Here are the words to the theme song to the skit, "The Road Not Taken". We played the song during the skit. Sing the theme to "The Sound of Music"! Regina ******* The Love of Christy The Cove is alive with the life of Christy With people we've watched for about 5 years The Cove fills my heart with the love of Christy My heart wants to live every show I see (show I see). My heart wants to ride on a horse with Neil MacNeill as he rides through the Cove (through the Cove) My heart wants to drop kick Margaret into the past where she'll leave us alone. To laugh with the children I love so dear--They have changed my heart (changed my heart) To sit with my friends, watch each show and dissect every part. I think of the Cove and I'm never lonely I know I will hear what I've heard before My heart will be blessed with the love of Christy And I'll watch once more. ************** CF SKIT '99 SCRIPT THE ROAD NOT TAKEN Introduction Hello and welcome to the first ever (and hopefully annual) ChristyFest Skit. When our little group of writers was charged with the task of creating a script, the obvious thought in all of our heads was that we must provide a conclusion to the final episode of the tv series. This is easier said than done, however. After racking our brains and reading a multitude of wonderful fanfic, we discovered that every conceivable path that branches from the Road Home had already been traveled..... except one. Ladies and gentlemen, ..... "The Road NOT Taken." PART ONE (by Lisa3) (Christy theme music in background ~ written and read by Susie in her Aussie accent) "The Great Smokies.... When CBS canceled Christy, everyone thought the story would never be resolved. Far away in Australia, I would have given up, if not for the internet. But then, I joined the Christy mailing list and found a group of intelligent women who had decided to continue the story for the pleasure of others. They came to ChristyFest to meet and to learn about the making of this great show. I cannot be with them this year, but my internet family reminds me every day that they will always be part of my life." Scene 1: In front of the schoolhouse [Christy is standing between an anxious preacher and a tormented doctor.] Voice Over Christy: The ring, nestled in its velvet box, was glittering, twinkling up at me mockingly. My mind was a riot of confusion. The scene I had just witnessed at the MacNeill cabin played over and over in my mind like a broken phonograph. My heart was being tugged in Neil's direction, yet my mind knew I should accept David's proposal. But how could I marry a man I didn't love the way a wife should love her husband? [A whisper of voices has Christy turning towards the school house, where her students are gathered on the steps.] VO Christy: The children! My stomach twisted up in knots as I wondered what the children must be thinking. Lord, please show me what to do! [Christy looks at David] I could feel David just a few feet away, breathing heavily as the seconds ticked by. [Christy looks at Neil] Then there was Neil. He was staunchly sitting upon his horse, wearing an expression that I could not fathom. Why had he left his wife's arms to come after me? Where was Margaret? I had been wrong to go there! What would it have accomplished if I had told Neil of my feelings for him? He was still a married man! [As the seconds tick by, Christy is finding it harder and harder to control her emotions. Tears begin clogging her throat and blurring her vision.] VO Christy: I have to get out of here! I can't give David an answer now....and Neil...? [voice breaks as speaking last two words] [Putting a hand up to her aching head, she keeps her back to the two men. She thrusts her hand back and miraculously the ring box is back in David's hands.] Christy: [over her shoulder, her voice breaking] David, I can't answer you now. I'm sorry, but I can't! [she wipes a tear from her cheek] The children...please dismiss them for the day. [And without looking at MacNeill, Christy runs towards the Spencer cabin with a hand covering her mouth, ignoring Neil's outcry] Neil: [Neil jumps down off his horse as Christy runs by him.] Christy! [He watches her disappear with confusion. Boldly walking up to the preacher, Neil confronts the man.] What in the blue blazes do you think you're doing, man! Can't you leave her alone for five minutes! Why must you pressure her like you do? Don't you think if she wanted to marry you, she'da said yes right off? [his voice lowers to normal tone] I'm not a praying man, but I pray that your God gives you a clear sign that Christy just isn't interested. [Neil's voice gradually raises, till he's shouting] She's just too good a person to hurt you the way you're hurting her. Now why don't you just leave her be! [Finished with his speech, he mounts his horse and rides towards his cabin.] David: [David's face is beet red as he turns to face the children, humiliated and scorned, yet again rejected by his love. His anger simmers as he struggles to keep his voice calm.] Children, seeing as Miss Christy is .... not feeling well .... to teach this afternoon's classes, you may all go home. Ruby Mae: [she boldly approaches the troubled minister.] Lordy, Preacher, Miz Christy was shorely upset! Did you see her face as she was a-run'n off like that? And jest why was Doc MacNeill here, anyways? Say, Preacher? Could I have a look at that thar ring? David: [David whirls towards the nosy teenager, attempting to control his rising anger.] Ruby Mae why don't you....why don't you go cook a possum! [Ruby Mae sulks as she walks towards the mission. The children slowly wander away, whispering to each other about the scene they have just witnessed.] "Doc shore was rip-snortin' mad, weren't he?" "Why was the preacher's face all red?" "I plumb don't know what all's a-goin' on!" "Reckon Miz Christy's a-goin' to marry the preacher?" "Naw, not if Doc can holp it." "Doc's got big muscles. Never noticed 'em afore" (one of the older girls would say this one!) "Did ye see that thar ring? Make a gal's arm right sore totin' hit around all day!" Scene 2: In the woods near the Spencer cabin [Christy is only half way to the Spencer's when she sees Fairlight up ahead, running towards her, a worried look on the older woman's her face. They meet up and Fairlight grasps Christy's hands.] Christy: Fairlight, what is it? What's wrong? FL: Oh, Christy! I jest had one of my visions! Christy: [The older woman was clearly shaken, Christy places a comforting arm around her shoulders.] Why don't you tell me about it? [giving a small smile] It might help to talk about it. FL: [she looked at the teacher, her eyes big and round with worry] I seen bad things, Christy, clear as I'm a-seein' you now. Things that ain't natural. [she looks around, making sure they are not being overheard, then whispers] I seen the preacher, 'an he was a-wearin' them ice pick shoes like a fancy gal-woman wears. Christy: [Christy almost laughs, but stops herself as she realizes her friend is not joking. She knows that FL's premonitions are usually based on the truth, but this?] Fairlight, are you sure it was David you saw? FL: Oh, yes, ma'am! [nodding her head] It was the preacher, all right! He was