DISCLAIMER : Of course, the beautiful story of "Christy" belongs to the 
LeSourd family and I own nothing, unless I add something.  And I'm not 
planning to.  I am making nor seeking any profit from writing this but am 
simply doing it for entertainment.  Does anyone care about this thing?  I 
doubt it.  Anyway, if you sued me, you'd be suing a 15 year old with little 
to give so don't sue me, please?  Thanks.

Title:  Denouements {Sequel to "Changing Lives"}
Author: Lyn H.

Prologue

                I doubt that anyone could be so confused.  I knew who I 
loved.  Dr. Neil MacNeill, a rugged backwoods doctor.  He had stolen my heart 
more than Cutter Gap had, I hated to admit.  I always wanted to consider 
myself a Christianly young woman with thoughts of romance on the back burner, 
so to speak.  But I found that extremely hard with the doctor..... Neil.

        It had been three weeks since he kissed me.  We had remained friends 
since.  I went with him to visit Margaret, who was looking quite well.  She 
did not seem to mind that Neil and I were coming together.  I had wondered if 
she would.  But she appeared to be all right with it.  He was her recent 
ex-husband but Neil said he did not feel married to her since she left years 
ago.  But I still had to consider the situation.  He knew I needed time to 
think, too, and I greatly appreciated his leniency and patience.  Though it 
had only been three weeks.  I personally knew how long that could be in such 
a situation.

        Spending nearly every living moment with either him or Alice 
Henderson cut down on my time with my family.  I believe that my parents 
understood.  And George.... Well, George was glad I was home but not *that* 
glad.  I don't believe that he really was eager to stay home with me.  But 
that did not bother me.  I knew that he was only a teenager.

        I finally had a moment with my father.  Actually, I had quite a long 
moment.  We prayed together and talked for two hours.  Daddy knew what kind 
of stress I was under and he understood.  He also knew what else was on my 
mind, though he never said that he knew.  I knew.  Daddy had always known 
what I was thinking without me ever having to say anything.

        I remembered being eight and nervous about a tea party.  I had never 
attended one with so many prestigious women before that day.  Daddy came up 
and I was not nervous after his hints of reassurance.  Back then, I had 
thought he was pretty subtle.  As I looked back, I realize that he was giving 
himself away.  I loved him all the more for it.

        Of course, I managed to spend a full day with my mother.  I stopped 
at the hospital on my way home.  Mother stayed downstairs.  I wondered about 
that.  I went up to the room and my heart soared when she asked me to muse 
over a particular passage in the Bible with her.  We spent half an hour going 
over it and I had lost track of time.  My mother came up and told me we 
should get home for supper.  She said a brief greeting to Margaret, which 
made my heart sink.  My mother was so cold and close-minded sometimes and I 
always wondered why that was so.  I knew there were so many other women who 
were worse but why Mother?

        I wrote Reverend David Grantland constantly.  He did not write quite 
so often.  His spiritual retreat occupied his mind, naturally.  But I felt a 
kinship with him still.  One I had not felt before while he had been 
romantically pressuring me.  I loved him dearly and I was overjoyed that he 
finally was beginning to see God.  Truly God.  Not an image of God but the 
Savior Himself.  I had been hoping for this time for so long.

        Everything seemed so right.  Neil and Margaret were Christians, I had 
settled my problems with David, Alice was at peace with her daughter, I was 
seeing my parents, and I would return to Cutter Gap soon.  I had another year 
of school ahead of me, which I fervently looked forward to.

        My only dilemma was Neil.  I knew that I loved him.  I loved him like 
*that* and I knew that, much thanks to my precious friend, Fairlight Spencer. 
 Then I had listened to my heart and knew.  His acceptance of Jesus Christ 
was only further confirmation.  But he had just divorced.  His ex-wife was in 
the hospital, though looking better every day.  How could I?  I decided to 
just explain that to him.  But how would I ever get that kind of nerve?  I 
knew I had to.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                One night, two weeks before I planned to return to the Cove, 
I had supper with only my parents.  Dr. MacNeill and Miss Alice were at the 
hospital, keeping Margaret company.  She was doing really well and I was 
squirming inside for my joy.  I was so happy, I wanted to burst.

        "Christy, I wanted to talk to you about something."

        I hated that opening.  It scared me.  It usually meant something 
negative.  I looked at my mother, the speaker, and my eyebrows slightly 
raised in my curiosity. "Yes, Mother?"

        My mother, Julia Huddleston, glanced at my father.  William 
Huddleston, Daddy, was a lawyer and I suppose it is where I get my litigation 
skills from.  Or so he said. "I wanted to speak with you about Cutter Gap."

        Another bad opening.  I should have seen what was coming, and perhaps 
I did but did not want to. "What about it?" I inquired.  I knew I should have 
phrased my words differently but I did not much care at the moment.  I was 
not too concerned with my etiquette and society standards.  My foot was 
bouncing under the table from all my pent up energy.  That energy came from 
my joy.

        I saw Mother draw in a breath and knew my mistake was more than I 
summed it up to be.  I knew I should have said it differently. "Christy, I am 
not sure that I want to let you go back there again."

        I looked at her in calm surprise, just staring for a moment.  I saw 
Daddy shoot her a glance and was glad that he was not in on it.  I set my 
fork quietly down by the side of my plate and forced myself to be calm.  I 
counted to five before speaking, knowing Daddy always told me to think before 
acting.  With something like the children and Cutter Gap, it was a necessity 
to speak gingerly to my mother. "Why don't you want me to return?" I asked.  
It was obvious I had made my voice quiet and calm and I was certain she knew 
it.

        "You were raised for these kinds of surroundings, not the backwoods 
of a Godforsaken mountain range," Mother replied what I had already heard 
before.  I had heard this every time I saw her since mentioning going to 
Cutter Gap. "I do not like the idea of my daughter going to some archaic area 
and teaching little children who will probably never leave their 
surroundings."

        "Mother, you don't know what you're talking about," I said before 
thinking.  I regretted it but I did not get a chance to apologize.

        "Christy Rudd Huddleston, do not speak to me that way," Mother 
snapped before resuming her more controlled demeanor.  I could almost see the 
shield drawing over her eyes. "I met those people, Christy.  They are 
basically good people.  But you are wasting your precious youth on them." I 
bristled. "How long will you be twenty?  You are two years older than I was 
when I married and I want my daughter married.  And not to a mountain man, 
either.  Including the doctor."

        "Mother!" I cried, embarrassed.  I followed her previous actions and 
calmed myself, my ears burning with irritation and embarrassment. "Mother, 
you know how much they mean to me.  And not just the doctor.  But Miss Alice, 
Ruby Mae, David, Little Burl, and Creed.  Mother, you met Mountie O'Teale.  
These are precious children.  Zady Spencer is an arithmetic genius!  How 
could I let these minds go to waste simply because you believed me to be 
wasting my youth?  If I am, Mother, it's my life and my youth to waste.  I am 
twenty years old.  I can take care of myself, and I have been."

        "Christy, if you go to Cutter Gap then it will be against my wishes," 
Mother said primly. "Plain and simple.  I do not want you there.  I want you 
home."

        "I found home," I said quietly. "Please don't make me choose, Mother. 
 I love you.  And I love Cutter Gap." I leaned forward in my earnest. "These 
children, Mother, that place.  They fulfill me.  I have never been so happy 
in all my life.  I have wonderful friends, beautiful scenery, amazing 
children, and I grow closer to God every single day.  I have never had that 
here."

        "Does family mean nothing to you?" Mother asked.

        "Does my happiness mean nothing to you?" I returned softly.  That 
seemed to startle her and she backed away some. "I wish I did not have to 
choose, Mother.  I really do.  But school starts in twelve days and I am 
leaving in ten.  Perhaps I will consider it while I am there but I can't 
leave them without a teacher with no notice.  I simply cannot do it."

        I rose, putting my napkin on the table.  I could hardly believe that 
I was defying her like this.  I had never done this before and it shocked me. 
 I could not remember any of my friends being so rebellious.  Was I doing 
wrong?  The fifth commandment was to honor my parents.  But by rebelling, I 
was honoring God.  Or was I?

        I decided to go through with it for now.  I would think later. 
"Forgive me," I begged quietly, excusing myself from the room.  As I left, I 
heard Daddy strike up a conversation with her.  It did not sound friendly but 
I blocked it out as I retreated hurriedly to my bedroom.  Once there, I 
prayed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Part One

                I searched my soul all that night.  Then I did again all the 
next day, all the next night, and all the day after that.  I prayed 
fervently, searching through the Bible.  I had to know that I was doing right 
by defying my mother.  It seemed to me that God was speaking to me.  I found 
Him hard to listen to for His voice seemed so quiet.  Or perhaps I did not 
want to hear what I heard.

        I stood firmly by my earlier decision.  I felt it was God's will I 
return to those children and, truthfully, I had wondered on many nights if it 
would ever come to this between Mother and me.  We seemed to be building 
towards this moment all of our lives after I became more indignant and 
stubborn.  It became obvious pretty quickly, I believe, that Mother was not 
going to get the precious little lady she always wanted.  When Amelia came, 
she thought she had a second chance.  Then Amelia died and it hurt her so 
much more than anyone predicted.  And it hurt me, too, like I had lost a 
daughter.  It had put a rift between us, though it should have brought us 
closer.  It made me sad to think about so I did not think of it.

        Every little girl wants a mother.  Every young woman wants a good 
friend in their mother.  I felt sad that I had not felt like I had either for 
a long time.  I knew my mother loved me.  But did she really know me?  I 
doubted it.  She did not know what made me happy.  She thought I had a 
temporary infatuation with the Smoky Mountains but it was a deep love that I 
could not rid myself of.  Nor did I want to.

        I went to the hospital to visit Margaret.  We had become pretty good 
friends, which was something that I had not thought would ever happen.  I 
wanted it to since I came to Asheville and let go of my jealousy.  And I had 
to admit it was jealousy now.  I knew what I felt for her husband and was as 
ashamed of it as I was glad of it.  At least I was no longer wondering.  Then 
I realized that I was keeping Neil wondering because he truly seemed to not 
know how I felt.  Which surprised me since he always had been so perceptive.

        "Christy," Margaret greeted, smiling. "I am glad you came."

        What a different woman Margaret had been lately.  It made my heart 
soar.  I could not imagine how happy Miss Alice must be over this. "No one's 
here?" I asked in surprise, noting the empty room.

        "No, they are out," Margaret replied. "Which is just as well because 
I wanted to talk to you, anyway."

        I took a seat by her bed, wondering what it was about.  I certainly 
hoped it had nothing to do with Neil.  I mentally laughed at myself for my 
one-track mind and concentrated on Margaret. "About what?" I asked.

        "You are going back to Cutter Gap in seven days, aren't you?"  
Margaret asked, to which I nodded. "I want to go with you.  I know Mac and 
Mother both miss it and so do you.  And I am feeling so much better.  I think 
the fresh air will do me good.  I have noticed that you have drawn much 
strength from the children and the surroundings and I want to do the same."

        I smiled.  The thought actually made me happy.  When I had first met 
Margaret, she had been sitting on a piano bench with another man and smoking 
a cigarette with as much snobby air as she could manage.  She had given me a 
critical look that made me incredibly uncomfortable, practically mocking my 
teaching because I had not yet seen my twentieth birthday.  But now she 
seemed to be almost asking my permission to return to Cutter Gap.  I 
broadened my smile.

        "I think it's a great idea," I told her honestly, seeing her face 
relax.  I had felt an odd bond with her over the past few weeks. "Do you know 
what you will be doing?  Because I would really love help with the children.  
I have about seventy students, twelve grades, one room, and only one of me."

        "You want my help?" Margaret repeated.  I could hear the surprise in 
her voice. "I was only planning on helping Mother around the mission."

        I smiled, feeling happier by the moment. "I would love the help," I 
said. "If you would like to help."

        "Yes, of course," said Margaret quickly. "What else is on your mind?" 
I must have blushed for she actually smiled.  She looked old and worn but a 
youthfulness was creeping into her dark eyes. "You are more transparent than 
you would like to think yourself, I believe."

        I considered her for a moment, knowing she had gone out on a limb to 
confide in me.  Or to even talk to me.  I felt honored that we were becoming 
friends and I was looking forward to teaching with her.  She had hated the 
people of the Cove before.  She had resented them for being Neil's first 
priority.  I wanted to show her that they were wonderful people.  That she 
agreed to working with me made me want to tell her what was wrong.

        "It's my mother," I confided.  Margaret's eyebrows slightly raised 
curiously.  I could tell I had piqued her curiosity. "She told me that going 
to Cutter Gap would be against her wishes."

        "But you are still going," Margaret said in confusion.

        "Yes," I said quietly. "I am."

        A look of recognition crossed over her face visibly and a small smile 
touched my lips to see it. "Oooh," Margaret said, an apologetic look on her 
face.  I could hear it in her tone, as well. "If anyone knows about 'mother' 
problems, Christy, then it is me.  Do you want my advice?"

        "I am always looking for advice," I allowed.

        "Search your heart," Margaret said. "Pray.  Search the Bible.  
Whatever you come up with, go with it.  Try to explain it to her.  These were 
things I never did and look where it got me."

        "I have," I said sadly. "And it doesn't make my mother very happy."

        Margaret looked at me with her piercing eyes.  I think she saw 
straight through me, much like Neil always did. "This is your life."

        "Yes, and she is my mother," I said.  I forced a smile. "I should 
tell you about the children." I deliberately changed the topic.  I was unsure 
how to work this thing out with my mother.  I did not want to leave with her 
being angry at me.  But I did not think she would relent and I knew that I 
would not.

        I watched as Margaret became as enthralled by the stories of the 
children as I had hoped.  I remembered my first fascination with them.  The 
feeling of importance in their lives was a feeling I never wanted to let go 
of.

        I hoped they would give her a chance so she could feel that, too.  I 
also hoped she would begin experiencing the amazing awe and humility that 
came from those many fascinating, endearing children and the hauntingly 
beautiful mountains.  Perhaps she might have a spiritual revelation as David 
was and as I had had.  Even Neil had a spiritual revelation.  She might grow 
closer to God.

        It was then that I realized what great hopes I had for the future in 
Cutter Gap.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Part Two

                My delight over Margaret's inspirational turn to God was 
short-lived.  As was my joy over her decision to help me teach.  My mind was 
filling with ideas for Cutter Gap.  What good could be done with another 
person to help teach!  I would have time for more and Margaret could help on 
the more challenging tasks, like keeping the children in order on beautiful, 
breezy days.

        But my mother was waiting for me when I walked in the house.  She saw 
the elation all over my face, it was obvious.  I did not mind showing her how 
happy I was.  Though the sight of her being so upset made me less jovial.

        "Hello, Mother," I greeted with warmness I had to slightly push 
myself for.  I was ashamed of having to make myself be warm towards her.  I 
took in a deep breath and prayed for guidance.

