. I followed Margaret here after she married Neil. It had become a source of great joy and peace in my life. Each day brought wondrous contentment and peace to my life. Margaret left me again. She did not want me to go to Asheville with her for treatments. My heart yearned for my daughter. I needed to be with her but I would not go against her wishes. I prayed for her each day. Margaret brought such pain and hurt to my heart. She never allowed me to share my faith or my love with her. It was a few months before that I had realized what a light God had sent in Miss Christy Huddleston. She brought joy to my heart and life. I remember when I told her "thee will do". I meant not only for the children but also that she filled an emptiness in my life that Margaret had left behind. Christy loved the children and she loved living in Cutter Gap. She had grown to love the Cove as much as I. I knew that Miss Huddleston would spend many years in Cutter Gap ministering to the children. That is why I became disturbed with the talk of marrying David. I knew she would not be happy without the children and the Cove. It was at the time that I realized that Christy would have to come to terms with her feelings for David and Neil. Each was a different source of happiness in her life. She loved them both but each in different ways. Christy's friendship with Neil was prospering. They were spending a lot of time together. Much to David's dismay. He never liked it when Neil came by to invite Christy on a walk or to go fishing or to have lunch. I never doubted that it was all innocent. However, I knew their developing friendship was going to bring pain to both Christy and Neil. Neil was still married to Margaret. I knew Neil well enough that he would always honor his marriage vows to Margaret and that Christy would never become romantically involved with a married man. I do not think each realized how much time they were spending together. Before Margaret had returned from the dead, Neil and Christy had already fallen in love, even if they had not realized it. It was obvious that David and Christy's attempt at a relationship would never come to be because Christy was too drawn to Neil (unbeknownst to Christy). David knew it though. He tried desperately to win her heart but in the end he was going to lose. I felt sorry for David. When I saw Margaret that day in the teahouse in El Pano, my heart broke into pieces. I knew Margaret never shared my faith or my morals but she had given her self to such shameless immorality and sin. She was a married woman!!!! I had hoped she would have kept some sense of dignity in her life. I was so ashamed of her that day like I had never been in my life. When she came to me later in the schoolhouse, I realized that Margaret had become even more scornful and selfish. Of course, she blamed me. I was partly responsible but now the responsibility was Margaret's. I no longer would carry Margaret's burden of being the "bastard child". She was old enough to accept responsibility in her own life. When she told me that I owed her, I told her I no longer had a place for her in my heart or life. I was tired of looking for light in her. There was none to be found in her! Those words were the hardest and harshest words that I had ever spoken. I regret to this day that I even said them to Margaret. Nonetheless, all she had come to me for was money. She threw her treatments in my face! Margaret was going to have to live with her mess of a life. She no longer just affected my life but others. I had to consider Christy, Neil, and even myself. I let her leave which I felt was the right thing to do. Margaret had hurt so many people with her lies and deceit. I was the one left to endure the aftermath of her actions. She so needed the Lord in her life! I would spend the next months watching the affects of her sin. However, born out of her deceit, others would become stronger and strengthened in the Lord. Watching Christy give David back his ring and walk away with Neil was difficult. I knew they were headed to the meadow. They spent many afternoons talking and picnicking in that meadow. I prayed for them! I knew they would do what was right. Neil would do what was right because of his honor and Christy because of her faith. Christy had given Neil completely to God. At first she would not speak with me about her situation. Finally, I convinced her that it was okay to speak with me regarding her pain and agony. I understood it! I knew she was a victim of my daughter's untruths and fraud. She did have peace with God in her life. Her face showed it but there were times at night that I would walk upstairs and hear her tears. Those tears bore straight to my soul! Poor child! Those tears bore Christian strength and character in Miss Huddleston. It was obvious to anyone with eyes. She and Neil were still friends but there became a distance between them that you could see hurt their hearts and their souls. Poor Neil! If only he had Christy's faith! In those months, he worked himself all the time. If he was not teaching Daniel Scott, he was doctoring someone. He threw himself into his work. He was hurting! You could tell it in his eyes but he was bound to my daughter in marriage. I had grew to become proud of Neil and Christy. They were both determined to do what was right no matter what it cost them in pain and agony. Slowly I began to see Neil changing. It was because of our prayer and Christy's testimony. There was no denying her love for God. Neil knew Christy's motivations but did not completely understand them. One day he would have complete understanding. Margaret finally returned to Cutter Gap months after she had left after the teahouse incident. She had become very sick and could no longer take care of herself. It brought joy to my heart that she had come to us here in the Cove. We received her with love and forgiveness. Her turmoil became relieved when she finally became a Believer. She finally gave her heart and soul to the one that brought such light to this world. She have herself to the Lord. I was so thankful to God more than I had ever been in my life. She now understood my faith! I so loved to see Margaret and Christy together. They were such a testimony of God's love. How could Neil not see the grace of God in their relationship. I considered both Christy and Margaret my daughters. Christy filled an emptiness in my heart that Margaret would not allow me to share with her and now I was able to share my heart with both of them. Neil took care of Margaret. Each made their peace with their marriage and each other. They became friends in those last weeks. It would be those weeks that would contribute to Neil's profession of faith in the months ahead. Margaret told me she released Neil to go to Christy after her death. She told me she knew that was where Neil belonged. She was praying for Neil to become a Believer so that they could be together. My child who had bore such selfishness had become selfless. When Margaret finally passed away, it was in my arms. I felt such a release. She had begun to have pain. I knew she was ready to move on to a better place. I hurt for days after her death but found comfort and peace from her last minutes on this earth. When she was slipping away she had such a look of peace, that it brought tears to my eyes. She had finally found what she had been looking for in every place but in God. It was a few months after that when Neil became a Believer. I am so thankful that he went to David. It must have been a humbling experience for David as a Reverend and a man. Neil was the man that had stolen the heart of the woman that he loved. However, David was able to get past that to do what God had brought him into Neil's life to accomplish. David told me that he found closure after that day to his feelings for Christy. It was several weeks later that Neil contacted Christy's father to ask for her hand in marriage. William was more than happy to oblige. I had spoken to William and Julia on numerous occasions regarding Christy. They were proud of their daughter! That summer they became man and wife. God had rewarded their faithfulness! Neil and Christy have become a great source of joy in my life. When Christy became pregnant, Julia was unable to come to the Cove until later on into Christy's pregnancy. Julia asked me to look after her daughter. She let me know that she appreciated having me so close to her daughter, it gave her peace of mind. Christy's pregnancy was really uneventful until the last few months of her pregnancy. She had become so large in those last months. Neil doted on her every minute. It was so hard on Christy and the children when she had to give up teaching in the last months of her pregnancy. She could no longer keep up the pace that was required to teach so many children. I delivered the twins. Julia and I could not believe it. William came first and then Elizabeth. Christy and Neil were overjoyed. Christy thankfully had an easy labor. I was overjoyed when Christy told me that they were going to give their daughter my name. I had never felt so loved in my life. Each day continues to pass and I see the Goodness of the Lord in my life. I see so much of God's love in my life through Christy, Neil, and their children. God has allowed them to become my family. I like to think that Margaret is looking down and smiling on us. I know we have all been through so much in these past few years. Now I sit on the front porch of the Missonhouse observing the children's delight of the twins. Neil and Christy are letting each child hold the babies. I know that God's love and Grace has come FULL CIRCLE in Cutter Gap! The End!