a-wearin' his Sunday best 'an his preaching collar. But that ain't all, Christy. I seen a possum, the most evil looking possum a body ever did see! And it had red stain on its lips, like them teahouse gals we saw. [a shudder went over the woman] It were awful! [she looks beseechingly at the teacher] What does it mean, Christy? Christy: [Christy thinks for a moment, not wanting to offend her friend.] Fairlight, I'm sure it's just your mind's way of dealing with all the sinful things you saw at the teahouse. And David was there, where he should not have been. He should be ministering to the Cove, not frequenting the teahouse. [Christy's face turned crimson as she recalled how scantily clad the flossy flirts had been dressed, especially Margaret!] As for the possum....well, maybe Ruby Mae has been cooking it a tad too much at the mission. Lately, just the smell of it makes me sick to my stomach! FL: [The two women grin at each other, but FL is not so sure Christy's explanations are right. Shaking her head] I don't know, Christy. You may be right, but I kin feel that somethin' is wrong. There's a-change a-comin' to the Cove. Soon. And it ain't good. FL: [Christy is thinking about the situation about Neil, Margaret and David. Fairlight reads her expression.] Ok, enough of my vision for now. Jest what did Neil say when ya told him about yur feelings? [Christy is silent, a sad expression on her face] Christy, what happened at Neil's? [Christy disolves into tears. FL hugs her friend.] Come on now, you jest come on back to the cabin. Jeb's away to El Pano sellin some honey. I'll scoot all the children away do'in chores. Then you an I kin sit up at my starry lookout and have one of them wimen to wimen talks. Christy: [Christy nods her head while mopping the tears away.] That sounds nice. Thank you, Fairlight. You know, our friendship has been twice as strong with the mending. [the two women walk arm and arm towards the Spender place.] PART TWO (by Charlotte) Scene 1: In front of the mission house [Ruby Mae heads off toward the mission house, dejected and sad.] Ruby Mae [muttering to herself]: I jus' don't understan' why folks don't tell me anythin'. I'm all growed up now, but folks still be treatin' me like a child. [Shrugs shoulders] Maybe I'll do like Miz Christy an' go wash my hair. [She shudders at the thought] Well, maybe not. [She continues walking and occasionally scuffing her feet in the ground. Pause. Suddenly she looks up, a broad smile across her face.] I know what I'll do! I've been wantin' ta cook somethin' fer Rob Allen, ta show him what a good cook I am. [She smiles and quickly takes off running to the mission.] Scene 2: The MacNeill cabin. [Ruby Mae appears at the MacNeill cabin, with a large basket and an even larger grin.] Ruby Mae [to herself and looking at the Possum Surprise]: I jes' don't know. Somethin' bout that possum jes' didn't smell right. Maybe I put too much persimmon. [shrugging shoulders] Oh well, I ken't let good possum go to waste. Besides, I bet Doc MacNeill and Miz Margaret ain't had a homecooked meal like this un' in a long time. I ken practice my new recipe on them and I'll give Rob Allen that other possum I cooked if'n Doc and Miz Margaret like this here one. [She pauses for a second to smooth her hair and skirt like Miss Alice does before answering the telephone and then pounds loudly (and very unladylike) on the cabin door. The door flies open and a very disgruntled Margaret answers.] Margaret in a very rude manner: What do you want? Ruby Mae isn't even phased and responds happily: I brung ya and Doc MacNeill some of my famous Possum Surprise. (emphasis on the last two words) Margaret doesn't look too pleased but Ruby Mae is obviously not going anywhere. Margaret yells toward the river: Mac, one of your mountain people is here with some dinner! [She's obviously forgotten who Ruby Mae is!] Soon Neil appears in the door with a rod in his hand: [Surprise] Ruby Mae, what on earth are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in school? Ruby Mae proudly: No, sir. Preacher let us out after Miz Christy ran off. I brung you and Miz Margaret some of my Possum Surprise. I hope ya like it! Neil smiles sadly at Ruby Mae: I'm sorry, Ruby Mae. I've got to leave on a medical emergency. Picks up his saddlebags, which he slings over his shoulder] I've got a hole boring at 5 and a train wreck at 6. Then I'm going to Low Gap for a few days. [Looking intently at Margaret and with disgust] Don't miss me. He turns to head out of the cabin followed by Ruby Mae's incessant protests: But Doc, ya gotta try my Possum Surprise. I made it special for you and Miz Margaret. Doc MacNeill… Margaret calls out to a retreating Neil in a sarcastic tone: Don't worry about me, Mac. I'm good at talking to the walls by now! He shakes his head in disgust and mutters under his breath: Eat possum and die. One victim, I mean, diner down, Ruby Mae turns her full attention to Margaret: Miz Margaret, ya gotta try my Possum Surprise. I made it extra special for ya. [She leans closer and whispers] I even put a secret ingredient in it, persimmons! Margaret smiles a fake smile: I'd love to try it, Ruby June. But, I'm allergic to possum. Ruby Mae ignores the incorrect name and chuckles: You ken't be `lergic ta possum. Why it's the best thing in the world. Granny Barclay says it'll cure near bout anything that's wrong wit' ya. [she starts to count out the illnesses on her fingers] The ague, the scruffula… Margaret holds up her hand to stop the medical lesson: That's enough, Ruby Tuesday. I'm sure that it's [in a fake hick accent] right good fer ya, [changing back to normal accent] but I'm not hungry right now. Ruby Mae insistent: Miz Margaret, why yure jes' skin 'n' bones! [Placing her hands on her hips] I'm not goin' till you eat all of that there possum! [Margaret realizes that it's the only way to get rid of the young girl so she sits down at the table, roughly tucks a napkin into her collar and dives into the Possum Surprise like Henry VIII after a week-long fast.] A few greasy minutes later, Margaret clutches her stomach: I don't think I feel so well. I need a drink [grabs a bottle of Stewart's Root Beer, then gets up and stumbles to the doorway where she promptly keels over. Foaming at the mouth she lies on the floor quietly for a second or two, thrashes uncontrollably, then quiet, then again a random thrash or two] [Ruby Mae stands nearby, clutching a hand over her mouth to stifle a scream. She looks at the woman lying on the floor. Margaret is perfectly still. Ruby Mae barely pushes Margaret's leg with her foot, too afraid to touch her. No response. She tries again. Nothing. She quickly glances around to see if anyone is looking and gives Margaret a swift kick in the shins (this is a stunt kick of course). Still nothing.] Ruby Mae, dazed and confused: Lordy, I've done kilt her! [Growing hysterical and running around in circles] Oh mercy! What am I gonna do! I'm gonna go ta Hell fer shure! Lordy! Oh lordy! [Suddenly, she stops dead in her tracks and a look of hope spreads across her face] The Preacher! He'll know what ta do. [She quickly runs off toward the Mission.] Scene 3: In front of the Mission House David, sitting on