        "You were at the hospital?" Mother asked quietly, her arms lightly 
folded.  She seemed to be hugging herself, though, not trying to be stern.

        I nodded, pulling my shawl from around my shoulders.  I held it in my 
hands, running my fingers absently over the smooth material.  I began 
thinking about the children and adults of the Cove and how such a garment as 
this, which my mother considered to be plain, they would think of as 
extravagant.  It made my heart ache to be back in Cutter Gap.  I had been 
pining for the mountains since my departure but it had been getting worse 
since I knew I would be going back soon.  And I had so many plans running 
through my head.  I wanted to make sure everyone was well-equipped for winter 
and school and there were so many projects to complete.

        "Yes," I said, realizing I had briefly drifted from reality and 
Asheville.  I needed to be fully here to talk to my mother and not tip our 
relationship further.  It was easy to daydream about Cutter Gap but I could 
do that later. "Margaret is doing much better.  She will be going back to 
Cutter Gap with Miss Alice, Dr. MacNeill, and me."

        "She will?" Mother asked curiously.

        I nodded slowly. "She is going to be helping me teach and helping out 
around the mission," I said. "And Dr. MacNeill and Dr. Johannsen both agree 
that the fresh air should do her a world of good.  So do I and so does Miss 
Alice."

        "So she will be working out her marriage?" Mother inquired.

        I looked at her.  That cut me deep.  I believe that she knew it, too, 
because she had mentioned it at Thanksgiving that I was stringing the two men 
along.  I remembered that she loved me.  I knew she did.  I think she was too 
concerned for me to see the full picture of Cutter Gap and the children, 
though.

        "That is their business, Mother," I said. "If you want to know about 
it, ask them." I knew it was not my place to tell anyone anything about their 
personal affairs, nor tell my mother there was no marriage to work out 
anymore.  The divorce was still a little shocking to me, even after these 
weeks. "Mother, I don't want to go back home with you and me fighting."

        There.  I had said it.  I had called Cutter Gap 'home' and the hurt 
showed on my mother's face the instant that I said it.  But I knew I had to 
tell her.  I think she always knew, in a sense, that I no longer considered 
Asheville my home.  Things were finally coming out in the open and I felt a 
bit of relief about that.

        "Cutter Gap is your home, you say?" Mother asked me, her voice barely 
above a whisper.

        "I live there, Mother," I returned, barely louder. "I love it and the 
people there.  I am doing good in Cutter Gap.  I am learning and helping 
enrich their lives while I am growing closer to the one Person that I always 
wanted to know better.  And I finally am.  I feel like I'm making a 
difference.  Even if it's just in the backwoods of Tennessee, Mother, it's 
incredibly important to me.  It makes me happy.  But I love you and Daddy and 
George.  And Asheville has been my home for nineteen years.  But my heart is 
with Cutter Gap." I looked imploringly at her, willing her to understand the 
passion, which I was trying to explain.  My passion for the children and 
teaching and Christ. "Do you understand that?" I asked softly.

        Mother turned her gaze down to her hands, and I just realized she was 
wringing her hands together.  I felt immense guilt for making her like that 
but I knew I had to stand by my decision.  I thought of the martyrs and what 
they had endured because of their faith.  Watching my mother wringing her 
hands and the disapproval in her eyes was nothing in comparison.  The martyrs 
had been hunted down, persecuted, prosecuted, tortured, murdered, and mocked. 
 I straightened, remembering their amazing sacrifice to the will of God.  I 
could surely stand up to my mother.  They had stood up to the most powerful 
earthly empire.

        "You are determined, aren't you."

        It was not a question.  It was more of a statement to herself.  My 
look was enough, I suppose, for the instant that she met my eyes I could tell 
she saw my resolve.  I had decided to not back down this time.  I had only 
backed down when Daddy was sick where Cutter Gap was concerned.  When I had 
first heard of the mission, I had pushed day after day after day.  And I had 
to do it again now.  But the reward was beyond anything I could even imagine 
until I experienced it.  Such love was unknown to me before going to Cutter 
Gap.  Such joy was unknown to me, as well.  It was the love and joy of the 
children.

        "For the life of me, Christy Huddleston," my mother said, her voice 
breaking. "I don't understand how you can waste your youth on such a 
Godforsaken place.  And I do not know how you can be so dedicated to it.  But 
it makes you happy and that's what I want for you." I could feel my throat 
constricting and my eyes jerking with tears.  I could foresee what was 
coming. "Go to Cutter Gap, Christy.  Not that you would have stayed here, 
anyway.  Go with my blessing.  I am not happy about it but I want you happy.  
So go."

        I smiled, tears fogging my vision.  Everything was falling into place 
all of a sudden and it was wonderful.  I looked at my mother, seeing how hard 
it was for her to do this. "I love you, Mother."

        She turned her eyes to me again and I saw she had been doubting that 
I loved her.  She moved forward, taking me in her arms quickly.  I rested my 
head on her shoulder, breathing in the familiar rose petal scent.  They were 
the sachets that she used since I was a little girl.  They were a comforting 
fragrance and I realized how much she meant to me in that one instant.  
Despite our differences, despite us seeing on different levels.  Despite 
everything, I loved her and was glad that I had her back again.  I hated 
arguing with anyone, especially family.

        "I love you so much, Christy," my mother whispered, stroking my hair 
in a maternal way I was embarrassed to admit I had missed.  I remembered her 
stroking my hair when I was a child and it had comforted me then.  It 
comforted me now, as well. "Come visit, OK?"

        I pulled back and looked at her. "I will be only a few hours away," I 
reminded her. "Or a telephone call."

        My mother smiled gently through her misty eyes. "Right," she said, 
smiling. "The telephone."

        We both laughed.  There was no reason to.  But we did.  It felt 
wonderful to laugh with her again.

Part Three

                I met up with my father the next day and he took me to 
dinner.  It was a little diner that we had gone to when I was a young girl.  
I would meet him there when I got older so that he would not have to travel 
home from work then take me back out.  It was nice to meet him there after 
his day of work again.

        Daddy kissed my cheek and held out my chair for me, which made me 
smile.  He had always done that for me.  Even when I was three or four.  It 
had became a game with us to pretend I was a fine lady, even when I grew up.  
It was endearing to continue playing this game, and that he still remembered.

        "How's my girlie today?" Daddy asked, seating himself across from me.

        I smiled, having missed the nickname.  And I only fully appreciated 
it now, right before I had to leave again. "Did you talk to Mother?"

        Daddy knew then that my mother had given in and I could see him 
beaming through his kind eyes.  I was so glad to see him hardly relying on 
the can, which he had carelessly tossed to the side of his chair. "So she 
gave in?"

        We placed our orders before I answered. "Yes," I replied. "Did you 
talk to her?"

        "I know what makes my daughter happy," Daddy said. "She wants the 
best for you.  You know that, don't you?"

        I nodded. "Of course," I agreed.

        Daddy smiled gently. "She wants her little girl back," Daddy said. 
"Truthfully, so do I at times.  But then I look at you, all grown up and 
beautiful." I lightly blushed. "I'm so proud of you, Girlie."

        "Proud of me?" I repeated, the smile unable to leave my lips. "Look 
at you.  You got over a stroke and you're walking around almost like nothing."

        "Thanks to your Dr. MacNeill," Daddy said. "He is a wonderful 
physician."

        "He is," I agreed, keeping my personal feelings hidden. "And the New 
School teaches different things from the Old School.  They know more.  And 
I'm glad.  I would hate to lose you."

        "This old man still has several years left in him yet!" Daddy said 
with a sparkle in his eyes that made me laugh.

        "I'm glad to hear that," I returned, feeling happy again. "I was so 
sad when I thought I was going to lose you."

        He reached across the table, taking my hand with a reassuring smile. 
"But I am still here, Girlie," Daddy reminded me. "But you won't be in town 
after another six days so let's not waste time, eh?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                I returned home while my father went back to work.  He had a 
couple of cases to mull over and I did not feel like working with him that 
day.  I was glad that I had not gone to work with him when I went home.  I 
found Dr. MacNeill just coming down the stairs when I walked to the staircase.

        My heart stirred the moment I saw him and met his eyes.  Again, I 
could see a small smile in his eyes when he saw me.  But, for one of the 
first times, I saw doubt creep into his beautiful eyes when I met his gaze.  
I knew why the doubt was there, too.  He had put his heart on his sleeve and 
it was up to me what I was going to do with it.  He could not turn back now.

        "Christy," Neil said, more of an utterance than a greeting.

        I smiled and gestured a thumb over my shoulder, feeling confident.  I 
felt my knees grow weak at the small smile he returned and determined to be 
strong. "Could we talk?"

        Relief flooded over his face.  I liked being able to see his emotions 
as he had always been able to see mine. "Of course," he said. "I was hoping 
to."

        We walked back out to the garden, where we had been before.  It was 
still a beautiful day, though a little muggy outside.  I was trembling some 
and wondered how I was going to be able to find the strength to say what I 
wanted to say.  To say what I needed to say.  I could feel his eyes on my 
back as I studied the vision before me.  I prayed for strength from God.  I 
really needed it.

        "I hear Margaret is going to come to Cutter Gap with us," he said, 
deciding to start a conversation, I suppose, since I was stalling.

        I was at a loss for words.  I loved him, God help me, I did.  So why 
was this so hard?  Because I had never done it before, I speculated.  I was 
so nervous!  I felt like I had when I got my first kiss.  My hands were 
rubbery and my head was spinning, but in an unpleasant way.  Not like it had 
when he had kissed me.  This was a different kind of anxiety.

        "Yes," I said, turning to look up at him.  I had been right.  He was 
watching me. "She is going to help me with the children."

        "She mentioned that," Neil replied, watching me. "But we didn't come 
out here to talk about the children or Margaret."

        I briefly laughed at his blunt way of putting it.  There was no humor 
to my laugh, though.  I was terrified and I was shaking, I was so scared.  Of 
what, I was not sure.  He would never hurt me, I knew that.  So was it the 
newfound feelings?  I could not be certain.

        "No, we didn't," I mused.  I looked up at him again, drawing strength 
from somewhere deep inside.  His eyes showed his earnest feelings.  I knew it 
was now that I had to speak.

Part Four

                Looking in Dr. MacNeill's beautiful eyes, I saw the curiosity 
and anxiety still.  I smiled, more to myself than to him.  This was the big 
moment.  I found myself searching for words, but they were all inadequate.  
Unfortunately for me, those words never came.

        "I don't know," I said quietly, knowing that the doctor understood 
what I was talking about.  I looked down. "I just...." My voice trailed as I 
began to think again for the right words but found simplicity to be my 
companion. "I don't know."

        I let out a breath as Neil watched me.  I wondered why he always 
watched me like this.  It was odd and a little charming at the same time.  
Then again, the doctor himself was nearly irresistible.  I suppose his 
actions, however unnerving, would be enchanting as well. "What don't you 
know, Christy?  How you feel?"

        "No, I know how I feel," I admitted quietly.

        I actually heard Neil hold in his breath.  I knew I was making him 
nervous.  Had I not been more nervous than him I would have taken the time to 
revel in his anxiety.  It was such an odd thing for him to be openly 
doubting.  But I was not going to take advantage of his vulnerability, 
anyway.  Though the thought to wallow in it did cross my mind, despite the 
somber nature of our conversation.

        "How do you feel, lass?"

        His voice was soft; so quiet I hardly heard him.  His Scottish accent 
was tinged with the doubt that his eyes revealed to me.  The words rolled 
together, almost as if he had to push them out forcibly.  I could understand 
having difficulty with this.  I certainly did!  It was a very turbulent time 
in our lives.  And his voice, those five words, expressed to me much of how 
he felt.  I could not place an emotion, or several, with what kind of 
feelings he was expressing.  But I knew them just the same.

        Perhaps that was how I knew I loved him.  Our minds thought the same, 
oft times.  I told him my deepest thoughts and perhaps now he was letting his 
guard down enough to let me see his deepest thoughts.  But I wondered if 
these were his thoughts or his desires.  I decided it was both.

        Realizing I had mentally drifted for a moment, I pulled myself back 
to the present.  I looked up at the handsome man before me.  He was a dozen 
years older than me and had lived a lifetime before I hit puberty.  But we 
had an undeniable bond. "You're my best friend, Neil," I began, my voice 
trailing.

        Neil waited a moment and I saw his shoulders sag. "Then you don't 
feel about me the way I do about you?" he asked, his voice hoarse.  I could 
just imagine how he felt.  That he had made a fool of himself for nothing but 
that was not the case at all.

        "That's the problem," I replied, feeling stronger than I thought I 
should.  Neil looked at me quizzically, his eyes showing his hurt. "I do."

        Dr. MacNeill's eyes lit up more than I thought possible.  Such 
emotional passion was foreign to me.  Seeing it on the one person I thought I 
would never affect like that made me wish what I had to do did not have to be 
done.  But I did not think I was ready for what he offered.  Was I ready for 
such a strong love as I knew he was offering?  I doubted it.  Was he?  I did 
not know.  The problems surrounding our lives, the hardships, did not help 
our situation, either.

        I had said that loving him was a problem and he must have remembered, 
for his eyes dimmed some.  But he did not yet comment on my problems. "You do 
what, Miss Huddleston?" Neil asked, returning to Miss Huddleston in a rather 
playful tone.  But I could hear the strain in his voice.

        "You're a very difficult man, Neil," I said.

        "I know," he said simply.

        Looking up at Neil, my heart yearned to say it.  Just this once.  
Just to indulge in the look in his eyes and perhaps a following kiss..... The 
mere thought of his kiss left me feeling faint, as if I would swoon for the 
first time in my life.  I do not know where my bravery came from.  Perhaps 
from my love itself.  But I looked Neil straight in the eyes and confessed my 
heart. "I love you, Neil, I do." I immediately fell silent, feeling shy for 
allowing myself that luxury.

        I had expected Neil to kiss me.  It seemed like the most appropriate 
thing to do.  But he did not.  I had not been prepared for that.  What I was 
less prepared for, though, was the look in his eyes when I looked up.  They 
were misty, which completely shocked me.  There was such complete adoration 
in his eyes that my heart quickened to see it.  It was for me.  For Christy 
Huddleston.  From him.  Neil MacNeill.  I felt as though his heart and soul 
were reaching and groping for mine, trying to pull me towards him.

        "You have just made me the happiest and luckiest man alive, Christy," 
Neil said. "To have your love."

        I was feeling more faint by the moment.  What this man did to me..... 
"Neil--"

        "I mean it," Neil interrupted before I could argue. "You said there 
is a problem."

        I looked up at him.  God give me strength, I begged Him. "Yes," I 
said, musing to myself.  Looking up at Neil, I found myself falling headfirst 
into his eyes.  Everything at this moment screamed at me to stop.  To not 
ruin the moment further.  I had just completed his confession of love and I 
was ruining it!  But, somehow, I could not stop myself. "I want to remain 
friends, Neil."

