New Hope
A Randomfic by Lisa Renee and Angela

        Over and over I had relived those moments that night when he had first 
kissed me.  Even with the passage of time, I could still recall our exact 
words to each other, and the look on Neil's face, and even how the light 
warm breeze playfully scattered some stray wisps of hair about my face.

        It all began that afternoon, when I saw him for the first time in more than 
four days.  He strode into the schoolhouse, his clothes  wrinkled and 
disheveled and his hair wind-blown.  Dark circles were under his eyes, and I 
doubted he'd had more than a few hours of sleep while visiting Low Gap.  Yet 
he still possessed that energy that always surprised me.  His step was 
light, and he grinned broadly as he approached me.

        "Christy," he greeted me.

        I laid down the paper I was grading and smiled back at him.  "Are you just 
getting back?"

        He nodded his head.  "Thought I'd ride by the mission on my way back home."

        "You look like you're ready to rest for a while."

        "I'll throttle anyone who tries to drag me out of my bed tonight," Neil 
replied with a chuckle.  "But right now I'm starving -- think anyone would 
mind if I stayed for dinner?"

        "Of course you're welcome.  I want to hear about Low Gap, and I know 
everyone else will, too."

        Neil's smile widened even further.  "It was no ordinary visit, that's for 
sure."

        "Oh?"

        He walked over to the window and leaned against the sill.  "It amazes me 
sometimes how many babies there are in these mountains.  I must have treated 
a dozen cases of croup."

        "Don't most women know remedies for croup?"  I asked.

        "Some do, but there are a lot of young mothers in Low Gap.  I also 
delivered three new babies."

        "Three babies in four days?" I asked, standing up from my desk chair and 
joining him at the window.  "I didn't think that you even attended that many 
births."

        "I don't, usually."  The corners of his eyes crinkled in that familiar way 
as he smiled, remembering.  "Two were twins."

        "And the other one?"

        "A premature labor," Neil said.

        "Oh!"  I felt a surge of concern.  "Was the baby all right?"

        "Just fine."  Neil's eyes grew distant, thoughtful.  "Tiny -- but 
absolutely perfect."

        Neil's smile had faded, and I had a feeling his mind was not on the 
premature baby he'd delivered.  I wondered if he was thinking about his own 
son.

        "Neil?"

        His gaze refocused on me.  "I was remembering..."

        "Your son?"  I asked tentatively.

        "It was the most wonderful feeling, Christy.  I knew he wouldn't live, but 
for a few hours I was a father."  I was surprised by the calm in Neil's 
voice as he continued.   "I'd delivered other people's babies, but it was as 
though I'd never seen one before.  He was mine."

        Tears welled up in my eyes as he told me the story.  But Neil's own eyes 
were dry, and his earlier smile began to return to his face.

        "Holding that little one yesterday...it...it brought everything back, 
Christy.  Things I'd not let myself think about for so long."

        He looked directly into my eyes.  "I'd reconciled myself to being content 
with those few hours, but suddenly I wanted...I realized I could hope 
again."

        My heart fluttered wildly, and my face grew very hot.  What did he mean?  
Neil’s  eyes held mine, when a growl from his stomach broke the seriousness 
of the moment.  He grinned and straightened himself up.  “Something’s 
telling me we should go -- are you ready?”

        I nodded, but neither of us made a move towards the door.  Instead, I found 
myself reaching for his hand.  "I'm glad, Neil."

        He pressed my hand gently.  “Me, too.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

        I paid little attention to the conversation around the dinner table that 
night.  I was vaguely aware of the deep rumble of Neil's voice and the 
occasional question or comment from Miss Alice.  I was so lost in thought, I 
never heard a distinct word from either of them, except for the word "baby". 
  For some reason, my ears were attuned to "baby", and I felt a tingle each 
time Neil uttered it.  It fell so sweetly from his lips, spoken with a 
tenderness that contrasted his often terse and frank demeanor.  He smiled 
whenever he said it, too, which caused me to smile.