the porch, alternately looking at the ring box in his hands and admiring his biceps, in a bewildered yet indignant tone: I'VE got big muscles. What's wrong with MY muscles? He can't even play BASEBALL. What kind of man can't play BASEBALL? And he wears a SKIRT. What kind of man wears a SKIRT? Ruby Mae runs up, out of breath and talking incoherently and quickly: Preacher! Quick! The possum! Then [Ruby Mae makes a noise like Margaret keeling over or reenacts the whole death scene– actor's choice for improvisation] I didn't mean ta. Honest! David, wrinkling his forehead: What on earth are you talking about, Ruby Mae? Slow down, please. Ruby Mae breathes deeply and retells the story in her typical mile-a-minute exuberant style but at a low tone so no one will overhear: I wanted ta make some Possum Surprise for Miz Margaret and Doc MacNeill. But the doc had ta leave. Somethin' about a hole boring and a train wreck. Did ya know he had to go to Low Gap for a few days? Well, Miz Margaret ate the whole thing. I ain't never seen a gal woman eat so much in all my life. Then she jus' dropped over on the floor and flopped around like a fish for a few minutes. I kicked 'er ta see if she was dead and … [covering her hands over her mouth and opening her eyes wide] she was! Oh Lordy, Preacher! I'm goin' ta Hell fer shure fer this! PART THREE (by Debbie H.) David, grabbing Ruby Mae's shoulders and shaking her gently: Calm down, Ruby Mae! Now let me get this straight. You made your possum surprise for the MacNeill's? [Ruby Mae nods] Dr. MacNeill didn't have any, but Mrs. MacNeill did? [Ruby Mae nods again]. Then Mrs. MacNeill keeled over and died? [Ruby Mae nods and bursts into tears.] Oh, goodness! It *was* an accident, wasn't it? Ruby Mae: Why shorely, Preacher. [Wailing] What're we gonna do? If'n I have to go to jail, I won't get to marry Rob Allen. Some gal like Bessie Coburn'll steal 'im! David: I suppose we'll have to go to the county squire and tell him what happened. Ruby Mae: [Renewed wailing] Oh, Law! We cain't do that! Uncle Bogg, he won't send me to jail, he'll string me up on the Charter Oak. [grabs her neck and gags. Then she looks earnestly up at David]. I ain't so much worried about what folks in the Cove'll do, Preacher. It's the speerits that's got me afeard. I don't want the ghost of Miz Margaret a-comin' after me. I reckon her ghost is a ornery thing. An' I don't want Doc MacNeill comin' after me neither. He's nice most times, but every now and agin he's downright techious. David: I don't think Dr. MacNeill will come after you, Ruby Mae. In fact, I don't think he's going to be too upset about this - not upset at all... [suddenly David gets a panicked look on his face.] Christy! [He turns to Ruby Mae] Ruby Mae, we've got to do something. When word gets out about this, I'll lose her for good. Ruby Mae: Huh? Lose who, Preacher? David: Never mind. [Thinking out loud] We've got to come up with a plan... a plan to postpone anyone's finding out about what happened. Ruby Mae: An' how in tarnation we gonna do that? David snaps his fingers: I've got it! Ruby Mae: What, Preacher? David: The best hiding place is right under his nose. Ruby Mae looking puzzled: Whose nose? David matter-of-factly: The doctor's nose. Ruby Mae furrowing her brow in concentration. She is very confused: The doctor's nose? [She flares her nostrils and looks crossed-eyed at her own nose] What's Doc's nose got to do with anything? David turns his attention back to Ruby Mae: You know your way around Christy's room pretty well, don't you? Ruby Mae puffs her chest out proudly: Yassir. I done snooped, oops, I mean, I been in thar plenty o' times. David: Good. Go up there and gather up everything you can find that smells good. Pack it up and take it to Doc's place. I'll meet you there. [As an afterthought] Didn't you say Neil's going to be gone for a few days? Ruby Mae: Shore did. Gone to Low Gap is what he tole Miz Margaret. Lordy, Preacher, if'n he hadn't a gone, he'd be daid too! [Begins wailing again] David: But he did go, Ruby Mae. Now listen. You've got to pull yourself together. We don't have time for crying. I'll meet you at Doc's cabin. Ruby Mae: You mean yore really goin' up thar? [Frightened] I... I left Miz Margaret right whar she fell. I don't want her speerit a-playin' no tricks on me. Ain't ye scairt to go up thar? David: No. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm sorry you have to go, but I need your help... and those supplies. Ruby Mae: Lordy! You shore it's safe? David: I guarantee it. Now go find some good smelling things from Christy's room. Scene 2: Outside Miss Alice's Cabin: [Ruby Mae is pounding loudly at Miss Alice's door. Alice opens the door.] Ruby Mae: Miz Alice, ken I borry a piece o' that writin' paper that smells so good? Alice: Of course, child. Are thee writing a letter? Ruby Mae fidgeting: Uh, why shorely, ma'am. A long one, too. Reckon ye could give me two? Alice handing her 2 sheets of colored stationery: Do you need an envelope, too? Ruby Mae considers the question: Does it smell nice? Alice: No, only the stationery is scented. Ruby Mae: If'n it don't smell nice, I don't need it. [She waves nervously and turns to leave] Much obleeged! Scene 3: At the MacNeill Cabin: [Margaret is still lying on the floor. David is standing over her scratching his head. There's a large box beside him. Ruby Mae enters with a WalMart bag.] David: Help me put her in this box. [They put her in the box. It could be a comical scene because rigor mortis has set in and she's very stiff. They finally stuff her in the box and sit on the lid before an arm has the chance to spring out.] Ruby Mae: Now what're we gonna do, Preacher? Ain't never seen a coffin like that afore. Why that ain't no pine box; looks mor like a shippin' box. You shippin' 'er off somewhares? David: As a matter of fact, I am. Ruby Mae, surprised: You are? Whar to? Lyleton? Knoxville? How's about somewhar real far away... like Ken-tucky! David: No, Ruby Mae. We're going to give this box to Ben Pentland. Ruby Mae: Ben Pentland! What's he a-goin' to do with it? David: You'll see. Ruby Mae, you put all those good smelling things in the box with Margaret. I've got to find something to help her decompose. Doc's got to have a spare key around here somewhere.....