        "Of course," Dr. MacNeill agreed quickly.

        I realized he was not up to taking hints, as I had not been that day. 
 I felt like we had changed roles and the control I felt reminded me of how 
infuriating this control had been on him. "At only friends," I specified in a 
low voice.

        "Christy, please, I don't understand," said Neil, sounding very much 
helpless and child like, in a sense.

        "I adore you, Neil," I began the toughest explanation I had ever had 
to give in my life. "And you are the most wonderful friend that I have ever 
had." I wanted to go all out.  I did not want to do this at all.  But I 
decided to spare nothing.  I decided to throw pride, caution, and temerity 
off the risen patio. "And I love you dearly.  Not like David.  I love you how 
David wanted me to love him.  But I...." I cleared my throat, knowing I was 
probably ruining the best thing--the best person--to ever walk into my life. 
"But I can't, Neil.  We.... We can't."

        Neil reached for my hands.  Again, I divulged myself.  I closed my 
eyes, letting his hands engulf mine and not pulling away.  They were warm 
hands, comforting and trembling.  His ran his fingertip along the tips of all 
my fingers as he held my hands. "Dear lass," he said softly, melting my heart 
and softening my resolve. "I don't understand."

        "You just divorced, Neil," I said, feeling my strength and control 
weakening.  The recognition was immediate in his eyes. "Another woman was 
there before me.  And, right now, she needs you to be her friend.  And that 
would be impossible for her to lean on you as she needs if we are..... if we 
are an us." I hoped that made sense.

        "Are you saying there's a chance?" Neil asked, almost begging.  I saw 
the pain in his eyes and knew I had caused it.  Guilt flooded through my 
body. "Because I will wait for you until we're old and grey.  I want you to 
be certain of this, Christy.  I want you to be sure." I did not even realize 
my cheeks had turned into a river for my tears until Neil reached a hand to 
my face.

        My heart was breaking.  I did not know if there was a chance.  To 
think of Margaret in his arms, in his heart, in his mind, in his cabin, in 
his bed..... All before me.  It hurt too much, no matter how much I loved him 
and wanted to be with him.  He said he loved Margaret at one point.  Not how 
he should have, not how a man should love his wife but in another, 
inexplicable way.  But that was not enough of an explanation for me.

        Without a word, I turned and fled.

Part Five

                Saying good-bye to my family was fairly painless.  Miss 
Alice, Neil, and Margaret boarded the train as I said my farewells.  I loved 
them and told them each as much.  I lingered on my embraces with both my 
parents.  Over the past year, while I was in Cutter Gap, they had become even 
more dear to me.  I was certain my independence and lack of dependency on 
them earned me respect, which made it easier for me to communicate with them. 
 Especially with my mother.

        "All aboard!" the conductor yelled in a familiar fashion.  He had a 
slight drawl to his tone, which fascinated me somehow.

        "Be careful, Girlie," Daddy said, his smile tucked safely away in my 
memory forever.

        "Write often," Mother added, touching my collar in a maternal way 
only a mother could manage.  I smiled, knowing she would miss me.  She did 
not say so then but I knew she would.

        "Be good," George teased me.  I grinned, despite my inner troubles, 
and ruffled his hair.  I had to stretch to do that now, he had gotten so tall.

        "Stop growing," I returned.

        "Miss!" called a man from the stairs of the train.

        I hardly was able to say another word before rushing to catch the 
train.  The man pulled me onto the train as it began its slow start towards 
the Smoky Mountains.  I got my balance, thanking him for his help before 
turning back to my family.  They smiled encouragingly, a sight to remain in 
my mind all the way back to Cutter Gap.  Their waves were synchronized and 
their unity amused me.

        "Inside we go, Miss," the man said jovially, opening the door to the 
car for me.  The train was picking up steam and it would have soon been too 
hard for us to stand outside. "Where is your seat?" he inquired. "I will help 
you find it."

        I smiled graciously, as I knew my mother would want me to. "Thank 
you, sir, but I see my friends," I said cordially. "Good day."

        Moving through the aisle of the train, I approached Neil and Alice 
and Margaret.  The seats were two in a pair and faced each other.  There 
being four of us, it was annoyingly perfect.  I had wished for solitude on 
the way back to Cutter Gap.

        As I approached, I felt like an intruder.  They were family.  I was 
not.  In fact, I had only spoken courteous, detached words to Dr. MacNeill 
since fleeing like a coward from the garden.

        Margaret moved over as I came to their seats. "I saved you this seat, 
Christy," Margaret said with a friendly smile.  I returned it best that I 
could and sat next to her.  Truth was, I was delighted we were getting along. 
 She was a wonderful, kindhearted woman who had been hurt all her life.  I 
repented to God, once more, for my close-minded jealousy and resentment 
towards her in the beginning.

        "Thank you," I said.

        "Thee does not look well."

        I turned to Miss Alice, who was looking concerned.  I noticed that 
Neil was not entirely thrilled that we were in such close quarters for 
several hours, either.  At least I sat across from Miss Alice, and not the 
doctor. "I have had trouble sleeping lately," I said honestly. "But I'm fine."

        Margaret reached into her satchel, distracting the attention from my 
sleeping habits.  I was glad.  I had been afraid Miss Alice might bring Dr. 
MacNeill's services into my statement.  I did not need that.  He was the 
reason for my lack of sleep.

        "I thought you might want this," said Margaret.  She pulled a book 
out of her bag and handed it to me. "You mentioned wanting it for the 
children.  I saw it while I was taking a walk and bought it."

        I accepted the book gingerly and gazed at it.  I looked up at the 
beautiful, worn woman before me from the literary piece she had given me.  It 
was Tennyson's "Poems."  I had mentioned this days and days ago.  Perhaps two 
weeks or so.  And she had remembered. "I can't believe you remembered," I 
said in awe, a genuine smile touching my lips. "Thank you, Margaret."

        She looked rather pleased with my obvious delight.  Margaret held out 
her hand. "May I?" she asked.  I handed it over and Margaret flipped to a 
page. "I like this quote."


                Forgive!

                How many will say, "forgive," and find

                A sort of absolution in the sound

                To hate a little longer!


        That thought was actually rather true.  For a humorous moment, I 
wondered if I should tell David to start looking to poets if he was at a loss 
for words to the mountain people.  How true it was for people to say they 
forgave, then found enough "absolution" in that to keep resenting still.

        The train trip was spent with Margaret and I being the main ones 
talking.  We went through the poetry book together until I suggested that she 
rest some.  The doctor was rather hasty to agree with that suggestion but I 
decided to not comment.  I suppose that Margaret and I getting along so well 
was somewhat disturbing to him.  I knew *I* was surprised by it.

        Margaret went to sleep and the remainder of the trip was spent in 
near absolute silence.  Unlike Miss Alice's Quaker silences or my 
comfortable, peaceful silences with Neil, this one was strained.  There was 
an edge to it that perhaps only Neil and I sensed.  Or maybe even only I did. 
 But the stress of such a silence nearly drove me mad.

        Arriving in Cutter Gap, we spotted David waiting at the train station 
for us.  I saw a tenseness added to Neil's posture at seeing David there.  
Old rivalry?  I wondered.

        David greeted us all warmly, giving my shoulder a warm squeeze.  When 
he called Margaret "Mrs. MacNeill" she corrected him. "Call me Margaret," she 
said, not offering the information that she and Neil had divorced.

        "Margaret will be helping me with the children," I informed David, 
giving Margaret a smile.  How wonderful it was to have her as a friend!

        I studied David for a moment as he loaded our luggage with Dr. 
MacNeill's help.  There was a life, a peace, in his eyes that was revealed in 
his body language.  The spring was in his step.  But there was something 
else.  He looked comfortable.  Did he even look content?  Well, I knew 
something had changed.  I figured that the retreat had been exactly what he 
had needed.  Weeks of nothing but him and God.  There was no Ruby Mae, no 
romance, no Miss Alice, no Neil, and no children.  It had changed him, that 
was obvious without me even asking.

        The conversation was kept up on the way back to the mission.  But 
only between David and Alice.  Margaret joined in when she felt alert.  She 
had been tired by the ride and I was in the back of the wagon with her and 
our luggage.  David had been taking care of Charlie since he returned so he 
had thoughtfully brought along the doctor's horse.

        But Neil and I were completely silent.  I had not been so silent in a 
while.  There was nothing comfortable about this pending silence.  I wished 
it away but it would not go away.  And neither would what I felt for Neil.  
Then again, I recalled, neither would his previous marriage.

        Dr. MacNeill took an imaginary shortcut home to get away from our 
group as soon as possible.  I watched him go in pain.  Looking down, I wanted 
to cry.  I wanted to run after him.  Instead, I sat in the back of the wagon, 
bouncing along, and watched his disappearing figure.


Part Six

                While Miss Alice and her daughter retired the moment they 
arrived, David and I remained up.  I wanted to talk to him.  It was obvious 
he had matured years since I last saw him that afternoon in my bedroom.  I 
wanted to ask David about that.
        David and I sat on the tall staircase leading to the porch and 
listened as Margaret shifted around upstairs.  She was getting ready for bed, 
I guessed.  She had the room next to mine so she would not have to go far if 
she needed someone.  And Alice's cabin was too small for Margaret.  I was 
certain they also realized their relationship was too fragile for them to be 
pushed on each other at all hours like it had been before.
        Everything settled down shortly.  It was a crisp early September 
night.  I slapped at a bug, the noise of my palm against my skin breaking the 
quiet.  I had eaten bread and cheese as a replacement for dinner.  Ruby Mae 
was still with Bessie Coburn but would be returning tomorrow.  So this was 
our most peaceful time so far until she came back.  I had missed her so much. 
 It seemed like a lifetime ago I had left.  So much had changed.
        "You look tired, Christy," Reverend Grantland said.  His voice was 
the same that he had with some of the children.  It was a tender, friendly 
tone.  I had always wanted to hear him use that tone with me.  And now I 
finally heard it.  There were no strings attached to that tone.  He was 
concerned and caring and fitting easily into the role of my friend and 
reverend.
        "I am," I admitted, knowing it would be useless to try and deny it. 
"My sleep has been lacking."
        "Margaret seems wonderful," David commented.
        I smiled and turned to him. "The work of God in her life and in her 
heart."
        "And how does she physically feel?" inquired David.
        "Dr. MacNeill and Dr. Johannsen both think the best thing for her is 
the fresh mountain air," I said. "But they would not disclose much more.  But 
she seems much better.  Tired but not as she was before.  She has a will to 
live.  It's miraculous, David."
        "It certainly is," he agreed thoughtfully.
        "You seem content, David," I added, warranting his gaze on me. "So 
different."
        "I am," Grantland said.  I settled in to listen.
        David had returned to Cutter Gap alone and hurt.  His despondent 
state held him back for the first two days, he said.  But he became angry and 
yelled at God.  Guilt and remorse had overcome him and he had begged for 
forgiveness. "Warmth spread through me," David said. "Like a cool fire.  It 
was the most inspiring feeling.  I couldn't even begin to describe it.  I 
felt my pride break loose and I let myself go.  Right then and there on the 
mountain, I let everything out."
        Experiencing every emotion possible, David had wept, yelled, prayed, 
pondered, and cried out to God in his pain and loneliness.  He had been 
overwhelmed by the feeling of love that enveloped him as he had wept.  It 
took days of meditation and prayer and weeping before David came to grips 
with his life.  His mother had chosen it for him.  She had not chosen his 
life in faith but she had chosen the correct one.  He had realized this as he 
felt God's love flow through him.
        "I left that mountain, having not eaten in two days but not the least 
bit hungry," David said as he wrapped up his storytelling.  Words were 
insufficient but he had attempted to capture the power of his epiphanies.  
But I was awed just the same. "I went to the O'Teales'." I looked at him in 
surprise and he nodded. "Yes, I know.  I have no idea what led me there, 
either.  But I went.  And I spent the day repairing the house and cleaning.  
God worked through me, Christy.  The house looks normal.  The leaks are fixed 
and it will be much warmer this winter.  And those children.  Let me tell you 
about them, my friend."
        That was what we were.  Friends.  And good friends, I could tell we 
were going to be.  As we talked through the evening until one in the morning, 
I eagerly anticipated the day when I would be able to hug David and kiss his 
cheek without a thought of reproach.  I felt it would be soon.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
                "Miz Christy!"
        The shriek came from the kitchen as soon as I stepped in.  Before I 
knew what happened, the young girl of fifteen with wildly unruly red hair 
pummeled into me.  I was knocked back a step as Miss Alice and David tried to 
reprimand her.  But I laughed, stopping all attempts at rebukes.  I hugged 
the girl without regard to propriety.  Oh, it was wonderful to be back!
        "Miz Christy, we shorely missed ye," Ruby Mae began. "Ain't nothing 
t' do 'round here 'thout ye.  I was just plumb goin' crazy!  I mean, me and 
Bessie got lots t' do but--" She took in a gasp of breath as she realized 
something. "Lordy, Miz Christy, I gots a buncha things t' tell ye."
        "Ruby Mae, child, perhaps Miss Christy can hear thee later," Miss 
Alice suggested, requiring a smile from me. "Thee has much to do today, don't 
you, child?"
        "Yes," I agreed. "But you can help Miss Margaret and I, won't you?" I 
asked, turning my gaze back to the energetic redhead.  The wild curls flew 
crazily as she nodded briskly.
        "Yessum, Miz Christy, yessum, I holp ye," Ruby Mae said. "And I won't 
int'rrupt none, neither.  I just be quiet as a mouse.  Won't say nothin'."
        Of course, Ruby Mae went on for quite some time about how she was 
going to say nothing.  I exchanged an amused glance with the three other 
older ones.  It was an endearing habit of Ruby Mae's to chatter constantly 
about how quiet she would be.  Though after a few months it became somewhat 
less endearing.  This morning, I would be able to be endeared to someone by 
just about anything.
        Dan Scott walked in and was greeted warmly.  In everything, I had 
forgotten about Dr. MacNeill's medical student.  He was out of my mind but 
not out of my heart.  While we had all been in Asheville, the Cove had all 
formed together to get his cabin built.
        And now I was finding he was marrying!  Cecile would be here in a few 
weeks.  Dan would go marry her in their community with all their friends and 
they would part after a week, he informed us.  The new teacher for Kentucky 
was delayed by a lengthy family crisis so Cecile would be sticking around 
until she could come.
        Oddly enough, I found that Cecile did not want to teach.  Not yet.  
She did not want to infuriate the people of the Cove by being married and 
being a teacher.  I remembered that tradition did not allow a married woman 
to work.  Dan said he had tried to persuade her not to, and I confirmed that 
I would like to have her work with me and Margaret.  Just imagine what great 
attention the students could get with three teachers!  But she did want to 
until they were more used to her, and her more used to them.  It made sense 
but I still regretted it.
        Margaret and I headed to the schoolhouse, Ruby Mae turning down the 
invitation reluctantly to go off with Rob Allen.  I smiled. "Rob Allen and 
Ruby Mae have reconciled," I said. "And I'm glad.  They're a happy pair."
        "Ruby Mae seems happy, with or without Rob Allen," noted Margaret.
        I laughed and nodded. "She is," I said.
        "She was the same the last time when I stayed at the mission," 
Margaret said, looking around the schoolroom in absolute awe. "This is a 
beautiful school."
        "You have never seen it?" I asked in surprise.  I thought she had at 
least seen it.
        Margaret shook her head. "Not when I have been looking.  And not when 
it's set up for school."
        "We have a lot more setting up to do," I warned her.
        Margaret Henderson turned to me and revealed a smile.  I could tell 
she was fatigued but not about to admit to anything. "Then let's get busy."
        For hours, all day in actuality, I worked with Margaret.  
Side-by-side, once competitors and nemesis's, we turned it back into the 
schoolroom with decorations and such.  It took half the time as usual and 
then we began on the lesson planning.  That also took half the time.  
Margaret suggested I take the little children for their lessons and the older 
children since I had more education than her.  She would work with the middle 
aged children, answering questions for all the students -- etcetera.
        "Just anything," Margaret said.
        Whatever her job was, I was overjoyed to have Margaret working with 
me.  Not only was she a friend but she was efficient and eager.  I could 
hardly wait for school to start.