        After the last of Miss Ida's apple pie had been served and each morsel 
devoured, I found myself up and clearing off the table, leaving Neil, David, 
and Miss Alice to their discussion and coffee.

        "Christy, I will help you with that later."  Miss Alice looked at me 
curiously.

        “No, I'm fine," I told her.  "I sat so long this afternoon while grading."

        I was grateful for the excuse to leave the room.  What was happening to me? 
  I stacked the dishes in the wash basin and went outside to fill the water 
bucket, forgetting that Miss Ida always heated the dishwater on the stove 
during dinner.  As I pumped the water, putting every bit of energy I had 
into the job, my focus was on the cheerfully lit dining room window of the 
mission house.  My feelings for Neil had been growing for some time now, 
little by little, and now they had suddenly flourished.  But now I was 
experiencing a new emotion -- what was it?-- and it made my throat tighten 
and my stomach feel queasy and my feet cold.  And then I looked down and saw 
that my feet were cold for another reason.  The bucket was completely 
overflowing, and my shoes were soaked.

        I let go of the pump and stared at my sopping feet in dismay.  I shook my 
right foot and felt the water sloshing around inside my shoe.  I hated the 
feel of wet stockings.   "Darn it!"

        "Strong language for a schoolma'am, don't you think?"

        I turned as Neil strolled into the yard, his hands shoved deep into his 
pockets.
        His eyes swept me from head to toe and settled on my feet and the puddle 
around me.  "Having trouble with the pump?"

        "I -- I wasn't paying attention."

        "I noticed you were a little preoccupied during dinner."

        My cheeks grew warmer.  The sun had just set, and I hoped the dim light 
would conceal my blushing.  "I...was," I stammered, unable to think of 
anything else to say.

        "You were thinking of our conversation in the schoolhouse?"

        I swallowed and looked up at him, nodding slightly.

        "And what do you think about it?"

        "Well, I..." This was certainly a delicate topic.  My pulse raced as I 
searched for the words that would least reveal the feelings our earlier 
conversation had stirred within me.  "I never realized that you wanted -- 
liked -- babies so much."

        I expected another of his wide grins, but his face grew more serious. "Of 
course I do, Christy.  I've lived a solitary life for years now, but the 
trip to Low Gap showed me...I don't want to live out the rest of my days 
that way.  I want a family."  He touched my chin softly and brought my face 
to meet his gaze.  "Don't you?"

        My legs were trembling, and I wondered if Neil could feel it as his hand 
cupped my cheek.  I remembered the time I had told Miss Alice I came to 
Cutter Gap because I wanted my life to count for something more than getting 
married and having babies.  The irony of the statement now caused my lips to 
part in an involuntary smile.

        “Is that a yes?"  Neil stepped closer to me, his left hand moving around 
me.  I felt his fingers lightly brushing my waist.

        I wanted to answer him, but my voice lodged in my throat.  His eyes were 
drawing me to him, and I found myself tilting my face up to his.  Neil took 
a deep breath and pressed his lips together before he leaned down and 
brushed them against mine.

        He drew back a bit then, and studied my face.  His hand dropped from my 
cheek, and I reached for it as I had earlier in the schoolhouse.

        Yes," I told him.  "Yes, I do."

        The evening shadows seemed to grow longer as we stood there, and the scent 
of the honeysuckle wafting on the warm breeze was so sweet that it made me 
dizzy.  My heart pounded inside my chest, but looking into Neil's eyes, I 
felt a surprising absence of self-consciousness.

        Once more, our faces inched closer together, and I brought my mouth to his. 
  The soft warmth of his lips as they met mine made me feel both weak  and 
energetic.  I let his strong arms support me as the kiss deepened.

        For a moment I reflected that his characteristic mixture of strength and 
sensitivity also colored his kisses, but soon I didn't want to think any 
more.  I only wanted to know that I was in Neil's arms, kissing the man I 
loved -- and that someday  his new hope -- and mine -- would be realized.



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