[snaps his fingers and walks to the front door of the cabin, lifts the Welcome mat, and picks up a key underneath. He uses the key to enter The Locked Room and exits the stage.] [NOTE: In the actual performance, David was going to exit the conference room. When he was reaching to open the door to the Locked Room, a handful of late arrivals came through it. In other words, there were people coming out of the supposedly locked room!] [While David is in The Locked Room, Ruby Mae pulls stuff from the bag and sloppily puts/squirts/pours it into the box, spilling it everywhere. The items start off as practical items and get crazier: Talc powder, perfume, a sachet, potpourri, scented candle, scented soap, Alice's stationery. Then a Bounce dryer sheet, an air freshener, Right Guard, Binaca, tic tacs, lemon-scented Pine Sol, Odor Eaters, etc.] [NOTE: When Ruby Mae put the Odor Eaters into the box, Ken Wales commented, "Those are for her soul!" (Or shall we say "sole"?)] [David re-enters the stage from The Locked Room. He is carrying a glass bottle with "nitro-glycerin" on it and a picture of a skull and crossbones. He also has one of Margaret's dresses draped over his arm and a pair of her high-heeled shoes in his hand.] David: Nitro-glycerine. This ought to do it. [Pours some of the liquid into the box. There's a hissing sound and a puff of talc powder.] Ruby Mae: What ye got Miz Margaret's dress fer, Preacher? David: Well, we've got to make it look like she's packed up and left again. Otherwise folks will start wondering where she is. Ruby Mae: Ain't you a sly fox! Why you jest mought be smarter than Doc MacNeill! An' he's the smartest man that lives in the Cove. Lordy, Lordy! [David and Ruby Mae seal up the box.] David writes on the box and reads aloud as he writes: To Doctor Neil MacNeill, M.D. Cutter Gap, Tennessee. From St. Timothy's Hospital - Research Department Baltimore, Maryland. Scene 4: Two Days Later in front of the Mission House: Ben Pentland enters: YOOOOOO-Nited States mail! David: Hey, Ben. Ben: Howdy, Preacher. Got a letter for ye. Looks like it's from Miss Sissell - Boston Conserva-tory. An' here's one fer Miz Christy - from her Maw an' Paw, I reckon. An... David, interrupting: Fine, Ben. Listen. I picked up a package in El Pano yesterday while I was buying supplies. I thought it was for me, but it's addressed to Dr. MacNeill. Could you please deliver it to him? Ben reads the return address: St. Timothy's Hospital. What you reckon's in thar? [David shrugs. His eyes get wild as Ben picks up the box and shakes it.] David: Ben, whatever's in there, it's probably fragile. Scene 5: At the MacNeill Cabin: Neil, entering the cabin: Margaret? Margaret? Hallooo? Anyboody hoome? [Under his breath] Ran away again. Always runnin', she is. [He sniffs] What's that smell? It almost smells like Christy's been 'ere..... [he smiles, a faraway look in his eyes.] Ben calls from offstage, then enters: YOOOOO-Nited States Mail! Neil: Hey, Ben! That's a big box you've got there. Ben, out of breath: I de-clare! Heavy as a dead horse. What you got in thar, Doc? A body? Neil laughs: I don't think so, Ben. [Like the way Al says "I don't think so, Tim" on Home Improvement.] It's probably just some medical supplies. [Scratches his head] Funny, I don't recall ordering any... [opens the box and pulls out a skeleton] Ben, very afraid: Land sakes! It *is* a body, Doc! Ain't nothin' but bones, but it's a body awright! Neil: Don't worry. Those aren't real human bones. [Ben looks skeptical] They make these models to teach medical students about the human skeleton. Ben: Mebbeee, but I ain't goin' to lollygag 'round here with no box full o' bones. Neil waves absently as Ben exits: I wonder why they sent this to me. [Opens a door] I'll just put the *skeleton* in the *closet* for now. PART FOUR (by Miranda) Scene 1: David's Bunkhouse. [David is muttering to himself from behind a sheet, as he talks he throws over a pair of pants, his shirt and shoes] David: [still behind the sheet] Christy can't marry Neil while Margaret is still alive. And if she won't listen to me...maybe she'll listen to...[steps out from behind the sheet wearing the dress he took earlier from Neil's cabin, high-heels, wig, and make-up] Neil's wife! [he smiles and teeters off the stage in the high-heels] Scene 2: Outside the mission house: [David steps outside just as Christy is passing by, in a high-pitched voice he calls to her] David/Margaret: Christy! Yoo-hoo, Chriissstttyyy! [Christy turns and waits] I was looking for that good looking young Preacher...have you seen him? [Christy shakes her head] Christy: I don't know where Reverand Grantland is. David/Margaret: Too bad, Neil and I were going to renew our vows but that can wait. [David/Mags. smiles prettily, Christy takes a step back and gasps, quickly she covers her mouth with her hand to hide her astonishment, she tries to say something but has been rendered speechless] I know, it's amazing how love endures isn't it? But enough about *me*, let's talk about David...and you, when will you two be tying the knot? Christy: Well, we.... David/Mags: He plays baseball. And he can string telephone wire, and build church/school houses, and my, my, I've never heard anyone preach such a fine sermon! [Christy looks at him funny, something is not quite right here but she can't lay her finger on it.] David/Mags: If I wasn't already happily *married* I would snatch up that dashing young preacher before you could say 'Opeena The Queen of Cutter Gap'! He's tall, he's handsome, and my! What big muscles he has!! [David/Mags fans himself and almost swoons] Christy: It's true. David is a fine man; but it takes more than good looks and carpentry skills to make a marriage last. David/Margaret: Oh, dearie! Why the two of you'll stick tighter than molasses. Well, too-da-loo, Mrs. Grantland, er Miss Huddleston! Scene 3: David's Bunkhouse [David, still dressed as Margaret sits down at a table and begins furiously writing, someone knocks on the door] David forgetting himself and responding in Margaret's high pitched voice: Who is it? Christy: Margaret?! David: [clears his throat] No, it's David, just a minute Christy. [David quickly runs behind the screen to change, in reality, the actor playing David will have clothes on underneath the dress so this will just take a second, David forgets to wipe off his lipstick, and there is one earring still dangling from his ear. He strides over to the door and opens it] David: Hello Christy. I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you. Christy: [looks at him strangely, she knows that something is not quite right but can't quite put her finger on it] Actually I just wanted to talk to you about...that is, er...the pigs. David is confused: What? Christy: Underneath the schoolhouse...David I swear those pigs are so loud some days that I can barely think let alone teach!...and Margaret, I mean Mrs. MacNeill was looking for you. David: We'll worry about all of that later. [smiles sweetly] Sit down, Christy. I um.... well... I'm no singer, but this one's for you. [clears his throat and sings to the tune of "Oh, You Beautiful Doll"] "Chris - ty how I love you I real real really love you Let me hit a home run for you String some wire so's I can call you Chris - ty how I love you I real-ly do love you true I can preach fine sermons that should not be missed I've got big muscles that you can't resist Oh Oh Oh Oh Chris-ty how I love you." Christy: [suddenly, interrupting the last line of the song] David, where have you been? David: What do you mean? Christy: David! You've been to El Pano haven't you! To the Tea House with those... those... those...