Part Seven

                                Margaret and I had barely arrived back in 
Cutter Gap with enough time to start school.  As it was, we only had the 
first few weeks planned.  We would work hard this weekend, I was sure.  
However, we were still waiting for the children.  We sat on the front steps 
together, talking.  I marveled at the hand of God in her life.  She was 
excited, like it was her own first day of school.  I suppose, in a way, it 
was.

        The children came nearly all at once.  I was overcome by their 
greetings, flowers, projects, questions, and gifts.

        "We shore missed ye, Miz Christy!"

        "Teacher, ya think I gotta leave Scalawag at home 'gain this year?"

        "Miz Christy, ye look right prettified this mornin'."

        Rob Allen and John Spencer had poems and songs, respectively, that 
they wanted to share with me.  I told them they would have to stay after 
school but I would love to hear their works.  I informed Creed Allen that 
under no circumstances would Scalawag be allowed in my school until 
Recitation Day, which he mischievously grinned at.

        "Why, Miz Christy, he's already here," Creed Allen.

        So, for yet another year, Scalawag would be there for opening day and 
recitation day.

        As Margaret and I headed to the front of the school, I said quietly, 
"Try to not show Creed Allen you're amused by what he does or you won't live 
in peace."

        Margaret smiled, her dark eyes sparkling.  I felt very sure of myself 
this year.  Not only was it my second year but I had Margaret to back me up.  
I had more students but another teacher and the one person made all the 
difference in the world.  I knew that from when David had helped me.

        I introduced her as "Miss Margaret" and told them she was going to be 
teaching this year with me.  Margaret was not on salary and I knew that was a 
gracious move on her part.  She knew the mission was stretched for money and 
did not want to ask for money, I suppose.  So she was relying on the mission 
house to take her in, working off her board fee by helping me with the 
children.  Then, also, she was depending on Miss Alice.  The mission and her 
mother were two things Margaret had resented all her adult life.  That she 
was now leaning on both of them was only the hand of God at work.  She let go 
of her resentment.

        The morning went extremely well.  They were a little rambunctious but 
that was all right.  It was the first day.  Margaret and I were only passing 
out books and introducing the objectives of this year, anyway.  She was a 
huge help to me.  While I had thought Margaret would never be anything 
significant to me, I now was beginning to wonder how I had stayed sane 
without her.  There were so many children!  And I had never really noticed it 
was excessive.  Not after my first month.

        During recess, Margaret and I sat on the steps together.  It was 
wonderful having an adult there with me.  I loved the children but Margaret 
was a companion and a friend.  We shared lunch, talking over it and both of 
us declining invitations to play.  Until the last invitation.  We had just 
finished eating and Margaret and I both went to play with the children.

        Watching her out of the corner of my eye, I saw she was getting the 
joy of the children.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                The children lingered in school that first day, reluctant to 
leave.  I only wished I had enjoyed school that much!  They all were 
immediately drawn to Margaret.  I had wondered how they would react to 
another teacher.  I was glad they liked her.  And she liked them, too.  She 
saw them as children.  She did not turn up her nose to them as she had before 
when she lived here.  Through God's grace, she saw the beauty of the children 
beneath their dirty faces, in their hearts.

        I discovered that Margaret was both poetic and musical so she was 
extremely helpful to Rob Allen and John Spencer.  She worked with them at the 
same time, suggesting that they maybe work together to come up with a song.  
Margaret was enthusiastic about the idea, acting much like an excited child 
herself.  I smiled to myself, my heart brimming with joy.

        It was a perfect first day.  Nothing had gone wrong.  The 
unpredictable had been easily handled, and with humor.  There was discord but 
it was not out of control.  With two women and over seventy students in a 
room on a September day there were bound to be energetic children.

        I was working with Margaret when Miss Alice came.  Margaret and I 
were laughing over a story I told her about Creed Allen when we caught sight 
of the Quaker missionary in the doorway.  I smiled and greeted her. "Miss 
Alice, good afternoon."

        I saw peace and absolute rapture in her calm eyes.  It seemed that 
life was flowing into everyone lately.  My friendship with Margaret made me 
forget my own troubles temporarily and the children also put life and 
laughter into my heart.  Seeing Miss Alice feel the same thing over her 
daughter's change was heartwarming. "The children did not seem ready to go 
home today," Miss Alice said after smiling at us both. "Thee must have all 
had a wonderful day."

        "It was," I replied. "It couldn't have gone better."

        Miss Alice smiled gently, but I could see she was happy about the 
successful beginning of a school that had been such a risk.  We were in our 
second year, too. "Miss Huddleston, will thou, perhaps, excuse Margaret?"

        I rose immediately, knowing exactly where I belonged.  It was not 
here. "No, stay," I said. "I promised Ruby Mae a walk, anyway."

        Leaving the schoolhouse, I glanced back.  Alice was going forward to 
her daughter.  I silently prayed as I walked that their relationship would be 
mended.  Margaret and I had become friends and I had thought that was 
impossible.  But I could tell we were going to be close friends.  I prayed 
and wished the same for Miss Alice and her daughter.

        I felt hope.  It was a beautiful day and the beginning of a new 
school year.  Although it was September, it felt like spring, like everything 
was starting anew.

        I remembered another change, one I did not like.  My relationship 
with Neil MacNeill had changed for the worse.  That change was not welcome.  
I felt such pain thinking about him and Margaret, though.  It was a pain that 
overcame my love.  Perhaps I was blocking my love for him, afraid to get 
close.

        My 'romances' had never turned out well.  David and I had the best 
outcome.  We were working towards being close friends and were already fairly 
good friends.  He had matured after our romance ended.  I believe he 
realized, when he withdrew his proposal, that life was not all about marriage 
and showing sympathy for people in poverty.  It was a cheerful ending with 
David Grantland.

        I felt that a romance with Neil MacNeill would not bring so positive 
an outcome.  His previous marriage, in its entirety, hurt me.  The intimacy 
that was still foreign to me had been experience between my newfound friend 
and the man I had come to think of as one of my closest friends.  Physical 
aspects of their marriage aside, the whole situation was foul.  I did not 
think I could get over it.  I did not think I had that kind of grace in me.

Part Eight

                        Weeks went by without sight of the doctor.  
Occasionally, I would hear of lives that he saved and surgeries he had 
performed.  But I never saw Dr. MacNeill myself.  I did not blame him for not 
coming.  I did not think I would be ready to see him when he did come.  He 
was not coming to church.  I did not blame him for that, either.  Both 
Margaret and I were there.  That, in itself, was not so bad.  But the fact 
that we were friends had appeared to strongly bother him.

        One morning, five weeks into school, Margaret approached me after 
breakfast. "I can't go with you to school today," Margaret said.

        I looked at her in surprise. "Are you OK?" I asked, her health being 
my first concern.

        Margaret smiled, something I had learned to look forward to lately.  
She had a beautiful smile when she used it. "I'm fine," Margaret said. "But 
Mother is concerned.  So she asked Mac to come over today and check up on me. 
 I can come in the afternoon."

        "No, that's OK," I replied, releasing her.  Neil was coming!  I did 
not outwardly show had much that knowledge had unnerved me. "Just take the 
day off.  I'll tell the children."

        I was so distracted, I forgot to take my lunch.  Ruby Mae chattered 
with me all the way up to the schoolhouse then disappeared when Bessie 
arrived.  I was glad that Ruby Mae still talked with me and even more glad 
she had a friend her own age.  I was only five years her senior but at this 
stage in our lives, they were significant years.  I realized, for the first 
time, that I was her mentor.  She probably looked up to me as I looked up to 
Alice.  I smiled at the thought.  It felt nice to realize I was a mentor.

        The children occupied my mind during school.  But Neil's presence at 
the mission house was pulling at the back of my mind, occasionally making me 
drift away from the subjects at hand.  The children noticed.  I spotted that 
they saw my distraction and determined to not reveal my preoccupation.

        Recess came.  I had no lunch.  And I was starving.  I had hardly 
eaten that morning, even before hearing that the doctor was coming.  I 
debated with myself as the children played outside.  I decided that he was 
probably gone by now, anyway.  And if he was not, well then....

        I told the children I had to go to the mission house for a moment and 
they waved good-bye.  I put Ruby Mae, Rob Allen, and Lizette Holcombe in 
charge.  They were junior teachers, as I had appointed them.  I went down to 
the mission house quickly, determined to slip in and out unseen by anyone.  I 
was especially delighted when I saw we had some ham left over.  I could make 
a ham sandwich and be gone in minutes.  Moments, even.

        I quickly set to work on the sandwich.  The house was eerily quiet.  
I wondered if it was always like this when I had the children in school.  I 
could faintly hear them playing in the school yard and paused, slowing down 
to appreciate their laughter.  They were so happy and carefree, despite the 
poverty in their lives.  The quality of their lives had definitely risen but 
they still lived in such depressing atmospheres.  I knew that the Spencer 
children had love in their lives but I was not so sure of the others.

        Realizing I had floundered in the kitchen for a while, I began 
quickening my pace.  I had just put away the rest of the food and felt home 
free when I ran into Neil; literally.  I was holding the plate and did not 
watch where I was going.  I collided with the strong chest and the plate 
flipped up.  Stepping back, I glanced down to see a splotch of yellow mustard 
on my dress.  Setting the plate on the table, I knew it was him and had not 
even looked at him.  I knew that masculine scent anywhere.

        "Whoa," said Neil, putting his hands on my arms to steady me.  I 
stepped immediately out of his grasp, feeling like his hands had burned my 
skin.  The first time I saw him in over a month and I had to be wiping 
mustard off my dress. "I'm sorry." That brogue was wonderful.

        "No, I wasn't looking where I was going," I murmured, getting the 
mustard off my dress with surprising ease.  I looked up at him and my heart 
trembled.  What a handsome man!  He looked tired.  I had heard of a small 
break out of small pox in a nearby community that he had attended to.  I was 
certain that had drained him of energy.  Also, in that instant, I realized 
how very much I loved him and how much I missed him.  He was painful to be 
with, yet he was who made me happiest.  He even surpassed the children and I 
felt bad about that.  I had come for the children, not for a man.

        I knew I was probably staring so I looked down to resume getting the 
spot of mustard up. "How is Margaret?" I asked.  She was the reason he was 
here, after all.

        "Great," Neil said.  There were no catches in his voice.  He seemed 
fine with the situation of seeing me again after such a rough time in 
Asheville. "The mountains are doing her good.  As are the children."

        I grit my teeth, annoyed.  Not at Margaret's fabulous health but the 
fact that the doctor appeared completely undaunted by our previous awkward 
times.  I had not seen him in over a month and he was acting like nothing had 
happened.  Had he even meant anything he said?  I wondered about that.  His 
nonchalant attitude irritated me and hurt me further.

        I had made the right decision in rejecting him, I now knew.  No 
matter how much it hurt.  I had poured out my heart to him and he had said 
things that never should have come out, apparently.  It seemed he had not 
meant them.  I was glad I had pushed him off if he was like this.  He did not 
seem to care about me at all.

        In irritation, I threw the towel down on the counter with some force. 
 I bit the inside of my lip before turning back to Neil.  I was angry.  He 
had once teased me about how he liked it when I got angry.  Not in so many 
words but I had read between the lines.  It had been down by the river that 
night when we talked for a while by the moonlight.  That night had started a 
huge mess.  Perhaps I should have perceived that as an omen.

        Then I remembered how he stuck up for me, even when I would not let 
him.  I softened until I looked back at his eyes.  His stance showed no 
strain; his eyes showed no discomfort.  I became angry again. "Good," I said. 
"I'm glad she's well." Without even saying a farewell, I brushed past him 
with all the force my far smaller body would allow me.  I walked outside 
determinedly, feeling proud of myself for being so strong.  Then I mentally 
kicked myself for my stupidity.

        I had forgotten my lunch.       

Part Nine

                                The children, again, noticed how distracted I 
was.  In fact, I let them go fifteen minutes early.  I did not think I could 
maintain my composure much longer.  Once more, a confrontation with the 
doctor had left me angry and confused and hurt.  I hated how the doctor could 
do this to me.  Before, I had thought it was kind of amusing.  Now that I 
felt he did not care about me as he had said, I found everything about him 
far less charming.

        I tossed myself in my chair after the last pupil had gone.  I was 
angry and incredibly hurt.  I had risked my heart by saying that I loved him. 
 But if he loved me then he would not be so unaffected by my presence.  I had 
been extremely frazzled by his sudden appearance.  But Neil had been as he 
always had been.  Smooth and undaunted, untouched by emotion.

        Reassured that I had made the right decision involving Neil MacNeill, 
I set to work on planning.

        "Are you angry with me, Christy?"

        I chastised myself for the leap of my heart at hearing Neil's voice.  
I was angry at him but I still loved him.  I would always love him.  For a 
moment, I felt sorrow that I was doomed to a piece of my heart always 
belonging to him.

        My mild wrath and not-so-mild pain took over as I looked up to meet 
his eyes again. "What makes you think that, Dr. MacNeill?" I asked.  I had 
purposely used his formal name.  I was trying to put up the professional wall 
between us again.  I did not want to be hurt further by this Scot.

        "I told you before, Christy, these eyes are trained to see 
everything," Neil said, coming forward. "But I didn't have to look hard to 
see you are angry with me." I did not answer but continued looking--rather 
dumbly, I suppose--at him.  He stopped at the front of my desk.  The wood 
piece of furniture was the only thing between us now. "And your eyes reveal 
everything, Christy."

