Title: To Austria With Love Author: Anne B. Author E-Mail: anneb_neilmacneill@hotmail.com Summary: This takes place at the end of the book “Christy” by Catherine Marshall. I have quoted some parts from the book and please forgive me for paraphrasing a few sections from the book to tie this story and the book together. I have used a couple of segments from the CBS Series and possibly the PAX-TV Mini-series to bring out thing’s that readers might be more familiar with then they are the book. Disclaimer: the Marshall-LeSourd Family, L.L.C, owns Catherine Marshall’s beautiful story of Christy. I am in no way seeking profit or credit for her story. I am continuing the story of Christy for my own amusement and hopefully yours as well. The writer of this story has invented any additions in story line and characters. The content of this story is the responsibility of the writer. Any similarities between this and other Fan fiction are purely coincidental. NOTE TO SONJA: This entire story (which will be in three sections) is entitled “To Austria With Love”--The first section is entitled “Prelude to Austria”. I hope that’s not too much trouble!! Thanks!! (This Email contains both chapters 1 & 2) -=*=-Prelude to Austria -=*=- Chapter I By Anne B. “Neil, can you believe it, in only two weeks I’ll be Mrs. Neil MacNeill!!” I declared as my fiancé smiled broadly before me. “Yes, but first, you need to complete your trip to Asheville.” Neil teased. He knew I didn’t want to go, but mother insisted I be fitted for my gown one last time before the wedding. “I wish I didn’t have to leave! I’d do anything to stay right here in the Cove-- but I know this is something that I need to do. I don’t want to look like a sack of potatoes walking down the aisle eitherr!” I giggled and Neil laughed out loud. “You know I wouldn’t care if you did!” Neil laughed even more heartily. I smiled at him; I knew he meant it with all his heart. “I wouldn’t care if you came down the aisle wearing Swannie O’Teale’s dress. It’s the woman inside that I love, not the trappings on the outside.” “I know that Neil. But I want everyone to be jealous of you that day!” I teased. Neil whispered. “They already are, Love. They already are.” I felt my checks turn crimson at these words and the look Neil gave me. All too soon the train pulled into the station and it was time to say good-bye. “I’ll be back next Saturday, Neil. Don’t forget to pick me up!” “I won’t, and if there’s an emergency David has already graciously offered to come in my place and bring you home. But I do hope I’ll be the one to come. I don’t know how I can survive seven whole days without you!” Neil smiled teasingly. “I think you’ll manage just fine. What did you do before you fell in love with me?” “I spent day after miserable day wondering how long I could continue on in this lonely, empty existence. I will *never* be able to repay you for all you’ve done for me. For filling my life with beauty, for being there for me and lifting me up out of that lonesome pit I was in without you.” He took my hand and led me to the train. Before I turned to board the train I stood on my tiptoes and gave Neil a peck on the cheek. He smiled a bit embarrassed at me. “I’ll see you next Saturday, Love, one way or another. If I can‘t pick you up here, I‘ll do my best to make it to the mission to visit you Saturday evening.” “I’ll look forward to it, Neil!” I said feeling somewhat shy suddenly. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- On board the train I watched out the window, waving to Neil and blowing him kisses until I could see him no longer. Then I leaned back in the seat with my journal and wrote about the events so far today. When I finished I looked back at the entries from months ago, at the end of my bout with Typhoid and my near death experience. I owed my life to Neil and his heartfelt, impassioned prayer for me… I read, …“From a great distance someone was calling my name. The voice was familiar. Whose…I did not want to hear it. The voice was weight pulling me backward, drawing me away from the light. I would ignore it. I had to go on. The decision was made. “But over and over the voice called my name. No matter how I tried to stop my ears, I could not ignore it. Why? Why could I not go on? There was something in the voice that pulled me back. Now I recognized it--in the voice there was love too, like the love I had seen among the playing children. There was pulling power in that love.. But the weight, the awful weight. I did not want that earth-bound weight along with it. “Fairlight still had not seen me (but hadn‘t Fairlight died just a short while ago?). She had finished the planting. The lady’s-slippers stood up straight with heads erect, as if they had always grown happily in that spot. And then Fairlight and Jeter (wasn’t he the child Fairlight had told me had died of croup when he was three years old?) waded into the stream, splashing, skipping from rock to rock--as she and I had so often rollicked together. The more they splashed, the more the baby, Cecile, lying on her mossy bed kiccked her feet and moved her tiny hands and gurgled (so this was the baby Fairlight had told me she lost in infancy). I stared longingly, wanting to be there beside them. “Then I knew. Suddenly I knew and bowed my head with the knowledge. I had to go back. Someone (who was it?) who loved me, still needed me. The light was not for me yet. Not yet. But sometime. Oh, sometime! Fairlight, you will wait for me, won’t you? Won’t you? Fairlight. The weight, the weight. The fading light. … “I was heavy, so heavy. My eyelids were leaden. They would not open. The familiar voice, a man’s voice, very soft. He was talking to me, calling me. “Christy, Christy, you’ve got to come back to me. Christy, wherever you are, listen to me…Christy, I love you, love you, *love you*. Christy, can you hear me? Down in your spirit, at the depth of you, do you hear what I’m saying to you? *I love you!* You cannot leave me without knowing this. Christy--” “And then the tone of the words changed. “God, I have fought against You because I have not understood. Not only fought, God, but cursed You. I did not understand why You let Margaret die--and our son. I did not understand anything about You. I still don’t understand anything--except that somehow I know *YOU aare love*. And that in my heart has been born so great a love for Christy as I did not know existed on this earth. You, God, must be responsible. You must have put it there. So what do I do with it now?” The voice broke. The bedclothes muffled a man’s sobs. I wanted to comfort the man in some way. I tried to lift my hand, but it was too heavy. Still my eyelids would not open. “The voice was hoarse with emotion. “Lord God Almighty, Lord God of heaven and of earth, I have been stiff-necked and proud, arrogant and stupid. I am not worthy of--of anything, least of all to ask any favors of You.” The voice paused. The room was very quiet. I could hear the sharp inntake of a man’s breath. “Lord God, You are the Creator, I am the created. I am helpless, as helpless as all other men. As a doctor, I thought I knew something. Now there is nothing more that I can do for Christy. Nothing at all. “So I offer back to You this love You gave. It’s all I have to give you, God. Here are our lives--hers and mine--I hold them out to You. Do--with us--as--You please.” The voice fell silent. “So his was the voice that had called me back. Dr. MacNeill’s. He needed me. He *loved* me. He loved me like *THAT*. “There was a warm glow in the room. Warmth came into me, starting at the top of my head and flowing steadily downward, into my brain, into my face--my eyelids fluttered open. Familiar objects in the room came into focus. He was still there beside my bed, his head sunk oon the covers, one hand stretched out with the bowl of that old pipe of his clutched in it, but the stem of the pipe was broken. It had fallen from his hand and lay on the rumpled covers of the bed. “And still the strength and the warmth flowed--into my chest, along my arms. I could move my fingers now. “I felt across the counterpane until my hand reached his, the big hand with the blond-red hairs on top. My fingers closed over his hand gripped it. His head came up. “Christy!” “The joy of the children was in his voice. From this I couldn’t help but remember the days and weeks that followed… “Dr. MacNeill remained with me day and night for the next few days as my strength began to return gradually with each successive day. “After waking more fully after the Typhoid fever Dr. MacNeill was seated beside my bed one day checking my vital signs when I felt an urgent need to approach him with what I heard while I was ‘away‘ from my body. “I heard your prayer that you prayed for me…and yourself.” I said shyly. “You did, did you?” He paused for a few moments as he looked away shyly. “Did you hear… *everything* I said?” “I think I did, in fact I’m certain I did.” I looked at Dr. MacNeill coyly. “You told me that you love me, that I couldn’t leave without knowing that. You asked me to come back to you. Then I heard your prayer. Is that all you said?” “That’s pretty much it, yes.” Dr. MacNeill said timidly looking down toward the floor. “I remember thinking as you spoke, ‘Dr. MacNeill *needs* ME? He *LOVES* me? He loves me like *THAT*!?!’” He paused a long while as he fidgeted in his chair before finally finding his voice and continuing, “Christy?” He paused as if he was unsure how to continue on. He would not allow his eyes to meet mine as he went on. “Christy? Do you think there is anyway that *you* could ever love *me* like THAT?” He asked still without looking into my eyes at all. “I reached for his hand and said, “I already do, Dr. MacNeill…“ I ended in a whisper, “I already do.” His face lit up and he put my hand to his mouth and kissed it, holding it there. “I’m not sure what to say Christy?” He said somewhat shocked by my reply. “How about ‘I love you’?” I asked. “He leaned forward and kissed my forehead tenderly. “I love you Christy.” He whispered. “I love you too, Doctor.” “Don’t you think it’s time you started calling me Neil then?” He asked humbly with a raised eyebrow. “Alright--“ I said sheepishly. “--Neil.” “He kissed me once again on the forehead, my eyes were heavy and sleep was about to overtake me as much as I hated for this moment to end sleep insisted upon its way. As my eyes closed in slumber, Neil leaned back in the chair beside my bed with my hand in his and I heard him say just above a whisper, “She loves *ME*!!” Once again I could hear the joy of the children in his voice, as I drifted off into a dream filled sleep. “When I awoke Neil was asleep in the chair still holding my hand, with his fingers entwined in mine as if to not let go of me while he slept. I smiled at the sleeping form of the man that I had only recently discovered that I loved. He had spent many sleepless nights caring for everyone in the Cove and then for me. He had been here day and night while I was ill, most especially when I was near to dying. My heart went out to him now as I viewed him asleep in the chair with his head leaning to one side, it had to be painful for his neck! He had my hand in his yet, still holding fast as if I’d get away if he let go of me! It felt wonderful. I had never been loved like this before.” -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- I set my journal down slowly and looked out the window at the passing scenery. I would miss these mountains for the next seven days. Fourteen days from today would be our wedding, then I would be married to a mountain man. Not that Neil was truly a ‘mountain man’ but he was from these mountains and was accepted as one of them. I was anxious to ‘one-of-them’!! I loved these people, the children, these mountains, and most especially a certain Doctor who lived in Cutter Gap in a cabin on the bank of Big Spoon Creek. I put my head back and closed my eyes and began thinking of Ruby Mae and Will Beck’s wedding. How I was so blind to Neil’s fondness for me. I could see the love in his eyes plainly now. But *then* I wondered what that look was! Maybe I was much more ’young and innocent’ then I realized! How could I have been so ignorant of things that were happening? Neil had kept his eyes on my face all the while he sang “Shady Grove”. He had sung to me “My Pretty Little Pink”. And the enigmatic look on his face!! It may have been a mystery to me then, but after my bout with Typhoid, I knew what that ‘look’ was, my eyes were finally opened to the love of this man. I had given him quite an impression as Neil spun me around and I let my head fall back in a moment of joyous rapture and I met his eyes. How they glistened with approval and I couldn’t understand what else. When I pulled my head back up, his lips brushed my forehead. His arm had remained firmly behind my back with my body pressed tightly against him. Now I wished he’d hold me like that again, but I knew better then to do that. There was more temptation in that type of behavior now. Enough of those type of thoughts for this afternoon!! Suddenly there were *fourteen whole days* until our wedding, where just a short while ago, as I was standing on the platform in El Pano, there were *only* fourteen!! I still felt dizzy as I thought about that day, but I didn’t panic any longer, as I had then. And for some reason my stomach seemed to do peculiar lurch within me as I thought of the way Neil looked at me that day. Perhaps a nap would help… -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Chapter II Asheville, North Carolina…I had grown up here. I had been protected here as a child and teenager. But after listening to Miss Alice speak with such love of her highlander’s when she visited our church made me want more then anything to follow her there! I felt in my heart I was to do that very thing. My mother and father had been opposed to me traveling to Cutter Gap, Tennessee to become a schoolteacher in a backwoods mission, but I was adamant about my decision. I knew without a doubt I was to follow my heart to Cutter Gap. The year was 1912. I had made a few trips to Asheville in the time I had been living at the mission, but my heart always…*always* yearned to go back to the Cove! Even today I knew I would only be in Asheville for a week, I was here for the final fitting of my wedding gown and Mother had arranged for a Bridal Shower for me, she also said my friends wanted to have something for me as well while I was here. I looked forward to the fun, but I would miss Cutter Gap, the mission, Miss Alice, the children, the school, the Cove, all the people…and of course, most especially, Neil. How I wished he could have come with me, but, he could not leave his patients just now, for he planned to take some time off after the wedding. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Today was the first day I had been back in Asheville in quite awhile. I lounged in bed this morning just listening, gazing around the room that had been mine most of my life and smelling the delicious aroma rising up from the kitchen. I mulled over yesterday in my mind-- getting off the train, seeing my mother, father and my brother George for the first time in quite awhile. They had come too visit shortly after I had Typhoid to see that I was recuperating well. Neil wanted me to return home with them for a few weeks at that time, but I knew in my heart if I was once back in Asheville, most especially after having just recovered from *Typhoid*, my parents would be even more opposed to my returning to the Cove then they were to my going in the first place! There was no way I could return to a life in Asheville with the tea parties and receptions, dress fittings and gossip that just wasn’t the life I wanted to lead any longer… This morning I relaxed and breathed in deeply of the smell of Breakfast cooking downstairs. There would be no possum for me for seven whole days! Now *that* was something to look forward to! I gingerly rose from my bed, wondering what Neil was doing. Of course if I knew Neil MacNeill (and I was certain no one knew him better then I) and the people of the Cove he was most likely on a house call somewhere! I prayed for his protection. I went to my closet and looked at the abundance of clothing still hanging there! How did I ever find the time to wear so many different dresses? I had very few clothes in the Cove and I got along just fine! “Why on earth would someone need so many different sets of clothing?” I inquired out loud to myself. If the women in the Cove were lucky they had two dresses to their name! I had two *closets* full! More then enough to share with every woman I knew in the Cove, though they were too proud to accept them if I would offer. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Monday morning, Mother and I walked to the dressmaker’s shop. I was used to walking everywhere I went and after six hours on the train Saturday, and church and a house full of relatives yesterday, I needed the fresh air and sunshine. Mrs. Finnegan had outdone herself on my dress I asked for a simple gown and she had done exactly as I had asked, but she had added special touches that made the dress unique. It was white satin with a short train, long sleeves, puffy to the elbow, then straight from there down, the Autumn weather was beginning to set in already in the Cove and I would need the long sleeves. A high collar, with a lace ruffle at the top. She had added lace to the straight half of the sleeves as well as the bodice. As I stood admiring my gown taking in every detail of it I forgot entirely about mother and Mrs. Finnegan standing behind me. I turned this way, and that, looking at my gown from nearly every imaginable angle. I felt as though I had to drink in every last inch of the detailing for some reason that I didn’t quite understand. I stood looking at my face above this beautiful gown. Was I worthy of this dress? Was I worthy of the man I was about to marry? Was I making the right decision? Had I made the right choice? Was I ready to be a wife? I knew it was very likely that I could be a mother very soon as well…was I ready for that? Suddenly everything struck me…I was truly getting married in less than two weeks!! I had made my choice we had planned our wedding down to the very last detail (mother made sure of that!), but was I rushing into this somehow? That thought made me chuckle inside! No, I certainly was not ‘rushing’ into this! Neil had only proposed two months ago…that was *months* after we had professed our love for each other! He hadn’t even kissed me until the week before he proposed, and that was the first and *only* time he had kissed me to date! No, if there was one thing I knew about this marriage it was that we were not *rushing* into it!! Was I worthy of this dress? As worthy as anyone I suppose. Was I worthy of Neil?-- Hmm?-- Was I?-- He seemed to think I so. Isn’t that what mattered the most?-- Of course it is! I loved Neil with my wwhole heart and I would do anything for him. I wanted to be a Godly wife for him…pleasing God was first on my priority list and if I could accomplish that, then I would please Neil as well. Was I making the right decision? ‘I think I just answered that question for myself. Of course I had made the right decision. There was no one in this world that I would rather spend the rest of life with then my ‘sparring partner‘--Neil MacNeill!!’ I had to chuckle to inwardly again! So therefore I had made the right choice as well. Was I ready to be a wife? …A mother!?! ‘Well, if I felt I was ready to be a wife, I had better be ready to be a mother as well! That was an area I had to leave entirely in God‘s hands.’ Mother tapped me on the shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my gown! “I’m sorry to startle you dear, but if we’re going to meet your father and George for lunch and we need to be going soon.” “I’m sorry mother. I was lost in thought. There are so many things going through my mind right now!” “I know Christy dear! I was a bride once myself.” Mother laughed lightly. Mrs. Finnegan helped me to remove my gown. Oh, how I hated to do that!! I had a sinking feeling as we left the dressmaker’s that day. Why I had it or where it was coming from was beyond me, but I couldn’t shake it! It wasn’t Neil, of that I was sure. I loved him and he loved me. He had never given me any indication that he was planning to change his mind. But I still had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I looked one last time at my wedding gown and turned to walk out the door. As though I would never see myself in that gown again. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Daddy and George were already at the restaurant when we arrived. George was his old teasing self again! He just couldn’t picture his ‘big’ sister as an ‘old-married-lady’!! I teased him in return, but inside I had to admit that I LOVED the sound of it. I could hardly wait to be a ‘married-lady‘, although not *old*! “Girlie, I’m not sure I’m ready to give you up yet.” Daddy said, he had been looking rather down in the dumps since mother and I arrived. “I’ve always so enjoyed calling you my ‘girlie’ that I’m not sure I want to stop.” “Daddy, I’m sure you won’t have to worry about that. Neil is too much of a gentleman to insist that you stop calling me ‘Girlie‘” I soothed. “I’m sure your Neil is quite the gentleman, Christy. Perhaps I’m feeling my age a little is all. My little girl is going to be a married woman in less than two weeks and it’s beginning to make me feel like ‘an old man’! I could be a *grandfather* soon! ” Daddy laughed uneasily. I reached for my father’s hand. “I’ll always be your little girl, Daddy. I promise. I may be Neil’s wife, but that won’t change who I am on the inside.” “I know little girl, I know!” Daddy smiled. “I’m not feeling that badly about it, believe me.” “No, it’s mother that can’t stand the thought of growing old!” George blurted out. “George!” Mother chided. “You shouldn’t speak of such things.” George shrank back in his chair and I tried my best *not* to seem amused. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Mother had her party planned for Saturday evening. My Aunts, Grand Aunts, Grandmother’s and cousin’s from both sides of my family converged on my parent’s house to wish me well. My Grandmother Huddleston gave me a pair of baby booties and told me to fill them soon!!! Everyone had a good laugh over it, including Grandmother and myself. I planned to tuck them away so Neil wouldn’t notice them! I didn’t want him to think I was planning anything right away!! It was wonderful to visit with family I hadn’t seen in a very long time! I promised them that Neil and I were planning to return for Thanksgiving and that they would all get to meet him then. I was sure they would love him as much as I did. Or at least I prayed they would! -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- My friends had a party for me at the home of Martha Kingsley. They had invited people I had known nearly all my life, but hadn’t seen in quite some time. There were some that I hadn’t seen in over two years, since before I went to Cutter Gap. We had so much to talk about! I hadn’t missed the *gossip*, but I had to admit I enjoyed sitting around talking with my ‘girlfriends’ once again! I would have none of the slanderous gossip, but I did enjoy getting caught up in the lives of all of my friends once again! “So, tell us about Neil!” Martha exclaimed while we were having tea. All those around us agreed wholeheartedly with her. “Well…what would you like to know?” I inquired. “What does he look like?” “What does he do?” “Is he from the mountain’s where you’re teaching?” “Is he one of those rugged mountain men we’ve heard about?” “How did you meet him?” They all bombarded me at once with their questions. “Whoa! One at a time, please!” I pleaded. “First of all, I suppose you could say that he is one of the rugged mountain men. He has a physique that you just won’t believe! Broad shoulder’s, muscular, big-boned, a large frame-even for a man! (I know mother wouldn’t want us to be talking like this, but she’s not here!), he’s got hazel eyes, sandy-red curly hair, --it‘s rather long and he does have a bad habit of pulling on the ends of it--but I love it anyway. He’s of Scottish descent;; he’s in his thirties. Rugged features, that seem to be chiseled out of stone. A handsome man to be sure! He’s a doctor, the only doctor for fifty miles. A surgeon as well.” I thought they were all going to swoon! At that moment I knew I was the envy of many of the women seated in this room. “We’ll be back for Thanksgiving and you can meet him then if you like.” I offered, a little afraid of what might happen if they did! At that moment I knew what one of my jobs had to be while I was in Asheville--I had to get Neil a wedding ring!! -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- The following days were filled with visiting my family, going shopping for gifts for friends back in the Cove, and packing up the gifts I had received so I could take them back with me. But the most important task I accomplished was the purchase of a wedding band for Neil! I knew he wouldn’t want anything fancy, a plain gold band would suit him well. The look didn’t matter it was the fact that it represented my love for Neil and our commitment and promise to each other that mattered the most. Seeing it on Neil’s finger would always remind me of the promise I make to him on the day of our marriage. A messenger arrived at the house on Wednesday with a missive for my father. After calling mother into his study, Mother came to tell me they were needed in Charlotte on Friday and they were going to say good-bye on Thursday already so I decided as long as my parent’s and George were going to be leaving, I might as well go home a day early. I would store my crates in El Pano and rent a horse to ride back to the Cove and surprise everyone. The following day or so, I could return with the mission’s wagon to retrieve my crates and trunks. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- I sat down Wednesday evening with my journal and wrote down everything that had happened since my last entry on Friday…I wrote about the parties, the dress fitting, and also the feeling I had as I tried on my gown. Most importantly I wrote of the feeling I had as I left the dressmaker’s shop on Monday…it still haunted me! Why did I feel that way? Fairlight had always taken great stock in dreams and feelings. Maybe it was her influence that was making me feel uneasy now. I wished I could interpret them the way Fairlight had been able to sometimes, but I couldn’t. I prayed for an answer, but none seemed to come. I looked back at the earlier entries once again as I had on Saturday. Thinking about Neil…picturing him in my mind. I missed him so much this week. Only ten more days until our wedding! At that thought I turned to the page in my journal where I had made the entries about Neil’s proposal…or most particularly one specific day the week prior to and the entire week which led up to the day of his proposal… -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- -=*=- Prelude to Austria -=*=- Chapter III I read of a particular day Neil came to the mission. Miss Alice and I were alone. She allowed Neil and I to speak in the parlor. Neil looked solemn this evening as he walked to the window, not even looking at me at all. “Christy, I don’t think we should see each other anymore, other than in a professional manner, I mean.” Neil admitted quietly. Stunned by this statement I said, “But Neil, I thought you said you loved me?” “I do Christy, but we’re from two different world’s! We’ll never remain happy together. Can you honestly say you could remain in the Cove for the rest of your life and still be content?” I knew enough about the Cove; as well as the joys and even heartaches there could be. I had remained here for quite some time already and was quite content to remain as long as I was needed. Either by the mission or by Neil. I desired to remain here more then ever now. Especially since I had discovered my love for Neil. “Yes, I *can* honestly say I could remain here Neil, for as long as you wish to remain.” “How can you be so sure?” Neil looked at me with what appeared almost to be a scowl on his face. “I love the people, I love the mission and the work we are accomplishing here. We’ve made so many positive changes. You and I have discussed so many things we would like to see come to pass, further adult education classes, better sanitary conditions, improving your clinic…the list goes on and on! Do you think I would have made all of these plans if I hadn’t a mind to remain in the Cove? Can you honestly believe I would have reciprocated your love without any thought to remaining here?” “Possibly…” I placed my finger to my mouth in a sign of ‘quiet’--the teacher in me I suppose. “Do you honestly believe I would have continued to ‘see’ you if I didn’t think there was a future for me here--with you?” “You don’t understand.” Neil began, he seemed to have something very important on his mind that he had to say. “Christy, I’ve never told you of my marriage--to Margaret. I believe that is something I am to get out into the open between us. Would you allow me to tell you about itt?” Neil inquired. I had heard quite a bit from Alice, but I realized Neil had something to say that *he* needed to get off his chest, so I would pretend not to have heard anything. “If you want--*need*, to tell me, I’m listening, Neil, but you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” “It’s alright. It’s been more then three years since her death, I think I can speak of it now. Not that we were happy together when she was alive.” He paused. “I was in my first year of Post Graduate bedside training at Jefferson Hospital when I met Margaret. I loved her--once. But love borne of lust doesn’t endure. I found that out much too late. Eventually the lust fades and you have nothiing left. Besides Margaret never loved *me*, she loved what I represented--at least in her eyes--she thought of me as her inferior. Because she thought she was, and I am quoting her here, ‘An accident born of man’s lust’. Therefore someone such as myself, a “hillbilly”, was perfect for her--I suppose she was right.” Neil looked away from me. “That’s not true Neil!” I almost yelled, but my volume proved my adamancy in the fact that he was wrong in his assumptions of himself. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do! You’d never feel inferior again!” “Well--whatever--it’s in the past now. What’s done is done. I can look back and see what should have been done, as they say ‘Hinddsight is 20/20’, but I still can’t do anything about it.” He sighed deeply before continuing. “Did you know that Margaret was Alice Henderson’s daughter?” Neil asked. I was looking at the floor. I nodded my head slowly. “Has she told you the details surrounding Margaret’s birth?” I nodded my head again. “For awhile I believe she and I were becoming quite close. She seemed to see I needed her, as did Alice.” He walked slowly over to the fireplace, staring pensively into it. Placing another log on the fire, he breathed long and deep, a sad--mournful sigh escaped him. “Then she discovered her pregnancy--the summer scourge came early that year, I was away from homme more then usual… All during her pregnancy Margaret was miserable. She often told me that perhaps it was wrong to ‘perpetuate her kind’. “Suddenly she missed her group of friends from Philadelphia; life in Cutter Gap seemed dull, devoid of intellectual stimulus, as she said. Once again she withdrew into herself and the hard gloss of old reappeared. With this attitude of depression, along with the Typhoid, she had little will to fight for her life. She went into premature labor and our son was born the day before his mother passed away. He was born much too early, Margaret was only seven months along when labor began. “I delivered our baby myself. He was so tiny he fit into the palm of my hand. I wrapped him up and held him, talking to him as he slowly slipped away. Burying my wife and infant son was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Neil paused, a tear slid down his cheek and he tried to hide brushing it aside. “You can stop if you want, Neil.” I offered. “I don’t need to hear anymore, especially if it’s so painful for you.” He smiled slightly at me. “I’m fine, Christy, truly I am. It’s only a bad memory. I don’t mind telling you.” He sighed again. “I couldn’t understand why God would take away my whole family like that! Margaret and our son, plus my brother, my sister and our mother all died of Typhoid when I was very young. I was furious with Him. It cemented my belief that God wasn’t real. That science was my god and from then on it would be the only god I would recognize…” He paused again. I took his hand with tears in my eyes. “Why do you look so sad?” Neil asked. “Because I can’t see how anyone could do something so horrible, as Margaret did to you! I could never think of another human being that God created as inferior to myself!” I sobbed. Neil looked at me then lifted my hand to look at it in his. Then he looked me in the eyes. “How can I be sure you would never be able to do that? How can I be sure it’s me you love? How can I be sure that this is not just an infatuation?” I held Neil’s hand in both of mine. I wanted to hold it to my heart to show him how close I felt to him, how deeply I felt his pain and wished I could remove it! The tears in his eyes tore at my heart. “I want more then anything to remove your pain Neil!” I sobbed. “I would do anything to remove what you’ve gone through! Please let me try?” I pleaded. “Just give me a chance. I’ll do my best to help you, to do what you expect of me, what you want of me; what you *need* of me. I have told you how I feel about you. If you cannot believe what I say then perhaps you do not trust me? But if that were so then how come you told me you loved me in the first place? All I can tell you, Neil is that you must trust me to be faithful to you and to my word. I know the people up here in the Mountains place a lot of stock in a man, or woman‘s word. When they swear to something they intend to see it through to fruition. That is what I am doing right now. I swear to you that my word is my bond, I have said nothing that I do not fully intend to see through.” Neil walked up to me looking me squarely in the eyes. I could hear him breathe, he was so close to me. He brushed the tears from my face. Resting his hand on the side of my face. His gaze intense, a small part of me was frightened by the intensity, but an even larger part of me was thrilled by his nearness. I swallowed hard, unsure what I should do. His eyes held me like a pin to a butterfly. I couldn’t move, not that I actually wanted to. He leaned into my face even closer, I could feel his breath on my cheek. He allowed his lips to brush mine ever so lightly. I felt my breath catch in my throat. He leaned forward slightly more and placed a very gentle quick kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes to find him gazing intently at me and more intense then last time. I sighed deeply my breath quivering as it escaped me. I opened my eyes again to find him looking at me with longing. He brushed his thumb ever so softly across my lips. This time *he* sighed deeply. He moaned softly when my lips parted. He eagerly responded with a more intense kiss. This time he moved his hand from my cheek to the back of my head and I slipped my arms around his waist and held him tightly. He intensified his kiss and slid his other hand around my waist, drawing me closer to him. I matched the fervency of his kiss and he moved his hand from my neck to my back. Gradually he drew away from me. We both stood gazing into each others eyes for quite some time, breathless and swooning. Neil was the first to remove his gaze from mine. He looked at my hair then the rest of my face, stopping for only the briefest of moments on my mouth. He stepped back from me taking my hands in his. His gaze swept over me and back again. He sighed and so did I, as he did so. “I had better be going home.” Neil stated. The last thing I wanted was for him to leave right now. But it was the right thing to do. Neil took my hand (that was the first time we had walked hand-in-hand as well). At the bottom of the mission porch steps Neil released my hand. He placed his hand on my cheek. He leaned his face into mine so close I could once again feel his breath on my face. He whispered softly. “Thank-you for--*everything*!” He stroked my cheek. “I love you, Neil.” I whispered as he looked longingly at me, but backed away slowly. He slid his hand reluctantly from my cheek then sighed as he turned on his heel and headed for the barn. I held my hand to my cheek remembering where his fingers had been; not wanting to forget how it felt. I watched as Neil entered the barn and I stood waiting for him to exit with his horse. I watched him mount Charlie and he raised his gloved hand toward me as a gesture of ‘good-bye’. I watched him ride up the incline toward the schoolhouse then past the school and onward toward his cabin. I stood watching until he was but a speck on the horizon then faded into nothingness. Then, and only then, did it even occur to me to turn and ascend the porch stairs. I couldn’t sleep that night. Too many things were racing through my mind. Most especially that kiss. But yet inside I had a strange feeling something wasn’t right… When five days passed and I hadn’t seen any sign of Neil nor had I heard of any emergencies that would have kept him away for this long, I began to worry… I rode out to Neil’s cabin, his horse was in the corral and there was smoke coming from the chimney, so he must be here somewhere. I knocked on the door to his cabin…no answer. I walked around the property, along the river, but no sign of Neil anywhere except for the fact that Charlie was in his stall. I decided to leave him a note so he would know I wished to speak with him, to be sure he was alright. I went to the front door and tried to open it…’Strange.’ I thought to myself, ‘it seems to be locked from the inside.’ “Neil?” I called as I tried the door again. ‘Yes the door was locked from the inside.’ “It’s me, Christy…Are you alright? I haven’t seen or heard anything from you in five days. I’m worried about you. Please answer me Neil!” ………………Silence………………… “Neil, if you’re angry with me because of the other night, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do anything wrong! Please speak to me, give me a chance to explain!” More silence. “We have to talk about this! Why are you trying to drive me away? I don’t understand--I don’t know what’s troubling you! Why are you angry with me? It was only a kiss…” It was considerably more then that-- tto me, but I would not go into any greater detail then I had already. I longed to speak with him. To have him tell me what was in his heart, but he would have no part of it. I leaned against the door, my heart pounding hard in my chest. I felt the tears as they stung my eyes. I had no idea what was going on and why Neil had this sudden change of heart! I turned toward the door and placed my hand on it, leaning my head in to the door so Neil would hear me better. “I still love you, Neil. Please forgive me if I’ve done something wrong. I have no idea what I’ve done, I beg you to give me a chance to explain at least! Please!?!” I could hear Neil moving inside, but he seemed to be walking away from the door and not toward it. “I meant what I said, Neil. I love you, there’s no one I’d rather be with then you. If this is because you feel you can’t trust me then I wish you would explain to me why you do not. Allow me a chance to explain. I’m sorry if I‘ve done something wrong--I didn‘t mean to…” The tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat would not allow me to continue. When I realized Neil was not going to answer the door I turned slowly and descended the stairs toward Buttons. As I removed the reigns from the post out front I glanced up one last time at the cabin, looking around at the windows off the porch. Mounting Buttons I rode a ways off, I had the feeling I was being watched. Drawing up the reigns Buttons halted and I looked around me, I saw no one in the immediate area. I turned all the way around and noticed Neil in the upstairs window looking down at me. I brushed the tears from my face as our eyes locked. He had no smile, his face looked rather lost and alone, at least it seemed that way to me. But if that is the way he felt, then why wouldn’t he speak to me? I turned slowly around and rode back to the mission. Giving Buttons her head I allowed her to take me home. Sobbing relentlessly I could be of little use to her in any case. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Chapter IV I didn’t come down for supper that evening. I couldn’t eat if I wanted to. I was lost in thoughts of both this afternoon and five nights ago. Why would Neil have kissed me the way he did if he was planning to never see me again? It certainly didn’t seem to me, to be a ’good-bye’ kiss, though it could have been that… I had no idea. A knock on my door startled me back to the present. “Come in.” I called without any feeling. “You didn’t come down for supper.” Miss Alice said softly as she entered my room. “Are you alright?” “I couldn’t possibly eat, Miss Alice.” I replied, still with little feeling. “Is something wrong? You are not feeling ill again are you?” Miss Alice asked with concern as she placed her wrist against my forehead, checking for fever. “No, it is not that. I am well, I assure you. It is just something between Neil and myself.” “Would you care to share it with me?” Miss Alice offered. “I know it is none of my affair, but perhaps I might be able to help you. I have known Neil MacNeill for a long time.” “I don’t actually know what the problem *is*, Miss Alice.” I said slowly. “I don’t know if Neil would want me to tell you everything, but I’ll try to tell you what I can without disclosing too much. If that’s possible. Though I do need to unburden myself. “When Neil was here five days ago he told me the same story you told me of his marriage to Margaret, only from his perspective, of course. I cried so hard listening to his story that night. I wanted to do something to help him feel better about himself. He started out by telling me he thought we shouldn’t see each other in anything but a professional manner. I thought he had changed his mind when…he…. But now he won’t even speak to me! I hadn’t seen him or heard anything about him in five days so I rode out to his cabin today. To make a rather long story-short, after looking for him, I tried the door and it was locked from the inside. I finally gave up trying to get him to open the door and I left. As I was riding away I turned and looked up to see Neil watching me from the upstairs window. He looked as though he needed a friend, but if that’s the case, why is he attempting to drive me away!?! I don’t understand!” “As I told you before, Neil thinks he’s inferior, to some extent, after his marriage to Margaret. He’s very insecure in that area of his character. In most other ways he’s a very strong personality. It won’t be easy to reach him there, I guarantee it, Christy.” “But you would think he would feel more secure about me since we professed our love for each other. I do not believe that I have ever given him cause to doubt my affection or my trustworthiness. I’ve stuck by him through everything, why would he still doubt me?” “Maybe because you aren’t weak in that area yourself, you don’t quite understand what I’m saying. “Now don’t get me wrong! That’s exactly what Neil needs, someone who is strong in that area of their personality to make up for his weakness there. We just have to find some way to get him to open up to you about why he feels the way he does.” “And *that* is easier said then done, isn’t it Miss Alice?” I asked. “It certainly is, Christy!!” Miss Alice agreed with a smile. “That it is!!” -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- The answer to the problem came in a unique way. The following day there was no school and Miss Alice and I were in the Dining Room of the mission house, I was working on Lesson plans and Miss Alice was reading her Bible. A knock on the door sent us both jumping out of our seats. Miss Alice answered the door to find Jeb Spencer on the other side; his arm was wrapped up in a bloody rag. Miss Alice looked at Mr. Spencer’s arm and determined it would need stitches. She went to her dispensary, but found she had no sutures. “We’ll need to take you to Dr. MacNeill.” Miss Alice told Jeb. “Christy, I think this would be a perfect opportunity for you to ‘observe’.” Miss Alice said as she raised her eyebrows and winked subtly at me. I nodded my head, unsure of what she meant. “You can ride with me, and Mr. Spencer can ride Buttons. Do you think you can ride alright, Mr. Spencer?” “Ah’ll do mah best Miz Alice.” “Alright then, let’s go.” Miss Alice announced opening the door quickly and guiding Mr. Spencer through. As we rode along Miss Alice told me of her plan to find a chance for me to speak to Neil. She told me she would drop me off some distance down the path and I was to remain out of sight until she and Mr. Spencer were inside the cabin. Once they were inside, I should sneak into the cabin and hide. She would stay behind after Mr. Spencer left and try to speak with Neil about what was going on between him and I. Later, either after he opened up to Miss Alice, I was to make my presents known and possibly we could talk. Miss Alice promised to stick close to the cabin so Neil and I were not left alone. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Miss Alice let me off a short distance down the path as she said she would. Mr. Spencer had a questioning look on his face, but asked nothing. He and Miss Alice rode up to the cabin, dismounted and tethered the horses out front. I stayed back in the bushes and watched from a distance as I was told to do. Miss Alice knocked on the door…No answer. She knocked again, and this time tried the door to find it locked as I had the day before. Knocking again she announced, “Dr. MacNeill, it’s Alice Henderson. I have Mr. Spencer with me. He’s cut his arm pretty badly and needs stitches. I’m out of sutures, I need your help!” The door came open and Neil led Miss Alice and Mr. Spencer into the cabin. I waited a few moments to allow them to get into the locked room before I approached the cabin. I sneaked inside and hid in the storage room listening to what was going on outside the door for quite some time before they emerged from the room. Jeb Spencer left, Miss Alice remained. “Neil, I need to have an opportunity with thee.” Miss Alice began. “I’m listening Alice.” Neil said with very little feeling. “I have been speaking to a young woman who is extremely upset about the man she is in love with. It appears that he refuses to speak with her any longer. She seemed to think they were becoming quite close and now he looks as if he is pushing her away for some unknown reason. She is very anxious to find out the reasoning behind this sudden distance.” Neil turned away from Alice and looked out the window. “You’re referring to Christy, I presume.” “Yes, Neil I am.” Alice began. “What is going on that she doesn’t know about?” “I love Christy with all my heart. I want to be with her more then anything on this earth…but what if she looks on me the same way that Margaret did? Does she see me as her inferior also? Or worse, does she feel sorry for me? She kept saying she was sorry the other day. I don‘t want her to feel sorry for me. I just want her to love me…for me!!” “Neil MacNeill, I thought you knew Christy Huddleston better then that!?” Miss Alice asked. “You know she would not still be with you if she thought of you that way, in fact I have never seen that young woman look on *anyone*--*ANYONE* as inferior. If she can look on the people of this cove and view them as equals, considering where she comes from,, then certainly she must picture you the same way, at least! And I am convinced to the soles of my feet that her vision of you is considerably more than that!” “How can I be sure, Alice?” “If you don’t trust Christy’s word, then you are better off separated! You must have a trusting relationship for it to last!” Miss Alice said. “You must, take her at her word, that she means what she says. She is in love with you Neil, truly and deeply. There has been no doubt in my mind about that fact for quite sometime, but that aside, I have known Miss Huddleston long enough to realize she can be trusted! And if you can‘t then she is better off without you!” Neil stood looking out the window. I emerged from my hiding place and Miss Alice slipped out onto the porch. Neil turned around to speak to Alice, his mouth open, but nothing came out as he noticed me standing there. His finger poised to point at Miss Alice to get his position across to her. Slowly his hand went down and mouth closed. Then he found his speech again. “Christy, when did you get here?” “I’ve been here all the while. I rode over with Miss Alice and Mr. Spencer.” I admitted. “Neil, I heard what you said to Miss Alice. First of all, I feel the same way you do…I love you with all of my heart, Neil MacNeill! There’s no one on this earth that I would rather be with then you.” I walked up close to him and whispered. “I want to be with you more then anything in the world also! If anyone should be looked upon as inferior here, it’s me! I’m no great scholar. I never finished college. You’re an accomplished Physician *and* surgeon! All I ever wanted to do was help these people to have a better life the best way I could through education.” “Christy! You‘re not inferior to me or anyone!” Neil began but paused for quite some time as he gazed pensively out the window. “I need you to promise me something. Can you do that?” “Of course I can, but it depends on what exactly you are asking me to promise.” “Would you promise me that you harbor no ill or inferior feelings toward me as Margaret did?” I walked closer to him and took his hand and raised my right hand as a sign of making a pledge. “I do solemnly swear that I do not now, nor will I ever look on you as inferior. Nor will I ever see you as anything less then the wonderful man that you are. We may not be married, or even engaged, but I promise as though it were our wedding day that I love you with everything that is within me!! You will never lack for love from me and you will never have to wonder whether or not I truly love *you*, for *you*!” A tear slid down Neil’s cheek, and at that, I, of course, felt the tears welling up in my eyes as well. “May I hug you Christy?” Neil asked politely. “Of course you may Neil!” I assured him. At that Neil wrapped his arms around me and drew me close and I did the same. It felt marvelous to be in his arms! Relieved during the ride back to the mission with Miss Alice, I was happy remembering how this afternoon had ended. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Two days later I heard a horse outside of the schoolhouse as I was cleaning up after school. I assumed it was Miss Alice or David stopping by, but when Neil entered the classroom I was shocked! I knew we had made up but I still was not sure what was going on in his mind. I hadn’t seen him since the afternoon at his cabin with Miss Alice. Although this time I had heard of him checking on Jeb Spencer and some of the other people of the cove, he wasn’t holed up in his cabin as he was before. “Neil! What a pleasant surprise!” I announced. He was pulling at the hair on the back of his neck once again. I knew he had something on his mind, but what? “Hello, Christy.” Neil began, looking shyly at the ground. “Did you want to see me about something?” I asked. “I wanted to speak with you, about--something.” Neil began sheepishly. “Could we go for a walk.” He asked, but quickly looked up at me and said “I promise, II won’t try to push you away!” “Well, as long as you put it that way I would be honored to accompany you Dr. MacNeill.” I reached for his hand, afraid he might not reach out to me. He looked at me a bit shyly but grasped my hand firmly in his. We walked around the pond and the meadow behind it. Neil picked wildflowers and gave them to me. I smiled. This was yet another first for us. “Thank-you. They’re beautiful!” Neil noticed a patch of grass among the wildflowers. “Could we sit over here for awhile?” I nodded my head slightly. “Of course.” I replied. Neil helped me to the ground then sat beside me. He seemed distant--distracted today. I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind. I sat back and allowed him to lead the discussion, if theere was to be any that is. Neil cleared his throat. He was looking away from me. Picking a long blade of grass he placed it in his teeth, taking it out and put it back several times. Glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, then looking quickly away again. “Is there a particular reason why you brought me out here, or did you just wish to be alone with me?” I asked shyly, knowing I could be making matters worse. “What I mean is, did you have something you needed to say to me. You seem to have something on your mind. If you don’t that’s fine, I was just wondering is all.” “Well--” Neil began and he cleared his throat once again. “I did have something to talk to you about.” He removed the blade of ggrass from his teeth again and glanced sideways at me quickly then promptly looked away. “I’m listening.” “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about the other day--and about what--happened--last week.” My heart suddenly felt heavy. I remembered what Neil had promised in the schoolhousee, that he wouldn’t try to drive me away, but this certainly sounded as though it were heading in that direction. Neil paused for a long while, pulling at the hairs at the back of his neck. I wanted to reach up and remove his hand from his hair and tell him he could say anything to me, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he had to say. “This just isn’t coming out the way I had practiced it!” Neil chided himself. I looked at Neil, but he was looking away from me slightly so I couldn’t see into his eyes. “What were you thinking about what we said the other day, maybe I can help. You can tell me anything, I hope you know that, Neil.” “I was thinking about when you told me you love me, that you can’t live without me--and everything. Most especially the promise you made me.” Neil fumbled for the words. He slapped his leg as he got mad att himself. “Why is it so much easier for me to argue with you then to propose to you!” Neil’s eyes got wide. “That’s not how I wanted to do this, Christy!” Neil yelled, more at himself then at me, I knew. I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I kept them under control well enough that Neil wouldn’t notice them. Especially since he didn’t look me directly in the eyes. I reached for his hand. He held on tight with both of his. “Christy--I meant what I said the other day. I can’t bear to live without you. I want to be with you always. My heart aches when yoou aren’t around. I do love you.” He paused again, as he reached into his pocket and removed a ring. “Christy, this belonged to my mother. I would be honored if you would wear it--as a sign that you will become--my--wife?” He looked at the ring in his hand as he extended it toward me, but he did not look me in the eyes. I placed my hand on his hand holding the ring and I picked up the ring with my fingers. I lifted it to get a better look at it. I smiled. “It’s beautiful, Neil!” I placed my hand up to the side of my face as though I were thinking about something. “Hmm? Christy MacNeill?” I said. “What?” Neil questioned. “I’m trying it out to see if I like it--Christy MacNeill?” I said again. “I love it!! I would be honored to wear this ring as a sign that I will become your wifee. And flattered to be your fiancée.” Neil looked at me with a shocked expression on his face. “Are you sure?” “Yes!” I exclaimed with a determined look on my face and raised eyebrows. I placed my hand on his cheek. “I would be most proud to become your wife, Neil MacNeill!” “Christy MacNeill?” Neil said out loud. “I like the sound of that myself!” We both laughed. Then Neil proceeded to place his ring on my finger then he kissed it. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Chapter V I closed my journal slowly with my left hand, admiring the ring on my finger. I held up my hand to the lamp admiring how it reflected the light. I had never asked Neil how long this ring had been in his family. I know he said it belonged to his mother, but I didn’t ask if there had been anyone before her. It didn’t matter of course, it was what the ring represented, our love and commitment to each other which matter, not the material or sentimental value of the ring. I loved this ring because of the man who gave it to me, if for no other reason. I could hardly wait to see Neil again tomorrow! I took out a piece of paper and began practicing writing my new name. Mrs. Neil MacNeill…Christy MacNeill…C. MacNeill…Dr. and Mrs. Neil MacNeill …over and over I wrote them! It was fun to dream away my final hours before I went to bed. In eight days I would be signing my name that way for the rest of my life. …Well, it was time to get back to reality again! I went over to my bed to finish packing my clothes and to arrange the crates for pick-up in the morning. This time tomorrow evening I would be back at the mission!! Mother had informed me early in the week that they would be leaving for Charlotte on Thursday due to an urgent request for Father’s business. Owing to that fact I had arranged to return to the Cove a day early, arriving on Friday instead of Saturday intending to surprise everyone with my early arrival. I would have informed Neil or Miss Alice, but knowing I would merely disrupt their schedules and understanding full well that I was perfectly capable of returning to the mission on my own, I decided to remain mute and continue on my own. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- The train ride back to El Pano was uneventful; I suppose that’s the best kind. Saying ‘Good-bye’ to Mother and Father was easier this time, mostly because I would be seeing them again in less then a week. They were to arrive on Tuesday to help me with last minute wedding preparation. Of which there were many! I arranged to have the crates and my trunk stored in El Pano before I went to the Livery Stable to rent a horse. I would return with the wagon in a day or so to retrieve everything and return the horse. I was anxious to get home again! I wanted to return to the mission, but I thought I’d stop at Neil’s first to let him know I was already home and he wouldn’t need to pick me up tomorrow. Besides I missed him terribly and I couldn’t wait to see him again! I requested the gentlest horse that the Livery had. I was satisfied with the mount they gave me. A gentle Bay whose name I could neither remember nor pronounce when they told me. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and the temperature just right with a wind blowing. It felt wonderful to be on my way back to the mission once again. I wound my way around Tumbling Creek toward Neil’s cabin. I rounded a bend in the creek and a strong gust of wind hit, blowing my jacket collar up into my face, I reached up to draw it back into it’s place in time to see a small tree falling in my direction. I didn’t think much of it, until the horse reared, I clutched at my mount trying my best to keep from falling, my hands slipped, I screamed as I slid from the horse toward the ground. I knew I was falling-- tumbling and I could not make out which direction was up and which was down. The ground seemed to be so very far away…too far! Terror gripped my heart as I continued to fall. The fall ended abruptly as I heard a loud cracking sound and excruciating pain flooded my head. I tried to raise my hands to my head but I could not. Delightful darkness over took me as everything around me disappeared. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Neil readied himself to leave the Bob Allen cabin. Mary and the baby would be fine now. Alice had called him in because she didn’t like to way things were turning out. The baby didn’t seem to be descending the birth canal, as it should have. Neil diagnosed that the baby’s foot was stuck under Mary’s rib and couldn’t move. He turned the baby and it had been born within minutes. Alice would remain behind to help out in Mary’s absence for a few hours, just enough to get a meal prepared and make sure the family was well equipped to continue on until Mary could get back up on her feet once again. “Alice, I’m on my way to El Pano to pick-up Christy, is there anything you need while I’m there?” Neil asked. “Not at the moment. Just bring Christy home safe and sound. That’s all, Neil. Be safe on your trip as well.” Alice smiled. “I will Alice. I’ll bring her home by sundown. I promise.” Neil smiled as he turned and left. Neil had just enough time to stop at home, change his clothes and wash-up hastily in the stream. He grabbed a quick bite to eat as he bolted out the door. He was praying and speaking with Charlie as he rode along. Admiring the wildflowers along the trail he decided to stop and pick some for Christy when he got closer to El Pano that way they wouldn’t wilt before he met her train. Charlie started at the sound another horse whinny, “What makes you so jumpy today fella?” Neil asked his old friend as he patted his neck. Realizing that it was unusual for Charlie to be startled by anything Neil decided to look a bit further into the cause. “What is it Charlie? Is there something out there I should know about?” He let Charlie have his head and Charlie led them to another horse standing off the path, grazing. Neil looked about and saw no one; he dismounted and looked around at the situation. The strange horse was saddled but not tethered to anything. Neil examined it and determined that it had not had the saddle removed for a while. The horse was gaunt and dirty. Obviously it had not been cared for in a while. “Hello! Is anyone here!?!” Neil called out. Listening closely, but there was no answer. He called again-- still nothing. He looked at Charlie and said, “Well boy, we’ve got to continue on to El Pano, or we’ll be late picking up Christy. We’ll come back later and investigate further if this other fellow is still here when we get back.” Neil tethered the horse to a stump so he could find him and this spot again later. Waiting on the platform at the train station, Neil paced back and forth. The train should have been in long ago. He removed his pocket watch and looked again at the time. The train had never been this late before. He walked over to the ticket window, flowers in hand. “Have you heard anything about why the train is so late arriving today?” Neil asked the teller at the ticket window. “Shoot, Doc! The train was an hour *early* today! You missed it!” The teller smiled at Neil. Neil turned around, confused. He walked over to the Livery Stable. The blacksmith was at his forge. “Did anyone stop in here to rent a horse? I was supposed to meet someone on the train today, maybe you remember her, the young lady from Asheville, Christy Huddleston, she teaches school at the mission in Cutter Gap.” “She done stopped in yesterday Doc! Rented a bay gelding and let out of Cutter Gap yesterday afternoon sometime. I got her crates and trunks stored over younder for her till she comes to pick em up!” “A bay gelding you said?” “Yes um. Said she wanted a gentle horse and he’s the best I got!” “Thank-you.” Neil said as he turned to leave the building. Outside he threw his flowers on the ground and mounted Charlie. “We’ve got to go back to that Bay again, Charlie! I have a bad feeling that Christy’s in trouble! I know you’ve come a long way today, but do your best to get me back there as quickly as you can, alright boy?” Neil leaned forward and whispered to Charlie, who was listening intently to Neil’s pleas. They roade off; back to where they had left the bay gelding they had seen earlier. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- When Neil returned to the horse, it was still tethered to the tree trunk. He searched the area calling out for Christy, but there was no answer. He searched and called for most of the afternoon when he noticed something, or someone in the bushes up ahead of him. Looking closely he noticed it was Bird’s Eye Taylor waving him over. Gingerly approaching where Bird’s Eye was standing, Neil hated to be mistrusting of this man, but he found it difficult not to be. “What is it Bird’s Eye?” “She’s over thar.” Bird’s Eye said as he waved his hand over to an area behind him on the other side of an embankment. “Who?” “That thar teacher from over tah the mission. The one who’s tah be yer missus.” Neil raced over to the edge of the embankment and peered over. He saw Christy lying at the bottom with her head on a rock. “Oh no! Christy!” Neil yelled as he began to work his way down the bank. “Is this just how you found her Bird’s Eye? Did you move her at all?” “Didn’t think it was right to be a movin ‘er, so’s I jist left ‘er lie thar. Didn’t want to go for no holp on a count ah leavin ‘er here like this. Didn’t want no wild animal to be ah gittin ‘er. So’s I stayed right har ah watchin ‘er. Knew somebody’d be by a lookin fer ‘er sooner or later. “Heared that horse a caterwauling yesterday, that’s what made me come looken tah see what the fuss was all about. When I started trackin the teacher’s horse I followed it over ‘ere. Noticed a girdled tree falled acrost the path up thar. Don’t know if the trees what hit ‘er or if’n the horse reared and thrower ‘er off. The tracks showed the horse reared up thar too. So’s I ain’t got no idea what happened. Twernt me that knocked down that tree neither Doc! Don’t know who did. Could ah jist been the wind what throwed hit down.” “I know Bird’s Eye. I’m not blaming you for anything. I just wanted to know it you moved her, so I could see the place where she fell. I’d have a better idea what happened to her, what injuries to look for.” Neil began his examination. “Bird’s Eye, I need you to do me a favor. Would you run and find Miss Alice or Rev. Grantland and ask them to bring the mission wagon here?” “It’s the least I kin do after the way you folks took care ah ma boy.” “Thank-you Bird’s Eyes. I‘m beholdin to you for saving Christy‘s life.” “Twernt nuttin Doc.” “It is a great deal more than that to me Bird‘s Eye!” Neil got up and looked Bird’s Eye in the eyes. “Without you Christy may have died out here. I owe you everything that happens in our lives from this point on. Thank-you so much for everything, Mr. Taylor.” Neil extended his hand to shake Bird’s Eye’s and Bird’s Eye reluctantly shook it. As Bird’s Eye left, Neil turned back to Christy. Her eyes were unresponsive to the light, but were not fixed and dilated. He examined her head and noticed swelling at the top-front part of her head. She was bleeding from the head wound, but not anywhere else. He examined the rest of her as well, finding nothing that seemed to need immediate attention. The head injury was his greatest concern. He wished he had better medical facilities! She would need a Trephine, the same surgery he had performed on Bob Allen the day Christy had arrived in the cove. Christy was unresponsive to his prodding. She was in a deep coma now. It had to have been close to twenty-four hours since she had fallen. The damage was set, he hoped that whatever damage there was that he could repair the worst of it. Once Alice or David arrived with the wagon he would go back to his clinic and perform the Trephine, but they would need to get her to the city as soon as possible to a clean, sterile hospital with the right instruments and proper care. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Bird’s Eye arrived at the mission as David was walking from the barn to the mission house. He came riding up extremely fast and startled David. “Reverend!” Bird’s Eye called. “What is it Mr. Taylor?” “It’s Miz Christy. Doc sunt me tah fetch yah and Miz Alice. He said tah bring the wagon, she’s bad-off preacher! Yah gotta come quick!” “I’ll get the wagon ready, why don’t you go up to the house and get Miz Alice?” Bird’s Eye raced for the house and David headed for the barn. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Chapter VI Once Neil, Miss Alice, David and Bird’s Eye had taken Christy to Neil’s clinic they set her on the table and Neil began to give orders to everyone. Water needed to be boiled, instruments must be sterilized, the table needed to be covered with a sterile sheet, Christy’s head needed to be shaved in the area of the wound, among other things. Bird’s Eye remained close by and helped as he could. Neil, who was all physician now, would not allow emotion to cloud his judgment. Christy needed him more as her physician at this moment then she did a worried fiancé! When Neil began the surgery Bird’s Eye and David had to leave. Dr. MacNeill never allowed anyone to remain in his clinic when he operated, except Alice Henderson. David, Bird’s Eye, Ida and Ruby Mae, all waited impatiently inside the mission house for word of Christy’s condition. Alice came rushing in at one point to use the telephone. Calling the El Pano railroad station. “This is Alice Henderson, Cutter Gap mission. I’m calling on behalf of Dr. MacNeill. I need to know when the next train to Asheville will be leaving?” Alice paused as the station manager answered. “This is a medical emergency. Hold the train at the station until we have our patient on board. We will need a place to lay our patient down on the train, as well as having the area clean and away from people. We do not want to contaminate the patient with any germs.” She paused again. “Yes, that would be fine. We’ll ready everything here and be in El Pano as quickly as possible.” She hung up the phone. “David, get the wagon out immediately. The train for Asheville is on it’s way in right now. There was more damage then Neil anticipated. We need to get Christy to the hospital in Asheville as soon as possible. They’re going to hold the train for us in El Pano. She can’t wait for the next train to arrive, it would be too late by that time.” Alice declared as she raced out the door back to Neil’s clinic. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- The wagon ride was excruciatingly long for Neil! He wanted to have Christy in Asheville ‘yesterday’, but that was impossible. He watched over his bride to be, keeping an eye on her health as they rode along. If only he had the proper facilities he could give her the immediate care she required. Alice noticed the worried expression on Neil’s face. “Neil, we must seek faith. Do not give up hope for Christy. She needs you to remain strong during this period. No matter what happens, you need to leave it in God’s hands and allow Him to have His way in this matter.” “I don’t want to lose her Alice! That’s what worries me the most. I cannot fathom life without her any longer! When Margaret died I swore I would never love anyone again. But with Christy, I’ve found love such as I didn’t know was possible in this world. I didn’t think I could ever be so happy as I have been since I‘ve been in love with Christy.” “Then hold on to her Neil! Don’t let her go! If you let her go then she will let go herself! You must be strong for her once again. She told me about the night you prayed for her when her life was slipping away during her bout with Typhoid. I truly believe from what she told me that she was already gone and it was your love which brought her back and convinced her to remain! Your love brought her through before, when she wasn’t even aware of the fact that you love her, you can only imagine what the love you two have between you *now* can accomplish! You have a very special relationship with Christy. I don’t think she will leave you easily. If there is any way God will allow her to continue, I am convinced she will remain here, holding on to the love you are extending toward her.” **Neil gripped my hand, I could hear them talking, but it sounded as though they were miles away. They were talking so slowly, I wondered why--‘My head hurts Neil! Please take the pain away! I can’t stand the pain! It hurts terribly!’ Whether Neil could hear me oor not I wasn’t sure, but I wanted so badly for the pain to go away and stay away!! I wish they would stop bouncing me, it only makes the pain worse!** -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- David prayed all the while he helped Alice and Neil. Once Christy was on the train and all of Neil’s supplies were set up as he might need them. “I’ll continue to pray for you.” David stated as he turned to leave. Alice remained on the train awhile longer to get Neil situated before she left. “My prayers go with both of you, Neil. Please contact us if there is anything we can do for you. Christy is very special to all of us, we will be praying for her and for your strength as well. Godspeed Neil!” Alice said as she gave Neil a quick hug before leaving. “Thank-you Alice.” Neil said to her back. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Miss Alice had telephoned the hospital in Asheville upon her return to the mission to tell them what time the train would be arriving. They would have a vehicle waiting at the station when the train arrived. All I can remember is the pain in my head! I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t get anything out of my mouth for that matter I couldn‘t even open it. Neil tended to my needs. He held my hand, kissing it occasionally. I heard him speaking to me, telling me to hold on, just as he had when I was dying of Typhoid. I wasn’t about to leave him, if I had any say in the matter. I tried to squeeze his hand, but I don’t know if he could feel it or not. I could hear him crying occasionally--I wanted to reach out and hold him close, to tell him I had absolutely no intension of going *anywhere*! -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- When the train arrived it was met by people from the hospital who were awaiting them. Neil was hoping Alice had thought to contact the hospital when he had forgotten in his rush to leave the mission and get Christy to the help she desperately needed. They were greeted at the hospital by Mr. And Mrs. Huddleston and George. Neil filled them in on what had happened, but didn’t discuss with them his reasoning for bringing Christy to Asheville. It may have been that he didn’t want to alarm Christy, or it might have been that he didn’t want to worry her parents. “You’ll all have to wait in the waiting room.” A man in a white coat told Neil, Mr. & Mrs. Huddleston and George. “But I’m also a physician, and surgeon. I did the preliminary surgery.” Neil offered. “I can help you, I’ve been with her all the while.” “I have no doubt that you are a competent physician, and surgeon. But you are too emotionally involved to be totally objective in this case. I know you want to be in here, but I cannot allow you to come in. I’m sorry.” Then the man turned and left. Neil knelt down before a chair in the waiting room while Christy’s Mother and Father sat together on the chairs. George paced back and forth. Neil began to cry as he prayed. George’s heart went out to his brother-in-law-to-be. So he knelt down beside Neil and put his arm around Neil’s shoulders. Neil wept until he felt he couldn’t anymore. All the while George was speaking words of comfort to him, in hushed tones. Then as Neil looked up he saw Mother and Father holding and comforting each other as a stab of realization hit him…would he ever hold Christy like that? Would he ever be able to tell her again that he loved her? Would he be able to make her his wife as they had planned?… -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- The man in the white coat, whose name was Dr. Wagner, came in and said Christy was being sent to surgery. The bleeding was continuing and they needed to drain it once again. “Dr. MacNeill, you did an excellent job. Without the Trephine which you performed, she would never have survive, I’m sure of it.” Dr. Wagner stated. “Don’t be offended, Doctor, but where did you learn to do that operation?” “University of Pennsylvania Medical School, sir. A professor of mine did one. I’ve only performed one other, but both that I’ve seen, the one by my professor and the other which I did, were successful. I knew I had to relieve the pressure in her brain.” Neil paused. “Do you think she’ll survive?” “It’s still too early to determine that. I’ll be able to tell you more after the surgery. The next few days will tell us more.” “We were supposed to be married next Saturday.” Neil said sadly. “I’m afraid that will have to--be delayed, Doctor. I’m very sorry. From what I can see at the moment, I find little to be hopeful about. I tell you thiss only because I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high. I’ll tell you plainly, I don’t see anyway she will be the same woman she was just a few days ago. Maybe we could have done more for her, had she had been brought in immediately, but the blood clots and the swelling have had too much time to wreak havoc on her brain…” Dr. Wagner paused. “I’m very sorry.” Julia burst out sobbing and William took her in his arms. Neil’s tears fell freely again, as did George’s this time as well. “I’ve got to go to the operating room. I’ll speak with all of you when it’s over. Once again, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Dr. Wagner turned and left. Neil closed his eyes as the tears fell harder. He retook his place, kneeling on the floor once again. George beside him. William and Julia once again sat comforting each other. Neil was grateful to George. It was very difficult for Neil to fathom all of this! He didn’t want to question God, he wanted to lean on Him, but it was very difficult to understand how God could have blessed him with Christy, and her love, and now just take her away! He had already lost his wife and only child…how could God take away his chance at happiness again? Christy’s love is what kept him going--how could he go on living without it? -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Chapter VII The hours dragged by as Neil and the Huddleston’s continued their vigil in the waiting room. George occasionally retrieved coffee for the other‘s. He was just as worried about his sister as anyone, but it was almost more then he could bear, just to sit there and worry!! He needed to be ‘doing’ something--*anything* to keep his mind occupied. At one point Neil disappeared and George offered to look for him when his parent‘s became worried for him. Nearly an hour later he found Neil praying in the chapel. George was strong in his faith, but the questions which Neil was pouring out to God were more then George could handle. Questions about why God does what He does; were questions which nearly no one could answer. George didn’t know all about Margaret or their son. He had only heard bits and pieces of the story from Christy. Why they had been taken from Neil…? That was something George could not answer. Why was this happening to Christy…? He couldn’t answer that either. George slipped silently out of the chapel. Walking to the nearest nurse’s station he inquired about the whereabouts of the hospital chaplain. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Neil was still on his knees in prayer, in the chapel when the hospital chaplain-Rev. Peters came into the room. He tried to make it look as though he had just come in to tidy things up. But he heard what Neil was asking God… Rev. Peters prayed for the right answers to give Neil. He continued to tidy up the alter and pulpit, dusting and polishing. When Neil looked up at the sound of someone in the room with him, he got up quickly from the floor. “I’m sorry, am I in the way?” Neil asked as he used his shirtsleeves to dry the tears from his eyes and face. “No! You’re not in the way! That’s what the chapel is here for! I just have to take care of things in here, unless I’m bothering you?” “You’re no bother. You don’t look like a janitor to me.” Neil commented. Rev. Peters laughed lightly. “That’s because I’m not! I’m the chaplain. Reverend Peters is my name.” He reached out his hand to shake Neil’s. “I’m Neil MacNeill. M.D.” “I’m pleased to meet you Dr. MacNeill.“ Rev. Peters paused for a few moments. “I couldn’t help overhearing what you were praying about. Is there anything I can do for you?” “Not unless you think you can answer my questions for me.” Neil stated dryly. “I’ll do my best.” Rev. Peters said. “Why don’t you tell me all about it?” Neil took a deep-deep breath and let it out slowly then proceeded to relay everything; his marriage to Margaret, the questions he had about the lose of both her and their son, his love for Christy and his questions about what had happened to her. Plus he included his worst fear, that of losing Christy to this head injury. Rev. Peters scratched his head, praying as he did so. Deep theological questions were always so difficult for him. But they also helped him to grow spiritually. “Neil…” He began. “May I call you Neil?” Neil nodded his head slowly. “I understand what you’re saying. I’ve lost loved ones as well. It’s very difficult to face life without them. But you said Christy is still alive, did you not?” “Yes, but…” Rev. Peters held up his hand to stop Neil from saying more. “We can’t give up while there is still hope! I know it seems as though it will hurt less in the long run, but it won’t. You’ll feel guilty because you didn’t hang on as long as you should have, then you’ll have the wonder of ‘what if I had held on longer? Would Christy have held on to me if I had?’ Don’t give up while she’s still here with you. Give her your love to hold on to. Without it she has no reason to remain.” Rev. Peters placed his hand on Neil’s shoulder. Neil felt tears in his eyes, but that was as far as he would allow them to go. He would heed the advise of Rev. Peters and hang on to his bride-to-be, as long as there was something to hold on to. And with God all things are possible, so no matter what the situation may look like, there was still something to hold on to…Faith. George came into the room slowly, not wanting to interrupt the discussion. Neil noticed him almost immediately. He rose from his seat and moved toward George. “What is it George? Is it Christy?” Neil asked anxiously. “Well…yes.” George began. “Someone from the surgical team came out to speak with us, just to say it would be a while longer and that Christy was still with us. There were more problems then they had foreseen. But she’s holding her own. Her vital signs are normal, whatever those are.” “Thank God!” Neil announced. “I wish I could be in there to see what’s happening. Even if only to observe from a distance.” “I know that seems like the best idea to you at the moment, Neil.” Rev. Peters said. “But would you truly want to see your future wife as they’re operating on her? I know you’re used to observing surgery, but, on *Christy*?” Neil thought for a moment. Perhaps Rev. Peters had a valid point. He performed the Trephine on her, but could he bear to see her endure far more then that? And at the hands of someone else? Even now as he thought of the surgery he himself had performed on his precious Christy just this morning, he shuttered at the thought of what he had seen and done. “No, I suppose you’re right Reverend. I don’t really want to see the surgery. What I want is to find out how Christy is doing. I want to hold her hand and give her something to cling to. I detest the idea of her having to endure this surgery without someone there to even hold her hand and tell her we’re here praying for her!” “Neil, you just said you have been praying for Christy did you not?” “Yes.” Neil replied with a puzzled expression on his face. “Well then, you’ve been speaking to the only One who *can* be in that operating room with her! God can be with her and can give her the strength she needs. As well as assure her she is not alone, that there are people here who love her and want her to come out of this. Don’t lose faith, Neil. Lean on God and allow Him to carry the burden for you. I will be in to visit with you as often as I can. *Don’t give up hope Neil*.” Rev. Peters clapped Neil on the shoulder as he left Neil and George alone in the chapel. “Come on Neil. Let’s go back to the waiting room. We’ll want to be there when Dr. Wagner comes to speak with us.” George offered. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- It seemed an eternity since Christy had been taken into surgery; when Dr. Wagner appeared in the doorway. Neil and the Huddleston’s needn’t say a word, their faces spoke volumes. The desperation and fatigue each of them felt was written in every line on their faces. Neil looked as though he had been dragged behind a team of horses. The sheer desolation on his face, was obvious to anyone who observed him. He had all but made himself bald from pulling on the hairs on his neck. He grabbed a handful of his hair as he looked up at Dr. Wagner, as though by pulling on it, would make everything turn out fine… or was it that he was bracing himself for the worst? “I’ve removed all of the blood clots I could find. The blood had built up around the optic nerve. I can’t tell you how much damage was done while she laid there for those twenty-four hours after she fell. All we can do is wait and see. Her brain is swollen as well. We’ve relieved the pressure as much as possible. Only time and prayer can tell us what we want to know. She could wake immediately or she may never actually ‘awaken’ again. She could remain in this state of ‘unconsciousness’ she is in right now and never come around again. I can’t tell you what will happen next. We must allow time its healing process.” “When can we see her?” Julia asked. “She’s still in recovery. Someone will be out to tell you when she’s settled in her room and ready for you to see her. She will be under intensive care, the visiting hours will be limited, at least at first. We will keep an eye on her vital signs as you visit and see what her reaction is. Some people become quite agitated when they have visitors, while others seem to do better when their loved ones are near. I’ll let you know how the numbers are and keep you posted.” Dr. Wagner paused a moment. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I don’t have better news for you--or any exact answers--I’d do things differently if I could! There’s just not much to tell you. I know I’m asking the imposssible, but try to be as patient as you possibly can. Dr. MacNeill, I can’t tell you how sorry I am about your wedding. I hope everything will work out for all of you, most especially Christy.” Dr. Wagner hung his head down and turned quickly to leave the room. Neil and the Huddleston’s sat quietly for a long while. No one had anything to say at that moment. There was nothing *to* say. Christy had made it through the surgery, but there were no promises for the future. She may awaken--or she may not. She might live--or she might not. She may be alright--or she may not! The whole thing infuriated Neil! HHe was a physician, trained to eliminate people’s suffering and pain, he had not been trained to sit back and *watch*--and worst of all--do absolutely *nothing*! -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Chapter VIII “Miss Huddleston is in room 321.” A nurse announced as she approached Neil and the Huddleston’s. “You may go in to see her for ten minutes at a time, every two hours. That’s all the Doctor will allow, at least for the moment. For the first visit Dr. Wagner is allowing you all to go in together, but after this he would prefer you to go in separately, just so we can monitor her vital signs under different situations to determine if she is upset by the visitations. Since you are all close to her, I’m sure we won’t see that, but we have to be cautious just the same. If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to Miss Huddleston’s room.” Neil’s feet felt like dead weights as he forced them one in front of the other to trudge down the hall to Christy’s room. Along the way the nurse explained some thing’s to Neil and the Huddleston’s. “You must understand that Miss Huddleston has had extensive surgery. Her head is swollen, as are her neck and shoulders. Did Dr. Wagner mention to you that she has a broken shoulder as well?” They all shook their heads. “Well, I suppose he was most concerned with the head injury. That *is* the most serious. Just to warn you, she has her arm bandaged to her body as well. She has thick, heavy bandages on her head. If she awakens, you probably won’t be able to open her eyes until the swelling has gone down. She may not be able to open them at all. We need to reassure her that when the swelling goes down, she will be able to open her eyes again. “Here we are, Room 321. Don’t speak too loudly because she may have a headache, but don’t whisper either or she won’t hear you through the bandages over her ears.” The nurse paused before she opened the door. “Please, whatever you do, *don’t* scream or carry-on about her appearance. It will get better with time. If it upsets you, please leave the room before you say anything. Does everyone understand?” They all nodded. “Very well, I’ll be back in ten minutes, if you haven’t already left by then. I‘ll warn you… She is very swollen, and her skin ashen.” -=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=- Seeing Christy for the first time, was difficult, to say the least. Julia stayed only a moment then covering her mouth, she hastily retreated. George, too was upset by the sight. William stayed to comfort his little girl for a while, before he too, could take no more. As William was leaving a nurse came in to check Christy’s vital signs. “A little high.” The young nurse commented as she finished recording Christy‘s vital signs. “But then I suppose we all would have the same reaction after such a traumatic experience.” Neil stood off to the side, not saying anything, just looking at Christy in the bed. “What’s wrong?” The nurse asked. “I’m not sure what to do. I’m a physician, but I’ve never been on this end of things before.” “How are you related to Miss Huddleston?” “I am her fiancé. We were to be married on Saturday.” Neil said sadly. “I’m sorry. But you know what I’d suggest first, is that you come over to her left side and hold her hand. Talk to her as though nothing has changed between the two of you. Don’t talk about next Saturday as your wedding date, but discuss your wedding as though you were planning it with her. Don’t make it sound as though you are sad or that things are different between the two of you. Make her believe everything is going to work out all right. Maybe if you are convincing enough *she’ll* believe it and she won’t give up.” The nurse smiled at Neil. “It’s worth a try. We don’t know how much of a role the *will to live* plays in the outcome of a patient’s recovery. But I’m convinced down to my toes, that if a patient *wants* to live half the battle’s been won. I’ll leave you two alone for awhile. We’ll check her vitals while you’re still in the room talking to her, and then after you leave to see how she’s doing.” **Neil pulled up a chair on the left side of the bed and took my hand. I could feel it! I wanted to cry out to him that my head hurt so badly, but it hurt too much to even try to speak. I would just lay quietly for now, it was too much trouble to even try to open my eyes, let alone my mouth.** “Christy? Christy can you hear me?” Neil said softly. “I’ll not leave you, Christy Love. I promise. I’ll be here, at the hospital, as long as you need me. The Doctor will only allow us to visit for ten minutes at a time and then only every two hours. Only one of us at a time will be allowed to come in. So I’ll not get to visit with you as often as I’d like, but I’ll be in whenever I can and I’ll be praying for you when I’m not in here with you. Your mother and father are here with George. They will be in to visit you when I cannot. “God is with you Christy. He’ll not leave you. He’s the only one that can be with you all the time.” **Neil was trying to hold back the tears, I could tell. But I understood why he felt the way he did. I didn’t know the extent of my injuries, but I knew how badly my head hurt plus my back and right shoulder as well.** “As soon as you’re up and about we’ll be married Christy. I promise. Not a moment longer!” Neil paused as he kissed my hand, I could feel his warm tears on the back of my hand. “Everything’s going to be alright Love. Hang on to me, I’ll be your strength when you need it. I won’t let go of you and I don’t want you to let go of me. I can hold you up Christy. Squeeze my hand Love and let me know you’re listening.” **I tried to squeeze his hand as he had asked. I tried with everything that was in me, but I couldn’t move my hand, not even my fingers. It felt like iron, I couldn’t move it no matter how hard I tried!! ‘Oh Neil! I’m sorry!! Please don’t stop talking to me! I hear you, I just can’t let you know that I do! Please don’t give up on me Neil! I need you! I need your strength or I’ll never make it, I can feel it--I feel weak, so weak in my own strength. I’ll hold on to you and your energy to help carry me through. I feel so tired Neiil. I’m afraid to go to sleep, what if I don’t wake up again? Oh I wish I could speak to you!’** He was quiet for quite some time. “I love you Christy, my love. Hold on, please! Stay here with me. I don’t want to be alone again.” He paused for a few moments. “I met the Chaplain of the hospital today, Christy. I’m sure he’d marry us as soon as you’re better, if I’d ask him to. Get well soon love. I miss you terribly. I feel as though it’s been an eternity since I heard your voice last. “Charlie’s worried about you. He helped me to find you. When your horse whinnied he got upset, and you know Charlie doesn’t get upset easily! He showed me the way to your horse. Bird’s Eye Taylor heard your horse when it reared. He tracked you down and stayed with you until I found you yesterday afternoon. He didn’t want any wild animals to get you so he didn’t leave to get help. Without him I might not have you anymore. We’ll have to think of a way to thank him for all he’s done, love. You have to help me, you’re good at that sort of thing--better then I am.” The nurse came back into the room. She checked the vital signs and told Neil that they were very good. “You must be doing something right, because this is excellent, Dr. MacNeill! I’m impressed.” Neil just continued to look at his Christy. He hadn’t been this worried since Margaret was in premature labor during the Typhoid epidemic, years ago. “You’ve got about two more minutes Dr. MacNeill. I’ll be back when it’s time for you to leave.” The nurse said quietly as she turned to leave. “Christy I’ve got to leave in a few minutes. I want you to rest. Sleep will help you to heal faster. I’ll be in to visit you tomorrow morning. I’m sure your mother, father and George will want to visit with you also. So they’ll get the next three visits. I’ll be back in about eight hours. I’ll miss you, Love. I’ll be praying for you while I’m not in here with you. Come to think of it, I’ll be praying for you even when I am in here with you!” Neil chuckled nervously. **I felt him kiss my hand again. ‘Oh Neil! Don’t go!’ I wanted to cry out to him. ‘Don’t leave me alone! I’m afraid of this darkness and it’s so very dark in here! When you’re holding my hand I feel safe and secure. Don’t go away!’ I wanted desperately to cry out to Neil! Why couldn’t I communicate with him somehow!?!?** “I wish I could stay here with you Love, but they won’t allow me to stay for more then ten minutes at a time. I can hardly wait to take you home with me! I’ve been looking forward to you becoming Mrs. MacNeill. I know I’ve seemed a little standoffish, but that’s only because I wanted everything to be special for us both.” Just then the nurse came into the room and nodded to Neil that it was time for him to leave. “I’ll tell you more the next time I’m allowed to come in. I love you… Sweetheart.” He whispered into her ear. **’That was the first time I had ever heard Neil call me *that*! I liked it. Oh how I wished he could stay with me! I hurt so badly, but his hand made me feel strong. His presence was so reassuring to me!’** “I’ll see you in the morning Love.” Neil said as he kissed Christy’s hand and turned to walk out the door. Taking one last look back at his love with tears in his eyes and on his cheeks. He closed his eyes and walked slowly out the door. The nurse took Christy’s vital signs. Her heart rate was extremely high. Her temperature was normal. Her respiration was also excessively fast. She looked at the bandages on Christy’s head and noticed tears streaming from her eyes. Shocked by this she wiped the tears away and they were immediately replaced by more! “Amazing!” She said just above a whisper. **’My heart felt as though it were going to break! Bring Neil back to me, *please*! I wanted to plead with the nurses--the Doctor’s, anyone who would listen to me! Please don’t make him go away! I won’t be able to go on without him here to ggive me strength! Bring him back, please!’** The nurse turned and raced for the door. “Doctor MacNeill come quickly!” she called down the hall. Neil bolted down the hall back to Christy’s room. “What is it? Is something wrong? Is Christy unwell?” “Look!” The nurse pointed to the tears on Christy’s cheeks. Neil inched forward for a closer look. He reached for Christy’s hand. “I’m sorry love! I didn’t mean to upset you!” He kissed her hand again, holding it to his mouth this time. He sat back down on the chair beside the bed and dried the tears away. This time they were not replaced by more. The nurse noticed that Christy’s respiration was back to normal. She checked her pulse--that too was normal once again. She looked at Neil and smiled. “I don’t know what you call what the two of you have togethher, but I’m going to start praying that God will bless me with the same thing you two have!! I’ve never seen anything like this before!” She backed away from the bed and motioned for Neil to turn in the chair so she could whisper something to him so Christy couldn’t hear it. “I’ll have to get clearance from Dr. Wagner for you to remain in here, but I don’t think there is any chance he will say you can’t! Especially after I tell him what I’ve just witnessed! I’ve said it before, but it’s the only word I can think of to describe this--it’s *amazing*!!” **’Oh Neil! You came back to me! Thank-you! Thank-you!! Thank-you!!! I wish I could show you how happy I am! I love you so much! Don’t let go of my hand, please? It gives me strength to keep going. I can draw on your strength when I don’t feel I have any of my own.’** “I can stay Christy! We could see your tears. They won’t make me leave after that! I’ll feel so much better just being here beside you Sweetheart! I know what your tears meant. I’d miss you terribly too if they made me go away!” Neil pause a few moments as he brushed the tears from his face. “Now I want you to get some sleep! Doctor MacNeill’s orders!” Neil chuckled softly. “We can talk some more later.” He leaned forward in the chair with Christy’s fingers entwined in his, just as he had when she was recovering from typhoid. He closed his eyes, resting his head on the side of the bed he began to pray--praying fervently until he dozed off. **I finally felt secure enough to allow myself to get some sleep as well. After all I couldn’t disobey Neil’s direct order!** Chapter IX Neil kept his constant vigil at Christy’s side for days--and days without knowing whether or not she would ever awaken, but hoping and praying she would. There had been no responsee from her, but he would not give up hope that there would be some response soon. Dr. Wagner had, at first, not believed what the nurse had told him about Christy and Neil, so they did a test to see if it would happen again--and it did! Dr. Wagner used the same word as the nurse to describe what he had witnessed, that of--“amazing“. Neil only left for necessities and for Neil MacNeill, eating was not considered a necessity! So each meal time, George brought in a tray for Neil so he wouldn’t make himself sick as well. Neil didn’t eat much of what George brought to him, but between the Huddleston’s and the nurses they encouraged him to eat at least some of it. They all tried, to no avail, to get Neil to lie down on a cot and get a descent night’s sleep. The Huddleston’s had all offered to sit with Christy and explain to her why Neil couldn’t be with her at the moment. But Neil obstinately refused to leave her side until she was awake and talking. Which everyone, but Neil, was beginning to fear might never happen. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Neil had laid his head down on the side of the bed and fell sound asleep, holding tightly to Christy’s hand as he had for the past four days. He was awakened a few hours later as the hand in his began to move ever so slightly. He lifted his head and looked at the hand in his. “Christy, Sweetheart, do that again! Please!” He almost yelled. **’I could hardly believe I was finally getting through to him! I had been trying for the longest time to make a response that Neil would actually notice!’** “Christy, I felt that! Please try again Sweetheart! I know you can do it!!” Neil pleaded, almost begged. **’Concentrating all of my efforts on the hand Neil was holding in his, I focused my attention on squeezing his hand. I kept telling myself I had gotten through before, I could do it again! Squeeze! I commanded my hand! Squeeze!”** “That’s it Sweetheart!! That’s it! You’re squeezing my hand Love! Keep trying! You can do it! Try to talk to me Christy! I *need* to hear your voice!! Say my name Christy--say *anything*! I don’t care what it is, just try to speak to me!” **’Oh boy! He was asking a lot now!! Once again I concentrated my efforts on the task set before me. I pursed my lips, or at least hoped that’s what I was doing, and my mouth was so dry!’** “N…N…” I tried, but wasn’t sure I was getting anything out. “Nee…Neil…” “That’s right Love!!” Neil exclaimed loudly. “Neil! You said Neil!!!” “Dry.” I said quietly. “Are you thirsty?” Neil asked. I formed the word ‘yes’ with my mouth, but couldn’t get any sound to come out. Neil reached for a cloth and held it to my mouth. I got some water from it, but I had a feeling it would be sometime before I had enough! “Oh Sweetheart! I knew you’d come back to us--to me!! I just knew it! I wasn’t going to give up on you!! I love you Christy!!” “I love you.” I managed hoarsely. “You might not be able to open your eyes immediately Christy. So don’t be disappointed if you can’t, alright?” “Yes.” I tried again. “Dry, Neil.” Once again Neil held the cloth to my lips and I got some water. ‘It felt wonderful to be able to communicate with Neil once again! Even if it was only monosyllabic at the moment.’ “I have to call the nurse, Christy! Don’t be worried that I’m not here. I’ll not go far! I’ll be back as soon as I can! They’ll want to know that you’re awake! They can tell your parent’s and George you’re awake as well!! They’ll all be thrilled for you, Christy, as I am!!” Neil let go of my hand and I could hear him walk out the door. I felt so alone for the first time since I got here, or at least since the last time they tried to make Neil leave the room. Mother and Father were ecstatic as they entered my room. George was excited as well, but in a more subdued manner then Mother and Father were. Dr. Wagner was thrilled as well. “I have to tell you Dr. MacNeill, I was getting to the point where I was about to give up on this young ladies recovery! But you didn’t lose faith did you Doctor?” “I knew I couldn’t. If I gave up on Christy then she would give up on herself. I couldn’t stand the thought of that happening. I couldn’t go on without her.” “Well, faith works miracle’s Dr. MacNeill. Your fiancée is one of them.” “Now, Miss Huddleston. I don’t want you to try to rush anything. You are to rest! I don’t even want you to sit up until I tell you to. You may feel better, but you have to remember that you had extensive surgery on your brain, as well as a traumatic wound. You have to be careful for quite a while yet.” “When will I be able to open my eyes again?” I asked. “That’s difficult to say. It could take a while yet. Like I told you before, don’t try to rush anything. You need to be careful for a while.” Dr. Wagner warned quietly. “I’ll be removing the bandages tomorrow.” Dr. Wagner turned to leave the room. “I’ll be back in the morning. Please try to limit your visiting time, but I don’t think you need to keep it down to only ten minutes at a time anymore. Miss Huddleston, if you feel tired, please tell your family, you *need* your rest! I can’t emphasize that enough to you.” “I will Doctor. I promise.” I said. “We’ll leave you alone for awhile.” Father said. “You look tired. Rest and we can talk again later.” “I’ll be back later also.” Neil said as he kissed my hand. “You need your rest.” “Neil, don’t leave me.” I pleaded. “It’s so dark in here and I’m afraid of the dark!” I hated to admit that, but it was something I had to make clear to him. “I’ll not leave you alone if you’re frightened. Don’t be afraid, I’ll be right here with you.” Neil said reassuringly. As the days went by and the swelling in Christy’s face subsided, Neil tried to ignore the fact that her eyes were open and she still could not see him. William and Julia questioned it as did George. All in private of course. But the inevitable was ever before them…Christy had lost her eyesight. Neil worried whether or not Christy would still accept him as her husband…his answer came the very next day as I was sitting up in my bed for the first time, Neil entered my room. Neil had a broad smile on his face as he entered the room this morning, but the look he saw on his beloved’s face could have melted a stone. “Good morning, Christy. Don‘t you look wonderful, sitting up in bed.” He said quietly. “What’s the matter Love?” He took hold of my hand. “You already know Neil, I’m sure--I’ve got my eyes open fully now. I can feel it!! But I still can’t see!!” I paused as I jerked my hand away from his. “II’m blind, aren’t I Neil? How long have you known?” “I only realized it recently, Sweetheart! I promise! I was going to say something, but I was afraid you wouldn’t…you wouldn’t…” His voice caught in his throat and he couldn’t finish his sentence. “Wouldn’t *WHAT*!?!” I spat at him. Fighting back the emotions that he felt, Neil struggled to say, “I was afraid you wouldn’t want to become my wife any longer…” His voice trailed off. “How can I do that!?!” I cried. “I can’t take care of a home! I can’t cook! I can’t do laundry or even make soap! I can’t tend a garden or even light the stove!!” I exclaimed. “I already have a woman who comes in and cleans for me!! We’ll just keep her on!!” Neil declared. “I can help you with things also, Christy! I’ve taken care of myself for years, I can take care of both of us!” “How can *you* help when you’re hardly ever home!?!” Neil stood at the window looking out. She was right again. He couldn’t help when he wasn’t home. There wasn’t anyone on the mountain who would be capable of helping… “I’m sorry, Christy.” Neil said sadly. “Being married to me would be an arduous task under the best of circumstances. When I make an average of One hundred seventy-four night calls a year and those often, or usually, turn into “night-into-day-” calls. I have my rounds to make which can take weeks at a time. Besides there is so much more for you in Asheville then in the Cove. At your parents home there will always be someone to care for you. I’m sorry I ever expected you to live under those conditions--I love you Christy--I love you too much to expect you to live the kind of life I can provide for you. Please forgive me forr ever asking you!” Neil walked over to the bed and removed his ring from my finger. “Good-bye Christy. I’ll be praying everything works out for the best for you! May you find the happiness you deserve!” Then he turned and left my room. I called after him, but he ignored me or didn‘t hear me. I didn’t mean for him to leave like this! I didn’t even get a chance to tell him thank-you for all that he’d done for me while I was unable to respond. I owed him so much! How could I ever repay him for it all? I prayed for the answer… -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Author’s Note: I’m sorry if anyone is confused when reading this. I’ll clarify a wee bit. Christy’s part in this chapter and possibly the next takes place a little before Neil’s. Sorry for any confusion!! Chapter X Neil met George down the hall. “Christy’s decided she doesn’t want to marry me any longer…” Neil paused as he looked at George. “Take care of her will you? Make sure she gets the best care there is?” George could see the tears in Neil’s eyes. Sadly he nodded his head in agreement. “Good-bye, George.” Neil turned abruptly to leave. George reached out and seized Neil’s arm. “Neil! I’m sorry you aren’t going to be my brother-in-law. I was truly looking forward to it. I’ll miss you more then you’ll know--so will Christy. She wanted to be your wife so badly. She’s just angry right now, about facing reality. When she settles down again she’ll find out how much she really wants to be with you.” “We’ll always be friends George.” Neil said, ignoring George’s remarks about Christy. “If you ever need anything, let me know. Come to the Cove to hunt sometime, I’d like that.” Neil paused as he looked away sadly. “If Christy needs anything--contact me. I’ll get her whatever she needs--somehow…” Neil strode down the corridor without saying another word. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Before Neil could leave the hospital, he had to speak with Dr. Wagner one last time… “Dr. MacNeill--I was just heading over to your fiancée’s room. I hear she’s sitting up today?” Dr. Wagner commented. “Yes--she is.” Neil said sadly. “Is something wrong?” “Christy has begun to realize the swelling is gone and she still can’t see, though her eyes are open.” “I understand…” Dr. Wagner replied. “Yes, this stage is going to be difficult, possibly the most difficult phase of all. Come--let’s talk in my office, Doctor.” In Dr. Wagner office they could speak more freely of Christy’s medical condition. “Dr. Wagner, what exactly did you find when you operated?” “Just as you had originally said, a severe concussion of the Frontal bone. With bleeding contained to the Frontal Lobe of the brain and most especially the area around the optic nerve. The swelling in that area was pronounced. The optic nerve, as you well know is extremely sensitive. When Miss Huddleston laid there for over twenty-four hours without having the pressure released, the nerve must have been permanently damaged. Now I’m not saying she won’t get some sight back, with time, but I have to speak plainly to you Doctor--there isn’t much hope of that, from what I’ve witnessed. “Of course we are very limited in our knowledge of the brain, it’s functions and surgery on it, in this country. In places such as Germany, Austria, even Scotland, they are far more advanced in this area of the eye and brain then we are. But since there isn’t much hope of her ever seeing any of those physicians… Her future is pretty clear. She’ll need to go home and recuperate, preferable her parent’s home. Then they, or you, will need to enroll her in a school for the blind. The best I know of is the Perkin’s Institute in Boston Massachusetts.” “Yes, I’ve heard of that before.” Neil paused, not sure if he should go on, but he had to say something. “Christy has already told me she doesn’t want to be my wife any longer…” “I’m sorry, Dr. MacNeill.” Dr. Wagner said. “But I have to tell you, I’m positive that a life in the city would be much easier for Miss Huddleston then a life in the mountain’s of Tennessee. I’m not saying anything against *you*, but I think her life would be much better if she had the conveniences afforded her by a life in the city, and not the ever changing life in the wilderness of the Appalachian Mountain’s.” … -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- -=*=- 6 Weeks Later -=*=- “Hellooo! U-u-nited States Mail!!” Came the cry toward the cabin. Neil was packing his bags for a trip to Knoxville as Ben Pentland arrived with the mail. Flipping quickly through the letters Neil noticed one addressed to him from his mentor ‘Professor Kinnigan’. Opening the letter quickly to find out what news there might be and as Neil read the letter his face lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning! He raced out the door, letter in hand, ignoring his bags on the table. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Arriving at the mission Neil dismounted before Charlie had come to a complete stop. He bounded into the house yelling, “Alice!!” “What is it, Neil!?!” Alice called from the kitchen as he burst through the side door. “Is there an emergency?” “Read this!” Neil exclaimed with breathless enthusiasm as he thrust the paper in Alice’s direction. Alice cautiously took the letter and read it. “Oh Neil!! This is wonderful! You’ve been dreaming this would come to pass!! I’m so happy for you! You’ve been asked to be an Associate of Dr. Ernst Fuchs in Vienna, Austria!! When will you be leaving?” “I have to wait for a letter from Dr. Fuchs, but I should think it would be soon. Within the next six months at least. Oh Alice! This is what I’ve always wanted to do!!” “I know you have Neil. Now we’ll need to search for a replacement for you while you’re away.” “I’ll begin contacting medical college’s when I get back from Knoxville. While I’m visiting Dr. Seymour I’ll ask him for recommendations as well. I need to be going Alice, but I just couldn’t wait to show you the letter and tell you the good news!” Alice was ecstatic to see some of the ‘old’ Neil returning again. She had prayed long and hard for him these past six weeks. They were difficult for them all, of course, but nothing like the emotional upheaval Neil had been faced with. Only a week before he was to be married, he nearly lost his fiancée and then to have her cancel everything before they could get married when she had begun to recover. Alice’s heart ached for Neil, but she knew only time and the Lord would heal his broken heart. She stood on the porch and watched as Neil rode off toward home. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Silently Neil made his way back to his cabin. He was elated, but yet there was more then a note of sadness about the situation. Even after six weeks he still had not forgotten he was supposed to be married to a beautiful young woman right now, who would have been overjoyed for him at the prospect of this new position. But she wasn’t here and she had no intentions of coming back to him. Not because she didn’t love him, but because a riding accident had left her blinded and she would be better off in the city. Neil had heard not a word from the Huddleston’s in the past six weeks. George was the surprising character in this. He had been a good friend to Neil but now even he had seemed to have abandoned Neil… -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- My recovery was slow, but progressed normally, or at least at this new level of normalcy it was progressing as it should. Dr. Wagner had told me the extent of my injuries, but not having studied medicine it was all foreign to me. It all boiled down to the fact that he had little hope my eyesight would ever return. Only a miracle would bring that about. It was six weeks later and my miracle still had not come. I doubted that it ever would. I still pictured Neil in my mind. The incredible times we had shared together. I wanted to recall everything. Oh! How I wished we could have been married as we had planned and not had to live these separate lives which were thrust upon us!! I hated this new way of life, I wanted to rid myself of it more then anything in the world! Mother and Father didn’t want me to be hurt by the past, so they had forbidden me to contact Cutter Gap and George was not to do so either. I wanted to know how everyone was--how were the Spencer’s getting along after the death of Fairlight? How was the rest of the Cove recovering after the deadlyy Typhoid outbreak? How was Ruby Mae adjusting to married life? Had David made any progress against the moonshiners? But most of all I was desperate to know how Neil was faring through all of this? I had promised him I wouldn’t leave him alone, but what was I to do in my present condition? It pained me to think of him all alone in his cabin once again, facing the lonesome days and nights without someone at his side to share his hopes, dreams, pains and sorrows… The same instance kept flooding my head, time and time again-dancing with Neil at Ruby Mae’s wedding. How he hadn’t the boldness to come right out and kiss me, but his lips had brushed my forehead. Oh, but that shivaree!! Neil certainly found his boldness to proclaim what was going on upstairs in that bedroom!! I was so mortified that evening! I was terribly relieved when David came and rescued me! But yet, in accepting Neil’s proposal I had all but agreed to do the same thing! Neil and I never discussed that aspect of our wedding--I wonder what he would have done about it--if anything!?! Sadly I came back to reality time again. This dream would never come to pass--I could never live in Cutter Gap again. I couldn’t even feed myself, or even change my clothes! How could I sit here and daaydream about becoming a *wife* of all things!! -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Neil arrived back at his cabin. Astonishingly more forlorn then when he had left. But knowing deep down inside he had to continue on with his life. There was no way he could turn this opportunity down. It would be a blessing for him to get away--far away--from these mountains and everything they involved. Most of all he would distance himself from what “might have beeen…” The marriage, wife--family--happiness, which he so desperately desired. He had told God he didn’t know such love existed in this world as he felt for Christy. Then she had come back to him after nearly dying of Typhoid. The most difficult for him to understand was why she had been taken from him yet again? The miracle he received from God at that time seemed to be the answer for his loneliness. *Christy was the best ‘sparring partner’ I had ever had!* Neil chuckled to himself at that thought. He picked up his bags and left. This invitation from a former medical school colleague had been a Godsend. Christy had been on his mind incessantly of late and he needed to leave Cutter Gap behind for awhile. Of course that was before this letter, but maybe Dr. Seymour could help him find a new Doctor for the Cove in his absence. It would probably only be a year or two at the most that he would be in Austria. -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- “Christy?” Mother called out as she knocked on my door. “Come in, mother.” I called to her. “Your father and I have been discussing something for a while now, since you came back here to live…” Mother began. “Little Girl?” Father began. “Your mother and I have written some letters on your behalf. One in particular we’ve been extremely anxious to receive a reply from. Well, today we’ve heard. It’s from the Perkins Institute for the Blind in Boston. They’ve agreed to take you on as a pupil!” “Isn’t that exciting?” Mother added. “What will I do there?” I asked. “Well, that’s the beauty of this!” Father beamed. “Not only will they teach you how to do everything you need to know to function day by day, but they can also teach you a skill-- a profession which you can perform to earn a living. They say you may even become a teacher again!” “Christy dear, this is the best school for the blind that there is. You couldn’t ask for a better place to learn. They will even teach you how to cook, clean,…care for a home. Maybe even live on your own one day. Doesn’t that sound exciting?” “I suppose…” I answered, unsure what I was expected to say. I knew they wanted me to be ecstatic about this announcement, but I was not. I wanted more then anything to make everyone happy. It was frightening to think of leaving the comfort and security of my parents home to live at a school that wanted me to learn to care for myself, on my own! -=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=--=*=- Author’s Note: This story takes place after the BOOK, I have added a few (hopefully a very few) segments from either series. Since I have placed this after the book there is no Daniel Scott or Hattie McHabe as there was in the series. Chapter XI Neil arrived at Dr. Seymour’s home. He had been anxious to get away from the Cove, but yet he felt guilty for leaving. Alice said she could handle emergencies and she had encouraged him to come here. But that didn’t help the gnawing in his stomach at the moment. Dr. Seymour had graduated at the same time as Neil. He had just been promoted to ‘Chief Surgeon’. Neil didn’t want to be jealous or resentful of him. But looking around at this house, meeting his wife Maureen and their children--Neil had desired all of these same things when he graduated from medical school, but he had chosen to return to the Cove, too *his* people in Cutter Gap. He had made a commitment to them even before he had left for school much soul-searching and deliberation had gone into that decision. It had been the right one, hadn‘t it? It wasn’t the large home, or the position, or even the money which Neil felt a tinge of jealousy over, but the wife and happy family. Margaret had looked down on him and had never wanted the child which she had given birth to at the time of her death. Now with Christy’s accident and ensuing blindness, she had rejected him as well. All this happiness seemed to be outside of his grasp and he had a very difficult time understanding just why... -=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=--=**=- Neil and Dr. Seymour-James, sat in the den after dinner that evening, reminiscing and catching up on each other‘s lives and pursuits. “Well, Neil!” James began as he offered Neil a cigar. “You’ve been far too busy in Cutter Gap to keep me posted on what’s been happening in your life. Why didn’t you bring your bride with you? You two have been married for what--six weeks or so now? Isn’t that correct?” “We would have been.” Neil said sadly. “Except--there was an accident.” “Oh NO!” James declared. “She isn’t…?” “NO! No.” Neil answered. “It’s not like that.” He proceeded to elaborate on the accident and the time he had spent in Asheville at his fiancée’s bedside at the hospital. “You actually had to perform a Trephine on your own fiancée!?!” James replied with astonished awe. “There was no other way, Jim. I couldn’t leave her die!” “No you couldn’t, but from what you’ve told me over the years, and now this--Neil! I think *you* deserve my promotion more then I do! I don’t think I could ever operate on Maureen the way you did Chrristy.” “It took plenty of prayer to get me through! Let me tell you! Alice Henderson was a Godsend in that, and most other instances.” “But you said Christy told you to go away?” “Well, maybe not in so many word’s, but yes. It was something to that effect at least.” Neil paused. “But she did let me know without a doubt that life with me would be too--how shall I say this?--Arduous, I guess explains it best or perhaps I assumed that was what she meant. I’m taking things onne day at a time and learning to go on with my life once again. Which brings me to this…” Neil paused a moment as he reached into his pocket. “I received this offer just yesterday Jim.” Jim stopped to read the letter. “This is wonderful!! The chance of a lifetime! If you need help with the fare to Austria don’t be afraid to ask me! There are far too many ways to waste money when you have more then you need, but helping a friend is far from a waste, I assure you! In fact, I’ll put it this way--’I insist you *allow* me to pay your fare to Austria!” “Thank-you Jim for your generosity. To be honest with you I had my doubts as to whether I could go or not. I had no idea where the money would come from.” Neil paused, staring at the floor. “I only wish I wasn’t going alone.” “Well, go back and tell Christy your announcement, Neil! Ask her to come with you! There is no better place in the world to study about the human eye. So there have got to be excellent schools for the blind there as well! You’ll be living in the city, not in the backwoods of Tennessee.” “I’m just not sure that I can do that. What if I go to Asheville and find out that Christy doesn’t love me anymore?” “Then *make* her love you all over again, Neil! Isn’t it worth it to you?” Jim questioned. “Worth it to me?!” Neil exclaimed. “Jim there is nothing in this world that I want more!” Neil paused a moment. “What if she says no again, Jim?” “What if she does?” Jim answer with another question. “What is the worst thing that could happen?” “She could make me go alone!” “And how would that differ from the position you are in right now?” Neil sighed. “I catch your meaning, Jim. I suppose… And if I don’t go I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.” “Exactly! If she starts out by saying no, stand firm! Convince her that marrying you and traveling to Austria is the best thing that could ever happen to her! After all she wanted to marry you once, it can’t be that difficult to convince her again! It’s not like she stopped loving you or vice versa, you parted because of an accident. The two of you can overcome any obstacle if you face it together in love.” “One draw-back Jim. And knowing Christy the way I do, I know she’ll think of at least this reason to say no… What about after my time in Austria is over, in a year of two?” “Hmmm? That’s a valid question. What do you want? Where do you want to be in a year or two? Down d