Title: Game Show Author: Regina Dear All, I thought I would have a little fun. Thanks to Angela, my assistant, who is always ready with a helping verb Regina, Bogg Babe GAME SHOW Disclaimer: No actresses or game show hosts were injured in the making of this fanfic. I have no idea who it is going to be, so don't ask! PART 1 Regis Philbin walks out from backstage. Everyone knows what time it is as Regis looks into the camera. "Welcome America. It was not so long ago that we played a variation of this game called 'Who Wants to Play Neil MacNeiil?' The undisputed winner was Stewart Finlay-McClennan, who is now in Canada shooting the new movies soon to be airing on PAX TV. But, we have another role to fill. It is time to play, 'Who Wants to Play Alice Henderson?' Please welcome our contestants. Sharon Gless...". As Regis mentions the name of each contestant, the camera pans to them, and the contestant nods her head. "Ann Jillian". She smiles sweetly and waves to the camera. "Karen Grassle". She winks and mouths hello to her children. Regis loudly accentuates the name of the last contestant, since she has raised the attention of the entire audience by appearing in a large hat with a black veil attached, obscuring her face. "And welcome Madame X". Madame X lifts a black gloved hand ever so slightly. Regis, having made the introductions, gets ready for the game. "And now contestants we are ready for the fastest finger question." All of the contestants move their hands to either side of their keypads. Ann Jillian looks nervous and whispers "Good luck" to Karen Grassle. Regis gets annoyed by this bit of unauthorized conversation. "Ladies, pay attention to the game. Let's get ready to play 'Who Wants to Play Alice Henderson?'" "Here's your fastest finger question. Put the following events in chronological order. Margaret gets tuberculosis, You disown Margaret, Margaret arrives in the Cove with Theodore Harland, Margaret goes to Atlanta with the other girls". As the music plays, the women frantically push the buttons on their keypads. Ann Jillian seems to be having trouble with her keypad and Karen Grassle seems to be taking too long--she runs out of time before she has entered all her answers. Sharon Gless sits back in her chair, confident that she has the correct answer. Regis addresses the camera once again. "Here are the answers in the correct order. Margaret gets tuberculosis, Margaret goes to Atlanta with the other girls, Margaret arrives in the Cove with Theodore Harland, You disown Margaret". The answers appear on the TV screen. Sharon Gless and the Mystery Woman have all the answers right, but the Mystery Woman has the fastest time. Regis smiles at the camera as he says, "Mystery Woman, you're the winner. Come and take your seat". Part 2 The mystery woman takes her seat. Of course, the seat is many feet of the ground, so she struggles to get into it, but Regis, having signed a waiver from his insurance company, cannot assist her. He watches her struggle into the seat and glances at his watch, annoyed that she is taking so much of his camera time. "Ok, Madame X, are you ready to play "Who Wants to Play Alice Henderson?" Madame X brushes her hand over her clothes to smooth them and takes a deep sigh. "Yes, Regis, I'm ready. But aren't you going to ask about my life...my job...my hobbies?" Regis glares at her. "You took up all our chat time by taking so long getting into the chair. Here is the $100 question. Which little boy interrupted your silent retreat? A. Richie Rich B. A very short Bird's-Eye Taylor C. Opie D. Sam Houston." Madame X barely hesitates. "Regis, I remember that. The person that interrupted Alice's silent retreat was D. Dam Houston." Music plays...lights shift...and Regis yells, "That is absolutely right! You now have $100. Would you like to go on to play for $200?" Madame X nods her head. Regis chuckles to himself. "Of course you would. You're no idiot..." The lights shift and the music plays. "Which one of these actors plays your son-in-law? A. Randall Batinkoff B. Boris Karloff C. Stewart Finlay-McClennan D. Stewart Little" Madame X rolls her eyes and says "C' quickly. Regis asks the fateful question..."Is that your final answer?" Madame X nods her head; she has answered the question correctly. The crowd goes wild. Regis begins to read the $500 question. "It is common knowledge in the Cove that you are a better shot than who? A. Creed Allen B. Bob Allen C. Twila D. Bird's Eye Taylor" Madame X thinks out loud. "Creed Allen is not a better shot than me by any stretch and neither is Bob Allen. Everyone knows that the Allen's are lousy shots. So, it's between Twila and Bird's Eye. Twila is a crafty lady and Bird's-Eye...well think about his name. I'm guessing that I am a better shot than D. Bird's-Eye Taylor" Regis intones, "Is that your final answer?" Madame X, frightful that her decision may be wrong, asks to phone a friend. She calls her milliner. "Hello Mary...you made this great hat for me. You think you can answer a question for me?" Mary, ever fearful of looking like an idiot on TV says that she will try. Madame X reads the question and the possible answers to her. Mary exclaims, "Why the answer, (here she starts to say Madame X's name but realizes her mistake) is as plain as the nose on your face. It's Bird's-Eye Taylor. D." The buzzer goes off. Madame X proclaims, "My answer, Regis is D. Alice is a better shot than Bird's-Eye Taylor." Regis asks, "Is that your final answer?" Madame X nods her head. Regis, crestfallen, shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Madame X, but the correct answer was E. All of the above. You are a better shot than ALL of those people. I'm afraid that you cannot be the new Alice Henderson." Madame X looses control of herself. "What do you mean I lost? I AM Alice Henderson. I know all about Quaker silences, opportunities with thee and everyone else! I have memorized "As You Like It", you moron! I am Alice Henderson!" Regis, panicking now, calls security. Bird's-Eye Taylor steps onto the stage. "Yeah, Philbin?" Regis straightens his tie. "Escort this woman off the stage. She has obviously got some issues." And with that, Bird's-Eye grabs Madame X's arm. But, her cannot resist pulling off her hat and veil. Everyone stops and gasps as they reveal Madame X to be..... The conclusion.... And with that, Bird's-Eye grabs Madame X's arm. But, he cannot resist pulling off her hat and veil. Everyone stops and gasps as they reveal Madame X to be..... Gap--the Cove Jester! Regis gasps and looks at the camera. "Folks, I don't understand this! How did she get in here? We have been throwing her off the lot all week! She seems to have some sort of obsession with Christy..." Gappie, ever shy and demure, takes out her bubble sword and whacks Regis on the head. "That's for not letting me be Alice Henderson without appearing on this stupid game show. I'm shy! I can do a Quaker silence in my sleep. And, I want you to use your pull to get Tess Harper back. And, oh, I want Stewart to escort me to Canada!". Regis covers his head. "Ok, Ok, is there anything else that you want?" Gap scratches her head. "I want my own trailer. I want Stewart's root beer on demand *and* I want Mike Hickman to play Bird's-Eye. And THAT''S my final answer." The End