        "Doctor, there is a first for everything, as *I* said before." His 
eyebrows raised slightly so I had to fight with myself to not find that cute. 
"Excuse me but I have work to do."

        I looked down again and reached for a paper to grade.  I had asked 
the students to write an essay, as I had last year, about what they wanted to 
do with their lives.  I graded on grammar and spelling but put each of these 
away for later reference.  I needed to know what they wanted to do after 
their scholastic career ended.

        Of course, the doctor was distracting me so much that I could not 
really concentrate on anything that was said in the essay that I held.  The 
words were a blur.  I was acutely conscious of him.  His physical presence 
made it nearly impossible for me to concentrate on anything but him.

        "Christy."

        "I have work to do," I repeated, beginning to read Orter Ball 
O'Teale's essay.

        "So you are not angry with me?"

        "I didn't say that."

        "Christy, please speak plainly to me," Neil said.

        I looked up at him, drowning in his eyes.  I was not ready to try and 
work out our relationship.  Not right now.  I was too hurt and too angry. "I 
have work to do, Doctor."

        A moment later, I heard his horse leave.  I wanted to cry.

                                                                   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                I watched Miss Alice as we ate supper several evenings later. 
 There had been a light in her serene eyes which I had never seen before.  
Margaret had that same light.  I was happy for them.  Truly, I was.  It was 
obvious that years of separation and years of conflict before that was 
rapidly being resolved.  Who could be credited but God?  He had gently begun 
taking the anger from Margaret's heart, that much was clear to me.

        Yet, in a bizarre twist I was a little jealous.  My own mother and I 
had gingerly stepped on eggshells around each other for the past several 
years of my life.  I suppose I had sort of adopted Miss Alice as my surrogate 
mother.  It seemed she had turned around and done vice versa with me.  Hers 
was the maternal care that I had probably needed to get through my first few 
months in Cutter Gap.

        Now she had her real daughter back and I felt a little on the 
outside.  I would not think of myself, though.  No.  What was important was 
that Margaret and Miss Alice had been reconciled through the wondrous grace 
of God.  And I was happy about it.  I honestly was.

        After the dishes, Miss Alice came and found me on the front porch.  
It seemed that, once more, she knew exactly what I was thinking.  She 
revealed her perception to me with the familiar, subtle phrase she used as a 
conversation opener.

        "Thee seemed preoccupied at supper tonight, Miss Huddleston," Miss 
Alice said gently.  I knew from the moment I met her that I would always 
remember that gentle voice when I was feeling troubled--like the soft smell 
of rose sachet gave me a mild sense of nostalgia.  There were some things in 
my life that reminded me of people or events.  Miss Alice's voice would 
remind me of the great comfort I had always gotten out of our talks.  Or 
perhaps even our silences.

        I turned to Miss Alice with a smile.  The night was cooler than 
normal.  I could tell that winter was on its way. "I was thinking," I told 
her what she already knew. "About you, in fact.  And Margaret." I studied her 
eyes and saw the same light. "How there is a light in your eyes I have never 
seen before.  The same light I see in Margaret's eyes." Miss Alice seemed a 
little surprised that I had noticed something so minute. "I'm happy for you, 
Miss Alice.  And for Margaret.  It seems that this relationship with Margaret 
is always what you wanted.  I'm glad you are finally getting it."

        "Yes," Miss Alice agreed quietly; thoughtfully. "Praise be to God.  
He works miracles.  He gave me a second chance with my daughter." Miss Alice 
lightly touched her open palm to my chilled cheek. "And He gave me thee, 
Christy."

        Her smile was soft.  She had known that I had felt a bit left out.  
How she had known, I was not sure I would ever know.  Miss Alice was 
naturally observant, I suppose.  All at once, I felt an overwhelming 
compassion for this wise, caring woman.  She had devoted her life to other 
people, yet remained kind and loving.  She had taken a scared nineteen year 
old girl under her wing and turned that girl into who I now knew myself to 
be--a stronger, wiser, more considerate young woman.  She had helped me in my 
walk with God and my struggling faith.  She had been there for me even when I 
did not request her appearance.

        Without a doubt, I knew I loved her dearly.  She was a precious 
woman, one who's memory I would always cherish.  I smiled, my eyes jerking 
with tears which threatened to spill over my eyes and onto my cheeks. "I love 
you, Miss Alice," I said.

        The Quaker lady did not hesitate to embrace me.  I readily accepted 
her hug. "I love thee as well, Miss Huddleston."

Part Ten

                                
December 1913
Cutter Gap

                I was cold.  Very cold.  It was December.  I had been sitting 
on the edge of the valley--on God's Fist--for longer than I could think of.  
I was wrapped up warmly but the harsh wind bit at my face.  I knew my cheeks 
and nose had to be bright pink by this time.  The air was threatening.  Not 
with a storm but with snow.  It seemed to be colder because the snow was 
still being held back.  Looking at the sky, I knew the snow would come soon.  
I hoped it would.  Perhaps, in an abstract way, it would wipe clean the 
sludgy slate of my life.

        I was sad.  I felt alone.  I was feeling sorry for myself, too.  I 
chided myself daily for obsessing over a man that I myself had turned away.  
I chided myself for obsessing over a man, period.  I had come to Cutter Gap 
for children, not a husband.  But God had given Neil to me.  As often as I 
chastised myself, I wondered why God had given me such a love at such a time. 
 I had even gone so far as to be angry at God for it.  For that, I had 
immediately repented.

        I did not see Dr. MacNeill often.  He was busy, as was I.  When I did 
see him, he seemed no different.  Perhaps more peaceful but certainly more 
friendly and relaxed.  I recognized the look in his eyes.  The look I had 
seen in David, Margaret, and Miss Alice.  It was a spiritual serenity.  The 
doctor had it.  I was glad of it.  However, it still hurt me that he seemed 
so unaffected by being around me while my senses went crazy around him.  I 
did not want him to be hurt.  It was a selfish thing to want him to show 
angst over our separation.  I simply wanted some earthly peace of my own.  To 
feel like I was not alone in my foolhardy agony over our love.

        I began wondering if it was only my love; that his "love" for me did 
not exist.  I half wished that were true.  It would be far easier to get over 
him if that were the case.

        Sitting atop of the world--or so it felt--I realized that I was now 
watching the sun go down.  I knew it would be dark soon.  I scrambled to my 
feet, not wanting to be caught in the dark in December.  Especially not in 
these eerie woods.

        As I plodded back to the mission, I shoved my gloved hands into my 
coat pockets.  The sleeves were loose.  I had been losing weight.  The 
relaxation of the wrists slightly pushed up the sleeves as I put my hands 
deep in my pockets.  I felt an odd sensation of the scratchy wool lining of 
my pockets.

        My eyes itched, too.  They were dry.  The winter air was not helping 
my eyes any.  My head was light and felt a little fuzzy, in an odd sort of 
way.  My sleep had been lacking as much as my appetite.  I pulled a hand out 
of my pocket long enough to quickly yank my hood to cover my face more.  I 
hurriedly placed my hand back in its warm pocket.

        I made it back to the mission right after dark.  I had missed dinner. 
 They had been wondering where I was.  I caused them to worry.  My guilt over 
their worry prompted me to apologize for my disappearance.  I felt distant 
and lightheaded while Margaret began pulling off my wrappings.  Was that 
Margaret?  Sweet Margaret.  She was so wonderful.  She loved the children -- 
oh, how she loved the children!  They loved her back.  I was glad.  So glad.

        It was sudden.  The room began spinning.  My head hurt.  It was 
pounding.  Why was my head pounding like that?

        *Get the fire away from me,* I wanted to say.  Didn't I say it?  Then 
why weren't they paying attention to me?  It was burning me.  Oh, please get 
it away!  Take the fire outside.  It will cool out there.  I don't need the 
fire.  I'm warm.  Very warm.  No, I'm hot.  Please!  Help me get my coat off! 
 But my coat is on the chair.  I reached for my coat.  Didn't I?

        My head spun.  It was unpleasant.  My stomach lurched.  I was cold.  
So cold.  What was wrong with me?  Voices..... Why was everyone saying my 
name?  *Yes?*  I said back.  Didn't I?  I must have.  They all crowded around 
me to hear what I said.

        Make the room stop spinning.  Please.  My stomach cannot handle 
it........

        I opened my eyes.  I did not remember closing them.  My head felt 
groggy and my stomach ached.  Not like it had before.  I was hungry.  That 
surprised me.  I had not felt hungry in months.

        I blinked repeatedly, trying to get a grasp on my surroundings.  I 
was in my room.  I was dressed in my nightgown and the air was chilly.  Had 
all that been a dream?  I wondered about that.  What a queer little dream!

        I felt weak.  I walked over to the mirror and gulped in a breath at 
what I looked like.  There were dark circles under my eyes.  They were the 
kind of circles the doctor had under his eyes during the scarlet fever 
epidemic when stress overcame his need to sleep.  I was thin--unattractively 
thin.  I turned away from the mirror, irritated with myself for letting a man 
interfere with my personal hygiene.  I was about to reach for a dress to 
change into when the door suddenly opened.

        "Neil!" His name popped out of my mouth as soon as he came in.  What 
was he doing in my room?  And without knocking!

        "Miss Huddleston, what are you doing out of bed?" the doctor demanded 
with a light tone.  I was too shocked to say anything.  The nerve of this man!

        Neil set his saddlebags on the chair next to the door and walked over 
to me.  Before I knew what to say, he had picked me up as easily as one would 
a child.  He set me down in bed and was going to pull the covers up until I 
took them myself, too surprised by his audacity to speak. "You're a tenacious 
lass, aren't you?" He seemed to find a little humor in that and gave me a 
charming smile through his beautiful eyes.

        For a horrifying moment, I almost smiled back.  I should not smile at 
him.  I had to be professional with him. "What are you doing in here?"

        Dr. MacNeill looked at me curiously. "You don't remember?"

        "Remember what?" I inquired, forgetting that I was sitting in bed 
looking like death.

        "You collapsed in the kitchen last night, Miss Huddleston," he told 
me.  The words "Miss Huddleston" sounded more like an affectionate tease and 
it pulled at my heart.

        *So that wasn't a dream,* I thought to myself.

        "A dream?" the doctor repeated, telling me that I had not kept that 
thought to myself. "Not at all.  No, you had us all very worried.  You were 
in quite a delirium last night, lass."

        Again, his term for me came out as affectionate.  There was very 
little in his mannerism that suggested he was simply a doctor treating a 
patient.  I wanted to indulge in that.

        Then I remembered how he had hurt my feelings in the kitchen that day 
in October when I had wiped the mustard off my dress.  That memory made me 
stiffen in indignation.  Yet, nearly every other memory made me soften 
towards the kind doctor.

        "I'm worried about you, Christy."

        I returned my focus to him.  There was nothing but seriousness in his 
eyes now.  I opened my mouth to tell him not to worry about me.  I was 
certain he knew I would tell him such for he took the opportunity of my 
opened mouth to push a thermometer under my tongue.  I felt tricked.  It was 
oddly amusing as I obediently closed my mouth to hold the thermometer.  I was 
preparing my argument for telling him to not worry about me.  I did not get 
my chance to present my side of the argument.

        "Now you can't talk so you are going to hear me out," the doctor 
said.  He had definitely tricked me. "And every time you open your mouth to 
talk, we are going to have to start all over with the thermometer so do you 
think you can let me talk, Christy?"

        I found that making my best indignant face was difficult with a 
thermometer sticking out of my mouth.  The doctor's eyes did not miss that 
and I saw a sparkle in his eyes.

        "Good," said Neil, taking my mandatory silence as his permission to 
speak. "Now I'm worried about you.  It's obvious you haven't been sleeping or 
eating.  You were out in the cold for a long time yesterday.  You were on 
little sleep or food and had mild exposure.  You also have a slight fever but 
that isn't what concerns me."

        "What is it then?" I asked before thinking of the thermometer.

        A small smile touched the doctor's light pink lips.  He took the 
thermometer from my mouth, shook it, and put it back in my mouth. "I didn't 
think you could just let me talk," Dr. MacNeill said, amused.

        Were I not terribly humiliated, I would have found this situation 
funny.

        "You haven't been yourself, Christy," Neil continued.  He was serious 
now.  There was no humor in his voice and no leniency.  I determined to keep 
my mouth shut. "You keep up well around the children.  You always have.  
Perhaps some of them have noticed a difference in you but I doubt they 
brought it to your attention.  You *have* changed, Christy.  You might not 
know that I notice but I do.  I watch you every time I see you.  You're a 
shadow of the real Christy."

        The doctor took a break in his speaking as if waiting for me to 
respond.  I did not say a word.  I believe he just remembered that I had a 
thermometer under my tongue.  He ran his deft fingers through his unruly 
curls.  What lovely hair, I thought while waiting for him to continue.  It 
had always been 'lovely hair' but I noticed it especially now.  He squeezed 
the tips between his fingers.  I realized then how often I had seen him do 
that.  He did it when he was nervous.

        I made him nervous?  For a moment, I allowed myself to hope that I 
had not been right about his lack of feelings for me; that he really did care 
about me and had meant all the words he so honestly had said to me that night 
so long ago.  Oh, it seemed like years ago.  It had only been a few months.

        "I miss the old Christy," he went on. "The spunky Christy who fought 
with me on many occasions and the one who made me reconsider my entire life." 
He leaned forward earnestly. "I meant every word I said to you in that 
garden, Christy.  And it pains me to see you hurting like this."

        I hardly noticed when he took the thermometer from my mouth.  He 
studied it for a moment before he cleared his throat.  I could not find my 
voice.  His words kept echoing in my mind.  *I meant every word I said to you 
in that garden......*  What a glorious thing to hear.

        "99.2," Dr. MacNeill read from the thermometer.  He looked at me.  
His crystal blue eyes would be so easy to drown in. "Your temperature is way 
down, Miss Huddleston.  I'll send Alice up with some more tea.  And stay in 
bed today."

        I still could not find my voice.  He did love me!  Even if he had not 
specifically said it today, his actions and small hints in his body language 
now pointed it out.  It was clear as day to me, and I was not even 
experienced with love.  If I did not know what to look for and saw it, could 
others see it?

        "What?  You have nothing to say?" the doctor asked in what was meant 
to be a teasing tone.  It came out as a croak. "You should give me an award, 
Miss Huddleston.  I've knocked you speechless." I tried to smile but the 
muscles surrounding my lips would not work.

        I felt his open palm against my cheek as he rose and my mind began 
swimming.  This was the pleasant spin again.  Not like it had been with my 
fever.  I closed my eyes after seeing him lean forward.  I felt a warm 
pressure of his lips pressing a feathery kiss on the tip of my nose.  It was 
almost a playful kiss.  A surge of fire shot through me at the slight touch 
and I no longer felt the chill of winter.