[waves her hand at his face] David! [Christy turns on her heel and stomps off. Confused, David rubs his hand across his face, rubbing off some lip-stick, he gasps and walks off the stage] PART FIVE (by Lisa Renee) Scene 1: In front of the Mission House: [Christy has just talked with David, who came out of his bunkhouse still wearing his Margaret make-up. She is utterly distressed, and runs onstage, where Alice is standing, reading her Bible in a very self-righteous stance]. Christy is crying and wailing melodramatically, talking 90 miles an hour: Oh, Miss Alice! Miss Alice! It's David---he's being so odd! He came out of his bunkhouse, and he was wearing MAKE-UP, Miss Alice! MAKE-UP! Bright red paint all over his lips, and his cheeks were rouged---and---and---- Alice snaps her Bible shut: Christy Huddleston! What a horrible, shocking thing for thee to say about thy minister and thy friend! Why, I am utterly ashamed of thee! David Grantland would never---- Christy shakes her head frantically: Oh, Miss Alice, it know it sounds terrible, but it was true! I saw it myself! And what's worse, he's been going to that tea house in El Pano! [Alice gasps and shudders.] Christy: You know he was there before. Everybody knows... [Christy pauses, thinking, while Alice just stands there, taking it all in, shocked.] Christy [to herself]: But Neil said all the teahouse girls were going back to Atlanta, so David *couldn't* have been there...but David wouldn't have looked like that if there hadn't been one of those flossy flirts nearby...[snaps her fingers] That voice! Margaret was with David! [Alice gasps, really appalled, and Christy gasps, covering her mouth at what she realizes she just said in front of Alice.] Alice (calmly): Does thee know for certain that Margaret was with the Reverend? Christy: Well, no... Alice cuts her off sharply: I didn't think that thee did. Christy, thou art jumping to conclusions based on illegitimate evidence. And thou art thinking in an entirely gutter-minded manner. Alice [Points her finger at Christy, getting in her face, preaching, ---maybe some of that gospel organ music playing in the background, getting louder as Alice gets fired up and gets louder]: I am disappointed in thee, Miss Huddleston. Why, thou art living in sin by saying such things about thy brother. Thee ought to stop and think about what such a rumor might do to thy friend if it were to get out. The Reverend's reputation might be permanently damaged because of thee. [really in Christy's face, who is utterly cowed, wincing as if dodging a blow]. Surely thee remembers what happened when Bessie Coburn lied about seeing thee with John Spencer. The people of Cutter Gap nearly made thee resign. And does thee not remember how David spoke for thee and saved thy good name? Does thee? [nearly shouting] And thee would repay David Grantland by spreading foul rumors about him! SHAME ON THEE! Oh, Miss Huddleston, thee needs to examine thy heart! Thee should be repenting in sackcloth and ashes, on your knees before David Grantland BEGGING for his forgiveness for even DARING to THINK that he might be guilty of such a trespass as thee has described. [Alice is panting hard, breathless as she finishes.] Christy (timidly): Miss Alice, David was wearing make-up. [David comes out of his bunkhouse, all the make-up washed off. He strolls casually past the ladies, hands in his pockets and whistling. Christy and Alice just watch.] Alice: Miss Huddleston, I believe that thou hast seen "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Tootsie" one too many times. I believe that rather than watching such polluting movies, thee should be spending more time reading the Good Book. Christy (like a blonde): I like good books. Which one should I read? [Alice rolls her eyes and exits. Christy just shrugs to the audience, then calls after Alice.] Christy: HE *WAS* WEARING MAKE-UP! I SWEAR IT! HE JUST WASHED IT OFF! BUT HE *WAS* WEARING IT! Scene 2: At the MacNeill Cabin: [David is wearing a different dress. He's pacing back and forth, back and forth... Neil enters, looking haggard and worn from his days of doctoring.] David/Mags: Well, it certainly is nice of you to come home to your *wife*. Neil: You're still here? David/Mags: I told you I wanted to come home, Mac. Neil [dropping his saddlebags]: Margaret, you're looking really thin. Is it the tuberculosis? Have you been feeling worse lately? David/Mags [irritated by the line about being really thin]: No, no, I've been feeling great. Neil [stepping closer and scrutinizing David/Mags]: You don't look like you're feeling great. In fact, you look downright awful, and so pale.... You've always been such a lovely woman, but you're so wasted now. David/Mags [really irritated by Neil's remarks about his thinness]: HOW DARE YOU! I came home for a little support, a little encouragement, but all I get are nasty, rude remarks. I didn't come home to be insulted. I can get enough of that on the road. You hateful, mean thing! And by the way..... you're sleeping on the sofa tonight, that's for sure! [Walks toward the stairs] Oh, and just so you know, I talked to Miss Huddleston today---she's going to marry the preacher... She said she liked his *big muscles*! (exits) [Neil just shrugs, kicks off his boots, and lies down on the couch, pulling a blanket up over himself.] PART SIX (By Regina) Scene 1: Morning, In the Mission House Dining Room: [Christy enters the dining room, where she finds Ruby Mae putting breakfast on the table. Miss Alice and David are already seated.] David: Well, well, sleepy head, nice of you to join us. I trust that you slept well. You always were so pretty when you slept.....Oh, um.....I mean that I *imagine* that you must be pretty when you sleep. I myself have never seen it, and I have most certainly never have peeked in your room. [David hems and haws.] Well, shall we pray? [Ruby Mae enters the room with a tray of food. She hurridly sits down.] Ruby Mae: [muttering, more to herself than to the others present] Ya'll oughta wait until everybody is a-sittin' to start talkin' to the Good Lord. David begins his prayer: Dear Lord, we thank you for this food and we know that all things, especially lately, have been working together for those that love you. Help us all to remember that we ought to love [he lifts his head and glances at Christy, who remains in prayer] one another. Bless this food and thank you that possum is not a breakfast food. Amen. [All heads raise and the eating commences. Just then, a loud knocking is heard at the Mission House door. It is Doctor MacNeill. David gets up to answer the door and gives a big scowl when he sees who it is.] David: [sarcastically] Why Doctor MacNeill......won't you come in? Neil: I can't. I have just come to deliver a message. Christy, Fairlight is looking for you. She has a new quilt or honey or something to give you...