        "You can go back to school tomorrow, Christy."

        He left as quietly as he had come in.



Part Eleven

                All day, I worked from my bed.  For a countless time, I had 
to push aside all thoughts of the doctor in order to focus on the task before 
me.  David and Margaret were teaching for me today and I could hear the 
children playing.  I wanted to be with them but I knew I had to stay in bed.  
For once, I agreed that I needed to rest.  So I did.  I stayed in bed.

        Miss Alice spent much of her time working with me.  It was nice to 
have a companion.  I hated having to stay in bed and it was a lot better when 
I had a friend to keep me company.  The house was quiet.  As quiet as it had 
been that afternoon in October when I returned to make myself some lunch.  
That afternoon, I had literally run into Neil.

        With a brief shake of my head, I again forsook all thoughts of the 
doctor.  I was exasperated with myself for having such a one-track mind.  
Miss Alice noticed my distraction.  I knew she did.  She did not comment, 
however.  I was certain that I would always wonder how she was able to learn 
as much as she did from silence.  Her observant nature also reminded me of 
the doctor's.

        In spite of my determination to not think of the doctor, I let my 
mind drift for a few minutes.  It seemed to be inevitable.  Everything 
reminded me of him.  I wondered what I would say to him the next time I saw 
him.  He would come and check up on me soon, I was certain.  I was his 
patient after all.

        He came often to check on Margaret, as well.  I had noticed that they 
talked a lot.  I was glad.  They had the makings of good friends.  Sadly 
enough, it had taken a divorce to increase their chances at friendship.  The 
marriage had been too strenuous, from what I understood -- which was little.  
But I could make safe assumptions as my friendship had truly bloomed with 
David after romantic notions between us had been mutually abandoned.

        "Ma-il!  U-u-nited States Mail!"

        Miss Alice looked at me and gathered her things. "I will get that, 
Miss Huddleston," Miss Alice said.

        I looked up at her quickly, having been lost in my thoughts.  I said 
a quiet farewell as she left the room with her belongings.  My mind was 
elsewhere.  I was thinking about memories that included the doctor.  I was so 
preoccupied with him that it was a little frightening.  Because I wanted to 
stand on my own two feet.  How could I possibly do that while I was 
constantly thinking of someone else I felt so dependent on?  I was trying so 
hard to severe personal contact with him but was it worth it?  I felt as 
though I was missing out on my best friend.  In addition, he was quite 
probably the love of my life.

        I had been thinking a lot about his marriage to Margaret.  How could 
I be angry about it?  I was still in pinafores when he married her.  (I 
believe Neil had previously used the expression of my being in pinafores 
during a particular time in his life.)  He had not even known I existed at 
that point.  Also, it had been a bitter marriage, from what he and Miss Alice 
had told me.

        So I had no real right to be angry.  Thinking about it, I realized I 
was not.  I was hurt.  But the sting of pain that had been so very present 
when I first rejected him was no longer fresh.  I felt a bit of weakly 
founded jealousy but the strength of my hurt had been severely reduced.

        For example, I had stopped seeing Margaret as Neil's wife.  I had 
begun seeing her as my friend.  When I stopped seeing her as the ex-wife of 
the man I loved, I felt little pain from his previous marriage.  The jealousy 
was dissipating, as well, due to how I now envisioned Margaret.  Seeing 
Margaret and Neil together was not painful.  I was genuinely glad that they 
were becoming friends.  Thinking about the marriage was not what it used to 
be.  It used to be an extremely sore subject  I had worked through it, making 
myself realize that I had no foundation for being angry.

        I had listened to Margaret talk a little about her marriage and 
divorce.  It helped me understand what had gone on the marriage.  She had 
resented 'Mac' for taking her from the rambunctious life she had wanted.  
Being locked in an abandoned cabin all winter had not been what she had 
thought she had been getting into.  She was fond of her former husband now, 
Margaret told me.  He was a changed man, she had said.  I was sure that was 
true because he was a different man from the Dr. MacNeill that *I* knew.  How 
different he must seem to Margaret!  The doctor was no longer hard to 
approach.  He was friendly and peaceful rather than stern and a forbidding.

        There was a light rap on my door and I looked up.  I was surprised to 
see the familiar and attractive pair of light blue eyes.  I would know those 
eyes anywhere.  My smile came naturally to my lips and I motioned him in.  
The doctor came in with his saddlebags over his shoulder.  He held out an 
off-white envelope with very familiar script on the front.

        "Alice asked me to run this up to you," the doctor said by way of 
greeting.  He pulled Miss Alice's worn chair up the edge of my bed as I 
looked over the envelope.  I was curious about the letter but I could read it 
later. "How is my patient feeling?"

        I had heard him say that to so many people.  It was friendly yet 
professional at the same time.  Looking in his eyes, I knew what he had 
risked when he had spoken his heart and mind in the garden those months ago.  
It had been what I risked but we had just handled the aftermath differently.  
I wished I could erase that aftermath.  I wanted to start over, to travel 
back in time to that moment when he first said he loved me.  I wanted to 
change it all.

        But I could not.  All I could do was work towards the same level of 
comfort that we had had before.  With a wisdom I knew was beyond my years, I 
was aware that we could not simply jump into a relationship again.  We had to 
ease into a friendship.  I wanted his friendship.  Truth be known, I wanted 
more than his friendship.  For now, I would be satisfied to have his 
friendship.

        "Much better, Doctor, thank you," I replied to his earlier question.  
This quiet day had rested me and cleared my mind.  I was actually in a much 
better mood and it was revealed to the doctor in my countenance.

        "So I see," Dr. MacNeill mused.  He touched the back of his hand on 
my forehead. "You feel cool.  Tell me honestly.  How do you feel?"

        "I've rested and eaten and I feel a lot better," I said sincerely.  A 
brief smile touched on my lips. "Miss Alice hasn't let me work hard and has 
made me rest often.  You don't need to worry."

        "I'll always worry about you, Christy," he replied gently, pouring 
steamy water from the teapot Miss Alice had brought up a while ago.  She had 
been making me drink tea all day.  His words warmed my heart and colored my 
cheeks.  I was glad he was not looking at me or I would have been horribly 
embarrassed by my habit of blushing.

        I watched him mix the tea, straining the wonderfully fragrant leaves. 
 It was his hands that fascinated me.  I again thought of how gentle his 
hands were, in spite of how rough and work-worn they looked.  I knew those 
hands had saved more lives than he had counted.  They had saved Little Burl's 
life that day I was at his aide.  I had admired his hands and his dedication 
for the first time that day.  For it was both his hands and his dedication 
that saved the life of a little boy who I had quickly grown to cherish.

        "I am sure Alice has you drinking tea every couple of minutes," Dr. 
MacNeill said, breaking the silence and my thoughts. "But do you think you 
can drink some more?"

        I accepted the teacup from him, noticing how he held as little of the 
cup as he could.  It was peculiar but I realized that I, too, had refrained 
from any possibility of physical contact between us.  Holding the very edges 
of the tea cup was his way of preventing actual touch of our fingers.  I 
might have mentioned this but I saw that he was waiting for me to begin 
drinking.  Obediently, I raised the teacup to my lips and took a sip of the 
hot tea.  Satisfied I would drink it, he pushed the chair back and rose.

        "Stay in bed the rest of today and you should be just fine tomorrow," 
the doctor said. "I think you'll be happy to know the children bombarded me 
as soon as I rode into the yard, wondering when Teacher was returning."

        I slightly smiled, able to hear the children's voices interrogating 
the doctor.  I knew my students well enough so I could almost know which 
words they had used. "I can return tomorrow?" I inquired, just to be sure.

        The doctor nodded, putting his saddlebags over his shoulder again. 
"But only if you stay in bed all day today," he warned.

        "I will," I promised solemnly.  The doctor looked at me skeptically 
and it amused me. "I will," I repeated. "I have so far, haven't I?"

        I spotted a brief flash of amusement in his eyes.  But it was gone as 
soon as it appeared.  He nodded and headed to the door with a quiet 
salutation.

        "Doctor?" I said after him.  He turned to me.  I wanted to start 
breaking that barrier we had between us. "Thank you for your concern, Neil." 
I had purposely used his first name.  I also knew that if I thanked him for 
his concern--professional and personal--then he would understand my 
intentions.  My intentions were to build back a friendship with him.

        A welcome smile graced his lips so I felt free to match the smile. 
"Good day, Miss Huddleston," he said.  His eyes lingered in mine for another 
moment before he again slipped quietly from my room.

Part Twelve

                As soon as the doctor left, I turned my attentions to the 
envelope I had gotten.  It was a letter from my family.  I would recognize 
that script anywhere.  I carefully opened the smooth envelope and unfolded 
the stationary paper.  The letter was from my mother, specifically.  She 
wrote about Asheville, George, and Daddy.  I wondered if she was perhaps 
still trying to entice me back to Asheville.  *A mother's wish,* I thought 
with a brief smile on my lips.
        All of the letter was very nice.  However, it was the last few 
sentences that caught my eye.

                *Naturally, I worry about you.  I will always worry about 
you.  It is so dangerous back there!  I know that the children make you happy 
and that is all I have ever wanted for you.  If the children bring you love 
and joy then stay with them.  I know I have already told you this but I have 
now had a chance to pray about it.  I have thought long and hard.  From my 
heart, I am truly happy that your life is so fulfilled, even though it does 
not agree with my visions for you.  I wish you the best of luck and the 
greatest joy, my darling daughter.*

        I could not keep the smile from spreading on my lips.  This was what 
I had always wanted from my mother.  Unconditional love and acceptance.
        "A love letter?"
        I looked up and saw Margaret stepping into my room.  I laughed at her 
comment. "No, it's a letter from my mother," I said.  I offered her the 
letter and she accepted.
        "These are from the children," she said, handing me several papers.
        While she read the letter from my mother, I looked over what the 
children had done for me.  There were letters and art works.  Creed Allen's 
mischief was revealed in his playful letter, where he asked if bringing 
Scalawag by would make me feel better.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw 
that Margaret had finished reading the letter so I put aside the letters from 
the children so I could talk with Margaret.
        "She really loves you," Margaret observed, returning the letter to my 
hand.
        I glanced at the beautiful script one more time before refolding the 
expensive stationary. "Yes," was all I said.  I was thinking of how lucky I 
was to have such a mother.  I deliberately changed the subject.  I wanted to 
know about the children. "How did school go today?"
        "Very well," Margaret replied.  She smiled and I was reminded of what 
a beautiful woman she was. "They were all very curious about when you'd be 
back.  You should've seen the looks on their faces when I told them that you 
were ill."
        I wished that I could have seen the looks on their faces.  But the 
bright look on Margaret's face as she spoke of the children was sufficient 
for me.  There was a bond with her that I had with no one else.  She, too, 
understood the joy of the children.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
                When I returned to school, I was greeted animatedly and 
warmly.  We had a fun day, even though it was chilly.  Margaret and I 
listened to recitations and worked together to get all the work done.  It was 
during the first recess that I got the most concern.
        "Teacher?"
        The little voice came from behind me.  I turned around and saw 
Mountie O'Teale with her beautiful blue eyes.  They were large blue eyes; 
larger than my own.  I smiled.  I could remember how she had come to me those 
many months ago.  She had asked me if I was all right.  It had been while I 
was torn over how to answer David.  The generosity and concern of these 
people always overwhelmed me.  They lived in conditions that would have made 
me incredibly depressed but they were always happy to help other people.
        "Yes, Mountie?" I asked with a smile, sitting on the top step of the 
dais that my desk rested on.  I could see her straight in the face now 
without seeming like I was looking down at her.
        Mountie, who had always been shy, was hardly audible. "Are ya shore 
ye're feelin' rightly, Teacher?" she asked softly.
        I smiled and lightly squeezed her arm. "How considerate of you, 
Mountie," I said. "I'm feeling well, thank you."
        Mountie's smile was bright and I am certain it was not from hearing 
of my fair health.  I was reminded how much compliments meant to these 
children.  As she all but skipped out of the schoolhouse, I realized that she 
had taught me something else.  She taught me that I had forgotten to keep on 
complimenting the children.  As I turned to Margaret, I determined to start 
rebuilding their self-esteem.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
                "Hit jest were the most purtiest thang ye ever did hear, Miz 
Christy," Ruby Mae gushed. "Reckon he oughtter send hit in t' some o' 
them....." She tapped her finger on her temple, her brow furrowed as she was 
thinking. "Miz Christy, who are them peoples who print out those store-bought 
books?"
        "Publishers?" I suggested, taking in the beauty of the sunset.
        Ruby Mae snapped her fingers. "Aye, publishers," Ruby Mae agreed, 
taking her time pronouncing the word.  Then she went on to talk about the 
poem Rob Allen had written for her. "Hit near 'bout made me start 
a-blubberin' like a baby, Miz Christy.  Durn near best poem he ever writ."
        "It *is* a beautiful poem," Margaret confirmed to me quietly.
        Miss Alice, Margaret, Ruby Mae, and I were all in the dining room 
that Sunday evening.  It was David's week to preach in Low Gap and he would 
not return until later.  We were now fixing food from the day before since we 
did not work on Sunday.  While my eyes were absorbing the beauty of God's 
sunset through the window, I was listening to Ruby Mae's excited chatter 
about Rob Allen's latest romantic poem.
        I was unable to answer Margaret and Ruby Mae for there was a knock on 
the door.  Fortunately, Ruby Mae seemed completely uninterested in any kind 
of response from me since there was a knock.  I looked at Miss Alice as she 
rose to answer the door.  Margaret, Miss Alice, and I had been spending a lot 
of time together.  It was nice to have all of us together and getting along.  
I am sure it made Miss Alice's heart soar.
        We heard a male voice from down the hall but it was unfamiliar.  
Margaret and I exchanged a glance, wondering if the other knew who it was, I 
was certain.  Ruby Mae was excitedly whispering stray guesses as to who it 
could be.
        Miss Alice returned after a moment and a young man was with her.  He 
looked to be in his mid-thirties and had raven black hair as dark as 
Margaret's.  His face looked worn from experience but I noted, with interest, 
that he had a spring in his step.  It was a spring I had seen in few people.  
Miss Alice was one of those people.  He was dressed in middle-class clothes 
and had empty hands, save the wide-brimmed hat that he was holding.  His tie 
was as wrinkled as his coat, his face and clothes lightly layered with a 
touch of dust.  It was obvious that he had been on the road for a while.  
Still, his hazel eyes were filled with warmth and life.
        I turned my eyes to Miss Alice.  She appeared excited as she guided 
the younger man forward with a light touch of her hand on his arm.
        "Margaret, Christy, Ruby Mae, I would like to introduce a friend of 
mine," Miss Alice said.  I heard excitement in her voice like I had heard 
when she had received the invitation from Kentucky. "This is Adam Bradley.  
We met several years ago at a revival.  Ja-- Dr. Ferrand asked him to come by 
for a few weeks.  He wishes to spend a while with our mission.  Mr. Bradley, 
this is Ruby Mae Morrison.  Christy Huddleston is our teacher and this is 
Margaret Henderson, my daughter.  Our reverend is away until this evening."
        We all rose to greet him.  He was very friendly but curiosity 
overwhelmed me.  Who was this man?  Why did he come?  They were not paranoid 
or skeptical questions but came from simple curiosity.  I was eager to learn 
more about this man.





Part Thirteen 

Mr. Bradley was certainly a friendly man. The first thing he told us to do was to 
call him Adam. Even Ruby Mae was to call him that. He was an energetic man,
though he had been on the road for days and I was certain he was exhausted. After 
David had returned, Adam Bradley told us the story of how he came to meet
Alice. 

"I moved to Pennsylvania shortly before Alice left," Adam began. "A couple of months 
before, I believe." 

He looked to Alice for confirmation and she nodded, agreeing with him. 

"Yes, a couple of months," Adam confirmed his own guess. "I'm from a Quaker family but 
we lived in a little town in North Carolina called Buies Creek. Our family
was outcasted because of it. So the idea of a Quaker community up north was very 
appealing. I was only twenty and I didn't have any ties with my town so I went
with my family to Pennsylvania. It was quite a relief to find a place where we were 
accepted for who we were, let me tell you." 

Adam proceeded to tell us that he was certain Alice was usually a very friendly woman, 
but that thoughts of her daughter had preoccupied her. So Alice had said
only a few words to the Bradley's, though she normally would have made every effort to 
befriend them. Even though she had left not too long after being introduced
to him, Adam always remembered her. 

"Then I began missionary work," Adam told us. "Never was one much for romance so I 
decided to dedicate my life to mission work. I got to travel a lot, which was
interesting." 

"How far have you traveled?" I inquired. 

"I spent some time in Nevada and Arizona a few years back," Adam said. 

"Thee has been nearly across the country then," Miss Alice commented. 

Adam nodded. "And I love every minute of it," he replied with a bright grin. "Especially 
in the Rockie Mountains. It's really beautiful out there. I spent several years
there." 

Adam had gone to several revivals. He had spoken at a few but had mostly drawn from the 
wisdom of others. It was at one of these revivals that he had met up with
Miss Alice again. They had spent several days together with that particular revival group. 
They had meditated and debated religious matters then parted as good
friends. Neither had completely forgotten the other. 

"I've always thought of her as a mentor and friend," Adam said. He sat back casually in 
his chair. "It was wonderful to be able to spend so much time discussing
religion and doing personal soul searching under such guidance." 

I found his religion to be interesting and wanted to learn more about it. What he had 
shared of it had been interesting, anyway. He briefly explained that over the
years, he had formed his own kind of Christianity. He abandoned the strict, traditional 
Quaker rules but agreed with the most radical ideas. 

"It's too extensive to get into tonight," Adam Bradley told us with a wave of his hand. 
"But my sister refers to me as the rebel." The last sentence amused us all. 

"Then I had to return to Pennsylvania due to unfortunate circumstances," Adam said, his 
tone becoming sad. "My father passed away." 

"Oh, I am truly sorry," Alice said, sounding surprised and sympathetic. 

Adam nodded his thanks before continuing. "When I was back there, I asked several people 
of your whereabouts," said Adam. "I had thought that you'd have
moved away from here by now so I was pretty surprised to hear you still were here. I wanted 
to come down and visit yet be able to do missino work so I got in
contact with Dr. Ferrand. He arranged it so I could come and be on staff for a few weeks. 

"So here I am," Adam said easily, sitting back even more in his chair. "I hope you don't 
mind my intruding without an invitation." 

"Anyone is welcome here," David replied. "Especially a friend of Alice's." 

I noticed that David's voice had grown a little deeper over the past hour since he had 
gotten home. It was a little amusing that he appeared to feel "threatened" by the
presence of another man in the house.. *Male pride,* I thought. 

"We are glad you came," Alice agreed. She had been going back and forth between her 
"thee's" and "thou's" to normal speech. I knew it was for Margaret. I
thought it was sweet of her to change a part of herself for her daughter. 

While Adam Bradley was shown up to his bedroom, I watched David put another log on the fire. 
I said a 'goodnight' to Margaret and Ruby Mae as they headed up
to bed after Mr. Bradley and Miss Alice. 

As I watched David, I noticed that his lanky frame had been filling out lately. I thought it 
a little amusing that he, a twenty-seven year old man, was filling out as an
adolescent would. I again admired his hair. It was the darkest hair I had ever seen, a 
startling black that always was healthy and shining, even when he was working
and sweating. It was almost an unnaturally dark color. I noticed that his city-boy image 
was fading and was glad for him. The men stopped looking down on
him--figuratively speaking, of course, for David was very tall--because of his easy upbringing. 

He was a handsome and kind man. I wondered why things could not have been made simple by 
letting me fall in love with David rather than with Neil. I loved Neil
so much and it hurt me that I felt so restricted from him; and by my own doing! Such 
complications as previous marriage and divorce would be nonexistent in a
relationship with David. But I did not love David, and I never had. 

"He seems nice," I said, breaking the silence. "Adam Bradley," I elaborated before he asked. 

"Well, he's a friend of Alice's," David returned, as if that explained everything. 

As I said goodnight--seeing that he was not in a chatty mood--I realized that it *did* 
explain everything. Alice's friends were well chosen and relatively good people.
With that in mind as I went to bed, my curiousity about Mr. Bradley grew even more. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Teacher? Reckon ye kin lairn me this here word?" 

It was the next morning when Little Burl made this request. The day was bitterly cold so 
all the children had to be inside while we practiced our lines. The Christmas
play was in less than two weeks and it was up to Margaret, David, and I to have them prepared. 
As I made my way over to Little Burl Allen, I wondered how I had
ever handled all these children by myself. I felt overwhelmed and I had two extra people. 

Little Burl's fiery carrot-colored hair was tousled in an adorable way. The cowlick that 
was ever present seemed to be more prominent now than ever. He looked
up at me with those huge, bright blue eyes as he held out his slate, pointing to the word 
he did not know. The children in the Cove all seemed to have amazingly
shaded eyes. The brightest blues, the lightest blues, dark blues, nearly transparent blues, 
and blues that changed tint with days. All of them were beautiful. I
wondered how anyone could miss the beauty of these people for their inner beauty and physical 
attributes were obvious to me. 

*"And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths," I read from 
the passage on his slate. I pointed to the word. "It's swaddling."
I pronounced it slowly for him. 

Little Burl was overcome with giggles. His giggles made me smile. "Ain't hit jest th' queerest 
li'l word ye ever did hear, Miz Christy?" 

I looked at the word on his slate while he continued laughing. I smiled still. "I never thought 
about it, Little Burl," I said, realizing he was right. I looked at him and his
eyes were sparkling with life. "You're right. It's an odd word." 

Little Burl liked that I agreed with him. "Teacher, I don't reckon if'n I kin handle hit." 

"All I ask for is your best," I said, patting his shoulder. The way these children spoke was 
endlessly endearing. Remembering how I had wanted to start
complimenting the children again, I added, "And your best is wonderful, Little Burl." Little 
Burl fairly beamed as I moved on to other students. 

Della May Allen and Mountie O'Teale were shy and did not want lines in the play. Since they 
were both creative with their hands, Margaret had set them to work
on making a baby doll to be Baby Jesus. I stopped at their desk to check on their progress. 

"Della May, Mountie, that is the most beautiful doll I have ever seen," I told them. It was 
the truth because the doll had been made from their small hands. 

This positive comment pleased them both. I began working my way to the front of the schoolroom 
when the door opened. I looked and saw a female figure come
in, quickly shutting the door behind her. I made my way back down the aisle of the noisy 
schoolhouse. Seventy students and three teachers in one room made for a
loud bunch. 

As I approached, I recognized the female as Cecile Scott. She had moved to Cutter Gap shortly 
after Thanksgiving. I immediately felt guilty for having been so
preoccupied with the children and the mission that I had not made a point of making Cecile feel 
at home. I had hardly even seen her. 

"Good morning," I greeted warmly. She had amazing eyes. They were a deep, rich chocolate. 
"Come over here. The fire can warm you up." 

"Thank you," Cecile Scott said, letting me guide her through the crowd of children. She had 
met the children a few times and they responded well to her. I was
disappointed that she had not changed her mind about teaching yet. 

"What brings you by?" I asked. "It's nasty weather out there." 

Cecile returned David's brief greeting before answering me. "If I had known it was so bad, 
I might've stayed at home," she joked. "But I wanted to see if I could
help with the children." 

I was absolutely delighted. "Of course," I said enthusiastically. "Yes, of course. Thank 
you so much for coming." Cecile smiled at my enthusiasm. 

That year, instead of having one teacher for sixty plus students we had four teacher for 
seventy plus students. We had a wonderful time. Such a wonderful time, in
fact, that most of the children stayed for an hour after they were dismissed. None of us 
had been in a hurry to get anywhere so we stayed with the children and
worked on the Christmas skit. As I looked around at my friends and students, I sent a silent 
prayer of thanks to God for them. 

**My cup runs over. 


* Luke 2:7a (New King James Version) 

** Psalm 23:5c (New King James Version) 


Part Fourteen 

                Mr. Bradley was one of the liveliest men I had ever
met.  David Grantland had teased me about being overly
energetic and enthusiastic.  I wished he had met Adam
Bradley first.  Adam had a liveliness about him that
made me seem calm and demure.  With an amused note, I
wondered what Ida Sweetwater--formerly
Grantland--would have thought of him.  She had tried
so hard to keep order and civility in a place where
such things were nearly impossible.  Adam Bradley, on
the other hand, was more than delighted to "rock the
boat."
        Ruby Mae was utterly fascinated by him.  So was
Margaret.  I suppose that Margaret saw Adam as a
version of herself; a Quaker in an unconventional
form.  I thought that Adam and Margaret's rapidly
forming friendship was a good thing.  He would be able
to show her a more lenient way of living a Christian
life rather than the more strict rules that she knew
from her Quaker upbringing.  The more relaxed rules he
lived by would be easier for a new Christian.
        It was December twenty-fourth and we were decorating
the house.  Adam and David had gotten a tree.  When I
watched them come in with it, Ruby Mae trailing
behind, I realized that Adam had been able to form a
friendship with everyone in the house, and in under
two weeks.  That was an admirable feat.
        Ruby Mae's toes were tapping to music only she was
hearing.  I smiled for I was glad to see how happy the
girl was.  She had had a hard life in her fifteen
years and yet she was still content.  She made me feel
foolish when I complained about my own problems for
hers were so much worse.  She was an inspiration to
me.
        Apparently, Adam had  noticed her tapping toes for he
asked her to dance.  We laughed as he twirled Ruby
Mae, who giggled happily   They danced to separate
music in their own minds but they had fun together
just the same.  Naturally, this dance made Adam
Bradley one of Ruby Mae's favorite people for she
enjoyed dancing tremendously.
        I felt a hand on my elbow and looked up at David. 
When he was standing next to me, I was reminded of how
very tall he was, or perhaps of how short I was. "Can
I talk to you outside?" he asked quietly.
        I nodded and we made a quiet excuse to Margaret. 
Adam and Ruby Mae were still gleefully dancing as
David led me out of the room.  He handed me my coat
before taking his own and leading me outside.  The
laughter inside was distant as he closed the door
behind me.  My cheeks felt the immediate sting of the
frosty December air as we stepped onto the front
porch.
        I turned to David in time to see him shove his hands
in his pockets. "When you said outside, I didn't know
you meant literally," I lightly teased.
        "If you're cold, we can go inside," David said, his
serious tone telling me that he had not gotten my
joke.
        "No, it's fine," I assured him. "Why the secrecy?"
        "There is no secrecy," the reverend denied. "I just
didn't want you to be distracted.  And I didn't want
Ruby Mae to hear."
        "David, are you all right?" I asked, seeing that he
was in a sad mood.
        "I have to go home to Boston, Christy," David said. 
This startled me and he must have noticed. "No, not
permanently," he assured me quickly. "But for a couple
of weeks."
        "Why, David?" I inquired. "What's wrong?"
        "It's my mother," David replied, looking down.  His
gaze was in my general vicinity but he never actually
met my eyes. "She's been sick for a while and the
doctors don't expect her to last but a few more days."
        "Oh, David," I whispered.  My heart was aching for
him.
        "I would go today but I can't," David continued.
"There isn't a train until tomorrow morning."
        "David, I'm so sorry," I said softly. "If there's
anything I can do, you know to ask, David.  I'll be
happy to."
        I exposed my hand to the biting cold in order to
touch my palm against his cheek.  I saw the genuine
grief and pain in his eyes.  This was the woman who
had first chosen his life.  David had ultimately been
the decider but he doubted he would have chosen to be
a reverend were it not for his mother.  Now she was
dying.
        David shook his head. "No, it's all right," he
replied, obviously trying to be strong. "I'm just sad
that Ida might not make it in time."
        He choked on the last words and my heart broke for
him.  I held my arms a little more open, the
invitation there.  David nodded, knowing what I was
asking.  I hugged him and felt him cling to me.  His
mother was not yet gone and the waiting was almost
worse than the aftermath, especially because he could
do nothing but wait for an available train.
        I did not know what to say to him so I said nothing. 
I just embraced him and let him take what comfort he
could.  How I wished that I had Miss Alice's wisdom! 
She would have known exactly what to say.  But I was
groping to know what to do.  I did not remember David
being at my side very much during my father's stroke. 
It had annoyed me a little.  Now I knew why he had not
been there often.  What does one say to a friend who
was losing a parent?  It was hurting David and I
wanted to stop that.  I was powerless.
        Mentally chiding myself, I remembered that I was not
powerless.  I--we--had God.  So I silently prayed to
the Lord to give David comfort.
        David pulled apart first and seemed at a loss for
words.  He had nothing to say.  I understood his grief
and confusion.  I had not known what to do with people
who tried comforting me when Amelia died.  Of course
my mother had gotten most of the sympathy but it had
been *our* loss, not just hers and Daddy's.
        Fortunately--or perhaps unfortunately--footsteps
interrupted us.  We turned and spotted the doctor. 
Neither of us had heard him coming.  The look he gave
us asked if he was interrupting.  David turned to me.
"I'll be inside," he said.
        I nodded, touching his arm in a comforting gesture as
he left.  It would only be later that I realized he
had been admitting he had no real right to interfere
with anything involving the doctor and myself.  He
showed that by giving no contest to leaving the doctor
alone with me.
        "Was I interrupting?"
        His wonderfully soothing Scottish brogue brought my
mind away from my thoughts and to the present.  I
turned to Dr. MacNeill. "No," I said. "No, I think
your timing was just right."
        "I assumed I was interrupting since you came out here
to talk," the doctor added. "I wasn't?" I shook my
head.  David and I had been speechless, anyway. "I'm
glad."
        "What brings you to the mission?" I asked curiously,
looking up at him.  I had not seen him in two weeks. 
Compared to how little I had seen him since the whole
episode in Asheville, two weeks was not a long time. 
But when my heart yearned daily for his company, a
fortnight was lengthy to me.
        "Actually, I came to check on you and Margaret," he
said. "It seems Ruby Mae also has a sore throat.  I'd
like to check up on that." He offered me an extremely
charming half grin. "But perhaps the sore throat is
from all of her talking in the winter wind."
        In spite of David's gloomy circumstances, I smiled. 
My smile seemed to satisfy him, or so I saw in his
eyes.  Then I remembered how he had once said that he
believed women wove truths until it became a lie.  I
wondered if that was what I had done now.  Had I read
satisfaction into his eyes simply because I wanted it
to be there?  Because I wanted to know that his
feelings had not changed for me and he would be happy
if he made me laugh?
        "You have good timing," I said. "We received a guest.
 A friend of Alice's."
        "Anyone I would know?" he asked curiously.
        "I don't think so," I replied. "Do you know an Adam
Bradley?" He shook his head. "They met at a revival a
couple of years ago and he remembered her from
Pennsylvania."
        "I'll have to meet him," Neil replied. "And will you
tell me honestly how you are feeling?"
        I managed another smile.  Having a normal
conversation with Neil as though we were old friends
was something that would forever bring a smile to my
lips, I was certain.  I only hoped it stayed this way.
"I'm feeling just fine," I assured him.  His eyebrows
raised as they had that day when I had first become
ill. "I do.  I wouldn't even have known I was sick two
weeks ago I feel so well."
        He studied me over for a moment.  Comically, I felt
like a specimen under his microscope since he was
studying me so intently. "Well, all right then," he
agreed, a liveliness in his voice that I had not heard
for a long while. "One patient down, two to go.  So
why don't we go inside where it's warm and I'll meet
this friend of Alice's?"
        Teasingly, I replied, "Genius, Doctor." I smiled at
him as he opened the door for me.  He returned the
smile.
        I showed him into the living room where Adam Bradley
was *just* finishing his dance with Ruby Mae.  Ruby
Mae was breathless and I could tell by her joyous
smile that she really liked Adam Bradley.  I had to
admit that this newcomer was very easy to like.  His
attitude was friendly and open; his eyes were warm and
inviting.
        "And who would this be, Christy?" Adam asked with a
large grin.
        I looked up at Neil, who was obviously surprised that
any friend of Miss Alice's would be so boisterous.  I
accepted Neil's coat. "Adam, this is Dr. Neil
MacNeill.  Doctor, Adam Bradley."
        Adam went forward quickly to shake his hand. "It's a
real, true pleasure, Doctor," Adam said.
        "It's all mine, Mr. Bradley," the doctor returned.  I
saw that he was a little too surprised to say much
more and found it amusing.
        "Please, it's Adam," the mid-thirties traveller
corrected.
        "What brings thee by, Neil?" Miss Alice asked her
former son-in-law.  Apparently, Miss Alice had
temporarily lapsed back into her natural speech by
saying "thee."
        "I came to check on Christy and Margaret," Dr.
MacNeill repeated what he had told me. "And to see how
Miss Ruby Mae's sore throat is coming along."
        "Fit'n as a fiddle, Doc," Ruby Mae chirped.
        "And I could tell by your dancing," agreed Dr.
MacNeill.  He turned to Margaret and they went to a
corner of the room to privately confer.
        Miss Alice, Ruby Mae, and Adam picked up their own
conversation as I went to David.  I sat down next to
him and did not say anything for several minutes.  I
felt out of place trying to comfort him.  I felt lost.
 I could do my best.  At the moment, though, words of
sympathy escaped me.
        "Does Miss Alice know?" I asked quietly.  I did not
bother turning my head to talk to him.  He would not
look at me anyway.  I was not insulted by this.  He
was not looking at anything in particular.
        "Yes," David said.  He did not say anything, either. 
It took another few moments before David added, "You
don't have to try and make me feel better, Christy." I
looked up at him as he turned to me.  I saw that his
dark, warm eyes were filled with sorrow before he
turned from me again. "I know you want to but there
isn't anything you can do.  Enjoy yourself and don't
let this ruin your Christmas."
        "David--"
        "Please, Christy," David said. "Please don't let it
ruin your Christmas, too."
        "David, I don't want to leave you to handle this on
your own," I replied, trying to attract his eyes back
to mine again.
        David turned to me and offered a weak smile. "I need
to, Christy," he said quietly. "I appreciate what
you're trying to do but there's nothing anyone can do
about this.  And I'm not much up to comfort right now.
 But thank you anyway."
        I nodded as David rose and left me sitting by myself.
 With my eyes, I began to follow David leaving the
room until my eyes caught sight of the doctor.  He had
been watching us from across the room with those
gentle, friendly eyes of his.  I smiled at him.  I
supposed he took that as permission to come over for
he began making his way over to me.  I began to get
nervous at seeing his coming over.  What was I going
to say to him?