[Neil is obviously making up excuses to see Christy alone outside. David has a scowl on his face. Christy begins to rise, but the voice of Miss Alice stops her]. Miss Alice: Doctor, won't you join us for breakfast? It is most improper for a young lady to be traisping all over this mountain without a proper breakfast. And Thee must keep Thy strength up as well. Neil: Fairlight was in a hurry, Miss Alice. I am sure that it is something very important. David: [butting in] I would be more than happy, Doctor to escort Christy to the Spencer cabin, being as it would be most improper for a *MARRIED MAN* to do so. [With that, David grabs Christy by the arm and literally pulls her out of her seat and out the door. Neil is standing there stunned.] Christy: Let go of me David! You are hurting me. You *always* seem to be touching me. It is almost like you are afraid that I might get away. David: Christy, I just care so deeply about you. I want you to be safe. I would do anything for you--I would lay down my life for you. [singing to the tune of Sound of Music] I would climb every mountain, ford every stream..... Christy: Alright, alright David, I remember this from the last time you pledged your undying love. Can't you be more original? [Just then, Ruby Mae, comes tearing out of the Mission House.] Ruby Mae: Preacher! Preacher! That Doctor fella that runs this school is a-wantin' to talk to you! Miss Alice said to come and get you right quick. He wants to be sure that you ain't spendin' no more of your time at that thar Tea House. Hurry, Preacher. [David rolls his eyes and kicks the ground.] David: I'm coming Ruby Mae. [to Christy] I care for you Christy. Do not forget that. [He kicks the dirt and walks back in to the Mission House just as Ruby Mae hollers for him again]. [David is on one side of the stage talking on the phone and anxiously watching Christy, who stands in front of the mission house, staring into the distance. She seems to be somewhere else in her thoughts. She begins to mutter to herself.] Christy: First, he always *lurks* around listening to my conversations. Then, he grabs me by the arm. Lord [she looks skyward], is he the right man for me? [Just then, Neil exits the Mission House. He sees Christy standing in pensive thought.] Neil: What is this, Lass, that you were saying about the right man? [Christy looks up, astonished to find him there.] Christy: I was just saying a prayer, Doctor. Did you get your breakfast? Neil: That I did, though it was a hurried one. I also got food for my soul and quite a feast for my eyes, too. [Christy blushes, knowing that the Doctor is talking about her.] Christy: Doctor MacNeill, how is your wife? I think that she had a meeting with David. I am sure that it was about her soul and her newfound desire to build a life here with you. Neil: I find that hard to believe, Christy. Margaret is not interested in a newfound life here. And, I already have a newfound life here. [He stares intently at Christy]. What Margaret and I had is long over. I have moved on. Christy: Doctor, she is still your wife. You must forgive her and try to understand what she has gone through. She is selfish [Neil nods], insensitive [He nods again], and a Monkey Wrench [Neil nods vigorously], but she is still the woman that you pledged to love. Neil: Christy, pledges mean nothing when trust has been broken. I don't trust Margaret. She left me without a word. [Neil's voice and anger are both rising]. Every time I try to take one step back into the world, she reappears, like a character in a dime store novel, drawing me back into the life we had. And it was no life, Christy. Christy: Please, Neil [she puts her hand on his arm]... Please, give Margaret a chance to make things right. I could not live with the thought of anything or anyone ruining your chance to try to make things right. [Christy and Neil stare deeply into each other eyes.] [David has hurriedly hung up the phone with Dr. Ferrand. He peers out of the Mission House door and sees that Christy is lingering in the yard with the Doctor. Alarmed, he turns and runs offstage.] Neil: Margaret is not interested in reconciliation, Christy. She is here only because she was discovered; she will soon leave again. The feelings that I have in my heart, the ones that were here before she came back, will remain until after she is gone. [Christy puts her head down because she knows he is talking about the feelings he has for her. Neil touches Christy's arm lightly.] Neil: Remember you heart, lass, as you worry about mine. [Just then, David screams from offstage] PART SEVEN (by Kelly O) Scene 1: The porch of David's bunkhouse [David, dressed as Mags, is screaming. His scream is at first his own but then he remembers himself and screams as Mags would. He is sitting on the porch of the mission house, holding his ankle and grimacing in pain.] David/Mags: (In David's voice) Curse these ice pick shoes! [Throws the shoes off the stage.] Ouch, Ouch, Ouch that hurts. [Takes off the stocking and examines his ankle. Suddenly, his attention is drawn off stage.] Oh no, here comes Christy and that doctor. [Pause, gets an idea] Hey, maybe this ankle will come in handy after all--- [Looks skyward] the Lord works in mysterious ways [devious grin]. Christy: Neil, it looks like she's wrenched her ankle. [Christy and Neil are standing over David/Mags.] Neil: What happened, Margaret? David/Mags (in his Margaret voice): Oh, Mac, thank goodness you've come. The heel of my shoe got caught between these boards, and I twisted my ankle. Oh, it really hurts. I think it's broken. Neil: Let me take a look at you. [Neil kneels down and examines David/Mags bare foot and ankle.] Christy: I should have warned you that you should not wear those kinds of shoes around here. I discovered that on my first day here in the cove---you will have to ask David to tell you all about that story. [David/Mags smiles at the mention of his name.] David/Mags: I will have to remember to ask him. [Still smiling] He always speaks so fondly of you, Christy. He really is a very handsome, lovable guy. In fact, if I weren't married [Grins at Neil and bats his false eyelashes] I would certainly be after that wonderful Reverend Grantland. [Looks back at Christy pleasantly]. [Neil looks at David/Mags foot with a puzzled expression.] Neil: Margaret? Your feet really are huge. I never really realized just how big they were. And since when did you start growing hair on them? David/Mags: [panicked look on his face, he clears his throat buying time] Oh, I think it was from all those treatments they gave me, Mac. I took so many experimental drugs. I could not even begin to tell you what kind. The tuberculosis was so terrible. And my feet have always been large, just ask Mother. [Neil does not look entirely satisfied with this answer, but he just shrugs.] Neil: Well, nothing appears to be broken. [Neil places Dave/Mags foot down and then runs his fingers through his hair.] Margaret it's unlike you to fuss over something as trivial as a twisted ankle. I've known you to take a lot more pain without so much as a flinch. (pauses) Maybe you're still weak from the illness. You have lost a lot of weight you know. You're so thin. We should get you inside and out of the sun. David/Mags: So you're saying that I'm a wimp now, is that it? Well, excuse me, Doctor. [David stands on his one good leg. Somewhere in the middle of this, David's anger gets the better of him and he slowly turns from Mags fake voice to his own---very sarcastic.] I suppose we cannot all be the great Dr. Neil MacNeill, the mountain man, the Bonnie Prince Charlie, the great white buck hunter, the miracle country doctor that can perform head borings at the crack of dawn, the man millions of women swoon over just for keeping cute little bunny rabbits and wearing leather riding boots. Just because I do not have a Scottish accent and great hair does not mean that I am any less of a man. Might I add that you cannot even hit a wee ball with a stick! [David nods his head foreword as if to