Part Fifteen & Epilogue


I wished for a distraction as the doctor came closer. 
I was glad to be able to talk to him but I wondered what 
I would say to him. We had been close friends before
but then it had gotten complicated. I wanted to be friends 
with him again and I could only achieve that by talking with 
him. Knowing that did not change how nervous
I was about speaking with him, one-on-one. 

Neil took David's spot next to me and we watched for a moment 
while Adam Bradley grinned at Ruby Mae. "He's a nice fellow,
" Neil said. 

"Yes, he is," I replied, feeling incredibly awkward. "I was 
marveling earlier at how he's managed to make friends with 
everyone at the mission." 

I glanced at the doctor in time to see his sandy-colored 
eyebrows raise. "Really?" 

"Yes." 

"Impressive," said Neil. 

"My thoughts exactly," I agreed. 

"What's he like?" he asked after a moment of silence between us. 

I gestured to Adam and noticed the doctor look at me momentarily. 
"This is him," I said. "He's just very friendly and very outgoing." 

"That's what Margaret said," Neil told me. I said nothing. I did 
not know what to say. "She also said you've been getting along 
really well." 

"Margaret and I?" I asked, turning to him. He nodded. "She's a huge 
help in the school and a great friend." Neil nodded slowly and I 
smiled a little. I turned my gaze
back to watch my friends while they laughed and celebrated Christmas. 
"Sounds strange coming from me, doesn't it?" 

"A bit," Neil admitted. "But I'm glad. She likes you a lot." I glanced 
at him again. "Just thought you might want to know." 

We sat in silence for a few following moments. What could we say? I 
felt a little sad that we did not have the same level of comfort that 
we'd had before this whole
ordeal had started. However, I counted my blessings. At least I was 
well aware of how Neil felt about me so I no longer was wondering. 

"It's awkward, isn't it?" I asked quietly. 

Dr. MacNeill turned to me and I gathered my courage to meet his eyes. 
"What is?" 

"This," I said. "Us. It's just--awkward now." 

"It is," he agreed, sounding thoughtful. "It doesn't have to be." 

"No, it doesn't," I agreed. "It's me, I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's 
just--" I took in and let out a breath, trying desperately for the 
right words. "It's just new to me," I said, finishing my earlier sentence. 
"And I'm not quite sure how to cope with it all." 

"Don't apologize, Christy," he said. He touched his hand lightly on mine 
before he noticed what he had done. He quickly withdrew his hand. "I 
could've not said
anything that day. It's not your fault." 

"We would have said something eventually, Neil," I said, purposely using 
the word 'we' so we did not lay blame on either of us. "You have to know 
that." 

"Yes, I know," Neil said. "Because we couldn't ignore this." 

It took all my strength to refrain from throwing all my resolutions out the 
window and pretend the past several months had not happened. I wanted to 
pretend that
we could start a romantic relationship without considering the events that 
had transpired since that moment we confessed love but knew it would be the 
unwise thing
to do. So I refrained and simply stated, "Yes, we can't ignore this." 

Not until after I said this did I realize I had admitted to a truth I had 
known a long time; that we indeed could not ignore what was between us. 
Strangely enough, I
did not feel embarassed or bashful about saying something like that to him. 
I gazed in his eyes without wavering so a slight smile hinted at the corners 
of his mouth. 

"I'm your friend, Christy," Neil said. "No matter what." 

"I know," I said. "And that's enough for now." 

Again, I had spoken without thinking. I had said 'for now' and had not even 
known that I did. It blended in easily with the rest of the sentence for I 
had not stressed
the words or paused before saying them but he certainly did notice. 

"Yes," Neil said, though I was not certain what he was saying 'yes' about. 
"It's enough." Now I knew. "I should be going. I've a patient to see in 
Raven Gap." 

"On Christmas Eve, Neil?" I asked. He nodded. "Is it serious?" 

"Serious enough so I probably shouldn't spend anymore time away," Neil 
replied evasively. 

"You can't stay at all?" I asked, finding myself inwardly wishing that he 
would not leave. Even if I was not talking with him, I liked knowing he was 
under the same
roof as me. 

Neil smiled. "I wish I could," he said. "This looks like the fun place to be. 
But I can't. I'm sorry." 

I shook my head, excusing him. "No, it's all right," I replied. "Merry Christmas." 

Neil rose and touched the backs of his fingers ever so lightly to my face. 
He was so brief about it while his eyes darted around quickly to see if anyone 
had noticed
his gesture. His gaze returned to mine as he returned my seasonal greeting. 
"Merry Christmas, Christy." 

Something in his eyes made me think, made me realize, that our intimate friendship 
as in its former place. We were starting over with a clean slate. Yet we still had
a history of intense feelings and emotions between us that helped me to see our 
friendship would probably not be simply friendship for long. He had waited for me to
work through my problems and to let us both get our lives in order. 

I was ready to work with him now on the love between us and he knew it, I could 
tell by the look in his eyes. I returned his smile before he left my side to 
farewell the others. 

I watched Adam Bradley, Margaret, and Alice as they conversed. Margaret and Adam 
sat closer together than normal friends did and I was intrigued by this. Did
Margaret perhaps see something more in the young Bradley than friendship? Alice and 
Margaret embraced during their conversation and the smiles on their faces
made me ache for my own mother. 

I was glad that everyone in the mission house, myself included, had seemingly 
overcome the largest obstacles that prevented us the happiness I knew God wished
for us. And as Ruby Mae stood up to announce Rob had asked her to marry him when 
they were old enough, I realized that we were a content family. With the
exception of Alice and Margaret, not a person in this house was related, or even 
from the same state. God had brought us together, Neil included, and it had been a
rocky road but we finally had arrived at our destination: home. 


                                            All through the night I'll be standing over you 
                                           All through the night I'll be watching over you 
                                             And through bad dreams I'll be right there 
                                         Holding your hand, telling you everything is all right 
                                                And when you cry I'll be right there 
                                        Telling you you were never anything less than beautiful 
                                                      So don't you worry 
                                                   I'm your Angel standing by 

                                                        -Jewel Kilcher- 
                                                       Angel Standing By

                                                      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Epilogue 

Eleven Years Later 


It was a quiet, heavyhearted group that trudged up the hill that gloomy day. 
The sky was rollicking, warning the mourners that its wrath was soon to be 
released
upon the quiet mountain community. Margaret Bradley's death cast a silent but 
sad shadow over the entire area. 

Margaret had gone through many changes in her life. She had married Neil MacNeill, 
a man of the Smoky Mountains. Then she had left him, leading her own life in a
step that was probably necessary for her to be able to come home to the people who 
loved her. She worked through her rebellion and anger, finding Jesus through
the teachings of her mother and her friends. Falling in love with a Quaker rebel 
missionary had been the least thing expected by anyone. But she had married Adam
Bradley eighteen months after they first met. 

Adam Bradley, like many others, fell in love with the Smoky Mountains during his 
brief stay and he became determined to stay there. He worked with Dr. Ferrand
to begin a new mission in a nearby community that, by horseback, was only a few 
hours away. Margaret left Cutter Gap with him to teach the children in that area.
Before then, she had assisted Christy Huddleston. 

Christy Huddleston turned into Christy MacNeill on a surprisingly mild January day, 
a short six months before Margaret's own wedding. Though they had once been
hostile towards each other, Margaret and Christy became and remained close friends. 
It was Margaret who sat by Christy's bedside through both of her childbirths.
The first was a boy named James Neil MacNeill. The second was a precious little girl 
named Elizabeth Christy MacNeill. Both were little bundles of joy in the
MacNeill household, and now a third was on its way. 

Neil MacNeill received a grant for his research and was able to stay at home most of 
the time on that money, yet making part of the rounds in the area. Dan Scott
took over most of the emergency medical calls and his wife, Sesil Scott, managed the 
teaching after Christy was unable to teach anymore. Alice Henderson and
David Grantland had stayed at the mission, both dedicating their lives fully to the 
mission and the work of God. They were rewarded with the gratitude and
friendships of the people in Cutter Gap and beyond communities. 

Now, David Grantland's voice broke the silence as he testified about the glories of 
God, even in death. Margaret had died peacefully in bed with Adam by her side
and that was by the grace of God. Tuberculosis had claimed her life, but not before 
she bravely fought it back for twelve happy years. She had not been in pain the
last few days of her life for she'd had God to protect her, she said. 

Christy reached for her husband and he drew her closer to him. She held her hand on 
her swollen belly, thankful to God for the blessings she had received. She had
gotten a wonderful husband, incredible friends, and a loving sister in Margaret. It 
broke her heart to have lost that woman now but she knew Margaret had gone in
peace, just as Alice and Neil had wanted. She was happy now. This comforted Neil, 
Alice, and Adam in the loss of a woman who had so strongly and positively
impacted their lives. 

Adam stayed behind at the grave as the group began to return down the hill. Christy 
looked up at Neil and she could tell he wanted to stay with Adam. He knew the
grief of losing this woman and Christy knew that he would be the best possible comfort 
for Adam. She leaned on her toes, difficult as it was with her immense belly,
and softly kissed his cheek before leaving. 

Christy walked by David's side and he assisted her down the steep incline. She counted 
her blessings for a countless time as she left the funeral. While she had lost
Margaret as a friend, she still had a wonderful life in Cutter Gap. There was nothing 
more she wanted than what she had. Fortunately, Margaret had been given that
same kind of peace and contentedness before her death, as well. 

Christy looked to Alice to see how she was doing with losing her daughter a second time. 
She had to smile for the only emotion on Alice's face was serenity. Christy was glad, 
for Margaret had told her many times that all she wanted for her mother was for 
her to be happy. Now it seemed that it was coming true, for Alice's grief was neutralized 
by knowing her daughter was in Heaven, happy and without pain for eternity. 
And sooner or later, they all would know that state of bliss with their Savior. 
                                                          THE END