punctuate this last statement.] [Neil and Christy just stand there staring at David with their mouths open. ] Christy (after a moment of stunned silence): David? What on earth are you doing? [hands on hips] [Alice and Ruby Mae run on stage from inside the mission house. They are breathless.] Alice: What's happening out here? We heard a commotion, and....... Margaret? [Ruby Mae, who is now standing right in from of David/Mags, screams a blood curdling scream. Everyone turns their attention to her.] Ruby Mae (speaking very fast): Oh, Miz Margaret, I thought you was dead. Lord-a-mercy, I shore thought you was dead. You ain't no haint are you? Granny Barclay says that haints pull you straight down to hell! [Her eyes are as big as silver dollars] Oh please don't pull me down to Hell, Miz Margaret. I didn't know that possum was poison. I didn't meant to kill ye, I swear it. I wouldn't have fed it to you if'n I'd a knowed that. I got it off the side of the road. It looked fresh. [David/Mags just stands there on his good leg, not knowing quite what to say.] Christy: Ruby Mae, what are you talking about? [Christy comes closer and looks into Ruby Mae's eyes] Are you all right Ruby Mae? Alice (stepping closer to David/Mags): Margaret? [She looks confused.] Neil: No Alice, it isn't Margaret at all. [He pulls the wig off of David.] [Ruby Mae screams again and faints. Dr. MacNeill catches her. He fishes for some smelling salts from his saddle bag and brings her back to consciousness with them.] Ruby Mae: [As she wakes up She looks around and see's David in Mags' clothes.] Preacher? But I thought you gave Miz Margaret's body to Mr. Pentland. Why are you all dressed up like a gal-woman? [Ruby Mae sits up with Dr. MacNeill's help.] Neil: What in the devil is this all about Grantland? [He stands up and is full of that MacNeill anger] David: Well, I-- I Alice: Thee has some serious explaining to do, Reverend Grantland. First of all, where is Margaret? David: Well, I, she well, Ruby Mae--- Christy (stooping down to be near Ruby Mae): Ruby Mae, what were you saying about Margaret? [Everyone looks at Ruby Mae.] Ruby Mae (still sitting): Well ya see, I made some possum surprise for Dr. MacNeill and Miz Margaret. I wanted to try out my new recipe before I served it to Rob Allen. Always heerd that the best way to a man's heart is through his stummock. Christy: Ruby Mae, go on. Ruby Mae (she is crying now): I didn't know that the possum was spoilt. I checked it. It looked fresh, Miz Christy. I swear it did. Dr. MacNeill had to go help with a train wreck. So I served Miz Margaret the possum. She ate the whole thing. I ain't never seen a gal eat so much. Then she keeled over dead right there in the floor. I ain't never seen nothing like it. I ran and told the preacher, and he came back with me. When we got back to the Doc's cabin, she was plum stiffer than a cat's whiskers. Preacher and I had a time a-puttin' her in a box with some of that good smellin' stuff you use, Miz Christy. Then he gave the box to Ben Pentland. Preacher said something about hiding it right up under your nose, Doc, but I ain't really figured out what he meant. David: I'm surprised you didn't recognize your own wife, Doctor. You see, you aren't that smart after all. That skeleton you received didn't come from St. Timothy's Hospital. [David laughs evilly]. [Neil's expression turns to horror as he understands what David means.] Neil: How could you? [Neil runs offstage, and everyone follows except David.] Scene 2: Inside the MacNeill cabin [Ruby Mae, Miss Alice, Christy and Dr. MacNeill stand in front of the locked room. Neil unlocks and opens the door. The box is inside. Neil tugs the box out and opens it. Inside we see the skeleton with a gold locket.) Neil: Margaret? Christy: No it can't be! Alice: This is her locket. Ruby Mae (sobbing): I'm sorry Miss Alice, I didn't mean to kill her none. Christy: Of course not Ruby Mae [Christy takes Ruby Mae's hand] Alice: I always told her if she didn't take care of herself she'd end up skin and bones. [Alice blows her nose dramatically into a hanky and cries very obnoxiously. Christy puts her arm around Miss Alice.] PART EIGHT (by Annie) Scene 1: Still the MacNeill cabin NEIL: I cannot fathom this. Margaret's dead? THIS is Margaret? [Neil begins to examine the bones more closely.] RUBY MAE: WAS. I'm real mortally sorry. I wish I'd never seen a possum in my whole life! CHRISTY: We all do, Ruby Mae, but try to look on the bright side. [All turn to stare at Christy.] ALICE: The BRIGHT side, Miss Huddleston? What can thee mean? Margaret is dead. [Christy's flustered, and bites her nails as she searches for words.] CHRISTY: I mean -- what I meant to say -- um, was that at least Margaret didn't have to suffer through a long terrible illness like tuberculosis. Or pneumonia, or typhoid, or influenza, or lung cancer, either. She didn't have to go through endless painful treatments, or be hunted down by a ruthless loan shark, or be run over by a streetcar, or a train, or -- [They are interrupted by the arrival of Fairlight and David (dressed in his own clothes). FL is pulling David by the ear, as she would pull a naughty child.] FL: You get on in there, and tell them what you done, Preacher! You outta be ashamed of yourself! [She pushes him forward, and David straightens up, rubbing his ear and trying to appear calm and dignified. He clears his throat, straightens his clothes, and is generally stalling.] FL: I SAID TELL THEM! [David (and all the rest) jump.] DAVID: All right, all right! I told you, Fairlight, they already know about Margaret. [FL stares into the box of bones, and covers her mouth in horror.] FL: Is that all that's left of her? Rest in peace, poor Miss Margaret! Preacher, you got to tell them everything! CHRISTY: Everything? David, what else is there? [David stalls some more, until Neil stands directly before him.] NEIL: Well, Grantland, what else have you done? Did you sell the Mission property to the Tea House? DAVID: No, no, I swear it's nothing like that! It's just that, well... Christy, I was so sure that you'd marry me that I called your parents and got their blessing. CHRISTY: YOU WHAT! [Neil looks sidelong at Christy. When he sees that she's upset, he relaxes and crosses his arms on his chest, scowling at David.] DAVID: And I sort of - well, I - NEIL: Spit it out, man! DAVID: I hired a wedding band, and made reservations for our reception at The Highland Manor, and invited Ida and Clarence and Mother, and arranged for Low Gap to call the Doctor away, and rented a delicious tuxedo with ivory gloves and tie -- [Neil is furious by now.] NEIL: That's the last straw! You've no right to wear ivory gloves and tie, much less a delicious tuxedo. [Neil takes off his coat, throws it down, pushes up his sleeves, and is preparing to fight.] ALICE: Dr. MacNeill, I would think thee would have learned from thy last black eye. Is thee looking for another shiner? [Neil pauses and steps back. David sneers, but Alice turns on him severely.] ALICE: David, thee has done much wrong, and must now make amends to Christy and to Dr. MacNeill. DAVID: Amends? ALICE: Thee must call the Huddlestons and confess thy deception, and then cancel all the reservations. It doesn't matter if thee loses thy deposit -- it must be done today! And then go and prepare the finest funeral eulogy ever heard in Cutter Gap for my daughter. [David, shoulders slumped, turns to go, but FL stops him.] FL: Preacher, you owe Christy and Doc MacNeill an apology. Miss Alice, maybe we better leave him alone to do his apologizin'. Come on with me, Ruby Mae. [FL, Alice, RM walk to the door. Alice continues out the door, but RM catches FL's arm and directs her to hide behind (some prop like a table, couch, etc.) near the doorway. They crouch down and peek out occasionally.] CHRISTY: Well, David? [Christy stands with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot. Neil stands behind her, hands on her shoulders.] DAVID: I'm sorry, Christy -- but I'm not really sorry. I was so much in love with you that I couldn't think straight. I'm still in love with you. [David reaches into his pocket and brings out The Blue Velvet Ring Box.] DAVID: Won't you change your mind? I made honeymoon reservations at Niagara Falls, and I called the florist in El Pano. I ordered a bouquet of Mountain Laurel for you. CHRISTY: No, David! It's all over between us. I can never erase the memory of you with - with - LIPSTICK! [Christy shudders and leans back against Neil, and touches his hands as they rest on her shoulders.] NEIL: You heard her. She's through with you. You don't make her laugh, or make her blood boil. We all know who her best friend is. [Neil turns Christy so that she's facing him. Their eyes meet and hold for a long time. RM muffles a giggle as she watches.] FL: (whispering) You keep quiet Ruby Mae, or you'll ruin it for us! RM: (whispering) Yes, ma'am, but this is a whole lot better'n watching John and Bessie smoochin'! FL: (close to shouting) Smoochin'! RM: I mean playin' checkers! Shhh! [FL gives RM a suspicious look. They turn back to watch Christy, Neil, and David.] DAVID: I can't believe this! Of all the bad luck -- I've dreaded this moment for years. [Neil is smiling broadly at Christy, rubbing his hands together.] NEIL: I've been longing for this moment for years. CHRISTY: So have I. [Christy dreamily clasps her hands over her chest. David groans and covers his eyes. Neil looks surprised, but pleased at Christy's remark.] NEIL: You have? [Christy is a little embarassed, but she nods and smiles coyly at Neil. She moves closer and fiddles with the (buttons on his shirt or vest, straps of his suspenders).] NEIL: You're a woman after my own heart, Miss Huddleston. DAVID: I can't bear to stay for this swooning business. [FL and RM behind the table are excited, hugging each other in anticipation. David takes only one step toward the door before Neil calls out.] NEIL: Whoa, there, Reverend! Where are you going? This won't work without you! DAVID & CHRISTY: What!? [Christy's embarassed, David's horrified.] CHRISTY: But Neil, don't you want us to be alone when you -- when we -- you know. [Now Neil looks confused. RM & FL look at each other in surprise.] NEIL: Christy, what are you talking about? [Christy looks first at David, who's just as confused, and then back at Neil.] CHRISTY: Don't you want to - to - kiss me? [Neil's jaw drops open. More groaning from David, and giggling from behind the table.] NEIL: Ah, sure. Um, yes, of course I do, Christy. [Now he pulls at his collar nervously. Christy is rather miffed.] CHISTY: Neil, what were YOU talking about? What is it you've been longing to do for years? [The smile returns to Neil's face. He stands beside Christy, with an arm over her shoulder, grinning at David. David takes a step back, glancing nervously toward the door as his escape.] NEIL: I've been waiting to give Grantland the wedgie of his life. [The women behind the table cover their mouths to muffle their shrieks of laughter. Pandemonium. David trips over his feet as he backs away quickly.] DAVID: I just remembered I have to prepare for the funeral. It's going to take a lot of work, and I may have to go to the seminary library in Knoxville to find just the right Scripture references. I'd better get started on it right away. [David bolts. Neil takes a few steps after him. He notices RM and FL behind the table, but they're staring after David and don't realize they've been discovered. Neil turns to look back at Christy. Christy laughs for a moment, but then becomes solemn.] NEIL: Are you all right, Christy? CHRISTY: Yes, but I thought.... So, you didn't want to kiss me? [She is downcast. Neil moves closer, but leaves plenty of space between himself and Christy. His back is to the door. The women in hiding peek out, but Neil blocks their view of Christy.] NEIL: Christy, don't you know how I feel about you? There's no one that I think more highly of than you. I admire you. I respect you. I spend nights thinking of your beautiful blue eyes. [Neil moves a little closer as he speaks. Christy once again looks at him swoonishly.] NEIL: It's been an honor to work with you at school. I care deeply about you, Christy. I worry about your health. That reminds me -- do you feel all right? CHRISTY: Yes, fine thank you. NEIL: No cuts or bruises? No rash? No broken bones? [Neil examines her hands and arms as he questions her. Christy answers "No" to each question, growing more and more astonished.] NEIL: Fever? [Neil feels her forehead.] NEIL: No bump on your head? No appendicitis? FL: (whispering) All this yammerin'! Is he gonna kiss her? RM: (whispering) What're they doin', Mrs. Spencer? I can't hardly see a thing. FL: (whispering) Shhh! They're fixin' to smooch! [FL and RM strain forward to get a clear view. Neil puts his fingertips on Christy's shoulders, standing well apart from her. Christy closes her eyes and tips her head up, ready for The Kiss. Neil just barely lets his lips touch her forehead, and then steps back. Christy is astonished.] RM: (whispering) That weren't no kiss! FL: (whispering) Our pig Belinda's been kissed better'n that! CHRISTY: Neil? What's wrong? [Neil leans close again.] NEIL: (whispering) They're watching. CHRISTY: (whispering) Who? NEIL: (whispering) Look behind me. They're watching us. [Christy first looks directly at the audience, then peeks around Neil's side to glimpse the two women spying. She frowns for a moment, but then smiles and winks at Neil.] CHRISTY: (whispering) Do you care if they see? [Neil shrugs as he smiles broadly and takes Christy into his arms.] NEIL: They'd better get used to it. [They go behind a screen and kiss. In fact, Christy actually dips Neil - very passionate stuff going on behind that screen (or so it appears!) After a few seconds the women burst out from behind the table with a whoop. Neil and Christy (eventually) separate and come back onto the stage.] RM: Well, Doc, I guess you forgive me, don't you? NEIL: Yes, I do, Ruby Mae. Promise you'll let someone else do all the cooking from now on. RM: That's for sure! [Christy taps Neil on the shoulder.] NEIL: Yes, dear? CHRISTY: Could we go for a ride on Charley? It's been a dream of mine for ever so long. NEIL: On my Harley? Why don't we ride the horse instead? [Neil and Christy exit, holding hands.] FL: Come on Ruby Mae. I think we have a lot of wonderful episodes ahead of us. [All exit] THE END